pixie2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Well, I've done something terrible. Let me first start explaining. Me and my boyfriend for the past five years live in UK at the moment. We work in London and intend to going back to our country 2005. We only went back to our country this year for a month holiday to buy a house. Now his sister came to UK as well and was living in our rented property with us. I don't have a problem with his family at all and I never thaught that they've got a problem with me.... Seeing that I only see them once a year. But then I became suspicious. I helped his sister open an email account and obviously knows the password. So since last week I started reading the emails the two sisters write to each other. All the emails are about them discussing me. The two sisters and their mother were discussing me. They were saying that we are not happy (me and my boyfriend) and they wish that he would have the courage to leave me. They said that we are in an unhappy relationship and that's the reason we don't do clubbing. They were discussing when I am going home (I did not even decide that myself!) They were discussing that the mother said that I am as fat as a pig, the time I wake up in the morning, and that they never saw someone gossip like me. I don't even speak to them! They also discussed the fact that (they way I can understand) they send my boyfriend a text message requesting him to leave me. That was terrible reading that and then going home after work (while she was still living there) and act as if nothing happened. I did not wanted to know anymore, so last night I gave her a tip and she clicked that I read all the emails. Now she changed her password... which is good, cause I don't want to know anymore. She was living in my house while she discussed me. I borrowed her alot of money, cause she is not working at the moment and my bf (her brother) is paying the mortgage for our birth country house. I made food for her every night, I borrowed her everything she needed and she back stabbed me. My problem is - should I tell my boyfriend? I've kept copies of all the emails. Should I give it to him or not? I know that this is going to be the end of us. He would take their side and tell me I was not supposed to read their private property. Do you think I could get into legal problems for reading the emails? Accessing her H*tmail account? The other thing is my boyfriend loves me very much, he is very kind and I hope for us to be together for ever... but do I really need this sh*t in my life. Someone that keeps intervering in my life? Should I just walk away from this relationship? Please help me!!! What should I do?
KaiaMahina Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Here's my take, girlfriend. You have two major problems: his mother and sisters don't like you AND you know he'll take their side against you. This is a situation you can't win no matter what you do. I would leave, but not before giving him the incriminating e-mails as your reason for leaving the relationship. How you got them doesn't matter. It was fate giving you an opening to find out all this before it was TOO LATE. Legally, since you opened the account, I don't think there's anything they can hit you with. Yeah, they'll call you a snoop, etc., but who cares? You know you're in an ugly mess BEFORE you marry this man or get in too deeply financially to get out. Thank your lucky stars that you didn't "mind your own business" where their emails were concerned. Something or someone is looking out for you, so take the hint. I was dropped by my fiance more than 2 months ago because I made it clear I was never going to be "best friends" with his mother and sisters, and they weren't nearly as horrible as your would-be inlaws. Beware that sometimes a man's loyalty lies with his family instead of you, no matter what they do. And no matter that you haven't done anything wrong. You must have had some reason to even start reading their emails...were you getting "vibes" early on that there was something hostile about these women? You don't need a lifetime of this insulting behavior. That they don't even respect you enough to say any of this to your face also means they're sneaky and subversive. Pack your bags, take your money and RUN. Let the chips fall where they may.
loveregardless Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 why are you so sure that he would take his mother and sisters side. if he is very caring and loving and you both want to be together forever, then he should be just as offended as you by the emails. he may be aggravated that you were snooping, and it would definetely put him into an uncomfortable position, but at the same time, such a caring person wouldn't agree with actions such as those of his sister and mother. If you really love this man and want to be with forever then don't leave him or give up just because his family is crappy. my boyfreinds family is like the antichrist of familes, and i live in their home!! His parents blame me for everything anf think that we're unhappy and I control him. Some people are just crazy. that doesn't mean your boyfreind is crazy too. just be nice about it. he didn't do anything wrong and i think he would understand you pov. i just don't understand why you have so little faith in each other and your relationship. if thats all its gonna take to end you guys then he must not be that important to you. besides, why does it matter what those women think? mean people do not matter, and the words of mean people do not matter. you shouldn't even let it eat at you like that. and how insane is it that they think that because you don't go clubbing that means that you are unhappy?! Clubbing is not a very couples oriented activity in the first place! the bottom line is you've been with this man for 5 years!! thats a really long time girl!! you love him!! so stand up for yourself and fight for him!! but don't forget that you have to be sensitive about the situation, it is his mommy and sister, so don't call them names or tell him that you hate them or anything. just tell him that you think they have a very negative additude towards the relationship and yourself and that it concerns you for the sake of the relationship. tell him that you love him very much and it would break your heart to think that his mother and sisters misunderstanding of whats going on could cause any problems in the future. Don't point fingers and blame, don't give him a reason to be defensive. just be honest. if after all that he tells you that its all your fault for snooping and that they're right and he decides to take their side (based on your calm, non emotional telling of the facts of course) then you can pack up your things and move on. but don't start packing yet for goodness sake. besides, do you really think that he is just going to let you leave. let you walk out on a 5 year relationship because of a problem that you and his family have. you guys don't even have a problem right? so why wouldn't he still want to be with you?!
Author pixie2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Author Posted August 31, 2004 Sorry it took me so long to reply! Many thanks for your posts! You both really helped me. I don't have much to say, yet, i've not yet told my boyfriend about the emails but I did invite the sister for dinner and made it clear that I know what she's been up to. She never came to visit again - it's been over a week now and I just love the privacy at home. Nobody to look over my shoulder what I do... Thanks again for the help - much appreciated!
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