topgear Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hi folks My wife left me a few months ago due to us arguing all the time. We have been married for 2 years and have a child together. I done some things(aggressive arguing) during the relationship which i regret and the two of us are as stubborn as each other. She up sticks and left with the child and has been away for several months now. I love the woman so much and would do anything for us to work things out. However, her position at times changes. From 'i want a divorce' to ' Give it a month' to ' i hate you' to 'Lets book a holiday to celebrate us getting back together' to ' i dont ever want back with you again'. We had an argument a few weeks back and a non molestation order was issued against me(unfairly) I still have hope of resolving our issues and marriage. Am i clutching staws?
aMguilts Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hi folks My wife left me a few months ago due to us arguing all the time. We have been married for 2 years and have a child together. I done some things(aggressive arguing) during the relationship which i regret and the two of us are as stubborn as each other. She up sticks and left with the child and has been away for several months now. I love the woman so much and would do anything for us to work things out. However, her position at times changes. From 'i want a divorce' to ' Give it a month' to ' i hate you' to 'Lets book a holiday to celebrate us getting back together' to ' i dont ever want back with you again'. We had an argument a few weeks back and a non molestation order was issued against me(unfairly) I still have hope of resolving our issues and marriage. Am i clutching staws? hmmm depends on what you did for the molestation order to be issued( unfairly or not....did it go to court??) Before i say more, i need to know more.i.e post some more. From what you put so far, YES, you are clutching at straws. aM
Author topgear Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 We just simply had an argument. I sat outside her house on the phone to which she interpreted as i was going to storm the house, which i was not. BOTH of us have are to blame for the marriage falling apart and as i have said we have had too many arguments. when you look back at things it was all rather silly and immature. The reason I clutch at straws is her wanting to book a holiday with me only to back track.
aMguilts Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 We just simply had an argument. I sat outside her house on the phone to which she interpreted as i was going to storm the house, which i was not. BOTH of us have are to blame for the marriage falling apart and as i have said we have had too many arguments. when you look back at things it was all rather silly and immature. The reason I clutch at straws is her wanting to book a holiday with me only to back track. hey topgear So she left. And she`s up and down with you all the time? I`m asking you something.? What do YOU think? Think about this . Do you think it`s over or do you think she will come back?? aM
Author topgear Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 I dont want it to be over and will fight for my mariage. I realise it does take two to tango but I want to be able to look my son in the eye in years to come to say i tried my best. I also believe all things are possible and never say never but I am just unsure as to what my wife actually wants. From the day our son was born her attitude towards me changed and i became 'unwanted' if you will. She is a tough nut to crack.
aMguilts Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I dont want it to be over and will fight for my mariage. I realise it does take two to tango but I want to be able to look my son in the eye in years to come to say i tried my best. I also believe all things are possible and never say never but I am just unsure as to what my wife actually wants. From the day our son was born her attitude towards me changed and i became 'unwanted' if you will. She is a tough nut to crack. Topgear, how is she in other aspects of her life? does she look after herself? How`s her relationship with others? aM aM
Author topgear Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 She puts her son above everything else and looks after her appearance her relationship with others would be ok but would not have a wide circle of friends. She see's our son as her possession and hates the fact that i, his daddy, also has a say on his life. Some of her actions(non molestation order) appear to be going down the route of trying to damage my chances of getting 50/50 custody of our son. This is a large reason as to why our marriage has collapsed. like she could only love one person at a time?!!
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Seems to me from where I'm standing that you two have extremely poor communication skills. I would suggest you try sincerely to go to Counselling. Bear in mind, that Counselling isn't - and shouldn't be - about getting back together, necessarily, although of course, that would be your aim. It's about enabling you to discuss things in a safe environment, with an arbiter and guide whose job it will be to give you a level playing field, on which you can both express yourselves CONSTRUCTIVELY. Have either of you tabled counselling? Have you tried it? If not, why not? Bear in mind that the first counsellor you see, may not be the perfect one for either of you. They're not there to agree with you or take sides. They're there to act as a bridge and a catalyst for fruitful conversation. Put it to your wife that you would value time with her, learning how to communicate effectively, positively and constructively....
Author topgear Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 tara maiden No Counselling as of yet but it is a route i want to go down. Simply because at the minute all my conversations/debates/arguments with my wife happen in and around her family members and they always back her side of things even though she is 100% in the wrong. The reason for the debate/coversations/arguments is my access to my son which is being dictated to me by her and i am unhappy at the arrangements.
aMguilts Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 tara maiden No Counselling as of yet but it is a route i want to go down. Simply because at the minute all my conversations/debates/arguments with my wife happen in and around her family members and they always back her side of things even though she is 100% in the wrong. The reason for the debate/coversations/arguments is my access to my son which is being dictated to me by her and i am unhappy at the arrangements. topgear Whether she is wrong or not , her familly will always take her side....fact. What are the arrangements that you are unhappy about? are they sporadic?? aM
Author topgear Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Supervised visits. With so many restrictions in place it is impossible to get a relationship with my son. So, I am unhappy about my visits being supervised. These are only supervised because she has banned my entire family from seeing my son!!! So, supervised visits means i cant take him to see them.
Recommended Posts