ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) Im willing to follow that advice every step of the way. When he was here, he mentioned how I was dating/talking to someone else, Well, I was, but we ended up not talking anymore due to the fact that he wasn't over his ex. ( IT was my ex from high school, how funny!) Anyways my roommate told him that I no longer was talking to him.. I need to get that jealousy back and have him think Im with someone else, even though i'm not. Trust me, Every text I get, every emotion I feel, I will come here just to make sure I don't mess anything up. And please be here for me because you are very knowledgeable! I'm only 20:rolleyes: You know whats funny? Girls and guys use to come to me ALL the time about relationship advice, and now I'm in a situation where all I'm doing is talking to people about my situation. In fact, I dated two past GF's after helping them with their current BF's at the time lol. I'm willing to help others out because in a way, it helps me out with mine. Talking about it till you are sick of hearing yourself talk about it is key While I'm never really one to say "YEAH MAKE HIM JEALOUS", it does bring a reaction we, as dumpees like seeing, some form of CARING. Not really the good way, but as I've noticed, the human mind is complex, but not that complex lol. We all don't want our partners to have moved on from us because we usually put ourselves as being important to the other person. When that is shattered, we start to question ourselves. "What's wrong with me? Why did she not mourn over me longer?" My current ex split with me because she was talking to some guy who has a GF already (yup) and I was devastated. She seemed very content about not giving us another chance and whatever and in the heat of the moment, I told her I was in a relationship with someone else. BADDDDDD move, but it did gauge a reaction that I didnt see out of her in months: Jealously. She got upset, confused, a little angry, etc. I felt pretty good about it, then really really bad about it. 1. Its never good to lie <---- see this? Don't do it!!! It will come back and bite you I assure you. 2. You never want to make someone come back out of fear because it wont last. The feeling of them wanting you back might be SO strong and you dont care how it happens, but if nothing was fixed or changed from the last relationship, it wont change now. Yeah, you can tell him you are dating around (Which might not be a bad move. Going out on dates gains self confidence and who knows, you might find someone that makes you happy), but telling him I have a BF might be too much. With that said, that is where being aloof and not caring plays into your hands. He doesn't know what you are doing. Curiosity will kill the cat. He will throw out what many on here call "breadcrumbs." (THANKS LS!!)....little feelers to make sure you are still under his thumb. If you respond with a positive vibe and him knowing you want him back badly, it will feed his need and he will continue to date new girl. You are able to be there in case he wants it. Well, I can drive this car around, but I want to not sell my other one because its still nice too. If they are able to drive both cars, why sell one? Coming on Loveshack has honestly saved my life. I'm still a mess, but not as much as I could have been if not for these wonderful people on this site. In a way, I've talked to some of these people more than my family and friends. Come on here when you have any sort of questions. P.S. Your roommate concerns me a bit. I saw she told your last BF that you were no longer talking to him and whatever. For this sake of any of this to matter, please don't have her tell this one ex about ANYTHING. She has to be JUST as aloof as you are. If he is not getting the answers from you, he will go to her. I did it with my ex to try and get some inside information and it helped, but BLEW UP LATER in my face. You dont want that to happen, so all contact will go through you and you only. Edited January 27, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
Author livelife Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 Sadly yes I know I don't need to listen to what my roommate has to say about this situation. I will inform her not to say absolutely anything and if he asks, to keep him guessing about me. How can I just randomly bring up that i am dating other people? Maybe I can just post online that i'm going out on a date or something? Thoughts? LS is absolutely amazing it has helped me so much in past relationships, and sadly here I am again but I know i'll make it through this whatever happens!!!! I can feel that I have changed from the past relationship we had, its just a matter on what he wants, and he needs to decide that...soon.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Sadly yes I know I don't need to listen to what my roommate has to say about this situation. I will inform her not to say absolutely anything and if he asks, to keep him guessing about me. How can I just randomly bring up that i am dating other people? Maybe I can just post online that i'm going out on a date or something? Thoughts? LS is absolutely amazing it has helped me so much in past relationships, and sadly here I am again but I know i'll make it through this whatever happens!!!! I can feel that I have changed from the past relationship we had, its just a matter on what he wants, and he needs to decide that...soon. Well, the roommate herself is fine for advice. I've asked mine a bunch of times. No one person is better than the other. She might have some better advice then me or anyone else on her gives you. My thing is her telling him things if she is asked. If he ask her something, I would rather her say nothing about it. Like "its not my place to talk about anything" or she can just say you're doing fine or something non-specific. I like the positive vibe you bring about knowing you will make it through whatever. Don't see a lot of that on the break/breaking up side of this site so good for you! Again, rule #1: Do not lie about anything.. It will come back and haunt you TRUST me. Also, going out of your way to present "I'm dating" is a littler superficial and rubs me the wrong way. If my ex was going around writing facebook statuses/tweets/etc. That would not make me jealous, it would make me angry. Again, as HARD as this is (and its SOOO not easy I'm dealing with it now), you HAVE to have some self respect and restrain from talking to him. If he text you or whatever, dont ignore any of it, just answer in a very passive. Again, human emotions are similar. He knows you care (you made out with him recently. He knows lol), so the best action is to switch that role. Make him come to you because you deserve that much AND the fact it wont work if you chase. I learned/learning that the hard way currently. If he wants you, he wont stop at trying to get you. Thats what I keep telling myself. If my ex REALLY wanted me, she would go to the lengths I went through to have her. The heart wants what it wants....if thats you, 1000 times awesome!!! If not, then you have to be strong enough to realize the dance of life isnt over. Hell, you are 20! The dance hasnt even yet to begin for you.
Yamcha Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I've been involved with people who are in a relationship before. It's an awesome way to get your heart stomped on. Think of it this way: would someone who screws around behind their partners back be an ideal partner? Would they make an ideal friend? No. Dishonest people are horrible for both. Avoid them at all costs. They are worthless until they change their ways.
h3braica Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 With that said, that is where being aloof and not caring plays into your hands. He doesn't know what you are doing. Curiosity will kill the cat. He will throw out what many on here call "breadcrumbs." (THANKS LS!!)....little feelers to make sure you are still under his thumb. If you respond with a positive vibe and him knowing you want him back badly, it will feed his need and he will continue to date new girl. You are able to be there in case he wants it. Well, I can drive this car around, but I want to not sell my other one because its still nice too. If they are able to drive both cars, why sell one? this is so true! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 What you need to do is simple -- live your life without wondering what he'll think of every little thing you do. Easier said than done I know, but that's what you need to do. Do things for you, not to impress him or give off a certain vibe. He's the past. The hell with him. Jan. 29 is Tuesday, it means nothing anymore because you are broken up. The sooner you realize that, the better you'll be. And do not meddle with his current relationship at all. Just an awful idea by your roommate. The idea is bad and she should feel bad. There's no upside for you. Either a) he'll resent you for meddling or b) the other girl will get in your face because she'll think that you went out of your way to mess with their relationship. And if he contacts you -- DON'T CONTACT HIM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The difference between humans and animals is that we have the ability to rationalize and reason and are not prisoner to impulse. You need to be rid of this guy for the near future. He can't miss you if you jump every time he snaps his fingers and you can't become a better, stronger person if you follow his commands like a dog. I know this is hard. But most things worth doing are hard. If they were easy, then everyone would be successful. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) I agree with Simon. Livelife i sorry you having a rough time. Breakups just plain blow. And.....that it. Doesn't matter what he is doing, who he is f*cking or getting blowed by. It just doesn't matter. Stop the drama and start healing and doing your own thing. Cry do whatever but basically he doesn't exist unless you let him. Think of it like a death for now. He is gone, ashes in the wind. You'll be fine but you seem to be clinging onto little games or ideas of them like he is still here. He isn't. AND HE ISN'T COMING BACK..VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. Hang in there. Cav Edited January 27, 2013 by cavalier99
Author livelife Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 You see, I was 3 weeks NC, started doing fine, started thinking of him less, didn't even get phased if I saw him or anything. With that being said, in a way, he did start to come back. Maybe not fully, but he most definitely was testing his waters. Unfortunately, I had to listen to my mom and this night happened. I was ignoring his texts all night and when she told me to quit ignoring it and help the guy I did. I don't think I will ignore every text of his, in fact, I think if he texts me anything other than an explanation, I will tell him he needs to quit texting me and we need to go back to how things were three weeks ago. With that being said, I won't text him until he contacts me. And I will try my best to show that i'm fine on social media ( his only way to see ). He is posting online about his girlfriend being here, because he wants to make me jealous ( My mom thinks) He wants me to freak out on him like I used to in the past, but he won't see that, because I have changed. Jackass.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 You see, I was 3 weeks NC, started doing fine, started thinking of him less, didn't even get phased if I saw him or anything. With that being said, in a way, he did start to come back. Maybe not fully, but he most definitely was testing his waters. Unfortunately, I had to listen to my mom and this night happened. I was ignoring his texts all night and when she told me to quit ignoring it and help the guy I did. I don't think I will ignore every text of his, in fact, I think if he texts me anything other than an explanation, I will tell him he needs to quit texting me and we need to go back to how things were three weeks ago. With that being said, I won't text him until he contacts me. And I will try my best to show that i'm fine on social media ( his only way to see ). He is posting online about his girlfriend being here, because he wants to make me jealous ( My mom thinks) He wants me to freak out on him like I used to in the past, but he won't see that, because I have changed. Jackass. If you block him on Facebook/unfollow him on Twitter then you won't have to see things like that.
Author livelife Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 He is unfollowed, but for some reason no matter how much I tell them not to show me I still get told about it. I hate this.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 He is unfollowed, but for some reason no matter how much I tell them not to show me I still get told about it. I hate this. Just have to tell your friends to stop talking about it and keep on it. Sucks I know.
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Okay I will. I hate that i'm so confused. I wish I knew what he was thinking.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Okay I will. I hate that i'm so confused. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Well, that's not going to happen. That's one thing I've told myself is that trying to guess the thoughts of others is a useless way to spend your time. Whenever I get into that mindset, I repeat that and it works.
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I know I know. I guess time will tell. I'll keep you all posted as this week goes on. Sometimes just to vent, because I'm having horrible anxiety.
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I had a slip up. Someone remind me of what to do. I had all my friends making me feel bad for it, so I texted him " hey." No reply. Then I said " Look, Obviously you dont want anything to do with me. You can just tell me it was a mistake and you regret it and ill understand. I just need something because I feel so guilty and im so confused. After I went out of my way and left an event to help you, something is the least I can get. I really dont know why youre acting liek I dont exist." no reply.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I had a slip up. Someone remind me of what to do. I had all my friends making me feel bad for it, so I texted him " hey." No reply. Then I said " Look, Obviously you dont want anything to do with me. You can just tell me it was a mistake and you regret it and ill understand. I just need something because I feel so guilty and im so confused. After I went out of my way and left an event to help you, something is the least I can get. I really dont know why youre acting liek I dont exist." no reply. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do nothing. And stop listening to your friends, they aren't helping you.
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do nothing. And stop listening to your friends, they aren't helping you. Okay. Do nothing. It's just consuming my mind i'm trying to be as strong as possible.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Okay. Do nothing. It's just consuming my mind i'm trying to be as strong as possible. It does that. Find some other outlet. Go to the gym, write, draw, do something. Or just type out your thoughts to yourself or on here. But stop interacting with him. Basically you are a drug addict going into detox right now. Everytime you get a "fix" it'll make you feel good for two minutes, but then you'll feel worse than you did before the "fix". So stop.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 Okay. Do nothing. It's just consuming my mind i'm trying to be as strong as possible. This is a slippery slope. I'm still struggling with it. This is still pretty soon in the whole thing so you have a chance to not mess it up so much, but texting him like that WILL mess it up. Moving on is what needs to happen, but I know you don't want to hear that so I'll tell you this: IF (and a BIG IF) there is ever a chance of reconciliation, you HAVE to be a ghost. Texting him like you did WILL NOT CHANGE HIS MIND! I PROMISE YOU THIS. You have to trust me, Simon, Cav, etc. I've learned and am STILL learning the hard way
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 This is a slippery slope. I'm still struggling with it. This is still pretty soon in the whole thing so you have a chance to not mess it up so much, but texting him like that WILL mess it up. Moving on is what needs to happen, but I know you don't want to hear that so I'll tell you this: IF (and a BIG IF) there is ever a chance of reconciliation, you HAVE to be a ghost. Texting him like you did WILL NOT CHANGE HIS MIND! I PROMISE YOU THIS. You have to trust me, Simon, Cav, etc. I've learned and am STILL learning the hard way I know. And the Funny thing is, I know this. He came back when I was a ghost. He did. He came back. But he's gone again. I have no doubt hes extremely confused, but I will be a ghost again. I just dont want to blow up Loveshack but honestly I NEED to come here to keep myself sane. Any moment I feel weak I need to come here. I need some reinforcement.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I know. And the Funny thing is, I know this. He came back when I was a ghost. He did. He came back. But he's gone again. I have no doubt hes extremely confused, but I will be a ghost again. I just dont want to blow up Loveshack but honestly I NEED to come here to keep myself sane. Any moment I feel weak I need to come here. I need some reinforcement. Nah, I wouldnt worry about coming on here and blowing it up. I've seen some people on here that have gone through MUCH worse than me. Like ten year marriages over in a drop of a dime and they have kids, house,etc. I find that mine still hurts my heart so much, but it could be SO much worse....same goes for you. Just keep your head up and realize that you are untimely okay. It hurts absolutely, but things could be so much worse. 1
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 Nah, I wouldnt worry about coming on here and blowing it up. I've seen some people on here that have gone through MUCH worse than me. Like ten year marriages over in a drop of a dime and they have kids, house,etc. I find that mine still hurts my heart so much, but it could be SO much worse....same goes for you. Just keep your head up and realize that you are untimely okay. It hurts absolutely, but things could be so much worse. Thank you so much. Dreading tomorrow. I don't want to see him on campus.
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 I can't help but feel so much anger. I feel so pissed off right now. I just want to tell his girlfriend. I want to tell him that if he doesn't step up and be a man that I will tell her
Simon Phoenix Posted January 28, 2013 Posted January 28, 2013 I can't help but feel so much anger. I feel so pissed off right now. I just want to tell his girlfriend. I want to tell him that if he doesn't step up and be a man that I will tell her This is one of the worst ideas ever. Stop this. But I'll humor you -- How does doing this help your life and situation? What is your ultimate goal?
Author livelife Posted January 28, 2013 Author Posted January 28, 2013 This is one of the worst ideas ever. Stop this. But I'll humor you -- How does doing this help your life and situation? What is your ultimate goal? He can't get away with this!!!
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