Alright guys, first date sex.

[EasyHeart]

I would, yeah. My concern with that sort of stuff isn't "oh boy she's a slut!", it's more of "oh boy, moving kind of fast, I hope she doesn't get attached."

 

I can have first date sex and then not talk to the girl again. Just emotionally, I'm cool with going from sex to not even getting so much as a text from her a week later.

 

What I can't deal with is clinginess. Having had issues with that with past girls, clinginess genuinely scares me.

 

If she can give it up on the first date while not being clingy afterwards, we're all good.

I think this is the closest to the truth that we've seen in this thread.

 

The advice to get to know a guy before having sex with him isn't based on morality or slut-shaming or any such silliness. It's based on the fact that women tend to get emotionally attached to men they have sex with. As a result, if you have sex at the beginning of a relationship, it's almost impossible to honestly evaluate whether the man is a suitable longterm partner. The typical pattern you see in these situation is the couple dating a few months and the woman ending up disappointed because "He wasn't the man I thought he was." Of course, he was always exactly the same person, but her common sense was overwhelmed by the chemicals surging through her body.

 

There is always a significant amount of wishful projection in the beginning of any romantic relationship, where we imagine the person we're attracted to has all the attributes we hope for in the perfect romantic partner. As we get to know the other person, we realize they aren't the perfect partner, and we can decide whether the imperfections are acceptable or not. When your body is flooded with hormones that are making you emotionally attach to the other person, it becomes exponentially harder to deal with reality (until the hormones start wearing off in a few months).

 

The male perspective in nicely summed up in Mr. Castle's post. Men don't have to deal with this same flood of chemicals, so if we aren't all that interested in the woman, her attachment to us becomes "clinginess". And no guy wants a clingy woman!!!

[Kamila]

This man sounded like a straight up pig that was ONLY interested in sex. I think if he TRULY liked you, he could have waited, the kissing should have been enough for him to know that he was the only one and you were interested in him.

 

Then again, sometimes guys feel that if they DON'T have sex with a girl they like, she'll lose interest and run away, and/or go find another guy who WILL have sex with her. Just some food for thought...

 

Thanks, it's just sad to come to the conclusion that he only wanted sex. And didn't see me as more of long term...

Now that you mention it, there wasn't even kissing at his apartment, nor cuddling, nothing. Just some hands grasping at my wrists and then grobing my thighs. Eww, now that I think about it, it was too much. It was almost like: you just lie on your back and spreads those [... er... yeah ... 'pig']

 

I told him countless of times I didn't want to have sex right away... I thought he understood... even after our little disagreement, I asked him if he wanted to pursue things between us and he thought it was better to be friends afterall and that he's going back to his ex whatever. Then I told him I won't bother him anymore, and he replied that he didn't want anything with no one. Hmmm go figure ...

[Kamila]

Those guys would be correct, no quicker way to lose the respect of a female than by restraining your sexuality.

 

And before the Asperger crowd start taking everything extremely literally, no, im not advocating rape.

 

What I am advocating is making 100% sure she knows you're a sexual being if any sort of more-than-platonic relationship is your goal. Cuddling and kissing aren't enough, if you're watching that movie at your place and you don't make a move you're a ***** and she'll view you as such.

 

Women don't want to **** *****es, they like complaining about the men they are having sex with to them.

 

Well, we were watching something on the tv, and I tried to hold his arm or have some kind of touching, but he told me to not touch him. He was angry of my refusal before. Then I explained him that I wanted to go slower you know, like kissing, cuddling, leading to ... who knows.

He even didn't want that. How am I supposed to get warmed up ? I don't have a 'now sex mode' button somewhere.

That guy was just too impatient. I was 5 min in his apartment and he was behaving like an animal and I felt like an object. Even now, months later, I felt that's the worst I've ever felt in my entire life.

That guy was my friend before, we had laughs about everything, we got along very well. It just clicked.

What hurts the most is him dismissing we even had something. That it was just due to 'circumstances' or whatever.

I just don't get it ...

 

but what I know is that I don't want a relationship based solely on sex or on what a guy wants right away.

Sex isn't everything. If it is, then by the time we're older and our sex drive will have lessened, something else will have to fill that gap...

Friendship, affinities, common goals, respect, self control and other things that can make a relationship work.