My racy photos are in a present my conservative boyfriend got. ow do I handle this?

[animalover]

Haha - ok. Luckily for me I don't sit around and dissect what my partner did with XYZ. We do what we enjoy TOGETHER without concern for what happened with people who do NOT MATTER anymore.

 

Again... that is the point, you do what you enjoy together... but she wasn't willing to do what he wanted... while see was adamant to do it with previous boyfriends!

[Lonely Ronin]

It's about investment in to the other person, and being together for x years doesn't say anything. And this guy will thinks she is not for the full 100% with him.

 

Then nothing will ever be enough for this guy, he will always need more validation, more attention. he is no different than an ex of mine, because i didn't think she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. it didn't matter that she was a 10 to me, or someone that i loved deeply. her ego was to fragile to deal with reality.

[aed]

Then nothing will ever be enough for this guy, he will always need more validation, more attention. he is no different than an ex of mine, because i didn't think she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. it didn't matter that she was a 10 to me, or someone that i loved deeply. her ego was to fragile to deal with reality.

 

It's about willing to do things with and for people you say you love less then for your current gf, because you want her to think you are person type A (what you are clearly not!)

 

But I do think: this guy will have blow in his face when he finds out what she did and that she will have an though time, making this right!

 

But it's not like your insecure exgf. How can anyone demand he or she is the most beautifull person their OS has ever seen? It is about the lying and deceiving.

[SJC2008]

so because she only had sex with one guy, she isn't supposed to be good at or enjoy sex? If she had been with a guy for seven year, I would find it odd if she wasn't decent at sex. Secondly doctors prescribe birth control for several reasons. One of my ex's was on it because it helped her balance her hormones "once a month".

 

You're missing the point. Of course I figured she'd know what she was doing but don't tell me you're not experienced than screw like a porn star and say things like harder and spit on it... I have no problems with any of that kind of talk but she's the one who claimed to be inexp'd.

 

I have no problems with BC, it's responsible. But why is a woman who has supposedly been single for 6 months and only been with her ex on BC? Could be what you said, could be she was ready to have sex again, or it could be she's a liar and is still screwing her ex or other people. When we talked about it later she claims she tried to get out of it a couple times. BS, she said that to save face. Why are you saving face when we've dated for over a month? When you factor all these things in it made it seem like she had something to hide. I was in the situation, you weren't, you don't get intuitions for nothing.

[Drseussgrrl]

I get it.

 

If she feels uncomfortable doing something, she better not say no... because she did it in the past with someone else.

 

Basically, her body is a slave to the male ego.

[Lonely Ronin]

 

But it's not like your insecure exgf. How can anyone demand he or she is the most beautifull person their OS has ever seen? It is about the lying and deceiving.

 

So you feel no one is able to evolve or grow as a person then?

[TaraMaiden]

I think we should all shut up (10 pages fer krissakes!!) and let her deal with 'phase 2' in the way she deems best, then go from there.

[aed]

So you feel no one is able to evolve or grow as a person then?

 

Where did I ever said that?

 

People can change. But a guy that abuses all his previous girlfriends, and his current gf finds out about, do you think that girl will feel save. Even when he is saying: Yeah but I didn't hit you I changed we are together for 4 months.

 

People can change and most people change, but it takes hard work and long work. And when you where the biggest player and cheated on all your girlfriends from 18 till 25. Do you know that is fase we people shape our personality!

And it will take almost equally as long to become an other person. Most people haven't changed they change their environment and in those casus you see when old habbits are trickerd they are the same as they always where.

 

Changing your personality is very difficult, it takes allot of hard work on yourself!

[Crusoe]

That's not what he is upset about though. if you read her posts, you will see he is upset because she didn't do it with him. This is about his insecurities and ego.

 

 

 

 

His own actions are showing him to not be conservative, just insecure and butt hurt.

 

Again, because she is not what he thought she was. Does anyone understand that? He just found out his girlfriend is not who he thought she was. Every thought and emotion in him is based upon that. He's had a shock, a nasty surprise, he's upset.

 

I don't know why he's painted as a bad guy. Cut the man some slack, give him time to think, allow him some truth to base his decisions upon.

 

Who here actually wants to see these two work it out? Knocking this fella, slagging off his mates who are doing nothing more than looking out for him and advising anything less than truth is not going to help anyone.

 

Most conservative minded men would act the way he has, most men will be glad their mates give him a heads up and most men would appreciate a little honesty.

 

The OP loves this man, she knows his values, she doesn't want to lose him. Why not advise her to show a little understanding and patience towards him? The kind of understanding and patience she is hoping to get from him.

[Lonely Ronin]

Most conservative minded men would act the way he has, most men will be glad their mates give him a heads up and most men would appreciate a little honesty.

 

I'm conservative, not as conservative as him, but i know guys who are and they would have broken up with her by now. as i said before if you read what she quoted him as saying, he isn't really that conservative, he is butt hurt because she didn't do it with him.

 

The OP loves this man, she knows his values, she doesn't want to lose him. Why not advise her to show a little understanding and patience towards him? The kind of understanding and patience she is hoping to get from him.

 

because he hasn't really shown her any, all he has shown her is butt hurt. Demanding to know what she has done, is exactly what an insecure butt hurt guy would do. If she stays with him, i bet she will find that he will become super demanding on her when it comes to sexual things, I have seen it before.

[TaraMaiden]

yes, so have I. And been on the receiving end.

[mustangguy29]

OP, please don't listen to people who advise you to be dishonest with the person you have a relationship with. A healthy relationship is founded in honesty and trust, if you can't keep those simple values you will never fulfill the basics for any serious relationships and you will make this guy very unhappy!

 

I understand where you are coming from animallover, but this guy does not want to know the details of her sexual history even if he is asking for them.

There is no answer that is going to make him feel good when it comes to that.

Perhaps the best answer is to simply say, I am not going to discuss my personal sexual history. I love you and only you, and what happened before I met you, is not part of OUR relationship, it is part of the past.

[TaraMaiden]

Raking over the past is a terrible exercise in self-loathing - it's like seeing someone's disfigurement and trying to take no notice, but your eyes are drawn and you keep staring.... You don't want to, you know it's wrong, and you berate yourself for it - but you can't help it.

 

He really doesn't want to know - but he simply HAS to know.

 

Which moves from the understandable, to the 'just plain dumb'....

 

he's been 'hurt' so he thinks this gives him some kind of entitlement.

It doesn't.

 

He's entitled to be hurt, but that 'pain' doesn't mean he has the right to put her through 20 questions, and judge her for it.

[Crusoe]

I'm conservative, not as conservative as him, but i know guys who are and they would have broken up with her by now. as i said before if you read what she quoted him as saying, he isn't really that conservative, he is butt hurt because she didn't do it with him.

 

 

 

because he hasn't really shown her any, all he has shown her is butt hurt. Demanding to know what she has done, is exactly what an insecure butt hurt guy would do. If she stays with him, i bet she will find that he will become super demanding on her when it comes to sexual things, I have seen it before.

 

Jesus... so now he's a sexual bully aswell.

 

OP, best advice I can give, find some professional advice and ignore the lunancy on this forum.

[Lonely Ronin]

I understand where you are coming from animallover, but this guy does not want to know the details of her sexual history even if he is asking for them.

There is no answer that is going to make him feel good when it comes to that.

Perhaps the best answer is to simply say, I am not going to discuss my personal sexual history. I love you and only you, and what happened before I met you, is not part of OUR relationship, it is part of the past.

 

This is probably the best way to approach the situation.

[Lonely Ronin]

Jesus... so now he's a sexual bully aswell.

 

OP, best advice I can give, find some professional advice and ignore the lunancy on this forum.

 

no not a bully, he will flip out about stupid crap. I had a cousin that had this issue with a guy.

[TaraMaiden]

No, not a sexual bully - but I have experienced this as well: They discover something, their pride (?) or Ego (?) is "injured" by it, so they make demands on you that equate with "Ok, it's pay-back time, now I'd like you to do THIS for ME - and if you don't then you're being unreasonable, and I'm gonna sulk."

 

It's happened on this forum too, with BH's who have made demands on their wives, because being the injured party, they felt entitled to make certain demands on their partners that hitherto they'd never thought of doing.....

I wish I could find a thread, but I even remember replying to one....

[animalover]

I get it.

 

If she feels uncomfortable doing something, she better not say no... because she did it in the past with someone else.

 

Basically, her body is a slave to the male ego.

 

 

The question is not if she felt uncomfortable doing something but why was she uncomfortable doing it with his boyfriend and not felt uncomfortable doing it with other people before... right?

[animalover]

I understand where you are coming from animallover, but this guy does not want to know the details of her sexual history even if he is asking for them.

There is no answer that is going to make him feel good when it comes to that.

Perhaps the best answer is to simply say, I am not going to discuss my personal sexual history. I love you and only you, and what happened before I met you, is not part of OUR relationship, it is part of the past.

 

The guy wants the truth to take a decision based on what he knows about her... the truth is always the best option!

Saying that you don't want to share your past is also an option indeed, but I think it would even be worse in this case as the imagination can't be much worse than reality!

[animalover]

Raking over the past is a terrible exercise in self-loathing - it's like seeing someone's disfigurement and trying to take no notice, but your eyes are drawn and you keep staring.... You don't want to, you know it's wrong, and you berate yourself for it - but you can't help it.

 

He really doesn't want to know - but he simply HAS to know.

 

Which moves from the understandable, to the 'just plain dumb'....

 

he's been 'hurt' so he thinks this gives him some kind of entitlement.

It doesn't.

 

He's entitled to be hurt, but that 'pain' doesn't mean he has the right to put her through 20 questions, and judge her for it.

 

I respectfully disagree... every person has the right to chose the parameters one which they want to judge a person they want to date or not. I would not date a very fat woman, I am honest about it, I don't find them attractive, and I would not want do date a person who does not share on my values about sex either... it is my choice (in this case the OP's boyfriend choice) .

[TheFinalWord]

Yes. I thought The Final Word had the only male perspective here that would give the relationship a fighting chance. Unless her boyfriend shares it, she's better off just cutting ties now. These colleagues of his aren't likely to let up until the relationship is dead and buried.

 

Ironically, I am probably also the only conservative guy in this thread too. Christ is my model, which is why I think forgiveness is needed from him and honesty is in order for her. This entire ordeal can be seen as a deal breaker if hearts stay hardened, or a blessing in disguise if mercy and love are the root of the relationship. This situation has brought out issues in both of them which can make their love stronger; if he can forgive and she can be honest.

 

Jesus would not lambaste this woman for her past, even though as a perfect person He would the only person qualified to do so.

 

Here is a woman that had 5 husbands and currently living with a man without being married (fornication). Does Jesus judge and condemn or offer forgiveness (aka love)?

 

Jesus meets woman at a well - YouTube

 

Here is a woman caught in the act of committing adultery. Does Jesus stone her or forgive her?

 

woman commits adultery - what does Jesus do? - YouTube

 

Changing your personality is very difficult, it takes allot of hard work on yourself!

 

Which is why we should all focus on ourselves, and not judging others.

 

Jesus of Nazareth: The Prodigal Son - YouTube

[Lonely Ronin]

I respectfully disagree... every person has the right to chose the parameters one which they want to judge a person they want to date or not. I would not date a very fat woman, I am honest about it, I don't find them attractive, and I would not want do date a person who does not share on my values about sex either... it is my choice (in this case the OP's boyfriend choice) .

 

What about if she was fat in the past, but isn't now?

[aed]

Ironically, I am probably also the only conservative guy in this thread too. Christ is my model, which is why I think forgiveness is needed from him and honesty is in order for her. This entire ordeal can be seen as a deal breaker if hearts stay hardened, or a blessing in disguise if mercy and love are the root of the relationship. This situation has brought out issues in both of them which can make their love stronger; if he can forgive and she can be honest.

 

Jesus would not lambaste this woman for her past, even though as a perfect person He would the only person qualified to do so.

 

Here is a woman that had 5 husbands and currently living with a man without being married (fornication). Does Jesus judge and condemn or offer forgiveness (aka love)?

 

Jesus meets woman at a well - YouTube

 

Here is a woman caught in the act of committing adultery. Does Jesus stone her or forgive her?

 

woman commits adultery - what does Jesus do? - YouTube

 

 

 

Which is why we should all focus on ourselves, and not judging others.

 

Jesus of Nazareth: The Prodigal Son - YouTube

I agree you shouldn't judge others. But when people lie and being deceiving, its an hole other game. When OP was honest and her bf was disquisted by her, then we had an hole different kind of thread!

 

But how would you feel when a girl is claiming that she is an devoted christian, but it turns out she is not, and just lied to you so she could get you in a relationship with her? (I don't think you will fall for that, but for the agrue lets say that it happend).

[luvhim]

I just logged back on. I can't believe all the views. Thanks everybody.

 

Just to be straight, you are all making him be more conservative than he actually is. I guess what I should have said in the beginning is that he is more conservative than me. He's like any other guy with his wish list of fantasies. It's just that with him he hasn't lived them out - whereas I've actually had "more experience" and have tried some stuff.

 

Also, it's not like I don't find him sexually attractive. I do. OK, so he may not be an animal in bed (like my jerk exes) but that is 100% OK with me. He has amazing qualities that the other guys didn't have. I just got tired of the player scene and was lucky enough to find a really good guy I want a future with. I've tried alot of stuff and yeah it was fun at the time but I don't have any great urges to do it again - whereas my guy hasn't tried alot of things and I can really understand him wanting to try some stuff now with me. The photos thing is one example.

 

I want him to be happy and to have a future together so I figure I WILL get all crazy with him. I think he deserves that. I'm just not sure telling him I did something in the past that he hasn't is going to help us move forward. So the talk tonight is going to be pretty delicate. I can't just say no it's all in the past but I don't think an open book is going to help things either.

[animalover]

. I'm just not sure telling him I did something in the past that he hasn't is going to help us move forward. So the talk tonight is going to be pretty delicate. I can't just say no it's all in the past but I don't think an open book is going to help things either.

 

I guess you have already taken your decision so good luck living your lie!