ricecat7 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. I love him so much, and we care about each other more than anything. I have never been in a relationship longer than 6 months before him, and I am just learning that these things are difficult! I was diagnosed with seasonal depression in December, that was really hard on our relationship because he blamed himself for it. But I'm over it now and back to normal. He's been stressed out with a new job, he got the interview now he is waiting on the call to say he's in. And lately we've been catching each other in lies, but lies we told at the beginning of the relationship. I told him I didn't have unprotected sex with anyone, and he said he didnt either. Which we both did, and we both came clean about a week ago. Then he told me he threw everything away from his exgirlfriend but I found love notes this month in his room. He said he didn't look thru everything And was truly sorry. There are a couple more little lies from both of us, but we always seem to forgive and forget. Any advice? By the way I am 17 and he is 19.
TaraMaiden Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hi, ricecat7, and welcome to the forum. You may not really want to hear this, but it's not wise to take yourselves too seriously. I'm sure you have very deep feelings for one another, but (I know, I sound like a Grandma!) you're both very young, and you both have a lot of blossoming to do, and investigation and exploring of Life to carry out. I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but this Love you have, is not statistically likely to be the end of your search for your 'soul-mate'. In fact, you go on to say that this relationship has lasted longer than others - but they cannot have been too serious or intense - you're a young lady of 17, for goodness' sake! Jusat don't put too much pressure on one another, and do not expect him to make you happy. Just as he should not expect you to do, for him. You have to (I sound like Oprah/Dr Phil!) 'find yourself' first, and establish the kind of personality you have, and what you want out of life to fulfil you. But you have not yet done with education, and sure as I'm sitting here, you're not done 'growing up'. Relax. don't be too intense. This will one day finish, and you need to just enjoy your youth and have fun a little. Let your hair down, don't bind one another up too tightly. Oh - and the reason I sound like a Grandma? That's because I am one. I - and many others here - have had the great benefit of being where you are now, and of going through precisely what you're going through. So you may not listen.... That's ok. I guess, at times, neither did we. But we have the benefit of hindsight, so even if you're disinclined to follow advice, at least listen: Be honest, be trustworthy, and be respectful. Communicate with one another, and if ever you get to the stage where you feel 'it's not working', have the decency to let him know, and be kind about it. If you find yourself being attracted to other guys, and you become confused about your feelings for him, then break up. It's a sign that your tastes are evolving, you are growing, and you have an interest and curiosity about other people. But don't be tempted to start up with another guy, until you break up with this one. And if you DO meet someone else, and find them an irresistible pull, be brave enough to admit that as the reason for your break up. Two final things: One: The above applies in reverse too; he should have the same attitude and behaviour towards you. Two: Don't let what I have said, frighten you. Life is after all, something to be enjoyed and lived in a state of contentment. it's not a trial, ordeal or sentence. As the song goes, "Be young, be foolish, but be happy." Be happy.
LFH Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Why are relationships so hard? Because they involve people, and people are inherently flawed and never respond like they do in your head when you think of how you expect them to. People have their own thoughts, feelilngs and agendas. Maybe it's time for a "hard talk" with him. Admit that there were things that you maybe fudged the details on or even lied about, tell him that you realize he did the same but that you are looking to move forward and that you have no intention of continuing lying and that you won't hold anything that he previously has miscommunicated against him, provide you are starting with a clean slate. Tara had a good point, you're young.. and it might not work out.. it might, but it might not. I think it's important that you don't overthink everything but also that the two of you commit to being honest with one another from here on out. That'll help.
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