grace777 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 This is a repost because I'd like some additional insight. Hi - I am 3 months out of a break up with a girlfriend I had for over 3 years. I am also a woman. We started dating when she was 19 (she's now 22) and I am now 35. She is the first woman I've dated, but I am not her first. She lived nearby for the first two years, but left a year ago to go back to school out-of-state. We worked on the LDR thing for the last year and a half. It wasn't too bad because we'd see each other once a month, and when we did, it was always a highly romantic adventure. She also came home for a month around Christmas and nearly 4 months in the summer. For the entire 3+ years, our relationship was amazing. She literally swept me off of my feet and I did for her too. We came off an amazing summer together, filled with vacations and romance. Our connection and attraction and love was powerful. I don't know how to give the words to express how strong they were, but they were. Then she went back to school out of state. When she did, it was normal at first, but then I started hearing her talk a lot about another woman at her school who is 25. My girlfriend came to visit me in Sept. and we did have a great time, but this other woman was texting her constantly. We discussed it and she assured me that I am the only one for her, that this other girl (who is also a lesbian - and was in a relationship at the time too) was only a good friend. She left and within a week broke up with me. I flew out to see her, in the hopes of working it out, or at least coming to some understanding...to no avail. We were done. After over 3 years of a great relationship, we were done. She didn't admit it for a couple of months, but she started a relationship with this other woman almost instantly after our breakup. At that point, I was a wreck. Honestly, I was for about 2 months. Eventually, in fact, I told her that I couldn't be friends with her and went NC for a month. This broke her heart. I told her when she was home for Thanksgiving in person. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. But I am glad I did. However just before Christmas, I broke the NC. I emailed her and she responded saying that she wanted to be friends but I had to accept the new woman as her gf now. We agreed to give it a shot and that we could hang out while she was in town over Christmas for a bit, but that I did not want to hear of the new gf. She started contacting me all the time. Texting, calling, emailing... I responded most of the time. It was good. I felt as though I had actually been getting over the relationship part, mostly due to the NC a month prior. And now, having her as a friend - someone who was my best friend for so long - felt great. Then suddenly, she went dark. Stopped returning my texts. Started posting personal hurtful things on fb that only had meaning for us, but making them suddenly about the new girl. Then we saw each other. It was awkward at first, but then a lot of fun. Of course the new gf texted about 30 times throughout the night (no exaggeration). My ex stayed for about 6 or 7 hours. We didn't hook up, but she kept trying to look deeply into my eyes. She kept probing to find out if I'm dating - which I am starting to - then giving passive agressive bitch slaps to the new girls I'm talking to... She sat very close to me on the couch got a little snuggly even, when we were watching things on TV. A few days later we met up again for lunch. My ex was checking me out the entire time. This time, afraid to look at me or my eyes, which confused me. Her new gf texted constantly and my ex suddenly became sad and anxious. When I asked her what's wrong, she said it wasn't a part of the "deal" for me to see her twice. And that she wasn't allowed. I told her that this is just lunch and not a big deal, plus her new gf shouldn't have the power "allow" her to do anything. I dropped her off and that was the last time I saw her. She texted me several times over the last few weeks and we talked on the phone once or twice. In each conversation, she was excited to share everything she's been up to, talk to me about school, her family, etc. Then followed by some random and unnecessary texts about how she now (after 3 months) plans on marrying this new girl, which of course makes my stomach turn. I decided that she's playing weird games, that I don't fully understand, so I haven't had any contact with her in a couple of weeks. I just don't understand. I am actually doing quite well now. I am dating a couple people casually, my career is great and I feel pretty good. I've been working out and hanging with friends and family, blah blah... Admittedly, I have my moments when i just miss her and all we were. I don't get how this happened or why. See there was nothing wrong with our relationship before. It was beautiful and deep. The only thing I can see here is that when she went away and was alone for a month, she became lonely. This "friend" then moved in through that back-door friend route, cheating on her own long-term, 8 year girlfriend (they even owned a home together) - and tempted my ex-gf. I honestly think my ex is still in love with me. She never even had a week to let go of our relationship, as she jumped straight into this new one, which came from both parties cheating, and is now moving at lightning speed. I'm wondering if this is because of her age, being only 22? Is it possible that she does still love me? I know I need to let go and move on. I have moved on and I have let go about 95%, but a piece of me just thinks, that maybe - after she completes her next two years of school, there will be a chance for us. That's why I don't want to ditch the friendship altogether. I also care deeply for her. But she only gives me glimmers of the real her. Once she begins to open up with me, she suddenly goes dark. I don't know... I guess I just want some insight on this matter. She means so much to me and it was all so sudden. I feel like I can't give up completely.
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