Ordinaryday Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) Until you can say for certain that you will NEVER HEAR from them again? I was with an amazing girl a few months ago and there were a few problems, some were partly my fault, some were partly her fault. Anyway, we had discussed them and had agreed to work through them together. I thought it was going pretty well and then one day out of nowhere she texts me while I am in an important work meeting and says that she wants me to demonstrate my commitment to her and outline what I am doing to rectify the problems. I had done this with her before, so she was obviously feeling insecure, and in the heat of the moment I got pissed off and texted her some dismissive things. I thought we could discuss it later but then she texted me saying it was over. I later apologised but she still said it was over. This was mid October last year and we have not communicated once since, it is the whole 'no contact' thing. Thing is, I really want her back! I have become rather depressed since she left and every day whenever I get a text message for a second or two i get excited, thinking it may be from her. It never is. I have read through these boards for years so I know that NC is used for you to heal, not as a technique to get them back. I also know that there is NOTHING you can do to make them come back, but there are plenty of things you can do to push them further away, such as begging and whining. Apart from one apology from me which she rejected, I have done none of that. But still I want her to come back, and at almost four months without speaking to her, I am doing pretty bad. I was wondering what the AVERAGE cut off is in which you can say 'if I haven't heard from them by now then I am never going to hear from them?'. I know there are always exceptions and I have read stories on this very site about exes recontacting dumpees YEARS later, but obviously by then the dumpee is no longer interested. But how long ON AVERAGE where you can say 'if they have not contacted me by now, then they never will'? Six months? A year? Two years? And I know NC is not meant to bring them back, but I am still hoping it will. Edited January 28, 2013 by Ordinaryday
FailedFirstLove Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Until you can say for certain that you will NEVER HEAR from them again? I was with an amazing girl a few months ago and there were a few problems, some were partly my fault, some were partly her fault. Anyway, we had discussed them and had agreed to work through them together. I thought it was going pretty well and then one day out of nowhere she texts me while I am in an important work meeting and says that she wants me to demonstrate my commitment to her and outline what I am doing to rectify the problems. I had done this with her before, so she was obviously feeling insecure, and in the heat of the moment I got pissed off and texted her some dismissive things. I thought we could discuss it later but then she texted me saying it was over. I later apologised but she still said it was over. This was mid October last year and we have not communicated once since, it is the whole 'no contact' thing. Thing is, I really want her back! I have become rather depressed since she left and every day whenever I get a text message for a second or two i get excited, thinking it may be from her. It never is. I have read through these boards for years so I know that NC is used for you to heal, not as a technique to get them back. I also know that there is NOTHING you can do to make them come back, but there are plenty of things you can do to push them further away, such as begging and whining. Apart from one apology from me which she rejected, I have done none of that. But still I want her to come back, and at almost four months without speaking to her, I am doing pretty bad. I was wondering what the AVERAGE cut off is in which you can say 'if I haven't heard from them by now then I am never going to hear from them?'. I know there are always exceptions and I have read stories on this very site about exes recontacting dumpees YEARS later, but obviously by then the dumpee is no longer interested. But how long ON AVERAGE where you can say 'if they have not contacted me by now, then they never will'? Six months? A year? Two years? And I know NC is not meant to bring them back, but I am still hoping it will. If you really want her back, going nc for a long time probably wont work, maybe give her a month or so to get rid of anger. the maybe call her. i went a month and i just randomly called without thinking. He was shocked cause he didnt expect it since he thought i was angry. and i thought the same. luckily he hasnt moved on and his stil thinking of me and wondering what happened... however just because they say that doesnt mean that they want to get back together.... if they had reasons why they broke up its gonna be hard to convince.... and everyone is different in healing.. some take longer than others... so cant tell you how long till your gf is over you or for you to get over her.... 1
Emilia Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Sorry there is no answer. I know it would be easier for your peace of mind but you just need to assume that you won't hear from her. Start with that. Sorry. Personally, they can't really shake me off, I like to resurface every now and then to check that they are alive (they don't appear to mind too much to be fair) but most people are not like this. They just disappear.
MyAngel Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 4 months with no word... It's hard to say really. I like the idea of assuming you never will hear from them because it might help you to move on if you accept they aren't coming back.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I haven't heard from my ex in four months either and haven't contacted her. I know I will run into her again at some point -- my best friend is her brother-in-law -- so it's not quite the same situation as yours. I don't think there is a set time -- I went a year NC with an ex and ran into her randomly, then went three more months and we ran into each other again and started talking again. The attraction was reset on her part and we were very flirty and she wanted to get back with me. I decided not to. But the point of the matter is, you never know, however, maybe it's for the best that you take the approach that she's gone to move past it.
cavalier99 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I would just assume she isn't going to contact you. Hell by now she could already be onto another relationship broken up and off dating again and you are just an occasional after thought. Stop pining after her so you can heal.
hudson701 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I reckon the 4 month mark...then you can safely assume you will go to your grave without ever seeing them again.
iouaname Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 It's absolutely impossible to know. I know of a couple who was together for two years, broke up, and didn't even speak for six months. As of now, they're back together and have been for a couple of months. Also, an aunt of mine divorced her husband and a year later, he turned up asking for a second chance. You may never hear from her again, or you may hear from her again in a couple of months.
Chi townD Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Dude, At the end of your relationship, she already had one foot out the door. After 4 months of not hearing a word from her, I speculate that she's already in a new relationship. She's doing something that's keeping herself occupied with while you sit here and struggle. Time to start doing what NC was meant for. To heal and move on. But, NC works a hell of a lot better when you also make positive changes in your life. It's time to start doing those. 1
flitzanu Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Until you can say for certain that you will NEVER HEAR from them again? I was with an amazing girl a few months ago and there were a few problems, some were partly my fault, some were partly her fault. Anyway, we had discussed them and had agreed to work through them together. I thought it was going pretty well and then one day out of nowhere she texts me while I am in an important work meeting and says that she wants me to demonstrate my commitment to her and outline what I am doing to rectify the problems. I had done this with her before, so she was obviously feeling insecure, and in the heat of the moment I got pissed off and texted her some dismissive things. I thought we could discuss it later but then she texted me saying it was over. I later apologised but she still said it was over. This was mid October last year and we have not communicated once since, it is the whole 'no contact' thing. Thing is, I really want her back! I have become rather depressed since she left and every day whenever I get a text message for a second or two i get excited, thinking it may be from her. It never is. I have read through these boards for years so I know that NC is used for you to heal, not as a technique to get them back. I also know that there is NOTHING you can do to make them come back, but there are plenty of things you can do to push them further away, such as begging and whining. Apart from one apology from me which she rejected, I have done none of that. But still I want her to come back, and at almost four months without speaking to her, I am doing pretty bad. I was wondering what the AVERAGE cut off is in which you can say 'if I haven't heard from them by now then I am never going to hear from them?'. I know there are always exceptions and I have read stories on this very site about exes recontacting dumpees YEARS later, but obviously by then the dumpee is no longer interested. But how long ON AVERAGE where you can say 'if they have not contacted me by now, then they never will'? Six months? A year? Two years? And I know NC is not meant to bring them back, but I am still hoping it will. i would say approximately 43.6 hours.
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