candie13 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 do you listen to it, when it comes to a relationship with a new person? Were you right about using your intuition? Did it ever fail you - as in you didn't have a great intuition about a person, but then when you dated them, they turned out to be great - have great chemistry? I am asking as, for a woman with a lot of intuition, I think mine is broken this time around . do you often mistake intuition and wishful thinking? Are you able to tell the difference - can you?
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 When I was younger I mixed up the two. After dating awhile (meaning after dating over 20 guys) my intuition is right over 90% of the time. People on this site call me judgmental. Tell me, if Im so judgmental why is it every single person Ive met and thought would have ****ty character/treat others bad end up doing exactly that? None of them ended up being good people. Experience is helpful for detecting red flags. Hindsight is a helpful thing and is a good learning experience. Every relationship you learn something about yourself and the world...maybe Im just being too positive
Author candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 you dated over 20 guys? wow, that is impressive!!! good standards too! I always see the best in people, I see their potential, I see their traits and I get enthusiastic. Sometimes even carried away. I've learnt that these traits of character mean nothing (even if they are very real and very beautiful) unless that person chooses to share them with me. Before, I lacked patience and didn't care for evidence, just being near a wonderful person was enough. Nowadays, I wait to see clear signs and facts before making any assumptions. I do miss the hoping, though!
FitChick Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 My intuition is generally right but sometimes I don't listen and then regret it. 2
Author candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 so what's your pattern, why do you find yourself not listening to it?
Talak7 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Experience is helpful for detecting red flags. Hindsight is a helpful thing and is a good learning experience. Every relationship you learn something about yourself and the world...maybe Im just being too positive I don't think you've ever been too positive in your life. But yes - Experience teaches you wonders- and red flags and repeated patterns start showing you when to stop trying to chase, how to be honest and earnest to people instead of string them along, etc.. Just don't become cynical or you'll end up running around on an internet forum whining about how all men are terrible, be re-affirmed by other hurt cynics, and then develop a self-fulling prophecy of defeat. 1
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think you've ever been too positive in your life. But yes - Experience teaches you wonders- and red flags and repeated patterns start showing you when to stop trying to chase, how to be honest and earnest to people instead of string them along, etc.. Just don't become cynical or you'll end up running around on an internet forum whining about how all men are terrible, be re-affirmed by other hurt cynics, and then develop a self-fulling prophecy of defeat. I must be somewhat positive because despite all the less than stellar men I meet I always hope the next one will prove me wrong. So unless they have red flags popping up all over the place or start treating me badly, I do give men the benefit of the doubt
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Out of all the women I've met in my life...I've never seen one actually listen and go with their intuition when it comes to men...it's always a learning phase of disappointments until they reach that level where they're "tired of that BS" but even then, they still drop the ball every once in a while by giving a guy a chance they know they shouldn't have. Everything always looks good or better when you can only see surface deep. And for most, it's a thrilling ride nonetheless...regardless of what is actually present or underneath. Have I not liked someone initially then grew to like them? yeah but it was never the same as someone who I liked off the bat then grew to like them even more. I think we allow ourselves to develop interest more than we realize, especially when we inside want things to work in a "magical and unexplained way"...especially when we are caught off guard, when we are the most vulnerable. This isn't to say it's useless to develop and attraction and chemistry with someone who you initially felt no chemistry or interest in, I just don't believe it would be as strong as your compatibility meter is usually right...its just easier than you think for that to be clouded with likability or interest. Sometimes we do misjudge things, but we just have to be really honest with ourselves and make sure we are seeing things for what they are instead of what we want them to be. I think the intuition radar gets hijacked by "hope"...a hope that you are wrong, a hope that things may magically work out, or a hope that you can change someone else, or maybe even you yourself can change. 2
Author candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Have I not liked someone initially then grew to like them? yeah but it was never the same as someone who I liked off the bat then grew to like them even more. I think the intuition radar gets hijacked by "hope"...a hope that you are wrong, a hope that things may magically work out, or a hope that you can change someone else, or maybe even you yourself can change. The first phrase, right there, is what I am most afraid of. Sh*t scared! Blue!!! I've had a hope overdose this summer and it took me 4 months to be able to stop the panic attacks, sleep, eat and function properly. Some time, I met a guy who seems nice. Not the most dashing in the world, but warm, interesting, insightful. One month ago, I've decided to give him a chance. He is far from perfect - talks too much, asks too little questions, but really likes me, fights for staying in touch and wants to keep me in his life. Is happy to see me, make crazy efforts to please me in bed. Works hard. Is open, isn't afraid to let me get close. I like him, but I am closed emotionally. I want to give him a chance. At the same time, he annoys me and he is a hassle and I don't want a relationship. I also wonder if I'll never feel hopeful again. The proverbial sparkle. I am soooo grateful for having met him, he is a good guy. I don't want to lead him on, but my heart isn't 100% there, I am a bit confused. I remember the games I used to play with my old flame, I was light and careful, floating in the field of pure happiness and hope. Solid like a wall. Nothing quite like falling inlove with a man you are creating yourself, in your own imagination. This time, ZERO intuition. NOT working. Just like a compass that you've placed near a magnet. My wishful thinking tells me he is the rational choice.
ltjg45 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I must be somewhat positive because despite all the less than stellar men I meet I always hope the next one will prove me wrong. So unless they have red flags popping up all over the place or start treating me badly, I do give men the benefit of the doubt I'm surprised you still can. I seen enough BS from other males to the point where I prefer not to interact with them at all. Can't fault the females for it either. Of course, I can say the same for the females as well.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I find that some confuse intuition with either wishful thinking or jaded cynicism. It's neither. Intuition isn't unfettered hope as you speed cheerfully through danger signs of doom and barricades and off the cliff. Nor is it paralyzing fear that prevents you from getting back into a car just because last time you ignored all the massive warning signs, blazing red flags, and people flapping their hands furiously to stop you and got hurt when you drove with determination off the cliff and crashed unceremoniously on the rocks below. I disagree with ninjainpyjamas (a rarity!) because I don't think you need to live through bad experiences to recognize a bad situation or person. That's nonsense. Certain people and situations are blatant dead ends. Do I really have to date a player to recognize he has zero relationship potential? Of course not. Do I have to date a drug abuser or alcoholic in order to come to the realization that he makes a bad partner? Again, no. But some people seem to demand firsthand experience. For others still, after 10 fiascos, they continue to try with drug abuser#11 because everyone deserves a chance at love, this time might be different, or something equally ridiculous and nonsensical. Countless reasons why people choose to ignore their intuition and make bad choices. It has little to do with experience IMO and more to do with the person making the choices. Why are some women going to prisons to pursue strange convicts they've never met and marry them? I'm picking extreme examples, but pick most of the complaints here. Every day we see people put up with and tolerate situations that most people would walk away from--both here and IRL. My intuition has never steered me wrong. When I ask the right questions, I've discovered that others always know what their intuition is telling them. Always! Some simply choose to ignore it, rationalize away with faulty logic, or whatever instead. Either they are unrealistically hopeful (read: in denial about the crappy reality of a situation or person) or less commonly, irrationally fearful and nursing their psychological wounds and fractures after their last ill-advised tumble off the cliff. Neither approach leads to healthy relationships, happiness, or satisfaction. Just continued dysfunction and bad choices, either in behavior or people. /end rant after seeing the same scenarios and complaints repeatedly on LS for two months now.
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