HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Never thought I would ever ask this. So I kind of wanna give it a try to be in a relationship. Maybe not a traditional one, but I really wanna try to develop this FWB I have into something more. Is there anything I can do, or should I just let destiny run its course? The sex and sexual tension is super good. The cuddling and hugging and kissing is super good. However, I don't really know the "feelings" that this girl has for me. I really fear that if things don't progress, they will get stuck and we will just move on. I am trying right now to be less casual. i.e - actually call her up a few times a week, be there whenever she needs me, etc. Not sure if this is the right way.
TouchedByViolet Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 First of all, control your emotions. Be very careful not to come off as emotional or clingy. Keep this in mind seeing as how a FWB relationship was all that was agreed too initially. The best way to have a chance of transitioning is starting with small romantic and caring gestures. Like being there when she needs you, maybe buying her something she mentioned she likes, or just by showing concern for her. Start treating her in small ways like you would a gf. See how she responds to find out if she is interested in more. Move slowly and steadily. 1
Author HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) First of all, control your emotions. Be very careful not to come off as emotional or clingy. Keep this in mind seeing as how a FWB relationship was all that was agreed too initially. The best way to have a chance of transitioning is starting with small romantic and caring gestures. Like being there when she needs you, maybe buying her something she mentioned she likes, or just by showing concern for her. Start treating her in small ways like you would a gf. See how she responds to find out if she is interested in more. Move slowly and steadily. Thanks a lot. Makes total sense. I haven't told her anything too much, besides that I care about her. And I tease and flirt as usual so I dont think I am "getting clingy". Everything seems to be going well in the "caring" gestures department, although I am usually more "male-ish polarity" guy. So I hope the caring stuff (like driving her home, giving her a massage, driving her to the airport, going to things she invites me at with her friends etc.) isn't putting me in the "I am being used" department. My main problem is I have never had an actual gf (although quite experienced in casual dating), so Idk how you treat a gf. Like what is clingy and what isn't. Is calling a few times a week clingy? I read somewhere that ideally I should try to see her a few times a week, but if I suggest twice a week to do something with her wont that be clingy by itself? Also a few points coming to mind. - I was the one to be clear-cut about having a "casual" thing. So it's like Im going back on my word. - If she had deep feelings for me, wouldn't she be pursuing exclusivity by herself? Edited January 28, 2013 by HitMeNow
Mtlgrrl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Can you tell us why you are FWB with her? What initiated the ''relationship''. Who knows, she might feel the same...or not.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Can you tell us why you are FWB with her? What initiated the ''relationship''. Who knows, she might feel the same...or not. She just got out of a loooong relationship and didnt want anything serious. I was very set on having multiple girls in my life and I told her that from the get-go. I am still with other girls, but I have thought long enough, to know that I am willing to let them go, to give this monogamous thing a try.
Mtlgrrl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 So you said you wanted to see other people, yes that might actually be why *IF* she feels the same she will not tell you by fear of losing you completely. Proceed with caution. Since your relationship is mainly just sex, ask her to dinner, ask her to the movies just casually. See how she reacts, if she's into you - you have chances she feels the same.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I would just ask her straight out and not use behavior as a means to tell her. Why? I was in 3 FWB's when I was younger...I wasnt into any of the men I did them with...they all would have made terrible boyfriends. 1 of them, the 3rd FWB, tried to make me his girlfriend. He did the stuff that is mentioned here (dinner, movies, being there for me...) I didnt pick up on it because the first 2 did the same thing after awhile to make sure their supply of sex wasnt cut off. I know alot of men in FWB's who act emotionally interested in a girl, not because they truly care about her, but because theyre smart enough to realize thats a sure way to guarantee a woman wont stop having sex with them. Men tend to be much more emotionally cold when it comes to sex, but theyll fake it if their supply could potentially get cut off Since you told her you didnt want anything other than a FWB, she prob. wont read this behavior in a way you want her to read it (if shes smart...if its her first FWB she prob will fall for it) I would just talk about it in a conversation But your line "I want to give monogamy a try" doesnt sound too appealing to me...sounds like you want the comfort of a girlfriend and not because you really like HER
Author HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 So you said you wanted to see other people, yes that might actually be why *IF* she feels the same she will not tell you by fear of losing you completely. Proceed with caution. Since your relationship is mainly just sex, ask her to dinner, ask her to the movies just casually. See how she reacts, if she's into you - you have chances she feels the same. I know she is into me. I just don't know how much. She seems very, but I have hinted at wanting to end it with my other girls and she hasn't jumped and pushed in that direction at all. And yes I made that stupid mistake in the beginning of telling her about pretty much all the girls I was hooking up with and how a few of them were clingy and stuff. (which I think put another barrier onto her to not appear clingy in the slightest) Right now I am just trying to make plans with her once or twice a week. And yes, we've been on a formal, for drinks, for breakfast, for food, etc. There is definitely a romantic connection. Not just a physical one, but I really dont know how much this means for her or how the **** do people get in relationships, or what they do in them, or what the guy is supposed to do.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I know she is into me. I just don't know how much. She seems very, but I have hinted at wanting to end it with my other girls and she hasn't jumped and pushed in that direction at all. And yes I made that stupid mistake in the beginning of telling her about pretty much all the girls I was hooking up with and how a few of them were clingy and stuff. (which I think put another barrier onto her to not appear clingy in the slightest) Right now I am just trying to make plans with her once or twice a week. And yes, we've been on a formal, for drinks, for breakfast, for food, etc. There is definitely a romantic connection. Not just a physical one, but I really dont know how much this means for her or how the **** do people get in relationships, or what they do in them, or what the guy is supposed to do. Tell her you dont want to see other women anymore, just her. Then say you want to date and see what she says. If you dont say anything, she will not pick up on what you want. Your behavior is prob just confusing her and she most likely thinks youre just getting comfy with her but want nothing more. This is how most FWB's turn out (the guy getting comfy and then the GIRL wanting more...) By telling her this wasnt supposed to be more than casual, and that you dont like clingy girls, that is a sure way to make her build walls towards you. Since you initiated that- you need to initiate this conversation 1
Author HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I would just ask her straight out and not use behavior as a means to tell her. Why? I was in 3 FWB's when I was younger...I wasnt into any of the men I did them with...they all would have made terrible boyfriends. 1 of them, the 3rd FWB, tried to make me his girlfriend. He did the stuff that is mentioned here (dinner, movies, being there for me...) I didnt pick up on it because the first 2 did the same thing after awhile to make sure their supply of sex wasnt cut off. I know alot of men in FWB's who act emotionally interested in a girl, not because they truly care about her, but because theyre smart enough to realize thats a sure way to guarantee a woman wont stop having sex with them. Men tend to be much more emotionally cold when it comes to sex, but theyll fake it if their supply could potentially get cut off Since you told her you didnt want anything other than a FWB, she prob. wont read this behavior in a way you want her to read it (if shes smart...if its her first FWB she prob will fall for it) I would just talk about it in a conversation But your line "I want to give monogamy a try" doesnt sound too appealing to me...sounds like you want the comfort of a girlfriend and not because you really like HER I say that line, because I was always used to thinking that if 2 people cared about each other, that's what mattered. Labels are useless. But lately Idk why I just want to be with HER, like almost every day> And it is about her and not any of my other FWBs. I just try to almost lie to myself when I word it here, so it doesnt sound as meaningful as it is inside my head. Im her first FWB (we're in a fine line between "casual" and FWB). I am a genuine affectionate and caring person. I dont believe in the "supply of sex" that you said. To me sex is not that big of a deal. Emotional and spiritual connection, more. I just like to hang out with quality people, but not being tied down to 1 (so far) BUT, I am also afraid of being too dependent on a person and so most of the things I start, I make sure to only see them at MAX once a week. My problem is that Idk where this caring side of me will be clingy. I.e if I call her up twice a week t do something, I would say "that's pretty desperate" but maybe im just overthinking. Pbjbear. when you re in a FWB, do you honestly not get attached at all. Even if you are attracted to the person (I assume all your FWBs you were attracted to)
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I say that line, because I was always used to thinking that if 2 people cared about each other, that's what mattered. Labels are useless. But lately Idk why I just want to be with HER, like almost every day> And it is about her and not any of my other FWBs. I just try to almost lie to myself when I word it here, so it doesnt sound as meaningful as it is inside my head. Im her first FWB (we're in a fine line between "casual" and FWB). I am a genuine affectionate and caring person. I dont believe in the "supply of sex" that you said. To me sex is not that big of a deal. Emotional and spiritual connection, more. I just like to hang out with quality people, but not being tied down to 1 (so far) BUT, I am also afraid of being too dependent on a person and so most of the things I start, I make sure to only see them at MAX once a week. My problem is that Idk where this caring side of me will be clingy. I.e if I call her up twice a week t do something, I would say "that's pretty desperate" but maybe im just overthinking. Pbjbear. when you re in a FWB, do you honestly not get attached at all. Even if you are attracted to the person (I assume all your FWBs you were attracted to) I hear you on not wanting to be tied down and wanting quality people. Ive met very few men I want to be tied down to, but when you meet someone you have those feelings for you should snatch them up because it doesnt come often for people like us. You are overthinking...Ive been in dating situations where I saw someone once a week (because we were both busy) and we talked throughout the week. Some where I saw them 2-3 times a week but little talking in between. Bottom line, in a relationship you are supposed to see/talk to each other more if you can...its not clingy. Clingy is when one person is being suffocated and needs space because the other person is too demanding...everyone has a different definition. I have friends that talk to their boyfriends every single day (bit much for me) but they like it and so do their boyfriends so its not "clingy" per say. If you do want to date her, you should ask her how often she likes to talk. If shes a mature, communicative person, she wont mind and will tell you. This things can be worked out...
Author HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) Tell her you dont want to see other women anymore, just her. Then say you want to date and see what she says. If you dont say anything, she will not pick up on what you want. Your behavior is prob just confusing her and she most likely thinks youre just getting comfy with her but want nothing more. This is how most FWB's turn out (the guy getting comfy and then the GIRL wanting more...) By telling her this wasnt supposed to be more than casual, and that you dont like clingy girls, that is a sure way to make her build walls towards you. Since you initiated that- you need to initiate this conversation Agreed 100%. Yes I know about how "girls want more", It's happened to me many times, but not with her :/. That's why I just cant help but wonder. I told her she is my "priority", meaning I am not really looking for other people right now (after a drunk night). She said shè s happy with that. I then told her how I used to be so cool and cut-set about not wanting anything serious and now I`m getting all these stupid feelings and Idk what to do with them. She said I confuse her and I should just live the moment and whatever will happen will happen.. However I dont wanna rush into a talk. She is very gf-material and I`ve heard over and over again from her how guys get attached in a milisecond to her and just wanna provide for her. Edited January 28, 2013 by HitMeNow
Author HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 You are overthinking...Ive been in dating situations where I saw someone once a week (because we were both busy) and we talked throughout the week. Some where I saw them 2-3 times a week but little talking in between. Bottom line, in a relationship you are supposed to see/talk to each other more if you can...its not clingy. Maybe but the usual nonchalant cool me, who attract the girls usually just texts once a week saying: Im doing X at Y on day Z at time T. Come. And then they come. And we have an amazing time. But without this whole tension... I mean if I call someone up a lot wont I just be taken for granted
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Maybe but the usual nonchalant cool me, who attract the girls usually just texts once a week saying: Im doing X at Y on day Z at time T. Come. And then they come. And we have an amazing time. But without this whole tension... I mean if I call someone up a lot wont I just be taken for granted Wow. If you think a girl not being at your beck and call, ready to satisfy your needs is "taking you for granted" I dont think youre relationship material. I can tell you are used to not doing any work...relationships are about give and take...not you getting everything
Author HitMeNow Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Wow. If you think a girl not being at your beck and call, ready to satisfy your needs is "taking you for granted" I dont think youre relationship material. I can tell you are used to not doing any work...relationships are about give and take...not you getting everything How am I only getting if I am the one making the plans and asking them to come. I think that if I contact a girl twice in a week, without her contacting first once, then I am doing all the giving and she s doing all the getting. And I might not be relationship material.... never been in one... but I am trying.
pbjbear Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 How am I only getting if I am the one making the plans and asking them to come. I think that if I contact a girl twice in a week, without her contacting first once, then I am doing all the giving and she s doing all the getting. And I might not be relationship material.... never been in one... but I am trying. She has NO idea whats going on in your head...so that situation you described would not be taking you for granted. How can someone take for granted a FWB situation?
Author HitMeNow Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 She has NO idea whats going on in your head...so that situation you described would not be taking you for granted. How can someone take for granted a FWB situation? My projection lately has been that I care lots about her and if you read a few posts down, I did tell her that she is my priority in that Im not really looking to meet other girls. But... FWB, relationship, friends. I think about anyone, if you contact them too much without getting the same investment, is going to take you for granted. So it's not about this particular relation, but rather with anyone, I think.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Other than sex, what do you have in common? Music, art, fishing, hiking, pets, hobbies, foods, If you listen she will tell you all you need to know Valentines, is coming up, unless you know for certain, don't go over board. Maybe a small heart of chocolates, just so she doesn't feel neglected on V-day. 1
Author HitMeNow Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Other than sex, what do you have in common? Music, art, fishing, hiking, pets, hobbies, foods, If you listen she will tell you all you need to know Valentines, is coming up, unless you know for certain, don't go over board. Maybe a small heart of chocolates, just so she doesn't feel neglected on V-day. Lol are gifts mandatory for V-day? I was thinking I would tell her to not plan anything and then just go somewhere. We re young. We have in common that we are good looking and adventurous. We have some foods and music we like in common and we like to swim and hit the gym and like some a few series, but honestly I dont think having commonalities is that big of a deal?
Revolver Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 The thing is, It's hard after a man sees you as easy ass(which basically what FWB is lets be real) to transition that into a relationship. I always say if you want to be a FWB or a Bootycall that's cool, but don't ever expect it to transition into a relationship with that said man.
Author HitMeNow Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Lol. Ok. This is def, not whore material, although we re casual. Girl has slept with less than 5 guys in her life. And it took me about 3-4 months to get in her pants.
aed Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 Lol. Ok. This is def, not whore material, although we re casual. Girl has slept with less than 5 guys in her life. And it took me about 3-4 months to get in her pants. Just be honest with her. And when feelings are not the same stop being FWB.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 How to transition from FWB into a relationship. YOU don't!! Just keep pounding her brains out, keep being yourself. If she wants a relationship with you she WILL let you know. My dating rule #5- If you express your interest in progressing a relationship to a woman (e.g. being exclusive, getting married, etc.). You will never know if she agreed because you suggested or if she really wants to. If she really wants to she WILL tell you, drop hints, tell friends, etc. Then you'll have zero doubt about her true intentions.
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