FBROCK Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Are there any financial methods I can use to reduce the likely amount of alimony I'll have to pay my wife of almost 6 years? She is having an affair, but I will be unlikely to be able to prove it. She admitted it, but now says that she'll never admit it during a divorce. I make quite a bit more than her (I gross around 80k, she grosses around 52k). In my state, it's almost a sure thing that I'll have to pay alimony. How to limit the amount of alimony? Reduce debt? Pay off her car while still married? Any pre-divorce strategies I can use to reduce my alimony?
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 File for divorce citing her adultery with a 3rd party. (Do NOT name them - that way lies perdition!!) It's up to her to contest it and argue the toss, and disprove it. Move out of the State. Better yet, move country. Do you have kids? If not, then what's really stopping you?
HurtingHeart1 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I am headed to a lawyer this week, for this very reason, I am trying to shield myself and assets from her, before I file.
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Let me ask you - Are you doing it because you don't feel she deserves it and you could argue that successfully in court - or because you feel resentful and indignant and are determined she won't get anything from you, because of your emotional pain and pride? Be honest. It's an honest question, I'm not having a go.
Author FBROCK Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 First off shame on you for not having her sign a prenup waiving alimony. Secondly what State are you in very important? There are a lot of tricks you can use to not pay her alimony. Stuff already mentioned like moving work great. I'd consider looking for a job in another country lol haha. Any ways she's got balls I'll give her that. We all know you have more balls though. There are some good ways you can steal a lot of money from her now too! Pretty much un-provable ways too. Like if you know her social you could open up lots of lines of credit fairly quickly. These are unsecured debts so you could buy things of real value like gold, silver, etc. We're talking hundreds of thousands worth. You'd do it just in her name and she'd be the one getting sued when it is time to foot the bill. Might be to late to do something like that though if she doesn't live with you anymore. I live in NC. I know that in NC you can AVOID paying alimony if there is an affair. I have ZERO proof other than phone records (which lead me to confront her). She gave me a half-assed admission, but it was an admission none the less. She never said, "Yes, I had an affair." She instead said, "I don't want to admit to that since you'll never trust me again." She swears that she no longer talks to her paramour, but I think that's a lie. I'm sure that she talks to him on her work phone. I thought about hiring a private detective, but that's expensive as h*ll.
Keenly Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 You can afford a P.I. P.I. will be cheaper, do the math. 1
Author FBROCK Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Let me ask you - Are you doing it because you don't feel she deserves it and you could argue that successfully in court - or because you feel resentful and indignant and are determined she won't get anything from you, because of your emotional pain and pride? Be honest. It's an honest question, I'm not having a go. I guess this is directed to me. I took the marriage very seriously and she obviously did not. I don't think it's fair that, despite her excellent income, that I should have to pay money to her since she is the one who destroyed the marriage. I am more than happy to split the assets evenly. I don't want to pay her a nickel in alimony. Her lifestyle will not diminish after the divorce. Our debts are small (no credit card debt, and only a car and a mortgage). I filled out a sample financial affidavit that will be most likely very similar to a 'real' one that will be used in the divorce, and after all her expenses she still has hundreds left over each month. A lawyer (not under retainer) told me that, in cases like mine, NC likes to "equalize" income for a period equal to half the length of the marriage. That is a HELLUVA lot of money to pay to someone who wrecked the marriage. That is close to $20,000.
aMguilts Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) First off shame on you for not having her sign a prenup waiving alimony. . :sick::sick: What a thing to say??? OMG!!!! :sick: WHY BOTHER TAKING VOWS AT ALLL THEN IF THEY MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO GET A `PRENUPT`??? JEEEEEZ aM Edited January 27, 2013 by aMguilts
trippi1432 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 FBROCK - Check with your lawyer on alienation of affection lawsuits in NC. Huge ones have made the paper there, this is when a spouse leaves the marriage due to affair, you sue the Affair Partner for alienation of affection (emotional interference in the marriage). You will have to do some investigating and find out who it is though. If nothing else, it could also be leverage on the alimony with her and her attorney. Pre-nupts!! They are there for a reason and if the person marrying you is being a true partner and believes in the marriage and not the $$ value in you, there shouldn't be a problem in signing one. I had one with my last marriage and won't ever get married again without one. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 :sick::sick: What a thing to say??? OMG!!!! :sick: WHY BOTHER TAKING VOWS AT ALLL THEN IF THEY MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO GET A `PRENUPT`??? JEEEEEZ aM It's a very sensible option, considering the quantity of marriages which fail. Big, famous wealthy personalities and celebrities tend to do it. Why should 'Joe Public' be any different? When you work your butt off all your professional life, why should someone automatically have entitlement to a major portion of what should be your rewards for your hard work? 5
Yasuandio Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 First off shame on you for not having her sign a prenup waiving alimony. What aM said. Secondly what State are you in very important? Yes, by all means, listen to this guy, he sounds like a legal genus. There are a lot of tricks you can use to not pay her alimony. Stuff already mentioned like moving work great. I'd consider looking for a job in another country lol haha. Right. Don't you think the Judge has heard this line of crap before? Any shananagans like this will buy you more years of alimony, and perhaps a few in prison. Any ways she's got balls I'll give her that. We all know you have more balls though. Oh, dear, another anatomy lesson. There are some good ways you can steal a lot of money from her now too! That is called THEFT. Pretty much un-provable ways too. Don't count on it. Like if you know her social you could open up lots of lines of credit fairly quickly. This is called FRAUD. Opening up lines of credit with someone else's social secuity number is called FRAUD and IDENITIY THEFT. If you open these accounts on-line or with a phone, that is called WIRE FRAUD, and is also a crime. These are unsecured debts so you could buy things of real value like gold, silver, etc. We're talking hundreds of thousands worth. This is called ROBBERY. You'd do it just in her name and she'd be the one getting sued when it is time to foot the bill. This is called FORGERY. Might be to late to do something like that though if she doesn't live with you anymore. Or maybe she can move into your digs, and you can move into the BIG HOUSE and play cho-cho train with Tyron. Ok, end of entertainment. You don't want to go to jail. The only thing you "may" have going for you in a Court room is the truth, period. The best suggestion you have received here is to get a private investigator. P.I. 101 "Here are a few things I learned from watching TV and spending a lot of money on my own P.I." (1) Do not hire a sleezy private investigator. Sometimes, and I mean, sometimes, you get what you pay for in this instance. Dont' automatically take your attorney's recommendation either. They are usually working commisions together. (2) Do your own research so you know the target apriori - then you won't waste the PI's time. This is a hard thing to focus on when you are emotionally upset. The PI will blow this off - cause he makes more money sitting in his car like a big shot, rather that concentrating or analyzing data (that involves thinking). More details will be provided. (3) For Christ's Sake - stop talking to your wife about this divorce or affair business. If she thinks you are on to her affair, she will try to hide the affair and duck the PI. Get all misty, and tell her how much you want her back, send smoke up her fanny, so she feels safe and confident about herself and her boyfriend. (4) Big PI firms are set up to take advantage of first timer's with credit cards. Be a smart business man. An established firm with a good reputation is going to ask you for a $5000 retainer. (5) Have a good idea and plan in your mind before you go into the interview with the P.I.s. One or two P.I.s will be playing the "good cop- bad" game, as if you were being interrogated (but not really). It is intended to get you all hyped up about your spouse's misconduct - and to convince you of how right you are - and how THEY are going to get the evidence. One guy shows sympathy, then the other guy starts "flashing the badge." It messes with your head if you are not prepared for it. It is also designed to make you want to drop any amount of dough to get the culpret caught, enter the "retainer," and the "contract." (6) Since you will have already have done your homework before you got there, you will know exactly where they will need to be, at specific times, and for specific purposes, period. (7) P.I. is like your attorney, they are not your therapist. Don't waste their time. (8) Another thing about PI's, you don't need two or three cooks in the kitchen. That is such bull. Find a good, but smaller firm that comprehends this fact. That is how the other firms rip you off and take all your money in a short time without finding what you need - then - you are desparate, and hooked, and spend even more. SOME RESEARCH YOU MAY BE ABLE TO DO YOURSELF If you know the target - and where SHE will be ahead of time - you have just saved yourself a fortune. You don't want to pay a P.I. five grand to stand around and pick his nose, and then come up with jack. (A) The best way to know where your wife is taking a car is to have a GPS planted in the car. You can do this when you are married and the car is your property. Things are different when you are separated and contemplating divorce. The P.I. cannot put a GPS on the car - it is illigal. You should have collected this data before you broke up. It is too late now. (B) If the cell phone and text message date is in your name, you can order the all orginal data from the company for a fee, including the original text messages. Call the company and request at least one year's worth - and make sure you are getting exactly what you want. It will be about $100, but so worth it. © Then, subscribe to an on-line backward phone-number search company, and find out exactly whom she has been speaking to. When the suspitious names and numbers appear - buy a $50 backround check on the most solid lead(s). (D) Do not attempt to follow her yourself. You will screw up and get caught. Just get the data first. (E) Thoughout this process you keep your nose squicky clean. Conclusion Now, if you come into Court with graphic evidence of her affair, how can that help her with alimony? Just think about that a moment. You think $20,000 is a lot of money? Do the math like he said. Hope this helps. Yas 1
Art_Critic Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Her having a job making 52k a year ought to do it.... Why do you think you would have to pay her Alimony when she makes enough money to support herself ? At the most maybe a lump sum amount to get her a place to live unless there is a savings account. 3
Yasuandio Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Her having a job making 52k a year ought to do it.... Why do you think you would have to pay her Alimony when she makes enough money to support herself ? At the most maybe a lump sum amount to get her a place to live unless there is a savings account. She will still try to take house. And she will rely on NC law to make equitable distribution. If he has good evidence, he can get outta alimony. Otherwise, he is looking at it, at lest for half term of marriage, to bring her to standard of living. Don't forget about his retirement, and life insurance, and future ss. She can get her claws in all of it. Best he shows Court what sort of tramp she is. Even if he has to act "as if" for a while. His next girl, his next wife, and his next family, will be intimately affected by this decision. He's got to be sharp about his moves. Even if it means going back to her for six or eight months to collect evidence, sorry to say. Don't buy into the "no alimony states," and the "no fault divorce" concept. Alimony, and life alimony remains an option in all states, it just has been rarely implemented in modern days - but it is there, believe me, I know for sure. One thing you can take to the bank - things will be squared up in the end - unless you do it yourself. If OP fails to show wife's misconduct, then it WILL NOT be not factored into the equasion, plain and simple. There is a $30,000 difference in income. Someone is going to pay-up. That is common sense. As his wife, alone, will be eaten up in taxes as a single filer. She won't be able to make it without alimony - poor girl. Someone one will have to rescue her from big bad husband (how do you think she will portray you in Court, like an Angel?). Wakie, wakie. Yas
Author FBROCK Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 She will still try to take house. And she will rely on NC law to make equitable distribution. If he has good evidence, he can get outta alimony. Otherwise, he is looking at it, at lest for half term of marriage, to bring her to standard of living. Don't forget about his retirement, and life insurance, and future ss. She can get her claws in all of it. Best he shows Court what sort of tramp she is. Even if he has to act "as if" for a while. His next girl, his next wife, and his next family, will be intimately affected by this decision. He's got to be sharp about his moves. Even if it means going back to her for six or eight months to collect evidence, sorry to say. Don't buy into the "no alimony states," and the "no fault divorce" concept. Alimony, and life alimony remains an option in all states, it just has been rarely implemented in modern days - but it is there, believe me, I know for sure. One thing you can take to the bank - things will be squared up in the end - unless you do it yourself. If OP fails to show wife's misconduct, then it WILL NOT be not factored into the equasion, plain and simple. There is a $30,000 difference in income. Someone is going to pay-up. That is common sense. As his wife, alone, will be eaten up in taxes as a single filer. She won't be able to make it without alimony - poor girl. Someone one will have to rescue her from big bad husband (how do you think she will portray you in Court, like an Angel?). Wakie, wakie. Yas She can have the house. The way things are looking, I'll gladly let her take the house as long as I get to keep my retirement savings accounts. I have no problem with a 50/50 split of assets. I just don't want to pay a red cent of alimony. Life insurance was always through the company, so that's no dice. It's not like I have a policy I can 'cash out.' And, based on what I've read, Social Security is unobtainable until 10 years of marriage. And, quite frankly, as single filers we were doing okay tax-wise. Once we got married, our combined incomes shot us in the ass. We make too much money to get any worthwhile deductions (no kids). The only opening I see is to pay off my student loans with money I'd normally drop into my retirement account. The student loans were obtained by me prior to the marriage, so they are all mine.
Yasuandio Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I wish you were in FL as that's where I live and there's some good attorneys I could recommend. You need to think smart. Catch your "wife" by surprise. I'd act like you still like her till the time is right. I wouldn't necessarily advise sinking a lot of money into your student loans unless that seems like a good investment. I don't plan on ever paying off my student loans myself so I wouldn't recommend it. All is fair and love and war. I'd pull out every dirty trick in the book. Be creative and don't get yourself in trouble. You know you might be able to get her to sign an after marriage contract. They are valid. No matter what, I recommend you DO NOT break the law. Don't listen to this primate above, if you have a brain. Try to learn something from the posts smart people have provided you. Get evidence, and get an attorney, or pay up your fair share and shut it.
Yasuandio Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) I would never tell any one to break the law. Yes get an attorney. I just want this man to think outside the box. Forgery, theft, social security fraud? And now, you suggest willful default on student loans. Yeah, just take out student loans with no intention to pay them back, and stick it to her, right? Breaking the law will end him up INSIDE the box, dude man, - a 6 x 10 foot cell, to be exact. Does someone have to draw you a picture of a caboose Mr. Nightsky? Edited January 28, 2013 by Yasuandio spelling correction of caboose
TheGuard13 Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Her having a job making 52k a year ought to do it.... Why do you think you would have to pay her Alimony when she makes enough money to support herself ? This, I would think, would be important. When I went through my divorce, my attorney brought my wife and I in and she basically told my wife "Don't come into this looking to get alimony, if you've worked in the last three years, or are capable of working, it's very unlikely". Granted, that's in Ohio.
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