we broke up and struggling on NC

January 28, 2013

My ex girlfriend went clubbing three days in a row. The third day she told me that she grind dance with a male the whole night. Which we set boundaries in the past. She admit what she did was wrong. I dated this girl for about 4 years. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship. So it was a mutual agreement that we broke up, but its hard to accept it. I tried to go on NC the day of Jan. 21. and I gave in today(6 days later). Now I'm pathetic and weak for calling her. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been going to the gym most of the days of the week, but it's still bothering me. I really want her back, but I know for a fact there's no hope. I really need help or some advice

Edited January 28, 2013 by Jay15

January 28, 2013

Try enlisting a friend that you can call whenever you feel an overwhelming urge to call her! That helped me today when I almost caved and called my ex.

January 28, 2013

Try enlisting a friend that you can call whenever you feel an overwhelming urge to call her! That helped me today when I almost caved and called my ex.

I did for the past 6 days, but I couldn't help myself. I missed the comfort from her so much. Back to day 1 for me.

January 28, 2013

6 days is early days.

Try again. I will be hard for at least the first month but the longer you can do it, the quicker you can move on

January 28, 2013

Try enlisting a friend that you can call whenever you feel an overwhelming urge to call her! That helped me today when I almost caved and called my ex.

Im glad you are staying strong

January 28, 2013

6 days is early days.

Try again. I will be hard for at least the first month but the longer you can do it, the quicker you can move on

i will try harder this time. Thank you. hopefully I can use this thread to express about my feelings

January 28, 2013

feel like crap

January 28, 2013

How did your ex react when you contacted her?

When I feel like caving and contacting him, I tell myself "He doesn't want to talk to you!" and then I think about all of the bad conversations that we've had post break up. I have no idea whether he wants to talk to me or not - but I imagine that he doesn't because it would be so embarrassing to reach out to him if he didn't want to talk to me. Even if he does want to talk to me, I just tell myself he doesn't.

Some other things that I've done:

- rewatched episodes (well, basically the entire season) of my favorite tv show

- reorganized my closet and then made a list of new things I could buy myself

- enlisted a friend who I can call/text

- took a nap

- went to the gym and walked around the track for hours

all of this has helped me stick to my no contact. I'm not far into it, tomorrow will only be Day 6 for me, but it's helped quite a bit so far.

January 28, 2013

This thread has saved me from breaking NC countless times:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex

January 28, 2013

My ex girlfriend went clubbing three days in a row. The third day she told me that she grind dance with a male the whole night. Which we set boundaries in the past. She admit what she did was wrong. I dated this girl for about 4 years. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship. So it was a mutual agreement that we broke up, but its hard to accept it. I tried to go on NC the day of Jan. 21. and I gave in today(6 days later). Now I'm pathetic and weak for calling her. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been going to the gym most of the days of the week, but it's still bothering me. I really want her back, but I know for a fact there's no hope. I really need help or some advice

Im just young and dont have much experience in serious relationships yet, but then again i probably have to much experience for my age. I just went through a break up today, with me as the dumper. Although the relationship lasted a short time, i felt like it had been going on for so long because this person was my best friend. I know you miss her and want to talk to her, thats normal, but you have to make the decision of wether you want to contact her or not. If you did it would probably bring up some painful memories, iv dealt with this before. But you do have to face the reality that if you were to talk to her it would either end in friendship or an argument. If your desire is to be friends then go ahead, but if you want her back then you have to realize you might not be able to get her back, and if she cheated on you why would you want her back? I get it was a long relationship and you were probably in love but she wasnt ready for that and made an unforgivable mistake.

It also may end in an arugument if you start talking about what happened, or you may end up flirting. If you do just remember to think about what your needs are and if she can fulfill them

I hope this helps!

January 28, 2013

How did your ex react when you contacted her?

When I feel like caving and contacting him, I tell myself "He doesn't want to talk to you!" and then I think about all of the bad conversations that we've had post break up. I have no idea whether he wants to talk to me or not - but I imagine that he doesn't because it would be so embarrassing to reach out to him if he didn't want to talk to me. Even if he does want to talk to me, I just tell myself he doesn't.

Some other things that I've done:

- rewatched episodes (well, basically the entire season) of my favorite tv show
- reorganized my closet and then made a list of new things I could buy myself
- enlisted a friend who I can call/text
- took a nap
- went to the gym and walked around the track for hours

all of this has helped me stick to my no contact. I'm not far into it, tomorrow will only be Day 6 for me, but it's helped quite a bit so far.

She seems calm. She told me a part of her want to be with me, but she wants to move on. She can't see us in the future or marriage.. she lost feelings for me. thanks for your advice.

January 28, 2013

Im just young and dont have much experience in serious relationships yet, but then again i probably have to much experience for my age. I just went through a break up today, with me as the dumper. Although the relationship lasted a short time, i felt like it had been going on for so long because this person was my best friend. I know you miss her and want to talk to her, thats normal, but you have to make the decision of wether you want to contact her or not. If you did it would probably bring up some painful memories, iv dealt with this before. But you do have to face the reality that if you were to talk to her it would either end in friendship or an argument. If your desire is to be friends then go ahead, but if you want her back then you have to realize you might not be able to get her back, and if she cheated on you why would you want her back? I get it was a long relationship and you were probably in love but she wasnt ready for that and made an unforgivable mistake.

It also may end in an arugument if you start talking about what happened, or you may end up flirting. If you do just remember to think about what your needs are and if she can fulfill them

I hope this helps!

thanks! I don't know why I really want her back. I guess she's my first relationship and a best friend to me. I don't really want to move on. I guess I'm confuse at the moment. It sucks accepting it.

January 28, 2013

*backslaps Jay15* Snap out of it, man! You're not pathetic and weak! You were in a 4 year relationship. That's 12 times longer than my longest relationship, bro. You can't change the screwups of the past, only learn from them. It sounds like textbook "Grass is Greener syndrome" this girl has, anyhow. NC is the way to go. Get rid of ALL contact info and block dat **** on Facebook, etc. There are other things to do rather than contact her. Remind yourself of this constantly. You will most likely have to, but that's okay.

But most of all, take it easy and don't put so much pressure on yourself. I know it's jarring to be out of a relationship. Classic loss aversion. We feel really messed up losing what we took for granted. Don't feel like you need this back. Think back to before you had a relationship. There were great times you had before that, I'm sure. You're an awesome guy, bro. Stay strong and you'll beat this.

January 28, 2013

*backslaps Jay15* Snap out of it, man! You're not pathetic and weak! You were in a 4 year relationship. That's 12 times longer than my longest relationship, bro. You can't change the screwups of the past, only learn from them. It sounds like textbook "Grass is Greener syndrome" this girl has, anyhow. NC is the way to go. Get rid of ALL contact info and block dat **** on Facebook, etc. There are other things to do rather than contact her. Remind yourself of this constantly. You will most likely have to, but that's okay.

But most of all, take it easy and don't put so much pressure on yourself. I know it's jarring to be out of a relationship. Classic loss aversion. We feel really messed up losing what we took for granted. Don't feel like you need this back. Think back to before you had a relationship. There were great times you had before that, I'm sure. You're an awesome guy, bro. Stay strong and you'll beat this.

thank you this helps me.

January 28, 2013

Dude, if she spent the night grinding on the dance floor, more probably happened that you don't know about that made her willing to throw away a four year relationship. Think abou that the next time you want to contact her.

Dude, time to heal and move on. The next time you feel like texting or calling her, post here instead. Remember, it sounds like she was and is probably cheating on you and one thing is for certain, she values the party and club scene more than your relationship. Think on that everytime you feel like making contact with her.

January 28, 2013

Dude, if she spent the night grinding on the dance floor, more probably happened that you don't know about that made her willing to throw away a four year relationship. Think abou that the next time you want to contact her.

Dude, time to heal and move on. The next time you feel like texting or calling her, post here instead. Remember, it sounds like she was and is probably cheating on you and one thing is for certain, she values the party and club scene more than your relationship. Think on that everytime you feel like making contact with her.

Thanks. Its hard not to resist to call especially at night. I just wish I have someone who can comfort me. I hardly get any sleep for the past two weeks. Its even tougher when the semester just started.

January 28, 2013

Jay: I am where you are now. You want to call her because you hope that something will spark in her and she will accept you the way, you accepted her into your life. You want that connection and the knowing that someone really does care about you. The problem we have is that the other person doesn't have the same level of care for us. We don't want to believe that becuase of the time and love and effort that we have sank into the relationship but it's true. It's hard to come to that conclusion because that will mean that we are alone, that we still have all these vivid memories of wonderful times together, and that quite possibly the woman of our dreams has left our lives for good. And that's all probably true. The hurt, the anger, the feeling of desperation, the loss, those are all real. I do not deal with it like most on here do. I am not able to properly direct the feelings in a positive way, either through distraction or personal exercise. For me, the outlet is anger. I know this. I've experienced it before. I know the anger will help me heal and it will take time. Though at some point the anger will go and there will be a void in me. A void where love should be. Love for myself, love for my life, love for God, love for another person. This void is probably what you are feeling and because you don't have that other person in your life telling you she loves you, that you are empty.

I'm here to tell you that at some point in the future, you will either through faking it or through much self introspection, find happiness in yourself again. It takes a long time. It takes faking a smile A LOT. It takes not contacting her, not thinking about her or the past, not looking at pictures, not reading old emails, not talking to her friends or your friends that know her. It takes a strength in you that tells your heart that you are worth more than her because she failed to love you like you loved her. And DO NOT think about second chances or what if's about her coming back. She walked out on a fantastic person after 4 years together because she wanted to grind on another dude. You are worth more. No matter what you did in the past to help her or that she helped you, you are in a place today that only you can get past. She can't help you and won't. Your friends will try to be there for you but in the end, this is you and me. This you getting your heart put back together to have the confidence that you are a man worthy of a love that everyone else seems to have. Be strong in knowing there are others here going through the same thing. I write these words not only for you, but for myself as well. I too am weak. But I am not a failure. She failed us. She failed at love. You can heal and I hope and pray that you do quickly.

PS. Read a book called God on a Harley. I read it everytime I think about contacting her.

January 28, 2013

Jay: I am where you are now. You want to call her because you hope that something will spark in her and she will accept you the way, you accepted her into your life. You want that connection and the knowing that someone really does care about you. The problem we have is that the other person doesn't have the same level of care for us. We don't want to believe that becuase of the time and love and effort that we have sank into the relationship but it's true. It's hard to come to that conclusion because that will mean that we are alone, that we still have all these vivid memories of wonderful times together, and that quite possibly the woman of our dreams has left our lives for good. And that's all probably true. The hurt, the anger, the feeling of desperation, the loss, those are all real. I do not deal with it like most on here do. I am not able to properly direct the feelings in a positive way, either through distraction or personal exercise. For me, the outlet is anger. I know this. I've experienced it before. I know the anger will help me heal and it will take time. Though at some point the anger will go and there will be a void in me. A void where love should be. Love for myself, love for my life, love for God, love for another person. This void is probably what you are feeling and because you don't have that other person in your life telling you she loves you, that you are empty.

I'm here to tell you that at some point in the future, you will either through faking it or through much self introspection, find happiness in yourself again. It takes a long time. It takes faking a smile A LOT. It takes not contacting her, not thinking about her or the past, not looking at pictures, not reading old emails, not talking to her friends or your friends that know her. It takes a strength in you that tells your heart that you are worth more than her because she failed to love you like you loved her. And DO NOT think about second chances or what if's about her coming back. She walked out on a fantastic person after 4 years together because she wanted to grind on another dude. You are worth more. No matter what you did in the past to help her or that she helped you, you are in a place today that only you can get past. She can't help you and won't. Your friends will try to be there for you but in the end, this is you and me. This you getting your heart put back together to have the confidence that you are a man worthy of a love that everyone else seems to have. Be strong in knowing there are others here going through the same thing. I write these words not only for you, but for myself as well. I too am weak. But I am not a failure. She failed us. She failed at love. You can heal and I hope and pray that you do quickly.

PS. Read a book called God on a Harley. I read it everytime I think about contacting her.

Wow, thank you for putting your time and effort for me. Your advice will help me through and your are 100 percent correct that she failed us and love. I was the one trying to put back this relationship and she continue to hurt me.

January 29, 2013

she called me last night when I was in class.

Her:"didn't mean to call sorry"

Me:"It's okay. I'm in class"

Her: "What time do you get out?"

Me: "9:50pm "

Her: ok I won't call again sorry I'm busy studying so stressed"

Me: "I know your stressed. Just try to stay focus"

She called at 10:15pm when I was driving and I didn't really want to talk to her cause I wanted to listen to my music. she told me she was stress out about studying. I just told her to try to stay focus. She just ask about my classes and I kept it short. Another hour later, she called told me about her day and she's going to be having a hard time with test, work and so on. She said she haven't been eating right lately and I told her to try to force yourself to eat.

I didn't talk about myself or gave her any negative emotion to her. At the end of the night, she didn't want to hang up and then I waited for her to fall asleep, so I hung up prob 30 minute later. I'm so confused, but I'm always thinking theres no hope for us to get back together. I'm not taking any sign of hope or signals. I'm feeling better now than last week and I'm about go to the gym. I'll update here if anything happen.

Edited January 29, 2013 by Jay15
typo

January 29, 2013

she called me last night when I was in class.
Her:"didn't mean to call sorry"
Me:"It's okay. I'm in class"
Her: "What time do you get out?"
Me: "9:50pm "
Her: ok I won't call again sorry I'm busy studying so stressed"
Me: "I know your stressed. Just try to stay focus"

She called at 10:15pm when I was driving and I didn't really want to talk to her cause I wanted to listen to my music. she told me she was stress out about studying. I just told her to try to stay focus. She just ask about my classes and I kept it short. Another hour later, she called told me about her day and she's going to be having a hard time with test, work and so on. She said she haven't been eating right lately and I told her to try to force yourself to eat.
I didn't talk about myself or gave her any negative emotion to her. At the end of the night, she didn't want to hang up and then I waited for her to fall asleep, so I hung up prob 30 minute later. I'm so confused, but I'm always thinking theres no hope for us to get back together. I'm not taking any sign of hope or signals. I'm feeling better now than last week and I'm about go to the gym. I'll update here if anything happen.

Way to go on giving her an ego stroke! She now knows that when she pulls on the leash the dog is still there.

Remember, she was dry humping some dude on a dance floor for HOURS infront of God an country. Then, she dumps you. What the hell else do you two need to talk about?

January 29, 2013

Way to go on giving her an ego stroke! She now knows that when she pulls on the leash the dog is still there.

Remember, she was dry humping some dude on a dance floor for HOURS infront of God an country. Then, she dumps you. What the hell else do you two need to talk about?

yes you are right

Edited January 30, 2013 by Jay15
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