Swe3tAngel Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Hello before I say my story... I just want to say that I want genuine and kind answers...even if the truth is negative, please put it in a respectful way.. So I'm a gemini woman 25 years old, dating a 30 year old libra man...we met about 22 days ago..at first he asked many questions about my life and what i'm looking for and i told him the truth, that I'm looking for a long term relationship and he said he is too. we asked questions back and forth and mostly it was from his side until after about 6 days, he asked me out on a date and I said okay. I had to cancel because it got late and he didn't like it but still continued talking to me and we rescheduled to meet again. we finally met up and hung out and it was nice. I wasn't really interested at first because he's not my type (physically) but i had to tell myself that I'm not looking for a model nor am I looking for lust.. I want a man who will respect me, love me and give me what I deserve.. before the date ended (it was a pretty expensive and classy date.. he took me to sushi (my favorite) and he doesn't even like sushi but he came with me, then we went to smoke some hookah) .. he had also offered to pick me up but i told him i'd feel more comfortable if i met him...but anyway, before the date ended he asked me out on a second date and i said i'd let him know. i went home, he texted and wanted to communicate but i wanted to stop and called it a night.. the next morning he texted again and kept asking me out and i said okay. we met up again and we went to play pool and this time he kissed me. i didn't really want that because i felt it was rushed, but i just went along with it (i didn't show affection but i just kissed back (it was a small kiss)) ..he then opened up to me about his last relationship that his ex gf cheated on him and it broke his heart since they were together for 4 years. i also told him about my ex that he left me and we connected. again before the night ended, he asked me out again. so for like a week he wanted to see me every day and called and texted throughout the day..by the 4th date he was kissing me more and i wasn't that open about it and he told me it felt like he was kissing a dead body and i told him i didn't want to rush and it would happen naturally.. he did everything to get my affection until finally it happened..and yes i started liking him more and more... at this point he had told me that he liked me so much and that he had no expectations for sex or anything and that he just enjoyed my company so much and how good it felt being with me.. he even introduced me to his brothers and we started hanging out with them more.. this is where i feel like i made a big huge mistake.. by the second week, we were drinking some wine and went to his house...we were all there, until his brothers left the room.. and he kissed me and next thing we knew, we were having sex...(yes i know, big mistake) .. i was terrified.. he's the second guy i slept with after my ex..so for me its a huge deal. after we were done, he kept hugging me, holding me, kissing me and calling me beautiful and kept holding me.. i was scared that he wouldn't want to see me again, but when i left and before i got home, he texted me that he already missed me and wanted to see me again.. that made me calm down.. after that i opened up to him a lot more.. we then started hanging out more and i was a lot more affectionate and we slept with each other more often and i finally told him that i like him a lot too.. one time, his ex texted him a paragraph of how much she misses him and wants him back and loves him... he took the phone and opened the password in front of me and showed me the text and let me read it.. he then in front of me texted her back telling her to F off and that he doesn't care about her...then he told me right away that i shouldn't worry about her.. he then told me that before he met me, he was dealing with the heartbreak and also went out with many girls for fun and one night stands and that now he's decided to change his ways and is ready for a relationship and wants to get married and have children etc etc... every time he got calls or messages from his past girls, he openly showed them to me and told me not to worry as he didn't respond to them OR he told them that he's seeing someone. a few days ago i felt a lot more connection with him so i openly started texting him and calling him and wanting to see him and kissed him freely.. then he suddenly turned around and said that 'we're rushing and need to slow down as he doesn't want to get hurt or hurt me' he said we should take it step by step and 'just see where it takes us' .. he even called us 'friends as it starts from friendship' .. i was so confused and hurt i didn't understand.. he then told me that he got scared because he felt that i was getting so attached and so close so fast that he didn't want to fall in love so quickly and wanted to slow down... he even said that im such a great girl, family oriented and High quality and he feels like a jerk and wants to get on my level and that he doesn't deserve me just yet and wants to get on that level where he can give me everything i deserve.. (it didn't make sense to me) .. now he thinks i've fallen in love or that i think we're bf gf already.. when i keep telling him that's not true.. i do care about him and like him, but i'm not in love.. but i do trust him so far and want to keep on dating him and go towards something really beautiful.. and he says that we should slow down and he wants to also feel those things.. he says he doesnt and wants to get to know me more and that he does like me but it's too early for him to develop feelings for me that are deeper.. he even at one point told me that he's still in love with his ex and that he's so hurt by her that he needs time to heal his broken heart and get rid of her before he comimts to me as it's not fair to me to deal with this right now..he kept saying 'let's hope we get on that leve' ... im so hurt and dissapointed... but he keeps saying 'i do like you and i do wana keep seeing you i just don't want to lie to you nor do i want you to fall in love with me without knowing everything about me..' he keeps telling me that there's a lot i don't know about his life and he's not ready for a relationship or to open up and tell me everything and he thinks its not fair to me to fall in love without knowing everything.. but he needs time? i'm so confused.. so i need advice.. i don't know what to do.. i mean i care about him.. i do like him a lot.. we have so much in common and we get along so well.. i do feel that he cares and likes me.. but i also think he's so scared and he's not telling me things.. what should i do? i want to be with this guy.. i want to date him more i want to get closer... but he keeps putting distance between us as he keeps saying 'i don't want us to get hurt'... oh and btw.. i said oh valentine's day is coming and he was like 'that day is for lovers that's weird that you mention it' .. and i was like omg wow ok
harnold Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I always find a lot of difficulty reading someone when there are as many mixed signals as the one you mentioned above. And you did mention many. All I will say though... As a guy, though... the whole "we're moving too fast" line... generally tends to be some big time bull****. It's just a line guys use to keep girls at bay while they're pursuing something else. Usually used in combination with "I want to do this relationship the RIGHT way" or something. That's all I can really add.
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 (edited) Oh dear! You sound like such a sweet person. I'm sorry but you've fallen for a player. I'd advice you to walk away and find someone else. You're about to join the ranks of all those women whose texts he has been showing you and then ignoring. Eventually, he'll be telling you to F off too, just as he did the last woman. Unfortunately he has no interest in a relationship with you, and he's being very open about that. He reminds you every time you overstep your "bounds" (e.g. discussing feelings, mentioning Valentine's Day). You are not going to be his GF, and he doesn't share your feelings. Unfortunately, these things will never happen for you with him. He's stringing you along. There are a LOT of red flags in your story. For starters, he gave you a very clear picture of your future by showing you how he handles and views women. You may have felt he was showing you how special you were when he treated his various female hangers-on with careless disregard and either cursed them or ignored them. Au contraire! He was showing you your future with him--what to expect in a few weeks/months. They were recently in your position. Run, don't walk, away! Edited January 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
umirano Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Looks like he's rebounding to me. I'd withdraw from what you told me.
DirtyDancing Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I totally agree with the rebound thing. He seems to be perfectly fine with moving fast when it suits him. In my opinion, the too forward man too soon is a big red flag. I agree with the previous posts: run, don't walk. He's a player.
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Totally not going anywhere... That being said, having sex isn't terrible, and it is OK to kiss someone on the first date. If they are the right person they will stick around.
Mtlgrrl Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 This guy is an ass, sorry. From what you said here he was all into it when it was to get in your pants as soon as you're getting comfortable in the relationship, he's now feeling rushed. He's just an ass. If a guy trashes his ex gf in front of me. I'd be worried, shows how much tact he has and kinda reveals an bad side of him. Run.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Hmm. I would only cautiously agree with the above posters. I think it's likely he's a player, but it's also possible he's just messed up / scared of love / confused. I would try to figure out some way to find out for sure.
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