You're not allowed to ask your girlfriend what she's doing/who she's with but she is?

[Armymanis]

I trust my girlfriend because she calls me everyday, texts everyday, and we hangout almost everyday. She says for us to move forward and get into a deeper relationship she doesn't want me to ask her what she is doing or who she is with and she tells me just to trust her. She ends up telling me in the end what shes doing but I don't know why I am not aloud to ask her these things. I also find it stupid that she can ask me these things and I can't ask her. Does anyone else have this problem and how do they cope with not asking? She tells me what shes doing in the end, but it still sucks that i can't ask because it stresses her out and she says i suffocate her when i do this and its an unhealthy relationship.

[Keenly]

With behavior like this , get ready for more double standards. She is an elitist in this relationship. Things that she does you will not be able to get away with yourself.

[mortensorchid]

I have not had a problem like that with anyone I have ever dated (that I can recall that is), but she sounds like a guy who used to work in the cube next to me years ago. He wouldn't say hello to you if you said hello to him, if you were going to ask him anything (work or personal) he would respond with a mean grunt or response. Then just when you're doing something harmless (eating a sandwich, reading a book, etc.) at your desk, he would suddenly stand up and say with this obnoxious smile on his face "Peanut butter and jelly today?" or "Reading the Avon catalogue?" or something like that. If you were to respond with his same tone of sarcasim or attitude or whatever you want to call it, he would get angry at you, swear and storm off. Eventually when he would say something so rude to me I would just inform him of what it was. "Actually it's quite fascinating, I'm reading the linear notes from this surf music box set that I bought last weekend. Dick Dale tells the story of how he came up with that unique sound. He used to listen to big band drums, etc." He would look at me all confused and he had no interest in whatever it was I was reading. But I digress ...

 

If your gf won't let you ask those questions, then ask her why she reacts like that. Ask her why it's ok for her but not ok for you. If she gives you some lame excuse or reacts with anger, then you better reconsider the whole situation. Do you really want to be a part of that? I hope not.

[Armymanis]

I have not had a problem like that with anyone I have ever dated (that I can recall that is), but she sounds like a guy who used to work in the cube next to me years ago. He wouldn't say hello to you if you said hello to him, if you were going to ask him anything (work or personal) he would respond with a mean grunt or response. Then just when you're doing something harmless (eating a sandwich, reading a book, etc.) at your desk, he would suddenly stand up and say with this obnoxious smile on his face "Peanut butter and jelly today?" or "Reading the Avon catalogue?" or something like that. If you were to respond with his same tone of sarcasim or attitude or whatever you want to call it, he would get angry at you, swear and storm off. Eventually when he would say something so rude to me I would just inform him of what it was. "Actually it's quite fascinating, I'm reading the linear notes from this surf music box set that I bought last weekend. Dick Dale tells the story of how he came up with that unique sound. He used to listen to big band drums, etc." He would look at me all confused and he had no interest in whatever it was I was reading. But I digress ...

 

If your gf won't let you ask those questions, then ask her why she reacts like that. Ask her why it's ok for her but not ok for you. If she gives you some lame excuse or reacts with anger, then you better reconsider the whole situation. Do you really want to be a part of that? I hope not.

 

I am more of a kid at heart so i am trying to be an adult. She said that she wants me to show her that i can be responsible and trust her and not ask her where shes going or what shes doing. Once i show her then we can move forward with our relationship and she wants me to show her and not tell her i will do it.

[Astra5]

sounds like a double standard....

But I also have a question.... How often do you ask? I had an ex that would txt and call every hour on the hour... questioning my whereabouts... who I with, what I doing, what my plans are... It was constant... and yes I would ask him what he was doing but never nearly as often.. Maybe a "going out with the boys tonight or out to visit your family?"..... i would never question beyond that. I trusted him to be honest with me and expected the same in return.... But when it became where I could not go out to see my friends... where he would interrupt my work... follow me around and question my every move.... Then it was too much.. too clingy... too obsessive... and I gave him the boot....

So again.... Are your tormenting her constantly about where she is, what she does and who she with? Because then I can see how she would say your are suffocating her.... More than once in my opinion is too much.... If not and your just asking out of curiosity then maybe she is the one with something to hide...

 

Either way I think a healthy relationship deserves honesty and trust. If you doubt her and do not trust her enough to leave her be for a full 24 hours without wondering what trouble she is into.. then you need to check yourself... same goes for you... Cuz honestly ADULTS who are mature and realize the ins and outs of real life... Dont need constant reassurance or constant checking in.... You either know you can trust her or you cant....

 

and back to the double standard.... things must work both ways... if u cant ask then she cant either and u need to tell her that...

 

so please figure out what category you fall in... and determine where you should go from there....

[Mrlonelyone]

If you tolerate double standards from her now you will only get more of it latter.

 

Suppose it works out such that you end up marrying this lady. Do you want to have that kind of double standard in your daily life.

 

Pick a house close to her work but far from yours.

It has to be decorated the way she likes, but you don't get a man cave, while she gets a room just for her activities.

She gets to decide everything about how your children will be raised and you should never question her.

 

If you would be ok with stuff like that then hey, ride with it. If you want to have some say in things say it now or forever hold your piece.

[Play]

I trust my girlfriend because she calls me everyday, texts everyday, and we hangout almost everyday. She says for us to move forward and get into a deeper relationship she doesn't want me to ask her what she is doing or who she is with and she tells me just to trust her. She ends up telling me in the end what shes doing but I don't know why I am not aloud to ask her these things. I also find it stupid that she can ask me these things and I can't ask her. Does anyone else have this problem and how do they cope with not asking? She tells me what shes doing in the end, but it still sucks that i can't ask because it stresses her out and she says i suffocate her when i do this and its an unhealthy relationship.

 

I would lean towards dumping her. No, no one else has that experience.

 

I find this all very odd, and I don't know the details but I suspect she's cheating or thinking of cheating. Dodgy.

 

How can you trust someone like that? Also she seems really moody?

 

Who wears the trousers here? You need to take control of this situation at least.