Author HurtingHeart1 Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Right now, just file for divorce. If the house is in joint names, can you find a way of buying her out? or else, you WILL have to sell, and divide by 2..... Adultery is a culpable action, and damages the heart and emotions - but in divorce, it's just a cause. If you can, hire a PI. All you need is proof she's going elsewhere, just once...... The house is in my name, and was built on my land before we were married, the mortgage is in my name only, but will probably still have to but her out. My lawyer is booked for two weeks, so I setup a meeting for then. It would be good if I could get her to move out.
TaraMaiden Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The fact that the house is just in your name, is in your favour, however. But yeah - consult your lawyer, and find the absolute minimum she might be entitled to...
Author HurtingHeart1 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) ............. Edited February 2, 2013 by HurtingHeart1
Lylynn Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I just wanted you to know, that I hear the 'it's killing you' sentiment - I know your pain because I'm feeling it too right now, just for different reasons. I just felt so incredibly alone in the pain and what it was doing to me, and it helps me to know that I'm not alone - not that I'd ever wish it on anyone, but just that you're not a freak, you're not 'dealing with it badly'... I think it just hurts that much, and I'm going through it too. It's a human condition sometimes, and it's incredibly sad. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds devastating.
Droplet Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Wife says she is sorry, and wants to go to therapy to find out why she is doing these things, but I do not know. "sex life still horrible" That is why. If you want love and attraction in general to last, then the courtship never ends. It sure is a lot of work, but you can't get "comfortable" and tell yourself that "meh, she loves me as I am". Sorry but when you two guys met, you met your best selves, you weren't spending weekends in front of the TV instead of going out to a restaurant etc... Please do not take it the wrong way, I'm not trying to put the blame on you and your wife is probably just as responsible as you are but even though there are probably tons of deeper reasons, the main one is that at some point, you took each other for granted and stopped being your best and it ruined attraction, hence why the sex life is horrible. Regarding the cheating problem : she did it once and got away with it. The reasons why she cheated was still there so since there were no consequences the first time, she did it again. I'm afraid that there is no way for her to respect you again if she doesn't feel the full consequences of her actions this time, and if she doesn't respect you, there is no way she is going to love you. I'm really sorry but I think that telling her that you realize you took her for granted and that's why your relationship went south but that cheating is unacceptable and that it's now over ( and mean it ) is your best shot at regaining her respect and preserving your own self-respect. Taking her back now would be the weakest decision you could make in my opinion. She will see you as someone who has absolutely no boundaries and she will disrespect you even more than she already did ( if you can even picture that ). Take care and be strong. 2
ver13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't see what you expect anyone here to tell you about your relationship that you don't already know. She doesn't respect you what so ever and she has zero boundaries when it comes to your M. Now what are you going to do hold her hand while she seeks IC for her behavior? Let her live with you while she finds herself? Or jump through flaming hoops to change some part of yourself that she feels needs to be addressed. Look if she has had two lovers that you know about and you still want to pander to her whims then continue on as you are. But in the end all you will get out of it is low self esteem, now is the time to turn your life around. Let her go and do her thing with whom every she likes and figure out who and or what she is and you do the same. If this M has any chance to reconcile she truly has to have a life altering experience. 2
GuyInLimbo Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 According to her, I have done nothing wrong this time, and I have changed the way she wanted. But I guess that is not enough. Sex life- once a week, maybe, she puts no effort at all, no intimacy, she tells me to hurry, and not touch her, just get it over with. It is so boring, sometimes I fake finishing just so I can stop. She could be asleep and it might be more fun. Been like this for over a year, maybe more. Before the first time, maybe sex once every 2-3 months. It picked up after she stopped the first affair, but soon went right back to her old habits. Says she is tired every night, but has enough energy to go run 10 miles 3-4 times a week, but not any for me. She was too tired to talk last night, so I told her to have her plan ready tonight, we will see how much thought she puts into it, if I know her, it will not be much. But whatever it is, I am going to say it is good, and this week, I am going to see a lawyer and start getting me things ready, without her knowing. I am done, but she does not know that. Maybe it will give me a bit of an advantage in the situation. As bad as things are in my marriage, if my wife EVER told me to "hurry" that would be the end right then and there. (That said, our sex life has been dull and mostly unfulfilling since day one. But this is your thread.) This woman has completely emasculated you. And, yes, if she has the energy to run that much, she has plenty of energy to bang you. All the signs were there she was done with you and (probably) having a long-term affair. Get rid of her. She's proven TWICE she's a liar and a cheat. And she showed you a very long time ago she's not attracted to you any more. How you go back to trusting anyone who's done this twice.... I don't know. 1
Zetarry Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 (edited) Dear HurtingHeart, I am sorry you are hurting. You can tell you are a good person by thinking about your children and your mother, but you also need to think about yourself on the long term. This comes from a person who values marriage as the most sacred bond between two loving people that is worth every effort to save it: leave her sorry a$$!! You know she stepped on your marriage and pride when she cheated twice. She wants her life to be the same as before you had children, what a selfish person!! Couples who love each other can still find moments to be intimate and happy even when you have kids, that is just an excuse. My bf, now fiance who I have a baby with, would come home late from work, cook and wake me up at 2am bcz he promised we would do something the day before. Your kids will only be happy if u are happy and if ur with her, it won't happen. U deserve better than this and, while the road to recovery is long, you will realise it was the best thing for you to do. She is not even fighting for your marriage and that should be a deal breaker then and there. Good luck. Edited February 7, 2013 by Zetarry
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