I'm so lonely lately. I miss him so much.

[acapelo_dp]

My ex and I were seeing each other for 9 months, dated 6 months offically and were friends for 3 years before that. He broke up with me November 22nd, due to him not being happy and the stress of the relationship (not sure what he found stressful, the distance and arguing sometimes I guess) he lived 2 hours away, was finishing his last year of university while I finished school and am working in my hometown.

 

When he broke up with me, he said he still wanted to be friends. So I tried to be friends. Initially he would talk to me everyday, and sometimes we would argue because I kept asking questions about how he felt and why it happened. Anyways, it's been just over 2 months since the break up and lately he hasn't been talking to me much. The last time he initiated contact was Jan. 16th and he said "Hi hope you have a great day" I said "Thanks" and that was the end of it.

 

I feel worse than I did a month and a half ago. When we talk I can sense he has moved on and we don't talk that long. It breaks my heart. I finally removed him from facebook and twitter the other day, and messaged him and told him it wasn't out of hate, that I did it so I won't have to see something eventually that might hurt to see - but I would still be his friend. He said "I totally understand, and I'm going to be as well" Somehow I think he is just doing it now to save face.

 

I'm so depressed lately. He is out partying, having the time of his life with his friends while I have literally no friends anymore in my hometown. I go to work, come home, and cry by myself. I tried doing new things, like starting up hot yoga, I am going on a trip to visit a friend in a month, and I started counselling. It all helps until I get home. I just want to tell him how much I love him and miss him, but I know that won't help any so I'm not going to.

 

What do I do from here? Even talking to new guys makes me feel even worse. I feel so lonely and like I'll never find happiness being by myself.

[Loved77]

You need to stay NC.

 

Easy to say I know but you need to keep yourself busy & cry away the heartache.

 

Staying in contact will only make it harder for you to move forward. You need to work on you. Knowing what your ex is up to is not going to help you.

 

It's your decision if you want to contact him when you think you have healed. Healed in my definition is when you could handle him telling you that he has a new girlfriend & it wouldn't bother you. Until then have NC what soever.

 

Trust me you are not the only one in this situation

 

Good luck

Edited January 26, 2013 by Loved77

[valeriepm]

You have to stop contacting him - you're making all of this so much harder on yourself. We're all lonely, just keep strong. I watch movies on Netflix to occupy myself - I watched What's Eating Gilbert Grape every day the first week of the breakup.

 

I don't know about you, but being around large groups of people makes me miss my ex more.

[Amelie1980]

You have to stop contacting him - you're making all of this so much harder on yourself. We're all lonely, just keep strong. I watch movies on Netflix to occupy myself - I watched What's Eating Gilbert Grape every day the first week of the breakup.

 

I don't know about you, but being around large groups of people makes me miss my ex more.

 

Being around anyone makes me miss my ex more.

I've become a recluse as I can't bear to leave the house.

[acapelo_dp]

You have to stop contacting him - you're making all of this so much harder on yourself. We're all lonely, just keep strong. I watch movies on Netflix to occupy myself - I watched What's Eating Gilbert Grape every day the first week of the breakup.

 

I don't know about you, but being around large groups of people makes me miss my ex more.

 

I know I have to, I just have very little people to talk to so I get bored/lonely and contact him and then I just feel worse. I feel pathetic about it. I know logically he doesn't give a crap about me but I have hope one day a lightbulb might go off. I miss how we used to be such close friends. I love that movie, btw lol.

 

And yeah, lately I just like being by myself. One of my best friends tried to go out on a few "double dates" and it made me feel even worse.

[acapelo_dp]

So he messaged me this morning after not talking all weekend. All he said was "Hi sup hope you have a ballin day!" which just made me cry because I don't want to be his "buddy" it pissed me off. I replied and said "I'm so sorry, can you please delete my number. I still love you. I just wanna be ok." and he replied "I want you to be ok too" and that was the end.

 

I was in bed all weekend. All I did was sleep and cry. I have deleted him off fb, twitter, his number, and now I have told him my peace. I really hope I heal. The pain is almost unbearable.

[acapelo_dp]

I just need some encouragement that I did the right thing.

[westcoastguy]

I just need some encouragement that I did the right thing.

 

I would say you did. You have much bigger balls then I do, that's for sure; i can't bring myself to do that.

[LduKaZ]

I just need some encouragement that I did the right thing.

 

You have done what many of us struggle with. You are amazing for respecting yourself that way, and are clearly on your way to feeling better.

 

BU are really tough I know, but if you take it little by little, a step at a time, you will start feeling better. Don't feel bad for crying, cry it all out. I know it's hard when you need a friend, but if it's really that hard to find one then at least you have us here. This site has been so helpful!

 

If you ever feel like breaking down, come and leave a message. I guarantee you someone will be here to cheer you up. Good luck bella!

[acapelo_dp]

You have done what many of us struggle with. You are amazing for respecting yourself that way, and are clearly on your way to feeling better.

 

BU are really tough I know, but if you take it little by little, a step at a time, you will start feeling better. Don't feel bad for crying, cry it all out. I know it's hard when you need a friend, but if it's really that hard to find one then at least you have us here. This site has been so helpful!

 

If you ever feel like breaking down, come and leave a message. I guarantee you someone will be here to cheer you up. Good luck bella!

 

westcoastguy: Thank you. I really hope that you are able to find the courage to do the same, if I can do it so can you!

 

Thank you for your words. It only took over 2 months, but I finally did it. And I feel better. Now I won't be expecting a text message, waiting around all day, wondering when it will come. I know now it will never come. And I'm alright with that - for now..

 

Yeah, this site has been extremely helpful. I have only posted a couple times but each time gave me strength. I cried a lot this weekend, and it felt good to let it all out and actually feel the sadness and not just bury it/ignore it. Tomorrow I have my second counselling session, so I hope that helps as well.

 

The only thing that I still struggle with is that I don't have many friends to hang out with where I live now. My best friend and I haven't spoken in awhile, a couple have children/long term boyfriends and have little time. The rest live far away and I can only text/call. But I am trying to keep in touch as much as I can.

[BabyBoy2013]

When I broke up with my first girlfriend after 5 years in a relationship I felt the same way.

 

Initially, we also tried to be friends, but I had feelings for her so I decided the best course of action would be zero contact. No ifs, no buts. I broke this a few times, but then I grasped it.

 

I had just started University when all of this happened. Infact, it happened on my first day at University when she cheated on me with an old school friend (why is it always old school friends by the way?). I spent many lonely nights in my new, yet inhumane, student room. Just me and my computer.

 

I actually learnt to enjoy being single. But, just as I was starting to get used to things and was getting back on track, I threw myself into another relationship (check my topic for more details).

 

But, I think the best way to deal with things is just use this time to be yourself, and discover yourself.

 

After my break up I really wished I would have done things that I've never been able to do whilst I have a girlfriend. I'm going to sound a little odd to some, but I would have liked to have joined a chess club, maybe participate in some competitions. Find some new friends, some good company.

 

Maybe you could go to University? Build a career? (forgive me for suggesting that if you already have a career). It really does take your mind of things when you're deep in study near enough 15 hours a day. Plus, it makes you feel a little superior that you're doing something constructive with life and the ex isn't.

 

I'd stop thinking about him partying, and having fun. He has memories of you too. You can't erase a memory. It'll do you no favours chewing it over in your mind though.

 

Relax. Time out. You'll be fine I'm sure

[acapelo_dp]

When I broke up with my first girlfriend after 5 years in a relationship I felt the same way.

 

Initially, we also tried to be friends, but I had feelings for her so I decided the best course of action would be zero contact. No ifs, no buts. I broke this a few times, but then I grasped it.

 

I had just started University when all of this happened. Infact, it happened on my first day at University when she cheated on me with an old school friend (why is it always old school friends by the way?). I spent many lonely nights in my new, yet inhumane, student room. Just me and my computer.

 

I actually learnt to enjoy being single. But, just as I was starting to get used to things and was getting back on track, I threw myself into another relationship (check my topic for more details).

 

But, I think the best way to deal with things is just use this time to be yourself, and discover yourself.

 

After my break up I really wished I would have done things that I've never been able to do whilst I have a girlfriend. I'm going to sound a little odd to some, but I would have liked to have joined a chess club, maybe participate in some competitions. Find some new friends, some good company.

 

Maybe you could go to University? Build a career? (forgive me for suggesting that if you already have a career). It really does take your mind of things when you're deep in study near enough 15 hours a day. Plus, it makes you feel a little superior that you're doing something constructive with life and the ex isn't.

 

I'd stop thinking about him partying, and having fun. He has memories of you too. You can't erase a memory. It'll do you no favours chewing it over in your mind though.

 

Relax. Time out. You'll be fine I'm sure

 

I'm sorry to hear you went through that, and thank you for your reply. Yeah, these days it's just me and my computer after work. I have started to do yoga classes though, which I've never done before. And I am flying to Calgary to visit one of my good friends at the end of February, so that is something to look forward to.

 

I graduated university last may with a degree in psychology and have two jobs right now haha but thank you for the suggestion. I was thinking about doing more schooling but right now the best option for me is saving up some money haha!

 

I'm just starting to be ok with being single. I just miss the laughter, and the companionship I guess. I have been in relationships since I was 14, and I am 22 now, so I am due for some single "me" time!

[LduKaZ]

I'm sorry to hear you went through that, and thank you for your reply. Yeah, these days it's just me and my computer after work. I have started to do yoga classes though, which I've never done before. And I am flying to Calgary to visit one of my good friends at the end of February, so that is something to look forward to.

 

I graduated university last may with a degree in psychology and have two jobs right now haha but thank you for the suggestion. I was thinking about doing more schooling but right now the best option for me is saving up some money haha!

 

I'm just starting to be ok with being single. I just miss the laughter, and the companionship I guess. I have been in relationships since I was 14, and I am 22 now, so I am due for some single "me" time!

 

Some "you" time is usually a great idea. Just never change who you really are. You seem like a girl who actually enjoys being in a relationship, and there's so few of you out there!

 

Don't let a heartbreak make you turn your back on finding what you truly want. Maybe take a break, but never close your heart because someone who didn't deserve it hurt it a little.

[LostOne1]

I'm sorry to hear you went through that, and thank you for your reply. Yeah, these days it's just me and my computer after work. I have started to do yoga classes though, which I've never done before. And I am flying to Calgary to visit one of my good friends at the end of February, so that is something to look forward to.

 

I graduated university last may with a degree in psychology and have two jobs right now haha but thank you for the suggestion. I was thinking about doing more schooling but right now the best option for me is saving up some money haha!

 

I'm just starting to be ok with being single. I just miss the laughter, and the companionship I guess. I have been in relationships since I was 14, and I am 22 now, so I am due for some single "me" time!

yeah it's a weird and VERY scary change at first. I mean for me it has been. But lately starting Jan it's been much easier. It's allowed me to realize this is ME time now.

 

I get to WORK on me and my ex left me as one of her reasons was she wanted to be selfish for once and think of her own self only.

 

And I kinda wanna do the same now too. I don't mean that I don't give a crap about people or friends/family. But rather that the time I rather spend on a special someone. I rather spend it on me and improve myself.

 

So spend this single time on YOU and improve yourself. We all can work on things to make ourselves better in some form.

[h3braica]

So he messaged me this morning after not talking all weekend. All he said was "Hi sup hope you have a ballin day!" which just made me cry because I don't want to be his "buddy" it pissed me off. I replied and said "I'm so sorry, can you please delete my number. I still love you. I just wanna be ok." and he replied "I want you to be ok too" and that was the end.

 

I was in bed all weekend. All I did was sleep and cry. I have deleted him off fb, twitter, his number, and now I have told him my peace. I really hope I heal. The pain is almost unbearable.

 

 

hi. we're on the same boat right no and i'm missin' him so much. i stayed NC for a month now. i managed not to talked to him even if it feels like dying. even if he says he misses me so much. i won't let him hurt me anymore. I feel weak everyday for not having him around but have no choice but to move on. I wish this pain will go away.

 

We will smile again...

[mutant]

Just like you I had few friends during my relationship with the ex. After BU I was lonely with no one to talk to; however I followed the advice offered here and took it upon myself to meet new people. Simple strategies such as saying hi to neighbors, complementing fellow workers and being positive were very effective. Having a busy schedule everyday also helps alot. Two months ago I knew no one in my neighborhood, today I have a few friends that I visit and talk to regularly. This forum also helps alot it has been my life jacket in stormy waters for a while now.

[grace777]

I am so sorry that you're going through this too. But as many people have stated, this site is great because many of us have been going through it as well. You have to stay strong. Focus on building yourself up (which it sounds like you have been making a concerted effort to do!).

 

My breakup happened in October. We were together for over 3 years and she was a very close person to me for a couple years prior to that as well. It's like I don't even remember what it was like without her around, and now she's gone. It does suck. There's no getting around it. She's found someone else, almost instantly, and I'm still processing - 4 months later...

 

I will say this though - after 2 months, I began to actually stand up again. I can so related to your description of staying in bed and crying all weekend, feeling as though there's no one to talk to. Trust me, I get it. But that is a phase and will end. It helped me to be consciously aware of when I was thinking about my ex, and then almost physically force those thoughts/memories/etc. out of my head. I'd replace them with anything else I could think of. And then I'd go for a walk with my dog, get in my car to run some stupid errand, whatever it took. I think forcefully changing your thought process and then simultaneously changing your physical state - every time - can help a lot. It's like you rewire your brain or something. We spent so much time in the relationship, focused on the other person and thinking of the relationship, that our brains became wired to do so. The breakup doesn't make that stop - in fact, it enhances it. So it's up to us to do some rewiring of synapses.

 

This, of course, was virtually impossible for the first month or more - but by month 2 or 3, I had it down. Now I am mostly good. In fact, until this past weekend, I was doing great since before Christmas. Every now and then I'd get a fleeting thought or memory, but I'd force it out. I did have moments of pain, but I actually got to a point where I went not just days, but weeks without crying. I'm not really sure what happened this weekend or why, but it was rough.

 

It's an ongoing thing. I can't for the life of me understand how my ex (and apparently so many others' exes) can just move on immediately. It doesn't matter though. You do you. You will get through this. We all will. And it sincerely does get easier with time.

 

Stay strong. And thank God for this site. It feels good to vent to an intelligent audience of people going through similar instances. The feedback is so valuable...for me at least.

[acapelo_dp]

hi. we're on the same boat right no and i'm missin' him so much. i stayed NC for a month now. i managed not to talked to him even if it feels like dying. even if he says he misses me so much. i won't let him hurt me anymore. I feel weak everyday for not having him around but have no choice but to move on. I wish this pain will go away.

 

We will smile again...

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, too it's definitely tough. You have done extremely well going NC for a full month, you should be very proud of yourself for that. I hope I can be that strong from now on and stick to my word, but I honestly think I am going to! If I ever get an urge to contact I will post here.

 

We WILL smile again, it will take some time but that day will come .

[acapelo_dp]

Just like you I had few friends during my relationship with the ex. After BU I was lonely with no one to talk to; however I followed the advice offered here and took it upon myself to meet new people. Simple strategies such as saying hi to neighbors, complementing fellow workers and being positive were very effective. Having a busy schedule everyday also helps alot. Two months ago I knew no one in my neighborhood, today I have a few friends that I visit and talk to regularly. This forum also helps alot it has been my life jacket in stormy waters for a while now.

 

Oh wow, good for you. That's is an excellent improvement. I am taking an assertiveness class every week for 8 weeks, and I am trying to get out and meet new people, so we will see how it goes!

[acapelo_dp]

I am so sorry that you're going through this too. But as many people have stated, this site is great because many of us have been going through it as well. You have to stay strong. Focus on building yourself up (which it sounds like you have been making a concerted effort to do!).

 

My breakup happened in October. We were together for over 3 years and she was a very close person to me for a couple years prior to that as well. It's like I don't even remember what it was like without her around, and now she's gone. It does suck. There's no getting around it. She's found someone else, almost instantly, and I'm still processing - 4 months later...

 

I will say this though - after 2 months, I began to actually stand up again. I can so related to your description of staying in bed and crying all weekend, feeling as though there's no one to talk to. Trust me, I get it. But that is a phase and will end. It helped me to be consciously aware of when I was thinking about my ex, and then almost physically force those thoughts/memories/etc. out of my head. I'd replace them with anything else I could think of. And then I'd go for a walk with my dog, get in my car to run some stupid errand, whatever it took. I think forcefully changing your thought process and then simultaneously changing your physical state - every time - can help a lot. It's like you rewire your brain or something. We spent so much time in the relationship, focused on the other person and thinking of the relationship, that our brains became wired to do so. The breakup doesn't make that stop - in fact, it enhances it. So it's up to us to do some rewiring of synapses.

 

This, of course, was virtually impossible for the first month or more - but by month 2 or 3, I had it down. Now I am mostly good. In fact, until this past weekend, I was doing great since before Christmas. Every now and then I'd get a fleeting thought or memory, but I'd force it out. I did have moments of pain, but I actually got to a point where I went not just days, but weeks without crying. I'm not really sure what happened this weekend or why, but it was rough.

 

It's an ongoing thing. I can't for the life of me understand how my ex (and apparently so many others' exes) can just move on immediately. It doesn't matter though. You do you. You will get through this. We all will. And it sincerely does get easier with time.

 

Stay strong. And thank God for this site. It feels good to vent to an intelligent audience of people going through similar instances. The feedback is so valuable...for me at least.

 

Thank you so much for your words, they really helped. This site really helps to keep my focus where it needs to be - focusing on improving my life. And I don't understand how ex's can move on so easily either, especially how one day they were saying how much they loved you, and the next day you're thrown out like last weeks trash. Sad, really. But it is THEIR loss. You seem like a very strong and intelligent woman