My racy photos are in a present my conservative boyfriend got. ow do I handle this?

[aed]

I read the first post and the subsequent posts. She said

 

 

 

The fact that she was dating a professional photographer would suggest to me that she was in the model industry. There are, of course, different grades of model. "Glamour modelling" could mean anything from being an underwear model to featuring in hard core porn. A girl I used to work with, who did modelling in her younger days, did some nude modelling which was featured in a mainstream ad.

 

More and more, even a lot of elite fashion models are sometimes required to go nude. I shouldn't think it's a big deal for anybody who has worked as a model to have had nude shots taken. Obviously I don't know the details of this picture. Maybe it crossed the line from art to very blatant porn, in which case she might have more to worry about.

 

 

 

The former, if taken by a guy who works in advertising and who has the kind of friends who like to stir up strife (ie by buying him that book with his girlfriend's pic in it) would probably bother me more. Either way, in this day and age there's a good chance that naked pictures will end up on the internet. Probably better that they're at least aesthetically appealing.

 

 

did you read your own qoute: "sort of". It was for her ex. Not for the aesthetic.

 

I do understand why most people are reticent when it comes to filming or taking pictures that has an sexual appealing! I am also a little reserved in this matter. Our when you take those pics: do it with her cam, phone etc. But that is not the case here.

 

She did it for the ex (didnt know it would be published), second she didnt want it with her bf (because she put up an pefromance for her bf).

 

He is going to ask himself: what does she lie about more. And he has every right not to trust her at this moment!

[Taramere]

did you read your own qoute: "sort of". It was for her ex. Not for the aesthetic.

 

I do understand why most people are reticent when it comes to filming or taking pictures that has an sexual appealing! I am also a little reserved in this matter. Our when you take those pics: do it with her cam, phone etc. But that is not the case here.

 

She did it for the ex (didnt know it would be published), second she didnt want it with her bf (because she put up an pefromance for her bf).

 

He is going to ask himself: what does she lie about more. And he has every right not to trust her at this moment!

 

She knew there was a chance there would be published. She signed a release. What do you think signing a release means?

 

Look. Maybe she hoped he wouldn't publish them but as it turns out he did and because she signed a release there's not really anything she can do about that. It's the nature of relationships. While you're in them you can feel very trusting of people, but sometimes that trust is betrayed later on.

 

In the same way, the boyfriend she has now might release those grainy cellphone shots as a form of revenge at a later date. Sometimes so-called Nice Guys turn out to be the worst when it comes to that kind of vengeful approach, because they've more stashed up resentment.

 

She's come here for advice, and I will give her the advice that I believe is in her interests. She hasn't done anything heinous here. My God, there are people out there who have cheated on partners, assaulted ex partners, committed criminal misdemeanours and all sorts of other crap. The relish with which people pounce on a woman because she happened to pose for naked pictures at some point in her past, and is pretty enough that they got published in a book, is really quite pitiful. But then, envy parading itself as moral righteousness always is.

[Mtlgrrl]

Tell him first. If he finds out on his own or through friends - it will be 10x worse. I really don't understand how your past concerns him, he wasn't in your life. G'luck girl.

[Emilia]

that would be the same logic as:

 

I had 20 ONS, but I really want to wait having sex with you because I really love you.

 

Erm, hate to break it to you but it's a normal emotional response to get to know someone first when the stakes are high before bonding with them sexually. In the case of one night stands you don't care.

 

I'm assuming you are a man so you should understand the difference?

[KathyM]

You should tell your boyfriend that you had once posed for nude photos for someone you were dating who was a photographer, and that you noticed your photos are in his book that his friends gave him. Tell him you regret that decision very much to pose for those pictures (if that is the case). Don't try to hide this, don't steal the book from him. Just come clean and let him know you regret that decision to pose for the guy you were dating.

[StanMusial]

Moral of the story: All the things you do, come back to you.

 

I was always told that your reputation is worth more than any amount of money. I seriously can still remember my grandmother telling me that.

 

You can church it up anyway you like but there are naked pictures of you in a book. No matter how you handle it I hope there is some healthy regret.

[aed]

Erm, hate to break it to you but it's a normal emotional response to get to know someone first when the stakes are high before bonding with them sexually. In the case of one night stands you don't care.

 

I'm assuming you are a man so you should understand the difference?

 

 

I never rehold sex because i love someone. I rehold relationships with people I don't love. See the difference.

[Taramere]

I am sure the guy would love to know that he is so important for you that you decided not to have sex with him yet when you give it away to the first one who winks to you when there is not love involved.

 

So when you love a guy you don't have sex with him and when you don't love him you do have sex with him... really ... I thought things usually worked the other way around... but well I guess that mathematics work for you....

 

Where did she say any of that? She indicated that in the case of a one night stand people probably don't have a strong emotional attachment and therefore the stakes are low. How does that translate as her sleeping with every man who looks at her?

 

It's ironic that the people who would take a comment like Emilia's and add arms and legs to it in order to depict her as somebody who would sleep with absolutely anybody are the same people who berate others for their lack of honesty.

[Emilia]

I am sure the guy would love to know that he is so important for you that you decided not to have sex with him yet when you give it away to the first one who winks to you when there is not love involved...

 

So when you love a guy you don't have sex with him and when you don't love him you do have sex with him... really ... I thought things usually worked the other way around... but well I guess that mathematics work for you....

 

the disingenuous twist of the post from the sex-starved bitter men. What a surprise!

 

Nope, as anyone with casual sex/dating experience knows: you are more careless with people you don't care about and you take your time with others whom you like because you don't want to get burned.

 

Not that hard to work out really.

 

It's not about NOT having sex but rather getting to know the person before you have sex with him because you know you will bond.

 

Why would anyone fault that? Men like Mr Castle (I'm sure he won't mind my quoting his name) say how much more careful they are with women whom they are scared of getting close to. Kinda common sense, non?

[Emilia]

Where did she say any of that? She indicated that in the case of a one night stand people probably don't have a strong emotional attachment and therefore the stakes are low. How does that translate as her sleeping with every man who looks at her?

 

It's ironic that the people who would take a comment like Emilia's and add arms and legs to it in order to depict her as somebody who would sleep with absolutely anybody are the same people who berate others for their lack of honesty.

 

With some people you can't win, regardless whether you have a point or not. Regardless whether there are men who have made exactly the same point before.

[aed]

the disingenuous twist of the post from the sex-starved bitter men. What a surprise!

 

Nope, as anyone with casual sex/dating experience knows: you are more careless with people you don't care about and you take your time with others whom you like because you don't want to get burned.

 

Not that hard to work out really.

 

It's not about NOT having sex but rather getting to know the person before you have sex with him because you know you will bond.

 

Why would anyone fault that? Men like Mr Castle (I'm sure he won't mind my quoting his name) say how much more careful they are with women whom they are scared of getting close to. Kinda common sense, non?

 

I really hope your (future) bf has the same ideas. Because in almost any normal guys book: If you like and are attracted to me: we will have sex. And when his numbers are as high as yours and you tell him this before then okay. If he has a regular amount of sexual partners, he won't understand.

 

 

And people still don't understand why most men have a double standard, with promuscious women.

[kaylan]

Wow....another thread of a person hoodwinking their conservative mate into a relationship by not being truthful about their past or their beliefs and morals.

 

OP...take this as a lesson. You should know that since your guy is conservative and youve paraded around in public, that he might have wanted to know about this "photography" (more like softcore porn lol) at the beginning of the relationship.

 

I said it before...I might not like everyone a girl I like tells me...but if shes honest from the get go regarding things she knows is important to me, I have a better chance of getting over it than if she lies to me or omits the truth. A break in trust, and a public humiliation for all a guys friends to see, is something that usually isnt fixable.

[Later82012]

the disingenuous twist of the post from the sex-starved bitter men. What a surprise!

 

Nope, as anyone with casual sex/dating experience knows: you are more careless with people you don't care about and you take your time with others whom you like because you don't want to get burned.

 

Not that hard to work out really.

 

It's not about NOT having sex but rather getting to know the person before you have sex with him because you know you will bond.

 

Why would anyone fault that? Men like Mr Castle (I'm sure he won't mind my quoting his name) say how much more careful they are with women whom they are scared of getting close to. Kinda common sense, non?

 

I get what you say, but honestly I am disgusted with most of you. Disgusting people leading disgusting lives.

[kaylan]

Veggirl asked if these were model shots? Yeah they were...sort of. I did them for my photographer ex boyfriend and I did sign a release. At the time I thought it was sexy and we had a "fun time" doing them. I know my current guy is NOT going to see it that way.

Of course he wont see it that way. Especially because the photographer was your ex. It makes it seem less like sexual photography, and more like run of the mill softcore porn that couples do for their personal private use. Or in this case, sharing with the world.

 

PS - Please dont lie and say you didnt know the pics were being published. Be honest and tell him you signed a release and you knew what was going on. You already lied to him by omitting the truth, and its come back to bite you in the butt. If you outright lie about anything now, its bound to snowball. Karma honey.....karma.

[clia]

I'd say there is a 100% chance his work pals know pictures of you are in that book. It's way too random that out of all of the hundreds of thousands of books out there they just happened to buy him a book that had your photos in it. You better own up to it.

[kaylan]

I would bet a months salary that the friends knew. I'd bet a weeks salary that the friends already told the boyfriend and this is a test, because what friend informs another friend by dropping a bomb in this manner? What will you do. Is the question. Strange how it worked out where he didn't open that present in front of everybody, but rather the next day right before work and than leaves it for you to check out. Just remember he didn't shut the door on you.

I agree with this. Chances are he is testing you to see how much you care about him. And for a guy like me, a girl shows me she cares by being honest with me about things that are important to me.

[kaylan]

So basically even when the woman is deceptive, it's still the man's fault.

Got it.

Exactly.

 

And theres a difference, for example, between watching porn and performing in porn. Im may love sex, be openly sexual in many regards, and not too conservative...but Im a lot more conservative than people who are ok with doing any kind of porn.

 

So in the OPs case, yes her bf may very well be more conservative than her. Theres a difference between wanting your gf to snap PERSONAL photos for you...and her having in the past taken PUBLIC photos for her ex that are now IN PRINT for EVERYONE to see.

 

Its the difference between something thats behind closed doors and something thats on the streets for all to see

[FitChick]

Maybe she's not as conservative as her boyfriend, or maybe he's not as conservative as he lets on. They wouldn't be the first people to have a conservative exterior with a bit of a wild side underneath.

 

I remember several girls in my high school, who had gone to Catholic school before high school, being the ones who were the wildest.

[FitChick]

Isn't there a big difference between some grainy pics on a cellphone(which would presumably be private) and studio pictures available for the whole world to see?

Today you are almost guaranteed that any nude photos taken in private will become available for the world to see. I believe there are websites full of them.

 

I said it before but it bears repeating: When you have nude photos taken of yourself, HIDE YOUR FACE!

[sillyanswer]

I agree. That's the one to go for.

 

Thanks. Sometimes I give the best advice when being flippant. It beats the heck out of thinking too hard.

[Ruby Slippers]

OP clearly stated she didn't let him take pictures because she wanted to maintain her "good girl" cover with the boyfriend.

 

She has been pretending to be someone she isn't for the whole relationship & yet some people keep trying to put blame on the BF.

All I'm saying is that he's obviously not as conservative as she thinks he is, if he's trying to take nudies of her and got a book of nude women as a gift.

 

I just dated a truly conservative guy for 6 months, and he would have been mortified to receive a gift like that from anybody.

 

My point is that I don't think it's as big a deal as she's worrying it's going to be, because he's not really all that conservative, either.

[phineas]

How does that constitute "blaming" him? He hasn't even given a reaction to these photographs yet, so there's nothing to judge him on. I'm simply saying that he's not evidently conservative to the extent that she fears if he himself wanted to take naked photos of her.

 

Suggesting that a non professional with a cell phone probably isn't going to have the skills and knowledge to create the kind of image that made it into that book (and must therefore be quite beautiful) isn't "blaming" him. It's just being realistic about the difference between a professional photographer and an ordinary Jo with a cellphone camera.

 

You are in complete denial here.

What thread are you reading?

Or are you purposefully trying to distract from the main problem & enabling someone who misrepresented herself to someone in order to get into a relationship with them?

 

She clearly stated she would not let him take a pic because she wanted to portray herself as conservative.

 

What part of that are you not seeing?

[ThaWholigan]

OP lied. That's the issue really. Or at the least - she misrepresented herself willingly to get with this guy - and now it's starting to come back. We had a post just like this recently except the guy left the girl after she confessed 3 years later.

 

Best to be honest about things like this - tell him before he sees the pics in the book. Chances are it might not be as big a deal, but he might feel put out because he wanted to take pics of you and you said no - but you did it with an ex. This adds unnecessary weight to some of the bad boy theories that some men bring up around here - these are the sexy little things you do for your saucy ex, but your nice, new, reserved man sees a new reserved you - and when he tries to get you to do something a little naughty, you resist.

 

Why did you resist? What was in it for you to maintain this image of yourself OP? Or did you not feel comfortable doing this with your new BF?

[phineas]

All I'm saying is that he's obviously not as conservative as she thinks he is, if he's trying to take nudies of her and got a book of nude women as a gift.

 

I just dated a truly conservative guy for 6 months, and he would have been mortified to receive a gift like that from anybody.

 

My point is that I don't think it's as big a deal as she's worrying it's going to be, because he's not really all that conservative, either.

 

It was given to him as a gift & he kept the covers closed at the time.

and according to OP he is conservative compared to her.

 

But, I still don't see what this matters since OP pretended to be someone she wasn't in order to get with the guy.

[johan]

Or are you purposefully trying to distract from the main problem & enabling someone who misrepresented herself to someone in order to get into a relationship with them?

 

She clearly stated she would not let him take a pic because she wanted to portray herself as conservative.

 

What part of that are you not seeing?

 

I don't know why that's such a big deal. Who stampedes into a new relationship revealing all the sordid details of their past? I think we all have the right to try to leave youthful indiscretions in the past where they belong.