fabi20 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 guys, i really need some encouraging words. it seems as though i'm faking my way to feeling better. i keep trying to find things that were wrong with my ex but i know i'm only fooling myself, i feel like it was all my wrong doing . he broke up with me almost three months ago after two yrs , i just came back from the movies and all i could think about was him watching a movie with his new gf. i honestly feel like we were perfect for each other, if only i had showed him more affection and not had a wall up with him due to my lack of trust...we've know each other since junior high (that's 15 yrs now almost) i feel so down at myself like i messed things up royally with him and pushed him into the arms of someone new do you guys think he had this new girl in mind when we were still together? i didn't hear from him personally that he had a new gf, but a mutual friend told me, but i'm not "supposed to know" he told me he will still be there for me but things were just not flowing and too much arguing and he wasn't in love with me anymore...he was at least decent the first three weeks of our break up as he replied to my texts..but since december he practically ignored me...since i found out he has a gf i haven't contacted him since (it's only been two weeks since i found out) i'm so hurt, i feel like i always want to talk, laugh, hug him, kiss him, just be with him and it kills me that i won't ever be able to again... i feel like i cheated myself by not treating him better and now this new person will get all the credit bc compared to me she will be fabolous in his eyes what i wouldn't do for another chance, or at least to see him again
destroyed4sho Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Yes im living in the same part of hell as you and for about the same amount of time. I dont know what to say. I wish there was a concoction i can take that will erase all the memories good and bad that I had with this person. The only thing I can say is don't blame yourself. He played his part in this too and he is responsible for the relationship meeting its end just as much as you are. The dumpee always thinks that they did something wrong bc if they had been perfect then they wouldnt of gotten dumped. I think sometimes it doesnt have to do with anything you did and the reason is not logical. Just dont blame yourself. My ex blamed me for everythig and i almost bought into it until i made a list of all the horrible things they did, said and falsly accused me of and then the things i did and said. I must say that the things they did way outnumbered mine. But its not a numbers game....just know that they are responsible as well in driving the relationship to the ground. It takes two to tango. About the new gf...u dont know if it will work out with them...chances are it wont.
hinatticus Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Sometimes a break up is more one person's fault. In my case I was definitely to blame.
Author fabi20 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 thanks for your response. i'm sorry you're feeling hurt also...it's true what you say it takes two, and it really does...but maybe i won't realize it for a while...i can't help it right now, especially because he was such an amazing guy to me in every way (or so i think now) the only thing that makes me feel better is reading on emotionally manipulative men and how they make you feel they are so great but manipulate you in subtle ways in the relationship..it's the only thing i can come up with as to why we just couldn't get along...i know i did MANY MANY things wrong..but if he did anything wrong i wouldn't have noticed them..that and, if he really loved me and planned to marry me, how could he fall for someone else? regardless of our problems...to me, if you love someone, it's hard to stop loving them, even after so many things i just hope i feel better about myself soon, maybe i;m not trying hard enough to let go and holding on to hope isn't good.
Author fabi20 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 yes, and i will always come back to that...i definitely think it was my fault in the end, regardless of his own issues...i have come up with at least 20 things i did to make him feel like crap
Panda87 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hi Fabi, i am almost in the same situation as urs. I keep blaming myself for the break up. Trust me you have to stop doing it, because blaming yourself didnt do any good for you and him. He is happy out there with someone else, as much as it hurt thats the truth. You deserve to be happy too. What you can do now, take the positive from it. Learn to be better person, improve yourself and love yourself. I know its easier to said than do, but the i only thing you can do is to move on. If he is really for you, no matter what happen in your life and his. Both of u will have a chance to start new relationship later in life. But dont hope on that, hope that you can move on and be better dont regret it, this things supposed to happen anyway. There is a good reason behind it as much as it hurts you. In time you will understand it, not now. Just believe you will be happy again! Stay strong!
hinatticus Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 The thing is.... YOU gotta own up to your part and forget about his part. Work on yourself and own it. I've been in counseling for anger for the past 10 months and read countless books on relationships and self help. I've definitely changed. Not many people stop and look at themselves. Take this time to really look at yourself, be honest. Obviously don't beat yourself up, but rather take that energy into improving yourself. It's hard, but you can do it. I don't know you or your situation, but if all you did was forget his Bday or something trivial, obviously it's not your fault. Good luck.
denxnis Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 He is a selfish person who has no regards for the person he loved and spent 2 years with. It's time to heal and accept that he was not the one. It's not you're fault, people are selfish by nature. He got bored and now is trying new things for his own benefit. It's our jobs to learn from our mistakes, you may seem like the loser now but in the long run I can almost guarantee you will be the winner provided that you don't rebound and take this time to work on yourself. I'm a guy and even I liked this song, hoping you do too. 1
Panda87 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Nobody is perfect, same as him. You think he is now, but in time you will understand why it supposed to end. Just take this pain as a gift from God for you to learn something from it. Not to stress yourself, you cant undo the past. You cant change his mind, you can only change YOU. Now its time to focus on YOU. Its hard, i never say its easy. Because its hard you can learn more from it. Until now i still love my ex girlfriend, she is with someone else now. Move on and happy. I know you feel incomplete without him, you feel so lost. Its bec your life used to have him around, what you need is time. But dont just sit around, think and wait for him to come back. Go talk to your family, pray to God, make you feel good about yourself. Occupied your mind with something else, just let him go and have his own life. God have better plan for you, soon you will have peace in mind. You will think about him from time to time but you wont feel the pain as much as before. It gets lesser and lesser, you will soon come back to your normal life. Be wiser and strong hope this helps
Author fabi20 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 thank you for that song, thank you i know in my mind what everyone is saying is true..it takes time, he's not the one, this is meant to happen, you learn from the mistakes if i didn't do some of the things i did i would be ok and say "well his loss" but i always wanted to be him, and i did so much to hinder our relationship. the good thing is that i learned things i needed to...maybe a lot of us here think that just bc someone says i love you, or you're in LTR that person is somehow tied to us and we think it's somehow for life...even in marriage, nothing is certain when it comes to peoples feelings...that's what i needed to learn, but the things i did, like i wasn't affectionate enough, i was lazy, selfish, started so many toxic fights, i didn't do so many things right..and it just feels like a huge mistake on my part....the thing that plays back in my head is the last time i saw him, i never knew would be the last, and our last kiss, i never knew it would be a final good bye... another pink song i really identify with right now is "who knew"
denxnis Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 thank you for that song, thank you i know in my mind what everyone is saying is true..it takes time, he's not the one, this is meant to happen, you learn from the mistakes if i didn't do some of the things i did i would be ok and say "well his loss" but i always wanted to be him, and i did so much to hinder our relationship. the good thing is that i learned things i needed to...maybe a lot of us here think that just bc someone says i love you, or you're in LTR that person is somehow tied to us and we think it's somehow for life...even in marriage, nothing is certain when it comes to peoples feelings...that's what i needed to learn, but the things i did, like i wasn't affectionate enough, i was lazy, selfish, started so many toxic fights, i didn't do so many things right..and it just feels like a huge mistake on my part....the thing that plays back in my head is the last time i saw him, i never knew would be the last, and our last kiss, i never knew it would be a final good bye... another pink song i really identify with right now is "who knew" It sucks, I know. I am 3 months post break-up from a 6 year relationship. I have money, I am graduating this semester, and I have a great job waiting for me once I graduate. Even with all that the thought of suicide has crossed my mind many times. The past few months have definitely been the most difficult in my life - instead of doing something stupid I decided to make myself a better person from the break-up. I'm more friendly/nice to strangers.I'm willing to help out a stranger be it with money or if I see someone on the side of the road. I'm not sure if you are religious but I kept telling myself God would not allow this to happen if it was meant to be. If you aren't religious just consider yourself lucky you weren't married with children, perhaps this experience will teach you a lot and save you from a divorce someday..? Focus on helping other people and just in general making the world a better place, even if it's one person at a time. If you do that happiness will find you, I promise. 1
Panda87 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hi fabi, also him ignoring you i think its much better than him staying friends with you esp he is with someone else now. Trust me, he did the right thing to ignore you, you will thank him later. Letting go is much better than Holding on something that was not there anymore. No matter what you did in the past, its past. As long as you know and admit it, you are 1 step forward. Just dont dwell into your past too long, i guess you been too long in the relationship. So its hard for now to stand by your own, listen to andy grammer - keep your head up! You will be fine
FailedFirstLove Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 It is difficult as time goes by the bad things don't seem to exist anymore. only good memories are left. If there wasnt a new girl in the picture you would have a chance to ask for a second chance. I think keep distance first Incase he misses you. I don't even know what I'm doing with mine he told me that if things didnt happen he wouldn't have left. But he told me that there still a chance but he has to decide at that time. weigh our negatives and positives I guess.
cavalier99 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 He is a selfish person who has no regards for the person he loved and spent 2 years with. It's time to heal and accept that he was not the one. It's not you're fault, people are selfish by nature. He got bored and now is trying new things for his own benefit. It's our jobs to learn from our mistakes, you may seem like the loser now but in the long run I can almost guarantee you will be the winner provided that you don't rebound and take this time to work on yourself. I'm a guy and even I liked this song, hoping you do too. Ha weird. I listen to that song daily in my car. Cav 1
LostOne1 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Some things I will add to a few people's questions. A breakup is RARELY ever 1 person's fault. It mostly and usually is a fault with BOTH people. As for living in hell. Look at it from a different point of view. Sometimes we NEED to live in hell only to get stronger and come out better. I say if you can go to HELL and survive and make it back out to the surface. Then you truly are a STRONG person in my eyes. And, it just makes you a better and stronger person too. And you will notice and feel it within you too. The changes that are better about you. I felt like I went through hell.. burned, cut, hurt. BUT< i finally got back to the surface and I had survived hell. NOW I feel stronger and better. I feel like if I can spend all that time in hell and suffer and make it back out to the real world. Well then I am stronger now and it's made me a better person. I guess the main overall point is that sometimes we have to fall HARD to see things from a new way. And then we slowly work our way up to stand up. Except now when we stand up, we are stronger and have a new sense of how we see things. So FALL and go through the whole process. But FIGHT too so you can stand back up and some point and realize how strong and great you have become through the experience. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 This is great news about the GF! Now you'll stay 100 percent NC. Dont worry after the HELL stage you transition to purgatory and then they start letting you back up again for brief stints on the earth. Lol. All of this is possible with pure NC! Lol hang strong! Cav 1
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