shep Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 [font=arial][/font][font=times new roman][/font][font=courier new][/font] i need help with my relationship. i've been with my g/f for 10 months now. when we first started seeing eachother we were together everyday and every second we could possibly see eachother. well a few months ago she got a job at a resteraunt and we saw less of eachother...still about every night when she got off work(since i worked in the morning). i now work in a factory 3pm to 11pm and she recently started school again.....and now i don't get to see her but maybe 1 to 2 days a week, and not for very long at that. now this alone is hard enough for me, but she seems to be ok with it. she also started partying and hangin out with her friends more. now i don't care that she has a lot of friends and i understand that she wants to see them too....but now the time she has to spend with me is the same time she has to spend with her friends. i have hung out with her and her friends, but there's never any alone time for us anymore. then when i want to talk about it, she dousen't. then when we finally do i'm the always the one who ends up trying to change for her, but she always apologizes and she will try to chang too, but she never does and it always gets worse. to me it's like she doesn't even realize how this makes me feel....and i've tried explaining to her how i feel, but it's like it makes no difference. i love her a lot and i know she loves me too, because when we are together we have a good time and don't fight. i'll give you this for an example...i'll be working 10 days in a row before i get a day off now i'll have time to see her after i get off work friday(because she's sleeping before i get home on weekdays). i called her and asked her what she was doing on friday, and if i could see her she said one of her friends 18th birthday was that night, and that she was probably going to stay there(because she wanted to party) now here's another thing she never used to party and within the last 2 months she decided she wanted to do it all the time. i just want to know what is going on and get some advice to work things out with her. because to be honest i have thought about breaking up with her for it, and i've told her that too. now i realize this sounds more like a girls problem, but it's happening to me and i'm really confused.................PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YellowLioness Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 It sounds like you all are in two different places, emotionally. She wants to party, and you need quality time. You can't make someone into what you WANT them to be, and you can't force them to do things a certain way. Perhaps you should compromise with her. Why don't you go party with her, and show her that you can have a good time, too? Also, she works very hard...she may need some time to just unwind. Its hard to have to work all day, go to school, then give emotionally to another person who is somewhat needy when you have so little time to yourself. Usually, if you live with someone its easier. If you can't accept the fact that she has little time for a relationship and also wants to see her friends, then move on. Because she wants less of a relationship then you do, the workings of it must be on her terms.
uriel Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Sounds like you two are pretty young. Your gf is going through a phase of her development where she's acting out / rebelling against rules / structure / parents. You aren't along for the ride. So, there's distance between you. That doesn't necessarily mean an impending break-up. But, here are some things to consider: Sounds to me like there was a strongly romantic, early period in your relationship that has now worn off (which is normal) and she's more interested in expressing herself and having a good time than staying completely tied at the hip. That could be a sign she's losing interest. But, it could also very well be a sign that the relationship is maturing to a new stage where she's comfortable with you. If that makes you feel desperate, you need to reevaluate how much emotional dependence you are investing in her. No one wants someone to CLING to them. It's not appealing -- and it can feel suffocating. No good for you either. The only potential warning sign here is her shift toward partying. That doesn't mean she's looking for someone else, necessarily, but it could mean she's going through a change in her self-concept. Sometimes that does lead to a break-up, as the person who is changing sometimes doesn't feel the old bf or gf reflects the new them (but is more a feature of the past them). You need to talk with her about what's going on inside her head -- not about you as a couple necessarily, but her as a person. -- uriel
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