Jefezen Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Most of us do it some time or another. I'm guilty of it myself. We really want to call or text someone and prevent ourselves from doing it because of some hard fast rule about waiting X amount of time after a date, or Y amount of time after a previous conversation. Maybe we want to test the other person to see how much he or she cares by waiting to see how many hours, how many days, how many weeks until the object of our affection initiates contact. Perhaps we're worried about our image, afraid of what texting too frequently might convey about our level of interest and lack of a life outside of the other person. We solicit advice from friends and relatives, most of whom tell us to wait things out, or move on if the other person doesn't contact us as often as we'd want. The big problem with this practice is that both sides might be playing the same game. For all you know, the guy and the girl could both be staring longingly at their phones, anxiously waiting for the other to make the next move. They wait, and they wait, and they wait. They lose confidence. They presume the other person just isn't that into them even though the exact opposite could be true. One or both of them gives up entirely. What could have been a wonderful relationship is over before it ever begins. There's a difference between texting someone every 30 minutes, and texting someone once a day, or once every few days (depending on the routine that develops). The former is clingy harassment, the latter might be welcomed, if only given a chance to establish as an accepted pattern of interplay. Once both sides get accustomed to the waiting game, text messages are sent with greater infrequency. The less you hear from someone, the less likely the relationship will flourish. It's better to move in the opposite direction of increasing frequency (within reason and mutual comfort). The only way to get there is to give it a try. If you show you're comfortable sending messages at more frequent intervals, the other person should eventually feel comfortable doing the same. Then you might reach a desired level of balance. Think about the absolutely worst case scenario. You start texting someone so often the other person gets turned off and asks you to stop. Courtship over. But isn't the courtship going to be over anyway if you go weeks between contact? So what do you really have to lose? Either you're going to succeed in establishing closer ties or you're going to fail. But if you never really try at all, or not hard enough, you'll definitely fail and it'll be a more painful, stressful failure because there will be that lingering doubt in the back of your mind that maybe you didn't do everything reasonably possible to give it a fair chance. Do not underestimate the frequency of both guy and girl reluctantly choosing the strategy of "let him/her chase me." I've seen this so many times from both sides that I'm amazed anyone ever gets together. Probably the people who do get together are those who dispense with "dating wisdom" convention. Sometimes in life you just have to go for it.
MrCastle Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Those are valid points and legitimate dangers but I'm willing to take that chance. In my mind, the girl I'm looking for is able to meet me halfway in terms of communication initiation. If she doesn't, it wasn't going to work out with her anyways. I usually give it a week. A week or a little more of me reaching out and texting first. Then I pull back to see if she bites. If she doesn't bite, I take that as disinterest. Piece of mind is more important to me than piece of ass.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I think people are worrying about and doing the wrong things. I'd pretty much always look at a sooner text from a girl as a positive thing. The problem is really in excessive contact.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Not me. For me, I just assume failure and rejection until I make out with her. If I get that, it's a success, and any rejection after that really isn't a rejection anyway. I could at least say she was one of the few women that was ever attracted to me in my life.
candie13 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Not me. For me, I just assume failure and rejection until I make out with her. If I get that, it's a success, and any rejection after that really isn't a rejection anyway. I could at least say she was one of the few women that was ever attracted to me in my life. unless you really liked making out with her I think it's a real pity to have stuff like pride or reservation stand between you and the person you're interested in. I am not shy of showing some interest, so that my partner will continue to pursue me, but that is how I like it - he is the pursuer... if he expects me to chase him, then I go with Mr Castle's rule: piece of mind over a piece of arse. Totally!
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