TheBigQuestion Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Anything and everything about me = the answer to your question, OP.
candie13 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 What makes a great boyfriend: - consistency: when it comes to contact and attention: no hot & cold behavior - reliability: do what you say, say what you do, help if you can or if she asks, show up if you said you would, etc - no lying (or cheating) - attention: get to know her, care about her opinions, her life, her values, her preferences, her as a person - a bit of altruism: in real life and in bed (make sure she gets an orgasm, for crying out loud , sex is not a one man show/pleasure ) - a bit of effort: active efforts to spend time together, to get to know her, to spend a quality time together, to make her feel special / that she matters - lots of love that's about it, I think :) kiddin', if she is interesting and you dig her, most of these things would more or less come naturally, as long as she is worth it and returns these favors! 1
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 If what everyone here is saying is true, why are so many women reluctant to date inexperienced guys, or make comments arguing that more experience (in this case relationship experience) is better than no experience?
somedude81 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 After reading this thread, I'd like to give a shout out to mesmerized, whose quote from the opening point was actually directed to me. You're wrong mes.
KungFuJoe Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 If what everyone here is saying is true, why are so many women reluctant to date inexperienced guys, or make comments arguing that more experience (in this case relationship experience) is better than no experience? Honestly...I've have never heard of a guy have little or no experience as being a negative. I mean...I'm not saying it's true or false...I'm just saying I've never heard it brought up in ANY context outside of this forum.
Mtlgrrl Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Respect & Loyalty. I don't need someone to kiss the path I walk on, in fact that sounds really annoying/absurd.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Consistency, reliability, integrity and compassion. 1
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 After reading this thread, I'd like to give a shout out to mesmerized, whose quote from the opening point was actually directed to me. You're wrong mes. That seems to be the case so far. Which really surprises me...
mesmerized Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 After reading this thread, I'd like to give a shout out to mesmerized, whose quote from the opening point was actually directed to me. You're wrong mes. Sorry but you can't take credit for thawholigan being a smart dude. Relationships pose issues that you wouldn't know about them until you are in one. But yes, the basics our dear wholigan mentioned are definitely more important than experience. Can you claim you are a master of those qualities though?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Sorry but you can't take credit for thawholigan being a smart dude. Relationships pose issues that you wouldn't know about them until you are in one. But yes, the basics our dear wholigan mentioned are definitely more important than experience. Can you claim you are a master of those qualities though? Can anyone? 1
xxoo Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Respect her, treat her right, but don't let her walk over you. This is one of the most important things. But also one of the trickiest to put into practice. Easier said than done! 2
somedude81 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Sorry but you can't take credit for thawholigan being a smart dude. Relationships pose issues that you wouldn't know about them until you are in one. But yes, the basics our dear wholigan mentioned are definitely more important than experience. Can you claim you are a master of those qualities though? Take credit for Wholigan? I'm not sure what you're saying. I have a very clear idea of what the basics are. That's why I said that I know I can be a good boyfriend. OK, I admit I don't know because I've never had the chance to prove myself, but I have a strong feeling that I would be successful given the opportunity. Reading the threads here, I see ways that men are failing with the women they are dating and I just think to myself how foolish they are. It's amazing some of the things that women actually put up with. The most common issues I see are, "my boyfriend doesn't talk to me," and "my boyfriend doesn't like sex." I'd have no issue at all in those areas, and the others that are common grievances. This is one of the most important things. But also one of the trickiest to put into practice. Easier said than done! Like many things in life. Though at least understanding the concept and being aware of it is a good start. BTW I've had some experience with women I wasn't dating trying to use me and take advantage and I've made a few mistakes. I've learned a few things in that area and should do OK when the time comes.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Reading the threads here, I see ways that men are failing with the women they are dating and I just think to myself how foolish they are. It's amazing some of the things that women actually put up with. Yeah. If the guys some of these women are dating are the same guys who "know" how to be a great boyfriend, maybe it's a good thing that I don't know. It is amazing the amount of stuff that women put up with, the bar for acceptability seems to be quite low.
tuxedo cat Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I've noticed that many guys fall into these traps and end up ruining their relationships: -Consistency! This is probably the biggest hurdle for most guys and it kills many relationships. This means... a) Words and actions should be consistent. b) Don't flake on your dates or commitments to her unless you have a good reason. c) Don't blow hot and cold, promising her the moon one day and retracting your promises the next. Choose your words wisely; don't future fake her or make promises you can't keep! d) Even if you're in a bad mood treat her kindly. -Direct communication a) If you are upset or annoyed with her about something be assertive and tell her immediately. Don't be passive aggressive, hold grudges and collect grievances or act out. She will respect you more for this. b) Take responsibility for your actions. If she gets upset with you about something carefully consider her point of view and be willing to compromise and apologize for your behavior if you feel her feelings are justified. Avoid deflecting the blame onto her at all costs as this will erode her trust and set up a caustic environment. -Make her a priority a) Don't overextend yourself trying to please others or yourself at the sake of your SO. You can't make everyone happy. Unless you have children, she should come first in most cases. -Take an interest in her and her life a) Ask her questions about herself and really listen when she talks. -Be physically affectionate in non sexual ways too a) Hold her hand or find ways of affectionately (but discreetly) touching her in public. Surprise her with hugs from behind or little touches on the back when you pass by her. Most women love this. b) If you guys are sitting at a restaurant or cafe take her hand across the table. c) If you are in a crowded room catch her eyes across the room and give her a knowing smile. d) Make her the center of your attention whenever you're out with other people. All of the bad boyfriends I've had failed on most of these counts. The boyfriends I remember with happiness did all of these things. 2
mesmerized Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Consistency, reliability, integrity and compassion. Add oral giving abilities to your list and you're onto something. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Carry over from another thread. What makes a "great boyfriend"? I assume there are probably two ideas on this (perhaps I'm wrong though). One is that all you need to be a great boyfriend is to care about the girl, be a genuinely good guy (not to be confused with "nice guy"), everything else should take care of itself. The other idea is that being a good boyfriend is something you learn over time, through experience and interactions. Part of this is you learn how to interact with someone, you learn about sex and intimacy and how to share your life, etc. Am I missing anything? What do you think makes a "great boyfriend"? Is it something you have to learn or is it something you can be from the get go? Maybe a combination of both? I agree with kung fu joe that it will work itself out if you are a good man, if you are a first time boyfriend or haven't been a boyfriend in while it will take adjusting to having someone in your life,compromise, caring respect, not just having to think about yourself is an adjustment for both sides, joint decisions........instead of making them all on your own, it is an adjustment....i dont think its a ridiculous question at all, what kung fu said about being a good man is so true,,,,if you are good, good will follow naturally, that goes for both sexes......it is a learning experience with any new relationship...you learn as you go ...such is life compassion caring kindness generosity of spirit, curiosity respect passionate loving compromise a good listener openness ability to be eloquent about likes and dislikes ....there are some gorgeous traits in a guy that would help in a committed relationship.and again a woman should also have simlar traits....to be a good woman...good man ..plus..good woman..equals..good relationship....best wishes...take care....deb 1
tuxedo cat Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 If what everyone here is saying is true, why are so many women reluctant to date inexperienced guys, or make comments arguing that more experience (in this case relationship experience) is better than no experience? Because most inexperienced guys honestly suck at relationships and will fail on most of these counts. Seems like these behaviors should be easy but apparently they're hard for many men to sustain.
tuxedo cat Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Oh, I forgot to add to my list -- EMOTIONAL SUPPORT!! If she's feeling down listen and be supportive. A lot of guys will completely shut down or turn into dicks when a woman needs their support. You can set yourself apart by not doing this. I always lose respect for guys when they are incapable of giving, especially if I've been very supportive of them. 1
somedude81 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Seems like these behaviors should be easy but apparently they're hard for many men to sustain. Looks to me that some guys just get lazy and don't try to make an effort. As for the inexperienced guys failing, I wonder if it's more about their age then the lack of experience.
tuxedo cat Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 An important distinction needs to be made between being a "great boyfriend" and actually getting a girl friend. Being a guy who can be a great boyfriend does in no way mean you will get a girl friend. Yeah but "getting" a girlfriend is useless if you can't keep her because you're oblivious about how to make a woman happy.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I love how almost everything tuxedo cat listed is the polar opposite of how alpha males act.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Looks to me that some guys just get lazy and don't try to make an effort. As for the inexperienced guys failing, I wonder if it's more about their age then the lack of experience. For you and others who think they would be good boyfriends, it is great to talk about it, but until you are in one you have NO idea if you will be as good as you hope or think you are. It is easy to say that when she gets emotional you will be there to support her, but rarely ever do men actually know what that actually means, and the reason for that is because for every woman it can be different, for different reasons. There is no way anyone can say they would be a good boyfriend or girlfriend, I think being a good person is the only thing you should strive for, because once in a relationship, things end up being different. You don't always understand one another, you find it hard to see their point of view, and ultimately, you could end up having no idea how to address many situations. 2
tuxedo cat Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I love how almost everything tuxedo cat listed is the polar opposite of how alpha males act. That's actually not true. Being assertive and not over extending yourself for others are definitely alpha traits. I also think of consistency as an alpha trait as it goes hand in hand with integrity and strength of character. Passive men tend to be flakier in my experience. 1
somedude81 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 For you and others who think they would be good boyfriends, it is great to talk about it, but until you are in one you have NO idea if you will be as good as you hope or think you are. I said the same exact thing a couple of posts ago. It is easy to say that when she gets emotional you will be there to support her, but rarely ever do men actually know what that actually means, and the reason for that is because for every woman it can be different, for different reasons. There is no way anyone can say they would be a good boyfriend or girlfriend, I think being a good person is the only thing you should strive for, because once in a relationship, things end up being different. You don't always understand one another, you find it hard to see their point of view, and ultimately, you could end up having no idea how to address many situations.Those things can happen to any man so they are kind of independent of the requirements to be a good boyfriend. BTW did anybody else say, support her when she gets emotional? Either way, I have no reason to believe that I cannot be a good boyfriend. I just need the chance to find out for real.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I said the same exact thing a couple of posts ago. Those things can happen to any man so they are kind of independent of the requirements to be a good boyfriend. BTW did anybody else say, support her when she gets emotional? Either way, I have no reason to believe that I cannot be a good boyfriend. I just need the chance to find out for real. That is what I mean though, no one REALLY knows. You could be an awesome boyfriend to one lady and a ****ty one to the next. I can become an emotional mess sometimes, and the first time I was, my boyfriend was HORRIBLE. He had no idea what to say or do and everything he DID say or do was so wrong. He has had his ****ty boyfriend days.
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