cf929 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 So I have known this guy for quite a few years through mutual friends (when we would see each other, it would be the usual "Hello, how are you?"). But, I saw him about 2 weeks ago and he asked for my number, so I gave it to him, we texted for about a week and he asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks. I agreed and we went out on Thursday night. It was kind of awkward at first, but for the most part I think it went ok. So now I'm playing the waiting game. It's still been under 36 hours since the date (I know, I'm pathetic for sitting here and figuring that out), but do I wait for him to make contact or do I wait until tonight/tomorrow and send him a text?
mortensorchid Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 If you have not heard from him within 24-48 hours then he will be a friend rather than a lover. That's just how it is. Don't believe me? I went out with someone a few years ago, after a few days I decided to call him and he blew me off. I still see him at the theater we are still a part of, he's my friend and we chat and I don't bring it up. He's lucky that way. Another time, a few years ago I went out with someone on an Internet date. I didn't hear from him, many weeks later I decided to call him and he said he was waiting for me to contact him. We got together one more time, and then I never heard from him again. Quite honestly, if they're not interested then what do you want to bother with them?
ChessPieceFace Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 If you have not heard from him within 24-48 hours then he will be a friend rather than a lover. That's just how it is. No, that's a pointless and baseless assessment which has little bearing on reality. 24-48 hours until such and such, sounds like a diagnosis of illness, not of a real human being's behavior. Just as likely the guy went on a dating forum like this, got some terrible advice like all the terrible advice flying around this forum, and is waiting for a couple days to respond in order to "look like an alpha male." OP I would just wait whatever amount of time you think is right, send an honest message (IMO probably this evening) making conversation and asking to see him again, and not act too desperate or worry too much about the whole thing. How about honesty instead of head games? Maybe it's too much to hope for. 3
Author cf929 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 OP I would just wait whatever amount of time you think is right, send an honest message (IMO probably this evening) making conversation and asking to see him again, and not act too desperate or worry too much about the whole thing. How about honesty instead of head games? Maybe it's too much to hope for. I honestly think of myself as a "level-headed female", but I'm more concerned with rejection/looking desperate than playing any type of head games. I think I will wait until tonight and contact him if I haven't heard anything yet. Thanks for your input!
veggirl Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 When you get home from a first date you should send a "thank you" text like 30 min later, assuming you haven't heard from him. Then the ball is firmly in his court after that. 2
Keenly Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Stop worrying and just text him. If he isn't interested, he already isn't interested. But if he is, and you text him, that's a good thing. I can't believe people worry about this stuff. If you want to talk to him, then initiate contact. 3
Ladybugz Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 hahaahhaha yeah funny that you count the hours. i will wait 2 days maybe? or let it go. cause if he dont contact maybe he is done.
curlygirl40 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 When you get home from a first date you should send a "thank you" text like 30 min later, assuming you haven't heard from him. Then the ball is firmly in his court after that. This is what I do also. Send a quick text. 'Home safe, thanks again for the drinks, I had a great time it was nice to meet you' (online, never met before kind of date). If you send something like that, then the ball is definitely in his court. Then you wait. I will sometimes (depending on the vibe) send a text a couple of days after that if I haven't heard from him because my guy friends tell me that guys also have a hard time assessing interest and MIGHT be waiting to hear from me. So I might think of something funny to tell him that might relate to a conversation we had. The last guy, we were trying to figure out which bridge I went over when I went to JFK. So when I drove there again a few days later I made note of the bridge and sent him a text that said 'Welcome to the Bronx and the XYZ bridge, I guess I must have missed that sign the first time around! lol'. He responded to that and we had a short convo but then never reached out to him again and I haven't heard from him since. I figure I have shown interest. I thanked him. I said it was nice to meet him and that I had a good time, then I sent one more light, fun text a few days later and that's it. I never do more than that. The waiting sucks but IMO you can't do anything but that. You can't push or force something that's not going to be. Good luck, update the thread and let us know how it's going.
Fondue Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Not to derail the thread, but quick question: Whenever I take a woman out for drinks/food/etc. as a mini date or whatever and they text me later that they had a good time, I don't ever know if I should reply to that. Sometimes just ignore that text, just happy to receive it and know they had a nice time. Sometimes I reply back with something like, "happy to hear it." Is it appropriate to not reply? I personally don't like texts. Or is it better to reply? What should one say to keep things short?
curlygirl40 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I think you should reply. ESPECIALLY if you're interested. You don't have to start a long texting convo if that's not your thing, but at least send a 'I had a good time too, nice to meet you' or 'happy to hear it, me too' or whatever. Interested or not, I think it's good to acnknowledge that text.
Author cf929 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Posted January 31, 2013 Here's the update: I waited until Sunday night (the date was on Thursday night) to text him. I just sent him a simple, "hey how are you?" and he didn't respond until the next morning. We held a little conversation and he seemed really interested in what I was doing that day, he asked what times I was working and what my plans were for the day, but then the conversation died off almost abruptly as it had started and I haven't heard from him since. I'm chalking this up as a loss and if he decides to initiate communication then I'll see where it goes.
pbjbear Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Sorry people are fickle...cannot take them by their words. The waiting does suck. I never send those thank you texts after...should I? I always say thank you at the end of the date unless it went reallly badly
SJC2008 Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 So I have known this guy for quite a few years through mutual friends (when we would see each other, it would be the usual "Hello, how are you?"). But, I saw him about 2 weeks ago and he asked for my number, so I gave it to him, we texted for about a week and he asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks. I agreed and we went out on Thursday night. It was kind of awkward at first, but for the most part I think it went ok. So now I'm playing the waiting game. It's still been under 36 hours since the date (I know, I'm pathetic for sitting here and figuring that out), but do I wait for him to make contact or do I wait until tonight/tomorrow and send him a text? This one is a little hard to disect being that yall have known eachother for a while, though more of a in passing manner if you will. The million dollar question is did it seem like he asked you out for a date or as friends? It would depend on the tone of the "date" IMO. Any extra details would help but given his apathy I wouldn't get my hopes up. In regards to the bold, that's perfectly normal lol not pathetic.
Casablanca Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 Not to derail the thread, but quick question: Whenever I take a woman out for drinks/food/etc. as a mini date or whatever and they text me later that they had a good time, I don't ever know if I should reply to that. If you had a good time, why wouldn't you reply and say you had a good time too??!!! You may not like texting that much, but something like that is quick and painless My rule is after a first date and if I had a good time and want to see them again, I'll text them that I had a good time...then usually a day or two later I'll call to talk a little bit and try and set up a second date. Everyone is different, but from the sounds of it the guy probably isn't that interested, he would have tried contacting you more most likely, even if not text, a phone call to set up another date
Estate Posted January 31, 2013 Posted January 31, 2013 So I have known this guy for quite a few years through mutual friends (when we would see each other, it would be the usual "Hello, how are you?"). But, I saw him about 2 weeks ago and he asked for my number, so I gave it to him, we texted for about a week and he asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks. I agreed and we went out on Thursday night. It was kind of awkward at first, but for the most part I think it went ok. So now I'm playing the waiting game. It's still been under 36 hours since the date (I know, I'm pathetic for sitting here and figuring that out), but do I wait for him to make contact or do I wait until tonight/tomorrow and send him a text? Give it until tomorrow, if you haven't heard then there is no problem texting him. Whats the worst that can happen? I don't buy into the "rules", things happen, people have different ideas. A few weeks ago I met a girl for drinks after work. I thought she was really nice but got the feeling she wasn't really into me so I let it go. A week later she text me so I figured she must have some interest and we went out again last weekend. No guarantees it'll be the same thing but if you text and he doesn't answer or is not interested, then its no big deal, at least you know for sure and don't appear desperate texting after a few days.
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