purpleDawn Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 (edited) First of all I want to apologize, in advance, for lack of English skills because English is my second language. I hope you'll understand me well. I find this forum very helpfull, I've been reading you guys for a while and I can tell people here are very nice and always willing to help. That's why I'm turning to you. My ex of 5 months broke up with me 8 weeks ago basically saying he doesn't feel the same anymore. Actually, he mentioned numbers of reasons, but it all comes to one conclusion - he's not in love with me anymore. We went NC 7 weeks ago, though we stayed friends on Facebook, but never really made any contact via FB or any other way. Of course, I tortured myself checking up on his profile every day but I just couldn't/can't stop. (I have to metion he chased me for 6 months before we started going out and was really into me, no guy ever showed me that much affection before.) While breaking up with me he told me there is no other girl in the picture and he just needs some time to be alone. He felt preasure in our relationship and wasn't happy anymore. I let him go, I didn't cry (much ), I didn't beg for him to stay or anything like that. He told me I was the best GF he ever had, which now, I see, is BS talk, because you cannot say those words and then just break up, you don't leave you best GF. All of this time I was waiting to find some proof on FB that there is actually another girl. But there was nothing unusual. He'd post some love songs but very rarely, most of his FB updates were dark and gloomy, saying he's not feeling very well. He told me himself, when we were breaking up, that he's not himself lately. So, I figured he has his own issues. BUT, there is one so called ex (they only spent one weekend together about 4 yrs ago) he stayed in contact with over the years. I knew that from the very beginning and I trusted him completely, because he didn't hide it and he told me about her. He said they talk sometimes on FB, because they share some interests and they just get along. Since he never gave me any reason to not trust him, I rarely ever mentioned her. Maybe once or twice during the relationship. She lives in other country and they never met after being together that one weekend 4 years ago. She never really bothered me because he treated me like I was his queen and I felt it in my heart he's true and honest with me. The night he broke up with me, she posted a song on his FB wall. Nothing romantic, it was related to one of his stories he was writing at the time. But, next morning I saw he deleted it. I asked him tomorrow about it and he told me it means nothing and he removed it so there wouldn't be any confusion - he didn't want me to think there is something going on between them. Again, I left it there. I noticed during our NC that she likes a lot of the stuff he posts and it started to bother me but I couldn't say anything since we were broken up. I kept telling myself they're just friends because nothing romantic ever came up on his FB profile. About a week ago he unblocked me on FB chat (I could see his updates but I never saw him online, because he blocked me on chat) and liked one of my songs I put up. We have a friend in common and he told her he unblocked me because he didn't see any reason why he should keep me blocked. Of course, I took it as a big hope that he might think about me and he might want to make some contact, but I guess I was wrong. This morning I saw his update on FB saying he's in that other country where the ex I mentioned above, lives. He posted about chilling in the park, listening to good music, feeling great. He went to visit the city she lives in. Actually, she lives 20 min away. My heart just sank. All over again. I asked our mutual friend about it and she said he went there but he didn't mention meeting up with his ex. But I know in my heart he's going to see her, why wouldn't he? I've been torturing myself all morning long, picturing them together, asking myself all those questions... I feel like he way lying to me all the time. Few weeks before we broke up I asked him to come and visit me in this city I was studying (I had exams and we were apart for 2 weeks, but I usually reside in the same place he lives, I only come here to take my exams) and he made some excuses not to. Now it's breaking my heart to know he went there, travelled over 5-6 hours just to meet her. I cannot help but ask myself - is she really worth it after all this time? They only were together once, he had many girls after that, one LTR, he met me and he still went to see her. I mean, I have no proof he did actually went because of her but I know they met up. It makes me sick to think about him kissing her and holding her and doing whatever he does. I don't know what hurts me more - knowing he's with her right now or that he's over me completely and that he never really cared about me. Till this day I had hope we'll get back together. We had great time (obviously he didn't), I really treated him well, he told me that himself. He used to say I'm the most beautiful GF he ever had and that he's proud of me. He always said I'm the best and he cannot believe I'm his girl. I guess I have no real question for you here. I just wanted to pour my broken heart out and ask you on your general opinion. What do you think? Could it be he feels for her after all this time, after few relationships, after being with her just once? I shouldn't take his actions on FB (him liking my post and unblocking me) very seriously, right? Do you think it means he's really moved on and I should give up on every hope? I know everything around me shows me that I should, but it is so hard. Edited January 26, 2013 by purpleDawn
Survivor12 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I am sorry you are hurting, but the truth is, you are bringing much of it on yourself. Although you say that you have not had contact, you have. Peeking through a computer screen to get glimpses of what he is doing may not be contact for him but it IS for you. In order to heal, you need to accept that he is gone and remove him from your life. That means NO contact of any kind--no calls, texts, chats, pictures, listening to details about his life from friends--NONE! Until you make that commitment for yourself, each detail (no matter how insignificant) will fuel your imagination and keep you from moving forward. As far as his trip and his ex, all you--or we--can do is guess why he went, what he is doing and how he feels about her. And what good does that do? Be kind to yourself and block him on FB, block him on your phone & change your email address. If he really wants to contact you, he will find a way. When a man wants something badly enough, he will move a mountain to get it...and unless and until he does, sitting around fantasizing about him won't change a thing. It's all up to you. 1
Author purpleDawn Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 I know, you are totally right. I am bringing this on myself. I wish I was stronger so I could resist checking on him. I'm thinking of deactivating my FB acc, it'd be easier for me than blocking him, at least for now. Thank you for your response, I needed to hear that from someone else. 1
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