Hopeful714 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I need to know some opinions on this. It's out there...but I gotta know. I cant believe I am asking about this but....here goes.... I thought my se* life with my ex was odd. At first it seemed great and normal. He used to say it was great. But then the frequency was a bit less then what I would have expected. I initiated here and there but figured I wouldn't pressure and it seemed he didn't like it when I initiated...so things stayed the same...then eventually got weird. Over time, as sex dwindled, it got to the point where I felt like it was him only pleasuring himself. There wasn't much for me. Always the do from behind until the deed was done. What I used to think of as the flip and F. And not much kissing. I thought he may be just getting lazy in the relationship. He wasn't a very "giving" guy anyhow with anything especially emotions. Then there were times where I thought that days (or sometimes weeks) have passed and he'd be dying to have sex ....but didn't really seem phased by it....or me. Naturally, I took this as he wasn't attracted to me anymore and of course there were his infidelities on occasion so I figured he must have been getting it on else where. But still....he always wanted me around, called daily. Saw him every weekend....all weekend. Our last night together after the big showdown when I finally told him I knew about everything, I ended up staying there. It was a really stressful evening for both of us. Anyhow, I was in bed crying and he was trying to comfort me but I was inconsolable. He said he didn't want me to think of him as a pig. I asked if he became bored with me and he said nooo. I then said well, we don't even have sex like we used to. After that he grabbed me, rolled me over, did his thing...REAL QUICK...and then started apologizing and saying how sorry he was about how quick it was. (He was never that quick before). He then said I want you to know I do not masturbate. I was thinking ....huh? Also here are some comments he made while we were dating that I always found weird: -Girls all just only want to get laid -I want someone who's going to be around when the sex is done. -have you ever had a 3 some -have you ever played with candle wax. Here are also some facts: Heavy dope smoker Steroid user most likely Never have I ever experienced anything like this. All the guys I dated were always very sexually interested/affectionate with me all the way up to the end. I'm considered very attractive. Guys like me. So what was going on here? Was he just cheating, checked out, and moved on already? Not into me? Into porn maybe? Or just not real sexual....at least with me his girlfriend. This has really troubled me for a long time and messed w my head.
TrueAwareness Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 There is a very simple answer really. It doesnt matter how hot you are, or how good the sex used to be. As long as there are other issues that are not even related to sex, they will start blending into the sexual side of the relationship. Even if there is no cheating involved. MY ex GF and I had lots fo sex in those 7 years. At least once a day usually, no matter how tired. Of course we had weeks of no sex during those 7 years. But when i didnt feel like doing it, or did it in a more mechanical way, it was usually because of something unrelated to sex. But those problems always find a way to corrode all aspects in a relationship.
Author Hopeful714 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 "But when i didnt feel like doing it, or did it in a more mechanical way, it was usually because of soemthing unrelated to sex." I dont fully understand...something going on with YOU personally, or your feelings towards her and the relationship? Thank you so much for your honest reply....
TrueAwareness Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 "But when i didnt feel like doing it, or did it in a more mechanical way, it was usually because of soemthing unrelated to sex." I dont fully understand...something going on with YOU personally, or your feelings towards her and the relationship? Thank you so much for your honest reply.... Not something going on with me. Most likely something she did that bothered me, and vice versa. We feed of the negative things in our relationship but we fail to communicate them many times. And this affects all aspects, however unrelated they may seem.
Author Hopeful714 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 But Im still confused as we I was always of the understanding that men use sex to become intimate or closer to their significant other. So basically your saying men do what they say women typically do....withhold when upset?
TrueAwareness Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 men use sex to become closer?...hmmm i believe its the opposite. Women are much more emotionally involved during sex than men. But thats not the norm And yes, men do tend to also remain quiet about what bothers them if they find that women do it enough times to them. It happened to me. I was always trying to communicate, but after failing repeatedly and her insisting that "it does no good, you never listen anyways" i stopped wanting to communicate as well.
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