PogoStick Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I recently saw research that relationships do better if sex doesn't happen right away. There's no definitive rule on this though. Some relationships would never have started if there wasn't that first hookup. For others, the jump into sex masked obvious incompatibilities.
gaius Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 I think if I had daughters, I think on top of giving them simliar advise to what you gave, I would also talk to them about how sometimes sex doesn't mean the same thing to people and just because you have sex with someone, doesn't mean they will neccesarily have stronger feelings for you or that they even really like or respect you. I think I would also tell them that waiting is a good options because usually immediately gratification isn't the best course in any matter and if someone is going to stick around, they are going to stick around. I also would tell them that sometimes sex affects women differently then men, becauser seriously it does in a lot of cases, and talk to them about their bodies and why that can be. Seriously, if I had sex everytime I was horny for someone brand new I was seeing or everytime a man I dated wanted, that wouldn't have been good for me. And I think a lot of young girls and women are pressured into "pleasing" their friends, family or partners in all matters of things that they don't often think of what it really means for them. I don't think we should shame young people that have sex but I do think the conversation needs to go deeper then, "if you want to have sex, go ahead, just use protection." This I like and agree with. 1
Kossb Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 To be fair, if a woman ever slept with me for any reason (aside from me paying her which I'd never do) I'd take that as a sign of interest. I don't have too many women interested in me, so I'd probably want her to stick around for a while. That's the only good thing that I think comes from first date sex from my perspective: a good sign that she likes me. Well, I thought that with my recent break up (see other thread) We slept with each other on the first date, initiated by her - and she basically came at me aggressively, telling me she didn't want it to be a one night stand. Maybe I should have seen the writing on the wall then ! Following that comment I thought it was definitely going to turn into a one night stand, but it didn't and started to settle down a bit after date 3. 4 months later, and 48 hrs after seeming being into me enough to introduce me to her kids and ask to meet my parents, she dumped me ! Bizarro
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 Well, I thought that with my recent break up (see other thread) We slept with each other on the first date, initiated by her - and she basically came at me aggressively, telling me she didn't want it to be a one night stand. Maybe I should have seen the writing on the wall then ! Following that comment I thought it was definitely going to turn into a one night stand, but it didn't and started to settle down a bit after date 3. 4 months later, and 48 hrs after seeming being into me enough to introduce me to her kids and ask to meet my parents, she dumped me ! Bizarro Sounds like she didn't know what she wanted or possibly had other men in the picture.
Star Gazer Posted January 29, 2013 Posted January 29, 2013 If the woman is able to avoid having any feelings of attachment from first date sex, yes, it can survive. If she cannot, chances for success are very low. 1
Author superb Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 If the woman is able to avoid having any feelings of attachment from first date sex, yes, it can survive. If she cannot, chances for success are very low. Because? Men don't work that way? Emotionally right away or what?
Star Gazer Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Because? Men don't work that way? Emotionally right away or what? Are you really asking this? Do you really think men attach emotionally from sex the same way women do? Biologically and hormonally, the experiences are very different. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Men are robots who never bond from sex. Apparently. I'm actually a Terminator model T-1000. Just thought I'd put that out there....
pbjbear Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Are you really asking this? Do you really think men attach emotionally from sex the same way women do? Biologically and hormonally, the experiences are very different. This is the reason why most women should not put out early. I have met some that are able to separate the two, but most cant though they say they can. I learned this the hard way when I was younger... Men really see it as putting their stick in a hole and women see it as an intimate act usually...there are some women that dont however. Actually, its the women that have higher testosterone levels than average interestingly 1
SmileFace Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Men are robots who never bond from sex. Apparently. I'm actually a Terminator model T-1000. Just thought I'd put that out there.... Men who have sex regularly are less likely to bond from sex. Is that better? 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Men who have sex regularly are less likely to bond from sex. Is that better? I'd say "people" who have sex regularly. It's not a male-female thing. I wasn't kidding about the T-1000 thing though...
SmileFace Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I'd say "people" who have sex regularly. It's not a male-female thing. I wasn't kidding about the T-1000 thing though... I wanted to say both men and women but I know chicks and have you read this board? It is a male-female thing but it is mostly a male thing - and this is coming from a female who can easily seperate sex.
thatone Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 sex on first date equals to a loss of control to me. Massive attraction, I must like the guy a lot to do that. And he'll know it. The big risk for me is to become vulnerable, to care if he'll want to keep seeing me or not. In a way, if he's a disappointment, that's the least worse option. A player? Well, at least you get to learn a thing or two for the future. What if he actually is great, even better that you thought or hoped and he's not pursuing? Talk about a blow to your self esteem! Which is why I'm still with the GF I had first date sex with a year later, because she isn't like that. Why would I want to be with a woman who projects fear and insecurity onto other people. 1
MyPoutine Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 No sex until after 3 months, that's my rule. People are too quick to jump on each other nowadays. 1
Author superb Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 No sex until after 3 months, that's my rule. People are too quick to jump on each other nowadays. Good rule!
FitChick Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Depends on the people involved. There are no guarantees either way. You have to decide for yourself. I have friends who married their one night stand. Others never saw the guy again. Others went on to have long term relationships. Edited February 3, 2013 by FitChick 1
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