miss_jaclynrae Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Disagree. What I find interesting is that for most men it isn't a problem, you don't see men telling us that they are going to wait to make sure she will still around after he hits it. It just sorta goes to show the lines dividing men from women, as for continuing a relationship after sleeping with someone, men [for the most part, I am completely generalizing here] typically hold the power. It is one reason why it is so advised that women hold out. It really is bizarre when you think about it, the dynamics of sexual encounters by men and women and how they differentiate. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I think if I had daughters, I think on top of giving them simliar advise to what you gave, I would also talk to them about how sometimes sex doesn't mean the same thing to people and just because you have sex with someone, doesn't mean they will neccesarily have stronger feelings for you or that they even really like or respect you. I think I would also tell them that waiting is a good options because usually immediately gratification isn't the best course in any matter and if someone is going to stick around, they are going to stick around. I also would tell them that sometimes sex affects women differently then men, becauser seriously it does in a lot of cases, and talk to them about their bodies and why that can be. Seriously, if I had sex everytime I was horny for someone brand new I was seeing or everytime a man I dated wanted, that wouldn't have been good for me. And I think a lot of young girls and women are pressured into "pleasing" their friends, family or partners in all matters of things that they don't often think of what it really means for them. I don't think we should shame young people that have sex but I do think the conversation needs to go deeper then, "if you want to have sex, go ahead, just use protection." Oh, trust me, it went much deeper. But you asked me what I would advise a young lady... so I relayed this specific piece of advice. But my daughters and I became close companions, and we talked about everything and anything. Much of what you give as additional discussion points, we covered, in great detail and more than once.... My eldest daughter is bisexual, and I'm very comfortable with that, and she had no issues, hesitation, problems or quandaries about telling me. It was more a conversation, and such was its insignificance, I don't even clearly remember how she told me. But we discussed all manner of topics openly, frequently and with no barriers. Hope that helps. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I have a strong suspicion that sex is emotionally important for MOST people, especially women. I'm dating a woman who says that she can turn on/off her feelings when it comes to sex. I don't believe it. I sense that she artificially distances herself from the act, but it is an intimate, emotional act for her. She's been hurt in the past by jackwagons and an ex husband that continues to remind her that she is "fat".....believe me, she's not fat! That's another discussion all together. In the end, sex is an intimate act. When we "feel" nothing from it, I believe, that is a result of some unhealthy or contrived, denial of emotions stemming from something likely traumatic or series of unsuccessful events. Or as worse, behavior that is antisocial and selfish. I don't believe I'm wrong here.... I feel much the same way SoccerP. Well said. I don't even know why people would want to distance themselves emotionally for sex or take pride in their ability to do so, man or woman.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 First date sex almost always ruins chances of a relationship from forming. Agree or disagree? Share thoughts. Wouldn't ruin it for me. Though I'd prefer to wait at least 6 months before sex happens. But still, if a woman pressured me into sex, I don't think it would prevent me from wanting a relationship. It'd actually make me pursue one more.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 No, it doesn't. The emotional significance people attach to the sex - is what complicates things. It's kind of like arguing about what came first, the chicken or egg.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 What I find interesting is that for most men it isn't a problem, you don't see men telling us that they are going to wait to make sure she will still around after he hits it. That's actually what goes through my mind. I would want to wait to make sure she won't sleep with me and then leave...
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 It's kind of like arguing about what came first, the chicken or egg. Actually, I would hazard a guess that the sex did. After a few hundred thousand years, we got into Shakespeare Freud and Jesus. The rest, as they say, is history.....
TaurusTerp Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Sex and whether or not I want to date a woman are completely unrelated. If we had sex early and I break it off with her, it's not the sex - it's that I found her personality incompatible later. If a girl holds out when she clearly wants to have sex though, I'll usually start to lose interest. I'm not interested in women that can't think for themselves and instead need to live by some set of "rules". 1
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 That's actually what goes through my mind. I would want to wait to make sure she won't sleep with me and then leave... First time in my life (34 years) I've EVER heard a man say something like this.....
Divasu Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 First time in my life (34 years) I've EVER heard a man say something like this..... It was a great line though... 1
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 It was a great line though... lololol
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 First time in my life (34 years) I've EVER heard a man say something like this..... First time for everything. 1
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 First time for everything. Indeed...lol first time for first date sex to work out too then also..
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Indeed...lol first time for first date sex to work out too then also.. To be fair, if a woman ever slept with me for any reason (aside from me paying her which I'd never do) I'd take that as a sign of interest. I don't have too many women interested in me, so I'd probably want her to stick around for a while. That's the only good thing that I think comes from first date sex from my perspective: a good sign that she likes me. 1
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Wow.... Bob Marley's white..... yeah, I'm a white chick.. 1
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 To be fair, if a woman ever slept with me for any reason (aside from me paying her which I'd never do) I'd take that as a sign of interest. I don't have too many women interested in me, so I'd probably want her to stick around for a while. That's the only good thing that I think comes from first date sex from my perspective: a good sign that she likes me. Fair enough
candie13 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 almost always bad news just how bad depends why you had sex on the first date - is it just the body or is it the mind behind it that's irresistible... both are trouble, but one can be more difficult to handle compared to the other 1
John123 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Agree with op...I would not date a woman that would have sex on the first date...I keep it classy so I'd expect my significant other not to put out on the first date. 1
silvermercy Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) Well, not always but most of the times. Sure there are many relationships who have worked long-term after first date sex but statistically it's only a very tiny percentage of those who haven't worked. In my opinion, many times, first date sex creates an insta-relationship. Then you later find out you are just not compatible long-term. On top of that you increase the chances of being played as a separate note. For me, no way in hell, I'll sleep with someone so soon. (Heck, he could be serial killer or a walking STD! You expect me to go to his place or him come to mine!? LOL Hell to the no!) Edited January 27, 2013 by silvermercy 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Oh, trust me, it went much deeper. But you asked me what I would advise a young lady... so I relayed this specific piece of advice. But my daughters and I became close companions, and we talked about everything and anything. Much of what you give as additional discussion points, we covered, in great detail and more than once.... My eldest daughter is bisexual, and I'm very comfortable with that, and she had no issues, hesitation, problems or quandaries about telling me. It was more a conversation, and such was its insignificance, I don't even clearly remember how she told me. But we discussed all manner of topics openly, frequently and with no barriers. Hope that helps. Hope it helps with what? That's great and more parents should have those kind of conversations. Ongoing conversations about relationships, sex, love and even pornography. Which a lot of parents don't infact do. But I do think we disagree on some level about the kind of advice we would give our kids. Nothing wrong with that, everyone is different.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Agree with op...I would not date a woman that would have sex on the first date...I keep it classy so I'd expect my significant other not to put out on the first date. See and this is okay John because you aren't pressuring her to have sex with you then when she does, turning around and calling her derogatory names. I can understand men like you that watches what he does and keeps it classy and expects the same out of his date. I don't get men that push for sex early on and then get all bent out of shape when the woman they are with has sex with him. It's kind of seems like a form of self-loathing! "You had sex with me!!!!! You Miss have poor taste, you Harlot!!!" 1
candie13 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 sex on first date equals to a loss of control to me. Massive attraction, I must like the guy a lot to do that. And he'll know it. The big risk for me is to become vulnerable, to care if he'll want to keep seeing me or not. In a way, if he's a disappointment, that's the least worse option. A player? Well, at least you get to learn a thing or two for the future. What if he actually is great, even better that you thought or hoped and he's not pursuing? Talk about a blow to your self esteem! 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hope it helps with what? ..To elaborate and clarify how things went with my daughters.... But I do think we disagree on some level about the kind of advice we would give our kids. Nothing wrong with that, everyone is different. Yeah, with you there.... There's no hard-and-fast, foolproof manual is there....? 1
Casablanca Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Still married to mine and everything's fine..... There are always exceptions What if the woman initiates the first date sex? Is she just using you for sex? I'm weary of a woman who will have sex on the first date...not telling what else she has done in the past 1
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