All my friends are in relationships and posting about their love on Facebook

[pbjbear]

I think you've described at least half of existing relationships.

 

Absolutely. Most men in relationships actually want to be single but like the comfort of a relationship. This is why I think the vast majority of romantic relationships are a joke. I get my social/emotional fulfillment from my wide social circle and close family members. Im happier than most of my female friends who are in relationships. Most of my married female friends tell me to never get married. One of them is a social worker at a nursing home and she says shed be rich if she got a nickel everytime a woman told her to wait til shes old to get married. She rarely heard that from men (except for ones that got screwed over by a divorce) Men usually get the benefits from a relationship and especially marriage. Thats why social scientific studies have shown married men tend to be more happy than single men and married women tend to be more unhappy than single women.

[Lonely Ronin]

Absolutely. Most men in relationships actually want to be single but like the comfort of a relationship. This is why I think the vast majority of romantic relationships are a joke. I get my social/emotional fulfillment from my wide social circle and close family members. Im happier than most of my female friends who are in relationships. Most of my married female friends tell me to never get married. One of them is a social worker at a nursing home and she says shed be rich if she got a nickel everytime a woman told her to wait til shes old to get married. She rarely heard that from men (except for ones that got screwed over by a divorce) Men usually get the benefits from a relationship and especially marriage. Thats why social scientific studies have shown married men tend to be more happy than single men and married women tend to be more unhappy than single women.

 

Says the woman who has some severe issues with men!

[pbjbear]

Says the woman who has some severe issues with men!

 

I dont have severe issues with men. Most of the men I know arent really in relationships because they deeply love the other person. I said in another post, I am a product of my environment. Put me in a place where what I said doesnt hold true in the majority of relationships observed, I will gladly change my mind.

 

However, I live in NYC...I am coming to find the culture here dating wise is very different than other places. It is very casual, meaningless and shallow... and men are overly obsessed with sex. Look at Mr. Castle's constant posts about demanding sex early on from women or else theyre nexted and not worth his time...that pretty much sums up most of NYC men. Theres a surplus of women here

[Lonely Ronin]

I dont have severe issues with men. Most of the men I know arent really in relationships because they deeply love the other person. I said in another post, I am a product of my environment. Put me in a place where what I said doesnt hold true in the majority of relationships observed, I will gladly change my mind.

 

Using your location is take the easy way out. You are supposed to rise above your environment, not sink to it's level.

 

 

 

However, I live in NYC...I am coming to find the culture here dating wise is very different than other places. It is very casual, meaningless and shallow... and men are overly obsessed with sex. Look at Mr. Castle's constant posts about demanding sex early on from women or else theyre nexted and not worth his time...that pretty much sums up most of NYC men. Theres a surplus of women here

 

if you don't like NY, then you should move some place else. Also to be fair i think most big cities are that way.

 

I don't agree with Castle on much, but form what i can remember of his postings, he is pretty up front that he isn't looking for anything serious.

[Jane2011]

About the whole "relationships are overrated" thing: they're really not. Not if if you're in a halfway decent one.

 

It's true relationships aren't perfect, but they are generally speaking (if you're in a good to great one) better than being single.

 

To put it in perspective, when I was single (even though there are some good things about being single, such as being more in touch with platonic friends), I was sad and frustrated. I didn't let it dominate my existence, of course, and I tried to keep a generally positive demeanor and outlook, but in general...sad and unrequited was how I felt, like...life f*cking sucks. In a relationship, I'm just content and happy.

 

I'm with a guy now who has two or three mannerisms that sort of bug / annoy me. In other words, my attraction to him isn't perfect. (Fortunately, I like 90% of him, 10% I would alter a little if I could but I don't try to because it's not that big a deal).

 

But the relationship itself, so far, is pretty darn awesome. He knows how to give and so do I. He knows how to communicate and so do I. We like doing the same things for the most part, so there's no "I have to do things he wants to do even though I hate it." The "compromise" that takes place in the relationship (and in most relationships) doesn't typically feel like a huge sacrifice given that even when two people have different tastes, there's always a big area of overlap too (when it comes to restaurants, music, where to take a road trip, etc.)

 

The one thing I would say being single has over being in a relationship is loss of pure "me time." Like, I don't get to just bop around town or do things by myself (or be really productive with sort of solitary things, like writing, or getting work done) because I'm with him.

 

I think there are some practical benefits to being single, like I said, like being more productive with work, having more time for friends, etc. But emotionally (and the bottom line for most of us is that emotionally is where happiness happens), being in a relationship is more fulfilling.

 

This isn't something I say just when I'm in a relationship. At times when I have been single, I've said there are definite pluses to being single, but I'd be more emotionally happy in a relationship.

[pbjbear]

About the whole "relationships are overrated" thing: they're really not. Not if if you're in a halfway decent one.

 

It's true relationships aren't perfect, but they are generally speaking (if you're in a good to great one) better than being single.

 

To put it in perspective, when I was single (even though there are some good things about being single, such as being more in touch with platonic friends), I was sad and frustrated. I didn't let it dominate my existence, of course, and I tried to keep a generally positive demeanor and outlook, but in general...sad and unrequited was how I felt, like...life f*cking sucks. In a relationship, I'm just content and happy.

 

I'm with a guy now who has two or three mannerisms that sort of bug / annoy me. In other words, my attraction to him isn't perfect. (Fortunately, I like 90% of him, 10% I would alter a little if I could but I don't try to because it's not that big a deal).

 

But the relationship itself, so far, is pretty darn awesome. He knows how to give and so do I. He knows how to communicate and so do I. We like doing the same things for the most part, so there's no "I have to do things he wants to do even though I hate it." The "compromise" that takes place in the relationship (and in most relationships) doesn't typically feel like a huge sacrifice given that even when two people have different tastes, there's always a big area of overlap too (when it comes to restaurants, music, where to take a road trip, etc.)

 

The one thing I would say being single has over being in a relationship is loss of pure "me time." Like, I don't get to just bop around town or do things by myself (or be really productive with sort of solitary things, like writing, or getting work done) because I'm with him.

 

I think there are some practical benefits to being single, like I said, like being more productive with work, having more time for friends, etc. But emotionally (and the bottom line for most of us is that emotionally is where happiness happens), being in a relationship is more fulfilling.

 

This isn't something I say just when I'm in a relationship. At times when I have been single, I've said there are definite pluses to being single, but I'd be more emotionally happy in a relationship.

 

I have yet to find a guy who can give me an emotionally fulfilling relationship so I am most def. happier single. I have noticed an increase in positive moods since I stopped dating around 5 months ago. I have alot of hobbies and friends who are good to me and I spent more time doing that. My roommate who I havent known for very long commented so I dont think its me exagerrating

 

 

I will take being single any day

[KungFuJoe]

I have yet to find a guy who can give me an emotionally fulfilling relationship so I am most def. happier single. I have noticed an increase in positive moods since I stopped dating around 5 months ago. I have alot of hobbies and friends who are good to me and I spent more time doing that. My roommate who I havent known for very long commented so I dont think its me exagerrating

 

 

I will take being single any day

 

And I'll take being in a happy relationship.

[Jane2011]

I have yet to find a guy who can give me an emotionally fulfilling relationship so I am most def. happier single. I have noticed an increase in positive moods since I stopped dating around 5 months ago. I have alot of hobbies and friends who are good to me and I spent more time doing that. My roommate who I havent known for very long commented so I dont think its me exagerrating

 

 

I will take being single any day

 

Glad to hear you are happy. I don't think it's unheard of to be happy single. I don't think I've ever been "really happy" single, but there were times when I was distinctly not unhappy single. So...I definitely think people can be happy single, or at least not unhappy single.

 

I guess it all depends on circumstances. In my situation, I've actually been able to develop hobbies (pre-existing ones that just got further developed) since getting together with the guy I'm with. I'm actually more active -- interests/involvement/hobbies-wise -- in the relationship than I was single. I also have more friends. But that's all a case by case thing, I'm sure. I think I have special circumstances because of something I got involved in at the same time as getting together with the guy.

[sillyanswer]

Anyone else in this situations? All your friends are happy and involved while you are single?

 

 

BTW: Remind me not to go on Facebook on Valentine' Day

 

There must be an anti-valentines meet-up group you could join.

[PhillyDude]

There must be an anti-valentines meet-up group you could join.

 

 

I will be somewhere naked on Valentine's Day with a female friend who will help me release a NUT

[sillyanswer]

I will be somewhere naked on Valentine's Day with a female friend who will help me release a NUT

 

Sounds like a plan!

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

And I'll take being in a happy relationship.

 

It's so annoying when people in relationships are all like "oh look I'm in a relationship.." "oh I'm better than all the single people" like.. cool ok. Just because you're (general) in a relationship doesn't make you (general) better than team single.

[Pyro]

It's so annoying when people in relationships are all like "oh look I'm in a relationship.." "oh I'm better than all the single people" like.. cool ok. Just because you're (general) in a relationship doesn't make you (general) better than team single.

 

He didn't say anything about being better than anyone else.

 

One person said that they prefer to be single and then he stated his preference.

 

Are you envious of KungFuJoe?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

He didn't say anything about being better than anyone else.

 

One person said that they prefer to be single and then he stated his preference.

 

Are you envious of KungFuJoe?

 

No, I only get jealous of girls no offense.

I was just saying, it just comes off really rude and like "Oh I'm cool because I have a relationship"

[Pyro]

No, I only get jealous of girls no offense.

I was just saying, it just comes off really rude and like "Oh I'm cool because I have a relationship"

 

Not really

 

First person: I prefer to be single

 

Second person: I prefer to be in a happy relationship.

 

Where is the rudeness?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Not really

 

First person: I prefer to be single

 

Second person: I prefer to be in a happy relationship.

 

Where is the rudeness?

 

It just seemed rude to me. Like downplaying her liking singleness. Like trying to 1 up.. I can't explain

[mesmerized]

It just seemed rude to me. Like downplaying her liking singleness. Like trying to 1 up.. I can't explain

 

I don't think it was rude...It was just whatever dude, we know you're happy, no need to rub it in.

[KungFuJoe]

You guys got me all wrong.

 

I wasn't trying to throw my wonderfully happy 10 year marriage to the woman of my dreams in which we still have incredible sex on a daily basis in anyone's faces.

 

I was just making a general statement.

 

That's all...I swear.

[KungFuJoe]

Only your narcissism lead you to believe anyone would wish to hear the details.

 

Narcissist? That's new...never been called that before.

 

I'll speak to my therapist about that one. She might have to drop down the dosage on those magic confidence pills she's got me on...looks like they're working a little TOO well.

[Lonely Ronin]

Yeah he was throwing his relationship in another's face. I don't take people like that or the relationship they are in seriously. Feeling a need to brag is childish and children can't be romantic, but getting on a high horse about being single is similarly inane.

 

If you're that sensitive, you got some real problems.

[MuscleCarFan]

I just say go out and do activities with other people and you just may find that one lady you've been looking for...

[Lonely Ronin]

Realizing what obvious games people play isn't a product of sensitivity but average observational skills.

 

O yea, I'm sure that's what it is.....

[Emilia]

Yeah he was throwing his relationship in another's face. I don't take people like that or the relationship they are in seriously. Feeling a need to brag is childish and children can't be romantic, but getting on a high horse about being single is similarly inane.

 

Sooooo nobody can win with you then unless they are miserable. Way to go

[PhillyDude]

Staying up to 4 am is not the way to resolve this problem. My suggestion is to get yourself exposed more in friends' parties, ceremonies, meetings, etc. The right one will come very soon.

 

 

Staying up until 4am with a glass of juice and a notepad was productive

 

Feb should be a good month