Navajo46 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) I am now about 9 weeks no contact and i cut all of the friends associated with my ex out of my life as well. I got to be real close to her best friends husband and he texted me to hang out on friday. Wasnt sure if i was ready but said the heck with it. We went out and he brought up if i had talked to crazy... My ex. To recap she basically left me saying that there was something missing and she was into her married boss who has kids etc. Needless to say i didnt take it well after a 6 year relationship. I told him we hadnt talked at all and he said the siuation was so crazy. They basically only see each other at work and never hang out on the weekends etc. He is telling her he is leaving his wife and hasnt done it yet and she is just waiting around for that to happen. Im getting over the situation and am really trying not to hate this girl. Everyone seems to think this guy is playing her but i dont. I think its just hard to leave a 17 year marriage. He is 44 and my ex is 33. I had the worst inclination this weekend to send her a text saying that i have come to accept what has happened and that maybe someday we can be friends. She asked to be friends of course and i said hell no. I really dont know if i want her out of my life completely. I dont really want her back but i do miss the friendship that we had. Opinions please? Edited January 28, 2013 by Navajo46
iouaname Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I think the friendship isn't worth it. I know that this might not be comforting at all, but at some point you're going to find a new girl who will love you and treat you with respect, and then you won't find much use for your exes friendship. At the same time, you'll have given her a "pass" on how she treated you, which she doesn't deserve. 1
Yamcha Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 It sounds to me like you're really itching to get back into a relationship with her, despite what you say about just missing the friendship. Until that inclination is dead and buried, scratch that, cremated so it doesn't come back to life as a zombie, you can't be friends. And you may think that you're cool with just friends, but if you have ANY doubts, don't do it. You were right to say hell no to a friendship with her. Stick to your guns. Geez, though, going after a married man behind his wife's back... Sneaky and dishonest much? I can guarantee you that you can do better, brah.
Author Navajo46 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I know man... There is a piece of me that wants her back but then i know i could never trust her again. Its amazing isnt it that even after you go through something like this and realize that your better off etc that some part of you still wants them. She is a very immature and naive 33 years old, i know that. The guy has been telling her how unhappy he is in marriage and he was leaving her anyways.
Yamcha Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I hear that. My ex had signs of being off, like seeing hallucinations of ghosts and being unable to move when certain stress triggers happened. Yeah, my step-mom had the former, and wound up on the end of a rope in the garage. Not to mention my ex mentioning other guys she ****ed. And part of me still wants to give it another shot with her. Welp, my better sense doesn't wanna be "Captain Save-a-Hoe," or play therapist or fixer. I should listen to the angel on my shoulder and not the devil in my head. And I know that you can, too. 1
Author Navajo46 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Thanks for the response man. Im really sorry to hear that about the ex and step mom. I will be fine and know you will too. Ive realized that part of my problem is in fact wanting to help "fix" these women. This girl was loaded with problems... Bulimia to mention one and i still to this day worry about her. I need to man up, i will admit. But sometimes when you care for someone for so long i swear it becomes a habit. Whatever though let this guy deal with it.
jadlh78 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I know exactly what you're going through, I've been in a similar situation. You can't look back on this relationship, you said it yourself that you can't trust her, once that's gone it's gone for good. Don't contact her, if she's off as you say, it can only lead to more drama. Think about yourself and your own happiness.
Yamcha Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Thanks for the response man. Im really sorry to hear that about the ex and step mom. I will be fine and know you will too. Ive realized that part of my problem is in fact wanting to help "fix" these women. This girl was loaded with problems... Bulimia to mention one and i still to this day worry about her. I need to man up, i will admit. But sometimes when you care for someone for so long i swear it becomes a habit. Whatever though let this guy deal with it.She's the one who needs to deal with it. You sound like you could benefit from reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy!" Check it out, if you haven't yet. And remember, it's not about you being good for the girl, it's about her being good for you! Remind yourself over and over again that you have zero obligations to her. It's super hard to remember that there are much better things you can do with your time than toss yourself down an emotional black hole like that girl. But there are so many great things to do outside of a relationship, it isn't even funny. Take it easy and do what you want. Remember the fun things you did when you weren't with someone.
Chi townD Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I know man... There is a piece of me that wants her back but then i know i could never trust her again. Its amazing isnt it that even after you go through something like this and realize that your better off etc that some part of you still wants them. She is a very immature and naive 33 years old, i know that. The guy has been telling her how unhappy he is in marriage and he was leaving her anyways. Uh huh....and yet, he hasn't! Dude, this guy is playing her. He's not leaving his marriage for your Ex. The dude has a good job with a wife and two kids. If he got divorced, he would be having a hard time making ends meet. And, sorry to say, your Ex isn't worth losing his house, only seeing his kids on weekends and giving damn near half his paycheck to his Ex wife. The dude has the best of both worlds, he has the security of the family and the home and he gets to screw your Ex for some side action; string her along with false hope. And remember, she valued a married man that won't give her all his time and attention more than you. The guy that WOULD have been there for her. Time to heal and move on dude. 1
flitzanu Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 yeah it sounds like you're really missing a lot of value in that friendship with her. sounds like she brings so much to the table. don't delude yourself. what would you possibly gain from being friends with a person like that?
Darren Steez Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 You were both standing at the side of the road waiting for the bus, just as it pulls up, she throws you under it. The nice guy in you wants to protect her and ultimately get back with her but as that bus's tires rolled over your head, she was having sex with OM. That's not a friend. 2
Author Navajo46 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 You were both standing at the side of the road waiting for the bus, just as it pulls up, she throws you under it. The nice guy in you wants to protect her and ultimately get back with her but as that bus's tires rolled over your head, she was having sex with OM. That's not a friend. Lol... I know man. Its pretty pathetic. Just need my emotions to run their course. I have gotten much better in the past couple weeks and now can finally say that i have come to terms with what has happened and actually mean it. Just cant shake that feeling of still missing her. How long is that gonna last? Every other relationship that i have had i was over it in two months tops and ready to move on. This time the pain has gotten better and my mind is getting wrapped around the situation but still feels kind of fresh. Everything is still so fresh about our relationship. Feels weird to me.
Sugarkane Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Men rarely leave their wife for the OW and will continually string the OW along. Married men like having their cake and eating it too. She sounds immature and a complete fool to be involved with a married man. From your post it sounded like she was much younger than that.
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