MrsSS0712 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 We have been together for 10 yrs married 9yrs. We both have step outside the relationship he was the only one that have ever got caught. Last summer he had to be gone for two months. I told him that I knew that he had a high sex drive and did not expect him to be faithful, wrap it up, don't bring nothing back and I don't care to know the details. When making that statement I did not have any intentions on stepping out myself but I fell into temptation. I don't feel bad because I gave him a "hall pass" he chose not to use it. When he came back I stop messing what I consider my human dildo because it was just a once a week thing and no feelings was attach. Since he been back I had mess with the guy once more. Now I begin to feel bad. So one night we have guest over and a females pulls him aside apparently and says how she is attracted to him. He tells her that we have no secrets and if anything was do go down he had to get my permission. I was put on the spot when I was approach and told her that all she would be was a **** to him so I don't care. For the sake of making this long story short...they mess around she gave him oral. A mutual friend of ours (happens to be my boss) we mess around with oral as well because I didn't want to look stupid in front of everyone so I came onto my boss. They started getting will close talking for hours something we don't do and doing a lot of kissing something as well we didn't do. I felt some type way and said we was closing Pandoras Box. Eventually me and my boss started texting and I wanted another shot so I set it up again for things to go down. The first night he sleep in the extra bed room with her, the next night we did a threesome and they slept together in the other bed, the third night he slept with her on the forth night he came to the bed around midnight. By then I endure so much pain of them playing house and her playing mommy to my kids sleeping alone in my bed hearing them have sex or make love not ****ing. Walking in on them kissing, sitting alone as they sit and talk for hours in the garage. I told him after the first night she was not on birth control and that he needed to use protection he did not and I was told it only happen once but he cummed inside of her. I felt disrespected from day 2 of this but let it slide due to the fact I mess with the other guy and he didn't know so I suck it up as karma. I then decided that I would never be faithful nor forget what he had done and it was time to let it go. I ask for a divorce and at the least a legal seperation. We talk a lot of skeltons was release, decided to work on our marriage. I later find out they are texting and that she is pregnant. She is going to get an abortion, he is in love with her but don't want to lose me. I am done I will never forget that he got her pregnant rather she keep the child or not the fact will always be it happen only way I can make him understand that feeling is to ask him how he would feel if I burnt him. Now I am at the point of either we have an open relationship, legal seperation or a divorce. Nothing more I will never be faithful to him I have no reason to. Yes I have done my share of dirt as well and karma is a b but I have been going back and forth with his hurt for years this is my breaking point. I have only cried one day about this situation and that is it. I am emotionally detach from him. I have no more energy to fight. I am in the arena but not the ring and stuck between walking out the arena or getting in ring. It is not worth fighting for and the only way I will fight is with an open relationship. Someone please give me some advice we both admit that the trust is gone in our relationship and we got to rebuild it but I am tired of doing this. This is his first time trying to learn how to trust me again
cheerfuldoer Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Wow... I may be too conservative, but I don't feel like you two were ever truly committed to each other, alone. You already seem to have an open marriage. I don't know you, or your situation, except for what you've shared here. I don't understand why you're confused or hurt, you slept with both of them at the same time. I dont understand open relationships, but they are kissing in your home in front of your children? You were at a party and they hooked up so you hooked up with your boss to save face? I'm really very liberal and I'm finding this hard to believe.
Author MrsSS0712 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 No the kissing didn't take place in front of the kids. All that went down after the kids would be sleep they got a 8:30 bed time. Everything always went down at our house. The boss originally came on to her but she was checking my husband instead we ended up just being sloppy seconds or the rejected ones basically. I always cheated to get payback but like you said neither one of us will do right so what is the point of staying married. Or do we stop calling in cheating and do an open relationship. Twist is we are best friends we don't argue but once or twice a year at max. Even with all this going on our first real argument just happen last night because I was tired of him acting like the victim and like I was the only person that think about leaving he do too. We all work together, me, him, my boss and the other chick. SO even trying to move forward we got a constant reminder of the past making it that much harder to move forward
cheerfuldoer Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Wow, you all work together too? I'm sure there are more knowledgeable people than me, but your relationship sounds open already. You need to think about the life you want. Do you want to be married and be with one person, or do you want to share your husband? The thought of all the risks of disease and his girlfriend is now pregnant?
Author MrsSS0712 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 I only did the threesome for him I did not want one with her. Didn't find her attractive at all. (I nickname her Mutt) He knew I didn't want one with her at all
Author MrsSS0712 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 I want to call it quits honestly. We don't trust each other and will eventually excuse the other one and that person will say since I am getting accused of it I matter as well. Or think the other one is doing something and then do it just because. I have to leave for a month next friday he don't trust that I won't sleep with anyone and I am at the point I don't care whom he sleep with because I have no more energy to put into caring or wondering. I am 75% leaning towards getting a divorce but he don't want one and want to try just me and him. When in fact it has never been just us. I gave him an inch to open things up (my silent payback) and he took a mile. I felt like I shouldn't have to ask you or tell you to sleep in the bed with your wife, I shouldn't have to ask you to spend time with me, tell your mistress to go home or wear protection again after you know she was not on birth control or risk getting an std. He disrespected beyond what I could imagine. I am so tired of holding this relationship together I can no longer be the glue anymore. But he don't want to let it go. On the outside looking in people think we are a damn power couple. Everyone wants our relationship. Not knowing the mess we been going through since thanksgiving night
Author MrsSS0712 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 Open relationship is my last try in giving him a chance to prove me wrong that we can get past this. Legal Seperation due to giving the chance that we split and decided that we much rather be with each other then someone else. Divorce is a big decision gives us the chance to make sure this is what we want and that it is completely over before tearing up our home. Legal seperation we was still going to stay together which we know will turn into occasional sex that could rekindle feelings but a Divorce we are done we are over
standtall Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 MS..you may as well divorce because what you describe is a marriage in only the loosest sense. 1
revitup Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Whoa,I am at a loss for words on this one.I feel terrible for all of you. First rule...Never get your honey where you get your money. Second.... Don't sh#$ where you eat. It seems you all have broken both of these rules,at work and home. Personal opinion,you all need to stay together and that way there will be nobody else hurt.If you people get out into the dating arena it will certainly destroy someone else's life sooner or later. I wish you luck in this decision,I just don't see where it's good to stay or leave.Maybe think of the children and straighten up your lives.All of you. REVITUP 1
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