Okay, I really don't get it

[Harradin]

Whatever this rollercoaster is, I love rollercoasters but I want out on this one. I've not said too much on here so bare with me with this post.

 

I've been 3 and a half months NC, until I logged onto Facebook today and saw that a mutual friend had uploaded pictures of her and him together (they're blocked on my Facebook but it came up.) I just don't get it.

 

I treated her like a princess, she loved flowers so I used to buy her flowers in her favourite colour every week, I'd write notes in her laptop or a pad that she had lying around telling her I loved her, I was there for her when she needed it. Hell she had a trial day at a flower shop, I surprised her by going in and spending a lot of money on some really nice flowers for her which she told me she loved the gesture. I truly would have leapt through hoops for her, I wasn't whipped but I really cared for her and she used to tell me how lucky she was that she had me. We had an incredible connection that neither of us could explain, we just worked so well, we could make any boring situation entertaining, we could laugh about anything.

 

And yet she threw it all away for a manipulating son of a bitch. Who made moves on her as soon as she found out about her parent's divorce so she was upset, what kind of person makes moves when someone is upset?! He even got his friend to send her messages putting ideas in her head about breaking me/her up! What makes this worse is when she dumped me by email, he wrote the damn f*cking thing and even signed it off with his and her names! She went public with the pr*ck the next day.

 

What makes this worse? She keeps finding excuses to text me, poke me on Facebook, pestering mutual friends about me up to a month after she left me for him. So I try to get her back, where she leads me on and tells me she's staying with him?! Staying with someone who manipulates her?! She even said that the pair of them did "nothing wrong!"

 

And yet over 3 months NC later, my emotions are getting worse, I'm loving her more with every day and the urges to contact her are getting worse. I could get rid of a crush I had in 1-2 days (I was proud of that,) those techniques haven't worked on her, I've tried everything, I go to the gym when I get these feelings and I end up feeling worse afterwards, I keep myself busy by doing my uni work, I've spoken to more girls and yet I can't get my ex out of my f*cking head. She's blocked on Facebook, I have a new number, her emails go into my spam (in case she tries,) there is no real way she can possibly contact me unless she comes to my house, or finds out where I live at university and finds me.

 

And yet she's still with this tw*t, I just don't get it. I shouldn't be thinking like this 4 months post BU. I've got in my head that she's being manipulated by him and its not gonna end well and I wouldn't have ever hurt her like this pr*ck is gonna do. I want to fight for what I believe in, to show her how much a huge mistake she made, but its been 4 months post BU and she hasn't even tried. Yet I have to let go because its gonna make things worse. I need to stop living in the past, its hard when I genuinely thought she was the one for me.

 

She never gave me any reasons for why she left me for him even when I pestered, I just can't figure it out because he's far worse then me, you usually leave people because their better then you, not the other way round! It was so unexpected, I couldn't have predicted it coming and that's what hurts.

 

I'm trying to move on, I hate blaming things but I don't see how any of this is my fault and I hate the fact that I'm the one suffering when I did nothing wrong and they did everything wrong and they're running around being f*cking happy with their lives.

[TaraMaiden]

First of all:

Stop trying to figure anything out, it's utterly pointless.

You'll get no answers, and anything you do get, will simply prompt more questions, bewilderment, confusion, resentment and hurt.

 

Secondly:

Read the No Contact Updated 2013 Guide (Click link) in my signature.

 

Read it well, and if I were you I would copy, paste into a Word.doc and print off several dozen copies to leave all over your pad on any flat surface available.

Plus one for the 'smallest room' where you can 'sit and think' as you read and digest, and carry one around with you at all times.

 

Above all, do absolutely everything it instructs.

Follow it TO THE LETTER.

Delete her number, block her on your 'phone, delete all texts, ignore her every attempt to get in touch with you, and erase her email address and block her incoming messages.

 

Fall off her radar.

She should be dead to you.

 

Read the whole thread of the Guide, by the way. It contains several useful posts on why contact should not be broken, ever, and how being friends after a break-up is absolutely impossible.

 

Ok, go now.

Go. GO!!

[Harradin]

First of all:

Stop trying to figure anything out, it's utterly pointless.

You'll get no answers, and anything you do get, will simply prompt more questions, bewilderment, confusion, resentment and hurt.

 

Secondly:

Read the No Contact Updated 2013 Guide (Click link) in my signature.

 

Read it well, and if I were you I would copy, paste into a Word.doc and print off several dozen copies to leave all over your pad on any flat surface available.

Plus one for the 'smallest room' where you can 'sit and think' as you read and digest, and carry one around with you at all times.

 

Above all, do absolutely everything it instructs.

Follow it TO THE LETTER.

Delete her number, block her on your 'phone, delete all texts, ignore her every attempt to get in touch with you, and erase her email address and block her incoming messages.

 

Fall off her radar.

She should be dead to you.

 

Read the whole thread of the Guide, by the way. It contains several useful posts on why contact should not be broken, ever, and how being friends after a break-up is absolutely impossible.

 

Ok, go now.

Go. GO!!

 

I have the No Contact Guide well memorised and well into place . I changed my number, if she does try emailing me (she hasn't) goes into my spam, I don't have her number, blocked on Facebook. The only way she can contact me is if she comes to my house, and even then I'm at university so she could only leave a message that my parents would pick up! I've been over 3 months NC with the No Contact Guide's help . The only reason she came up on my Facebook as she was in a picture that a mutual friend uploaded. She hasn't tried to contact me in over 3 months, which sucks. But then she's still with the manipulating guy she left me for.

[TaraMaiden]

She's not your business any more. If she's still with him, then they deserve each other.

 

You have to get beyond the notion that somehow she needs rescuing, or some sense knocked into her to make her see what a jackass he is.

 

It's nothing to do with you.

She's history, and his story.

 

Not yours.

 

Don't even look at pic's of them.

in fact, I suggest you even suspend or delete your FB account all together.

 

Or open up a new one, and ignore that one... I dunno.

But yeah, you've been doing everything right on a practical level.

 

Now - you need to let it go, emotionally.

[HaveFaithxx]

Harradin,

 

Im sorry about how you are feeling. Im going nuts here too. It's been almost 2.5 months after BU and I feel like I am thinking of my ex even more. I am so tired of it, every freaking waking minute. I want him back so bad. I just started dating this other guy, really sweet and good looking. He came over last night, and we have sex. I am really attracted to him and enjoy his company, so I thought it would be fine. When we started having sex, I just felt terribly sad. Tears started to run down my face. It just brought so many memories of making love with my ex, cuddling, and falling asleep next to him. I had to stop with the new guy by making up an excuse that I had a stomachacke. It was good that he couldn't tell I had been crying.

 

I know it will get better, but it doesn't help in the moment. Hang in there.

[Harradin]

She's not your business any more. If she's still with him, then they deserve each other.

 

You have to get beyond the notion that somehow she needs rescuing, or some sense knocked into her to make her see what a jackass he is.

 

It's nothing to do with you.

She's history, and his story.

 

Not yours.

 

Don't even look at pic's of them.

in fact, I suggest you even suspend or delete your FB account all together.

 

Or open up a new one, and ignore that one... I dunno.

But yeah, you've been doing everything right on a practical level.

 

Now - you need to let it go, emotionally.

 

When someone so significant in my life is now not around, its a horrible change. Especially in the circumstances that she left me in. And the fact that she chose to get out of a relationship where I treated her so well, and was prepared to lose me out of her life (she tried to be friends when I tried getting her back but I said no.) I just struggle to get over the fact that she isn't my issue anymore, I keep thinking she was "taken" from me because of the unexpected way she left me, but she made that decision to leave and it hurts to think she would settle for far worse when I'm clearly the far better person.

 

Deleting my FB account isn't really an option as I have to use it for my uni stuff, the best next thing would be to unsubscribe/delete from the mutual friends I have on there. The problem is I've kept in touch with those from the car forum (the friend she left me for is a moderator on it so I left the forum as I lost interest and so I could heal quicker as they acted lovey dovey on it) so if I delete then I lose friends.

 

I do need to break the emotional bonds though.

 

Harradin,

 

Im sorry about how you are feeling. Im going nuts here too. It's been almost 2.5 months after BU and I feel like I am thinking of my ex even more. I am so tired of it, every freaking waking minute. I want him back so bad. I just started dating this other guy, really sweet and good looking. He came over last night, and we have sex. I am really attracted to him and enjoy his company, so I thought it would be fine. When we started having sex, I just felt terribly sad. Tears started to run down my face. It just brought so many memories of making love with my ex, cuddling, and falling asleep next to him. I had to stop with the new guy by making up an excuse that I had a stomachacke. It was good that he couldn't tell I had been crying.

 

I know it will get better, but it doesn't help in the moment. Hang in there.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation, I want her back too. It'll get better for the both of us, maybe this new guy in time will make you feel more special then your ex did.

Edited January 27, 2013 by Harradin

[McDonald]

My gf recently broke up with me about 3 weeks ago yet she kept telling me how she hopes we will get back together. When I came back to school from winter break she was texting me like we were friends still. We went out to lunch etc. I Knew it was wrong but it made me happy being with her.

 

then i see her holding hands with another guy a few days later... and she saw that I saw them. then sehe texts me asking if i was okay. I shouldnt have replied but I did. Now she says she cant take it anymore and that I have to stop depending on her :/ though she was the one who was holding onto me after!!!

 

well its only been 4 days since NC. and its SUCKS. I just cant imagine myself 4 months from now without sending her a message. It might be only me, but its like she was my best friend before we were dating, the first person I met in college. Now its all gone the whole past year thrown away. it was so perfect while we were dating. I just want to text her to tell her I just want her to be my friend... but then ugh idk its just all been so confusing. I dont have a sense of individuality anymore.

[Harradin]

My gf recently broke up with me about 3 weeks ago yet she kept telling me how she hopes we will get back together. When I came back to school from winter break she was texting me like we were friends still. We went out to lunch etc. I Knew it was wrong but it made me happy being with her.

 

then i see her holding hands with another guy a few days later... and she saw that I saw them. then sehe texts me asking if i was okay. I shouldnt have replied but I did. Now she says she cant take it anymore and that I have to stop depending on her :/ though she was the one who was holding onto me after!!!

 

well its only been 4 days since NC. and its SUCKS. I just cant imagine myself 4 months from now without sending her a message. It might be only me, but its like she was my best friend before we were dating, the first person I met in college. Now its all gone the whole past year thrown away. it was so perfect while we were dating. I just want to text her to tell her I just want her to be my friend... but then ugh idk its just all been so confusing. I dont have a sense of individuality anymore.

 

Wow I'm sorry to hear, she changed her mind pretty quick! Once you get it in the routine its okay, you get urges to contact her but if you follow the 'no contact' guide it does work because you have no way of contacting her even if you want to. It works to use this to vent too: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex-509.html

 

It is a rollercoaster and its not easy, as you can see I still have problems with it. I decided to deactivate Facebook for a couple of weeks to sort myself out, as I've been struggling emotions wise (positive its depression) and I need to start training properly, got lots of uni work etc to do.

[Inviv_girl]

Facebook is a nightmare! its good for you doing NC so far! be strong! It is normal to feel addicted after the break up especially if we love the person so much, hurt like hell it is to know they with someone else. Im 6 months and still suffering! pathetic

[McDonald]

It's tough because she was the first person I met here n college last year and we immediately became best friends. She told me she liked me the first week of school and we began dating a couple months after.

 

It's one of those not only am I loosing my girlfriend but my best friend feelings.

 

And she happened to be my first love :/ it's like I want to move on but i don't want to close any doors. We were dating for 8 months. It's just though to see it all go away. I really don't have a sense of individuality now because she became my life in college from the beginning.

[Harradin]

Facebook is a nightmare! its good for you doing NC so far! be strong! It is normal to feel addicted after the break up especially if we love the person so much, hurt like hell it is to know they with someone else. Im 6 months and still suffering! pathetic

 

It is when you don't want to hear anything about an ex, that's for sure! I have to reactivate it at some point for uni stuff though. Its not pathetic at all, I feel horribly pathetic but its a learning path that leads to something better I suppose.

 

It's tough because she was the first person I met here n college last year and we immediately became best friends. She told me she liked me the first week of school and we began dating a couple months after.

 

It's one of those not only am I loosing my girlfriend but my best friend feelings.

 

And she happened to be my first love :/ it's like I want to move on but i don't want to close any doors. We were dating for 8 months. It's just though to see it all go away. I really don't have a sense of individuality now because she became my life in college from the beginning.

 

My ex is my first love too, I met her online through a car forum, the most unlikeliest place I would have thought to meet someone. We realised we liked each other the evening we met in person and went official 3-4 days later. The "friend" she left me for was a moderator and I was a rank before moderator and me/him organised a lot of events together and supposedly had a "good friendship." I found out after the BU that he made moves on her as soon as he realised she was upset about her parent's divorce and its a tactic he's used on many girls with boyfriends in the past, ironically it only worked on my ex. I was forced to leave the car forum to heal and it sucks because I made a lot of friends on there who I only keep in touch with ie Facebook now, because my ex/"friend" have no other lives then those cars so they go to every event etc. So I kinda lost a part of my life too :/

 

The best advantage you/me have is we're at college/university, there's a lot of girls to have future experiences with!

[cavalier99]

Hey Harradin. I also wonder when to roller coaster will end. We are both about 4 months out so i can relate. Just this last week i have felt indifference, missed her immensly, felt like i was mourning a death, and today bitterness. Most of the time I'm fine however

 

I understand your feeling about wanting to finally break the emotional bond we have with then and not giving a crap. I think we need to be patient. The fact of the matter is we are a hell of a lot better than before. And in a few months will probably be over this.

 

The only thing I notice form your post that might delay your healing is your focus on understanding that which cant be understood. Your not going to get a reason. Maybe she feels more comfortable trading down..who knows? And quite frankly you shouldn't either.

 

That is what I'm learning slowly and painfully. None of it matters. For months i have bettered myself. For me..but with her in mind (like we might meet up randomly and she will be impressed), imagined scenarios of running into her, fought against these thoughts, mediated etcetera. But she has always been there in my mind.

 

Just today I feel like I'm finally giving up and accepting the finality of it all. I cant live thinking about her all the time and rehashing things..it is so pointless. It truly truly is OVER. I've said that before but am beginning to really believe it. Only what we do now matters.

 

I'm not sure I'm much further ahead of you but i think your going to get tired of trying to understand why pretty soon. I am.

 

Stop getting info off her FB. It will slow you up and fuel more questions and comparisons.

[Loved77]

Stay away from Facebook

[McDonald]

It is when you don't want to hear anything about an ex, that's for sure! I have to reactivate it at some point for uni stuff though. Its not pathetic at all, I feel horribly pathetic but its a learning path that leads to something better I suppose.

 

 

 

My ex is my first love too, I met her online through a car forum, the most unlikeliest place I would have thought to meet someone. We realised we liked each other the evening we met in person and went official 3-4 days later. The "friend" she left me for was a moderator and I was a rank before moderator and me/him organised a lot of events together and supposedly had a "good friendship." I found out after the BU that he made moves on her as soon as he realised she was upset about her parent's divorce and its a tactic he's used on many girls with boyfriends in the past, ironically it only worked on my ex. I was forced to leave the car forum to heal and it sucks because I made a lot of friends on there who I only keep in touch with ie Facebook now, because my ex/"friend" have no other lives then those cars so they go to every event etc. So I kinda lost a part of my life too :/

 

The best advantage you/me have is we're at college/university, there's a lot of girls to have future experiences with!

 

Yea but it sucks that I stopped talking to a lot of friends when. Was with her. So now my sense of individuality isn't really there

[Harradin]

Hey Harradin. I also wonder when to roller coaster will end. We are both about 4 months out so i can relate. Just this last week i have felt indifference, missed her immensly, felt like i was mourning a death, and today bitterness. Most of the time I'm fine however

 

I understand your feeling about wanting to finally break the emotional bond we have with then and not giving a crap. I think we need to be patient. The fact of the matter is we are a hell of a lot better than before. And in a few months will probably be over this.

 

The only thing I notice form your post that might delay your healing is your focus on understanding that which cant be understood. Your not going to get a reason. Maybe she feels more comfortable trading down..who knows? And quite frankly you shouldn't either.

 

That is what I'm learning slowly and painfully. None of it matters. For months i have bettered myself. For me..but with her in mind (like we might meet up randomly and she will be impressed), imagined scenarios of running into her, fought against these thoughts, mediated etcetera. But she has always been there in my mind.

 

Just today I feel like I'm finally giving up and accepting the finality of it all. I cant live thinking about her all the time and rehashing things..it is so pointless. It truly truly is OVER. I've said that before but am beginning to really believe it. Only what we do now matters.

 

I'm not sure I'm much further ahead of you but i think your going to get tired of trying to understand why pretty soon. I am.

 

Stop getting info off her FB. It will slow you up and fuel more questions and comparisons.

 

It does get frustrating when it doesn't happen over night! The issue I have is I always have to have an answer, I tend to think a lot so it gets horribly frustrating when I can't find an answer, I can't help it its in my nature so its really frustrating when I can't find an answer.

 

I had her off my Facebook but not blocked when I achieved something great, so I plastered it on Facebook and all our mutual friends liked it so I could show that I could do everything and more without her. But I can finally work on myself as I was ill towards the end of last year!

 

I know its over, I just keep thinking because of her circumstances that she made a terrible mistake so all these feelings and crap come back. Its something I definitely need to work on. I hope I do get sick of it, its driving me mad!

 

Not been on her FB since September, the only news I get is if she comments on a mutual friend's post or mutual friends have uploaded pictures of her. I've gotten pretty good at it.