TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 That's ok. Do you wanna date tonight? Should I prepare for sex? 2
gaius Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 The kind of guy women are driven to put out for on the first date are generally the kind that are going to dump you anyway. First date sex in and of itself doesn't have much effect on the relationship. The guy either likes you and wants to be with you or he doesn't. 2
amolya Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Totally agree with the above...in my experience if a guy manages to escalate things to first date sex, or almost there, he was only really in it for the sex....so it wasn't the sex per se that ruined the relationship but the fact no relationship was on the cards anyway... 4
KungFuJoe Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 What if the woman initiates the first date sex? Is she just using you for sex? 1
Ophelia11 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 On the two occasions since my divorce that I have slept with someone on the first date, both turned into relationships. My rationale for having sex was that I liked the guy enough that if that's all I ended up with, I'd have had a really good experience.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 If a guy only wants sex from you it doesn't matter whether you have sex on the first date, second date, or 19th date. That's all he's going to want 100% true. If I ONLY want sex from a woman, I will always only want sex from that woman. Nothing will change that. On the other hand, I want to have sex on the first date with women I'm genuinely interested in. Reason: I'm a guy, I like to f*ck. 1st date sex means nothing. It's what comes after, that's what determines long term success. 1
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 What if the woman initiates the first date sex? Is she just using you for sex? I'm not sure....I think conversations between the people leading up to the first date set the tone for first date sex though, so if the women is being sexual to the man before hand then it's fair to say she's on board with whatever happens. Chemistry has to exist once together though on both parts for things to even happen.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 No, it doesn't. The emotional significance people attach to the sex - is what complicates things. For some people, sex is emotionally significant. Nothing wrong with that. Tara, if you were giving advise to a younger woman or a daughter or niece, would you tell her to "sure go ahead and have sex as much as you want on your first dates"? I'm not saying that it can't happen, as it did with you and your man. But in most cases, that's not how it's going to work out. 2
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 100% true. If I ONLY want sex from a woman, I will always only want sex from that woman. Nothing will change that. On the other hand, I want to have sex on the first date with women I'm genuinely interested in. Reason: I'm a guy, I like to f*ck. 1st date sex means nothing. It's what comes after, that's what determines long term success. I like the honesty of men here...even if it's not what us women enjoy hearing lol
KungFuJoe Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 For some people, sex is emotionally significant. Nothing wrong with that. Tara, if you were giving advise to a younger woman or a daughter or niece, would you tell her to "sure go ahead and have sex as much as you want on your first dates"? I'm not saying that it can't happen, as it did with you and your man. But in most cases, that's not how it's going to work out. I have two daughters (7 and 5). So I know I'm going to be in a HEAP of trouble in a decade or even less. My answer? You can't tell them what they can't and can do. What you CAN do is raise them to love themselves, have pride in who they are, and be caring and good hearted people. And show them what love really is. The rest is up to them.
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 For some people, sex is emotionally significant. Nothing wrong with that. Tara, if you were giving advise to a younger woman or a daughter or niece, would you tell her to "sure go ahead and have sex as much as you want on your first dates"? I'm not saying that it can't happen, as it did with you and your man. But in most cases, that's not how it's going to work out. Well, that's a good question. And I will use my advice, I gave to my eldest daughter, when she began to take an interest in dating. "Don't let anyone ever convince you to do something you'd rather not do, whatever it is. Do not compromise your self-worth and dignity, simply because you think it will please someone else. Consider the parameters of safety, and make him use a condom - even if you go on the pill. And if ever you want to discuss anything, whatever it is, please do. You know I will never judge you. I can't promise I'll always agree with you, and if I don't i'll tell you why. But I will never judge you." She had the same talk with her younger sister (by 7 years). When I came to have that chat with daughter #2, she interrupted me, and said "It's cool mama, *big Sis* already explained. I love you." And hugged me. 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I have two daughters (7 and 5). So I know I'm going to be in a HEAP of trouble in a decade or even less. My answer? You can't tell them what they can't and can do. What you CAN do is raise them to love themselves, have pride in who they are, and be caring and good hearted people. And show them what love really is. The rest is up to them. You can't demand they do anything they don't actually want to do. But you can give them advise based on what you believe to be true and how you want to raise them. And of course, rasing them to love themselves and be caring and good hearted is important. But that doesn't mean you stop having conversations with them about important things they might experience and try to help and guide them based on your personal values. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Well, that's a good question. And I will use my advice, I gave to my eldest daughter, when she began to take an interest in dating. "Don't let anyone ever convince you to do something you'd rather not do, whatever it is. Do not compromise your self-worth and dignity, simply because you think it will please someone else. Consider the parameters of safety, and make him use a condom - even if you go on the pill. And if ever you want to discuss anything, whatever it is, please do. You know I will never judge you. I can't promise I'll always agree with you, and if I don't i'll tell you why. But I will never judge you." She had the same talk with her younger sister (by 7 years). When I came to have that chat with daughter #2, she interrupted me, and said "It's cool mama, *big Sis* already explained. I love you." And hugged me. I think if I had daughters, I think on top of giving them simliar advise to what you gave, I would also talk to them about how sometimes sex doesn't mean the same thing to people and just because you have sex with someone, doesn't mean they will neccesarily have stronger feelings for you or that they even really like or respect you. I think I would also tell them that waiting is a good options because usually immediately gratification isn't the best course in any matter and if someone is going to stick around, they are going to stick around. I also would tell them that sometimes sex affects women differently then men, becauser seriously it does in a lot of cases, and talk to them about their bodies and why that can be. Seriously, if I had sex everytime I was horny for someone brand new I was seeing or everytime a man I dated wanted, that wouldn't have been good for me. And I think a lot of young girls and women are pressured into "pleasing" their friends, family or partners in all matters of things that they don't often think of what it really means for them. I don't think we should shame young people that have sex but I do think the conversation needs to go deeper then, "if you want to have sex, go ahead, just use protection." 2
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 What if first date sex is had and the woman is like "eh" and doesn't have strong emotional connect? Does that make her a slut? Or does having that mindset about the relationship sort of level the playing field a bit?
Fondue Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 If she gave it up on the first date, she would lose a lot of respect. Likely, I wouldn't want to date her anymore. I would think, "if she was that easy with me, how is she with everyone else?" Where is the mystery, yah? I wouldn't necessarily push for anything sexual, but if she was wanting and clearly urging to go, I wouldn't stop her. I would enjoy it and that would be it.
Divasu Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 It worked out for a family member (married for 10 years) It worked out for my best friend (together for 12 years) But-t-t-t, in both instances, the guy dissappeared shortly after and reappeared several months later.
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 If she gave it up on the first date, she would lose a lot of respect. Likely, I wouldn't want to date her anymore. I would think, "if she was that easy with me, how is she with everyone else?" Where is the mystery, yah? I wouldn't necessarily push for anything sexual, but if she was wanting and clearly urging to go, I wouldn't stop her. I would enjoy it and that would be it. I see this as a serious double standard on the mans part. They can do it and women remain interested but women do it and lose respect? Doesn't make sense. 2
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 It worked out for a family member (married for 10 years) It worked out for my best friend (together for 12 years) But-t-t-t, in both instances, the guy dissappeared shortly after and reappeared several months later. Where did the men disappear to?
soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I have a strong suspicion that sex is emotionally important for MOST people, especially women. I'm dating a woman who says that she can turn on/off her feelings when it comes to sex. I don't believe it. I sense that she artificially distances herself from the act, but it is an intimate, emotional act for her. She's been hurt in the past by jackwagons and an ex husband that continues to remind her that she is "fat".....believe me, she's not fat! That's another discussion all together. In the end, sex is an intimate act. When we "feel" nothing from it, I believe, that is a result of some unhealthy or contrived, denial of emotions stemming from something likely traumatic or series of unsuccessful events. Or as worse, behavior that is antisocial and selfish. I don't believe I'm wrong here.... 2
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 I have a strong suspicion that sex is emotionally important for MOST people, especially women. I'm dating a woman who says that she can turn on/off her feelings when it comes to sex. I don't believe it. I sense that she artificially distances herself from the act, but it is an intimate, emotional act for her. She's been hurt in the past by jackwagons and an ex husband that continues to remind her that she is "fat".....believe me, she's not fat! That's another discussion all together. In the end, sex is an intimate act. When we "feel" nothing from it, I believe, that is a result of some unhealthy or contrived, denial of emotions stemming from something likely traumatic or series of unsuccessful events. Or as worse, behavior that is antisocial and selfish. I don't believe I'm wrong here.... I'm not saying it's not emotional, I'm saying if you go out, have sex but don't attach too many expectations to it because of it. Say your past experiences brought you there, sure...but to immediately become clingy and act like a girlfriend because of it is not right, right?
Fondue Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I see this as a serious double standard on the mans part. They can do it and women remain interested but women do it and lose respect? Doesn't make sense. Many woman lose respect for a man who has sex early on. I don't see it as a double standard.
Author superb Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Many woman lose respect for a man who has sex early on. I don't see it as a double standard. Many women want to see the man again....from what I understand...because things went there...if he doesn't because of that it's unfair thinking on his part because he was there participating in the sex too! 1
Divasu Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) Where did the men disappear to? Haha, good question! The first, not sure. What we do know (now) is that he had just gotten out of a very serious relationship, so, I guess my family member was a rebound at the time. Whatever the case may be, it worked out for both of them, and he is great husband, father and provider. The second one, we laugh at now when it's brought up. They spoke briefly after their first night 'tryst', and they were talking on the phone one night, he said he was 'going to take a shower and would call her back', and he never did. She flipped out on him, dumped a bunch of his things on his porch in garbage bags (they were friends for a few months prior, I guess he left clothes and crap at her house). They ran into each other several months later, and, after a few months were together ever since. He's a great boyfriend to her, what's funny is they have been engaged for several years, but SHE prefers not to be married and has postponed it for years. They own a house together/live together, I can't see them being with anyone else. Edited January 27, 2013 by Divasu 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Clearly it can work out - but I think it's usually best to get to know the person a little first. 2
soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Clearly it can work out - but I think it's usually best to get to know the person a little first. Best...yes.
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