lovecutsrightthruu Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I went through a lot of legal and financial stress and I stupidly took it out on my ex-girlfriend by being bossy and verbally abusive. She dumped me after a 6 month relationship andI don’t blame her. 3 Months went by with limited contact between us – I missedher terribly but during this time I went to counseling and took care of my legaland money problems. I really love her and was so annoyed at myself for how I acted. Slowly but surely over the past 3 months (6 months in total since we broke up), I’ve gotten back into her good graces and I know will never treat her poorly again. Particularly over the past month, we’ve been hanging out, amazing chemistry, great intimacy the works (everyday I thank theLord that I at least got this chance to spend time with her and have her see the 'real' me again – even if it ends at least it’ll be the real me that she dumps not a guy who was going through a terrible time and stupidly took it out on her – does that make any sense?). I've told her how I feel and how sincere I am in my love for her and that I will never treat her poorly again. She said she loves me like she never loved anybody but that she’s scared I’m gonna hurt her again. She’s keen to point out that we’re still not 'together', which hurts but I was thinkingthat with time she may trust me again emotionally. Added factor - There’s this guy hanging about who she says is just a friend but I’m not sure about that and I can’t ask her to expand cos she sees such questions as jealous and controlling (relates to a former controlling ex she had). Here's the real issue - This weekend she didn’t wanna hang with me cos she said she had to work (she does work long hours - up at 6am) but I can tell she’s hanging with this guy who’s in from outta town for 2 weeks and a female friend of hers. I feel really hurt because she’s prioritizing them ahead of me who she claims she ‘loves and misses a lot’. Even as a friend, I feel hurt cos i've been encouraging her and helping her financially as she embarks on a new career - eg last month she had no money for groceries and when she asked her dad, he called her a ‘failure’ and I was the one who went out of my way to help her (money and advice). Where were these ‘so called’friends in her time and need? I feel like I’m being treated poorly – I can’t talk to her about this cos she’s very sensitive so most likely it would end up in an argument which is the last thing I need given my shady past. My gut tells me there’s something going on with this guy and at the very least I already feel hurt from a friendship persective. All that I’ve said to her about this (after ignoring hertexts for 2 days) was that I hope she’s doing well and I’m proud of her and how hard she works. Should I cut my losses and go NC? If I keep seeing her and I find out that she’s seeing this guy, I’d be devastated. (I’d sooner not know – I’m already in emotional turmoil and its interfering with my job). But - What if I’m wrong and there’s nothing going on with this guy and there she is telling me she loves and misses me and I'm ignoring her (the girl I truly love)? What a huge mistake that would be? Not sure if this is related but she said she had a dream on Fri nite that I was seeing another girl - she thinks it may have happened cos I stopped telling her I loved her over Wed, Thurs, Fri of last week. I did that cos I sensed some detachment on her part and didn't want to appear sappy. For better or worse I let her stew for all day Sat and most of Sunday and responded Sunday evening to say I'm not and that I do love her. Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated. Many, many thanks for reading.
TaraMaiden Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I'll be very blunt: As a woman, I can see what's happening and read her perspective very clearly. She's not IN love with you. The feeling of being your GF, being intimate and beinge exclusive with you in a relationship - has passed, for her. She doesn't want to go out with you again, but she likes you, likes the way you are, and is happy to have you as a good friend. You need to get that through your head. Close friendship? Sure. Relationship? Positively not. Secondly: She's using you. Or let's put it this way: You're making overtures and moves to win her back, prove you've changed, you're being nicer, less temperamental, kinder - and she's taken advantage of that. Maybe her friends did help her out, maybe they didn't or couldn't. You can't know for sure. But no father calls his child a failure without some tiny shred of truth.... But you? Straight to the rescue like a sucker Knight in Shining Armour. And.....? No reward. Look, the choice is yours: Keep banging your head against the wall in a futile attempt to get her back, if you want to. But be assured - it won't work. Or abandon this ill-equipped boat, and seek a better, sleeker, more responsive ocean-going yacht to invest your time in. Because without an oar, you're just going round and round in circles.... 2
calgary Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 it does make you wonder why if you have all the benefits from the I love you's to the sex to each other that she can't commit to saying she'll be in a relationship with you aka you're asking her to be with you and only you and she's basically saying no... but i'll be with you. the thing I want to know is as well... how can you be with a girl after her going off and doing her own thing for 6 months it would cut me up if I knew she had been with somebody else. how do you carry on knowing that and accepting that. I haven't got it in me. 5 days after my break up my ex went out with the intentions of hooking up with somebody else.. I haven't confronted her about it. but if I was to ever get back with her.. i'd always know in the back of my mind forever even when im an old man in my rocking chair.. there was a point after everything I've done for her.. that she'd hook up with somebody else 5 days after the break up. if you can't get that commitment from her to be exclusive i'd be suspicious too ... but then she'll call you insecure and jealous and a stalker etc and you're really not! still impressive you got her back though congrats on that ! 1
Author lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Calgary, Thank you for reading my post. It was the 1st I ever did so sorry that the paragraphs were all messed up. TBH i feel relatively lucky - when you read a lot of the posts on this site you read about a lot of people who really got shat on - I created my own dilimna and did a half decent job at fixing it. Just the damage was done I guess. At least I managed a 2nd shot and can walk away from this with some dignity.
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