SuperSad09 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Well, I finally did it. I decided to go NC. All the way. My habit was every 7 or so days I would break down and text him saying how much I missed him. I was at 15 days when HE called me. I ignored it. Then he TEXTED me. I ignored it. Then HE emailed me. Finally I gave in (I know, BAD). I had told myself the ONLY way I would repsond to him was if he said "I miss you and want to work on things - I have made a mistake" or words to that affect. What he did say: I don't want to lose you from my life because I have been a douche. Please call me. I haven't been able to stop thinking of you" WRONGLY, I thought that meant he wanted me back (more or less). We made plans to meet friday. When 10 pm rolled around he was very back and fourth about meeting up. One minute coming to see me the next asking if we could reschedule for Sun. Finally, (after I said OK to meeting up FRiday night) I said lets re-schedule. I was starting to feel jerked around. He asked if we could for sure make plans for Sunday. After texting "good night <3 xoxoxo" I didn't respond. Like I said, I already felt he ruined our Friday night plan. Saturday rolls around and I text him asking if we can talk. He says he is a party and he can't talk till later. I say, I will be at dinner later but that Sunday won't work. I tell him that if he wanted to talk about fixing things and working things out I can see him but I am not ready to be "friends" it still hurts too much. HE NEVER RESPONDS. What the hell? Why did he text in the first place? Why isn't he responding? Did I ruin our chance at getting back together? Side note: I have made it crystal clear I want him back and would do anything to reconcile. There is no confusion about that. Any ideas? How should I handle things moving forward? NO contact? HELP!
geegirl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Dumpers break contact for several reasons. They miss the comfort of you, an ego stroke, attention, sex, etc. You told him the terms and he disappeared. If he wanted what you wanted, you'd be with him discussing reconciliation. Plus, you were always the one stroking his ego contacting him every seven days. You stop and he's wondering where his pet is and so he reaches out to get your attention. You bit and that's about it. If he contacts and wants to reconcile, great. Otherwise, go back to NC.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Next time when you go no contact stick to no contact. No contact means no contact. I don't want to give you a specific timetable, but I'd say a month minimum.
Author SuperSad09 Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Ok, so you guys don't think I "ruined" anything not seeing him Friday night? I think if I had kept on him I could have seen him. But, I had already said "YES, come on over!" and we had plans from the day before - I didn't want to beg. He kept saying "I look really cute for you" ew. I think you are both right - he missed me stroking his disgusting ego and just wanted to make sure I was still hooked. Just feeling now like I am the one who did something wrong...even though deep down I don't think I really did ;/
geegirl Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 If someone wants to be with you, canceling on a date is not going to stop them from relaying their need and want to reconcile with you. If canceling on Friday changed his mind, than it's safe to say his motives weren't running very deep. Besides, if he was on the same page when you mentioned your terms, he would have been standing at your door with a big smile across his face wanting to discuss working on what the future could hold for the two of you, Friday or not. You didn't ruin anything. 1
destroyed4sho Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Yes, this EXACT thing was done to me as well. They just miss some aspect of you and want to experience it once more or again and again but just as FRIENDS. But when reality hits and its time to make definite plans they back out. I don't exactly understand why but maybe because they really don't want you as a whole back but just want that one aspect of you back. You didn't ruin anything. Trust me, if you had said YES to Sunday, I can almost guarantee you that he would of cancelled last minute or whatever. There would be another excuse, another cancellation last minute and another really important thing he had to do.....he wouldn't of met up with you anyway. In my opinion, when you really love someone and want to reconcile, hell there is nothing more important than that. The person I was dating, kept cancelling for ridiculous reasons even though it was their idea in the first place. Eventually, they drop off. It is just a hiccup in the break up for them. (kinda like the dumpee breaking NC). They have no real intention on getting back with you. Edited January 29, 2013 by destroyed4sho
LduKaZ Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 This happened to me as well. After making plans, I got stood up because "she forgot she had to study for a big exam". Bull****!! I went ape mode on her. And we never ever talked again. Later on I found out she was dating someone and was probably just trying to keep me around until it was a sure thing with this other dude. Be straight forward. Tell him, "unless you realize you made a mistake, figured your **** out and are sure that you want to try, dont ever contact me again!!" 1
Author SuperSad09 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Thanks guys. I'm almost sure he would have cancelled Sunday too. He emailed me Sunday night (hadn't heard from him since he was too busy to talk to me at his party) saying "I wish I could have seen you today" mind you this was at around 8 pm at night - he didn't even try to make plans. I feel like I should have just ignored it all but I said one last time - "if you want to meet up to discuss our relationship and moving forward I will see you - otherwise I need to heal." To which he responded "I'm not ignoring you" and then "I don't feel good I am going to bed" I didn't respond and am not going to. 1. He didnt even respond to whether or not he wants to work on things (and I am learning avoidance or I don't know behavior means NO) 2. He prob got so drunk at his party Sat he would have flaked on me Sunday. Ugh. Can't wait till I don't care and think of him anymore!! You would think this behavior would make it easier! But it doesn't
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