JohnnyCakes Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hi all, Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. A girl who I used to like has reappeared in my life and I am not sure what her motives or intentions are. About 9 years ago, I had an interest in this girl and she had a mutual interest in me. Unfortunately, it didnt work out (I will explain why in a bit). We maintained contact here and there, but as the years passed we continued to drift, ultimately where we stopped speaking to each other. It happens. Anyway, about a year and a half ago, she reached out to me mentioning she was going through some tough times and she needed someone to talk to. She mentioned that she was only truly happy when we were together. I could tell that she was really down and she needed me there so I offered for us to get together so she could vent or say whatever she needed to say. (Not a date, just catching up). Well, the morning of our plans, I sent her a text confirming our plans. She told me that she totally forgot that she had made plans and had to cancel. Simple mistake? Not so fast. This was one of the reasons it didnt work out, everytime we would make plans, either A) she would cancel at the last minute or B) rush through our plans because she something more enjoyable to go to. I told her it wasn't a problem (Although inside, I was thinking 'no more'). And that was the last i heard from her until last thursday... In a repeat of last year, she was going on and on that she enjoyed my company over anybody else and she missed talking and being with me. Still going through some tough times. She apologized for all her misdeeds and wanted to hang out and talk with me again. This time I am hesitant to do anything, I let her vent and speak her mind via facebook messages, but is not in any rush to do anything (although shes been hinting at it every chance she gets). My friends and family say to give her another chance. Part of me does, because I always thought in the back of my mind this girl could be the proverbial "one". It definitely has a Forrest Gump/Jenny feel to it, just not sure what to do. Thanks for the advice ahead of time! 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Ask her to suggest a date, time and venue. Then about a week before, ring to confirm. After that, go No Contact, and turn up at the venue, at the right time, on the right day - without having confirmed. if she shows, well that's a good start. if she doesn't - lesson learnt. 1
FitChick Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 She probably acts this way with everyone and everyone else has decided not to put up with her selfish behavior any more. You have been a doormat. I agree that it's a good idea to tell HER to suggest a time, date and venue because then she can't blame you for picking the wrong time, date and venue.
MsSmurf Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I think you should cut your losses with this one. It'd be different if this flakiness was new, but it isn't so why bother? She looks you up when she's feeling lonely and no one else wants to put up with her, but she knows you will. Then she discards you for a better offer. No one deserves to be treated like that and I bet if the situation were reversed she wouldn't be there for you. Keeping in touch on facebook is one thing, but I think it is a waste of time to try to connect with her in person.
Author JohnnyCakes Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Thanks for the advice. I am beginning to sense something off with this girl. She messaged me over the weekend saying her life sucks and that she's back at home and her mom took away her car. I am dealing with a 27 year old woman, but it felt as if I was listening to a 17 year old girl. I asked her why she had her car taken away and was told not to ask. I really can't fully sympathesize with her because I don't know the whole story. My instincts tell me she must have done something really bad, why else would a 27 year old get their car taken away? Still proceeding with the utmost caution, although I am leaning toward to not reconnecting with her. Then again, I try to help people, and I can see she is going through a rough patch. I just don't know how rough it is if she isn't telling me why her life sucks all of a sudden. One week later, still confused...
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Ugh.... There are too many red flags flapping here.... In your shoes, I would drop off her radar completely. She's looking for a crutch - if you'll pardon the expression. By that I mean someone to help her carry her baggage - which is all well and good, but gradually, what *people like her* (forgive the generalisation) tend to do, is to make their problems - all yours. Then you can't see because of the fog, and kind of assume you have complete responsibility for their phukkups... She has baggage. She has as good as told you that. Either that, or it's a wonderful excuse to either drop out of the date, or get you to go pick her up. Whatever: Back-pedal a little bit... put the pony in reverse gear and edge away. Do not contact her and don't hang around waiting for her to do the same, either... 1
Author JohnnyCakes Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Well, I took the advice and dropped her off my radar. Hadn't heard from her for about a week until last night... She sends me a message saying she needs help. I ask her what she needs help with, she needed money. Money for her mom's bday gift this Friday and money for gas so she can get to work. Call me callous, but how can someone not plan for a parent's birthday? It's not like it changes every year. I find it strange that her own family or all of her other friends couldn't help her. Again she went on and on about how miserable her life is, but according her fb profile a few weeks ago she was partying it up with her friends. Not gonna lie, when she asked for money - my immediate thought was "I think this money is for drugs :)" I feel this whole act has only led up so she can use me for something then just bolt again when she gets what she needs. FYI: I didn't lend her any money.
TaraMaiden Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I love a man who actually listens - !! So.... No Contact again, right.....? I have a feeling she won't be so quick to contact you now. You haven't pandered to her, or fallen for her "Woe is me" story.... You're quite right about the birthday by the way.... "How long have you known it's your mother's birthday this week....?" Excellent thinking.
Author JohnnyCakes Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 She's baccccccccckkkkkkkkkk! Asking if she still could borrow some money - how much? Her phone bill is $200, but said that she will take anything she can get as long as it is 'ASAP'. Ugh! My thinking is that if I don't give her any money, her phone will get turned off and thus won't bother me anymore hahaha
TaraMaiden Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Brilliant thinking!! Do NOT respond, do NOT reply, do NOT above all - COMPLY!! You're not a bottomless wallet - she dumped you, remember?? Why would she be scrounging money off you? So you weren't good enough to date, but you're good enough to take money from - ?! Gimme a ber-reak!!
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