Not only did I break NC but...

January 26, 2013

Okay to sum it up: We were still talking, well we had a big fight in November. He met this girl from Twitter that lives 3 and a half hours away in December and leading up to New Years eve, I was so drunk. I sent him a video on new years eve and he sends me back a picture of him, the girl, and his two friends. Well drunk me sendshim back a picture of me and a guy kissing saying this is my new years kiss. ( This information will make sense later)

The next day,him and this girl are official on facebook. I told him to never speak to me again. I said I didn't want anything to do with him he really hurt me and he just thought I was being very immature.

Anyyyyways We were NC since. Just this past tuesday, my first time seeing him in a while, I was driving he was walking, we wave and thats it. He texts me later that night around 6 ( I saw him at 9 am) and says still on campus? Geez long day lol" I didn't reply.

Fast forward two days later ( just yesterday) I get a snapchat from him. I get a text from him that said " Please dont hate me" Then " help me" I text my roommate and she said hes drunk he asked me what you were doing and said he needed help. I call my mom, my mom wants me to help him as much as she doesn't approve of him. He called me ( at this point I still hadn't replied to him) I pick up the phone.

I picked him up from the bar cause my mom wanted me to. He asked to come to our apartment so me and my roommate were having entertainment by him. He kept asking me to come by him and whispering In my ear thank you and saying he's sorry for everything. My roommate asked me to leave the room so she could ask him about his Gf and i was listening and he was like (me) dating someone else and she was ljke no Shes not but you have a gf why does it matter and he kept saying shes a freshmen and lives 3 hours away it wint work. and said i make him happy I'm just not at the maturity level he wants me at or something. Well she went to bed and he kept rubbing my leg and bringing me close and tried to kiss me and I said he couldn't. He ended up sleeping in my bed and we cuddled and I kept pushing him away ad he was kissing my neck and I kept stopping him. I said he had a gf and he said well that doesn't mean I haven't stopped thinking about you. Well I gave in and we kissed and made out and we did stuff but we didn't have sex. I told him I hoped he knew what he was doing and he said he did. He also brought up friends and i said no i cant be just friends with you not for a while, maybe years. and he said i know thats my way Of trying to move on which clearly isn't working or something like that. he said something about how moving on isn't working. i don't rememver specifically Well this morning we ended up kissing more but that was it. He was really playful with me. I drove him to his car and as he got out I asked what was going on ad he said you were the first person I thought of and you always keep me safe. Well then I go no last night and this morning. And he said he had a a lot of thinking to do ad I said okay so you'll get back to me and he said yes and then that was it.

Thoughts?!!? I'm obviously not going to speak to him unless he initiates it cause I shouldn't. And yes I'm aware he could be playing me. I feel bad as it is but i'm very confused.

January 26, 2013

I really don't want to get lectured about this or anything, I'm asking for logical advice as to what my next steps should be. Basically just not say a word to him? I'm aware yes hes a bad guy blah blah blah I'm not focused on crap talking him.

oh and another additinal detail: He mentioned to me when we were in my room he said I've been waiting on one thing from you. Do you know what that is? And I asked what and he said for you to mature. and He asked if I have and I said thats for you to find out not for me to tell you. Honestly, I acted immaturely in our relationship due to things he did, and if he does try, I would have to communicate with him as to what I need in a relationship and if he cant give it to me then I can't be wasting my time on him.

Edited January 26, 2013 by livelife

January 26, 2013

It sounds like, regardless of the advice you get here (because I'm pretty sure nobody has told you previously to hook up with your ex again while he's dating this other girl), you're going to do whatever you want?

I mean the next logical step would be to not contact him and not respond to contact from him. If you're not going to completely cut him off forever, then at least until he's no longer with this other girl and until he has said that he's committed to making it work with you.

Also I find it funny that a man you had to pick up from the bar because he was so drunk and helpless, and who cheats on his current girlfriend with you, is telling you to mature.

January 26, 2013

It sounds like, regardless of the advice you get here (because I'm pretty sure nobody has told you previously to hook up with your ex again while he's dating this other girl), you're going to do whatever you want?

I mean the next logical step would be to not contact him and not respond to contact from him. If you're not going to completely cut him off forever, then at least until he's no longer with this other girl and until he has said that he's committed to making it work with you.

Also I find it funny that a man you had to pick up from the bar because he was so drunk and helpless, and who cheats on his current girlfriend with you, is telling you to mature.

Yes I know. I went with my mom's advice here. She's my rock. But I didn't plan for any of that other stuff to happen. He just got to me. I tried to stop him. But he just gets to me you know? And THANK YOU I completely agree with this last statement about him being the "mature one". Do you think he was sincere with what he was saying? After all, drunken words are sober thoughts.

I do plan on replying if he does contact me, just because this is somethign that must be discussed and not just brushed off.

January 26, 2013

I decided to text him because my roommate said I should. She is in town visiting him and hes posting online " Just took my girlfriend to go see blah blah blah"

He can't get away with this.

So I texted him "...so.Are you going to tell her? I don't know how you can have a clear conscience with this."

Currently waiting for a response, don't know if I'll get one, but at least it's in his mind.

January 27, 2013

I am very confused. I don't know what to do about this situation. Do I ask him to speak with me about it this week? I need him to clear up with me whats going on.

January 27, 2013

I am very confused. I don't know what to do about this situation. Do I ask him to speak with me about it this week? I need him to clear up with me whats going on.

No...you do nothing. You do not text him, you do not call him, you do not do anything. Giving in to him and his "needs" are doing nothing for you and everything for him. Act aloof....TRUST me on this. I learned the hard way on this.

January 27, 2013

No...you do nothing. You do not text him, you do not call him, you do not do anything. Giving in to him and his "needs" are doing nothing for you and everything for him. Act aloof....TRUST me on this. I learned the hard way on this.

What do you mean? Can you explain?

January 27, 2013

What do you mean? Can you explain?

Sure no problem. He is obviously not in the best of mind to be making any sort of decision currently. By doing what he has done recently, it sounds like MAYBE he is reconsidering being away from you...and alcohol makes you say some things you usually wouldn't lol. However, by playing the "I'm still here" type card, he is not going to be in any rush to make a decision. He is going to continue to date this new girl AND have you there as well. There is no consequence for him. You have to let him know you will not be there at his call. What you did for him picking him up is nice and whatever, but don't let your guard down. Have some self pride. That is HUGE trust me

January 27, 2013

Yeah, do nothing. Run away from this drama as soon as possible. There's really no point or good result for you in playing this game.

January 27, 2013

Sure no problem. He is obviously not in the best of mind to be making any sort of decision currently. By doing what he has done recently, it sounds like MAYBE he is reconsidering being away from you...and alcohol makes you say some things you usually wouldn't lol. However, by playing the "I'm still here" type card, he is not going to be in any rush to make a decision. He is going to continue to date this new girl AND have you there as well. There is no consequence for him. You have to let him know you will not be there at his call. What you did for him picking him up is nice and whatever, but don't let your guard down. Have some self pride. That is HUGE trust me

Thank you so much. How can I let him know I won't be there at his call?

January 27, 2013

Thank you so much. How can I let him know I won't be there at his call?

By not being there at his call. By not having contact with him. By not continuing to be sucked in like you have been.

January 27, 2013

By not being there at his call. By not having contact with him. By not continuing to be sucked in like you have been.

Yeah true story. Simon is always really pretty good at this type of stuff. Telling him that you will not be there at his call wont do much. SHOWING him you wont be there at his call will be apparent.

January 27, 2013

I do want to discuss this with him.

And honestly, I want to tell the girlfriend if he doesn't tell her in a week or so.

January 27, 2013

I do want to discuss this with him.
And honestly, I want to tell the girlfriend if he doesn't tell her in a week or so.

Drama, drama, drama. That's all that this would be. But you'll do what you want ultimately.

January 27, 2013

I do want to discuss this with him.
And honestly, I want to tell the girlfriend if he doesn't tell her in a week or so.

No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! That would be a TERRIBLE idea. If you want to screw everything up, do that. I understand you want to talk to him about this....trust me I get it. I'm learning all these things out the HARD way while my ex is probably having sex currently. You want a possible reconciliation? LEAVE...IT..ALONE. You have to trust me on this. I've seen MANY of people (including me several times) who will listen to advice and do the EXACT opposite and they wish they could go back and do it over. MY GOD what I would do if I could do it over.....

Overall, you have to let him figure this out himself. If he wants to make it work again, thats up to you whether or not its worth it. Until that time comes (if it does), you have to leave it.

Edited January 27, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing

January 27, 2013

Do you guys think he will even tell his girlfriend/ break up with her and decide what he wants??

My roommate is sitting here drilling it in my head that no they probably won't break up and no he can't get away with it, hence where these thoughts are coming from.

January 27, 2013

Do you guys think he will even tell his girlfriend/ break up with her and decide what he wants??
My roommate is sitting here drilling it in my head that no they probably won't break up and no he can't get away with it, hence where these thoughts are coming from.

If you think breaking him up with his girlfriend will make him come back to you, then you are mistaken. I understand that he's a douche for cheating on her with you, but it's not your job to play cop, especially considering your past history with him. There's a good chance that the girl he is dating won't believe you or will stay with him because she thinks you are doing it to break them up. You need to stay the hell out of it. Now if someone else tells her, then maybe it won't blow up in your face. But your roommate's advice is really crappy advice. You need to step the f--k back and let things settle at their own speed without your input.

January 27, 2013

Do you guys think he will even tell his girlfriend/ break up with her and decide what he wants??
My roommate is sitting here drilling it in my head that no they probably won't break up and no he can't get away with it, hence where these thoughts are coming from.

Want my opinion? No, he wont tell his current GF about you or any of this. Why would he? He is thinking about his best interest currently. He would benefit NONE by telling her nor would he gain anything IF you are still around. Your BEST chance is being a ghost. Do NOT text him....do NOT call him. If he feels any pressure of you NOT there, he will do something about it IF he wants to. That is not your decision to make. The worst thing about a BU is that you CANNOT change the other person or what they are thinking. The more you try, the absolute worst it gets.

Your BEST bet is to let it ride. Anything else will set you back I assure you. Personal experience I assure you.

January 27, 2013

if you think breaking him up with his girlfriend will make him come back to you, then you are mistaken. I understand that he's a douche for cheating on her with you, but it's not your job to play cop, especially considering your past history with him. There's a good chance that the girl he is dating won't believe you or will stay with him because she thinks you are doing it to break them up. You need to stay the hell out of it. Now if someone else tells her, then maybe it won't blow up in your face. But your roommate's advice is really crappy advice. You need to step the f--k back and let things settle at their own speed without your input.

will you quit answering with much better answers before me?!?!?!?!

January 27, 2013

I appreciate both of your responses so much. Thank you.

This coming tuesday is when things might start popping up again

He always mentioned how he remembered January 29th was the day we met a year ago.

Well this coming tuesday is infact January 29th.

When he was at my place Thursday, he mentioned this date, asked if I remembered what it was, I said yes..

I wonder if he will say anything Tuesday about what the day is. If he does, what do I do?

January 27, 2013

I appreciate both of your responses so much. Thank you.

This coming tuesday is when things might start popping up again
He always mentioned how he remembered January 29th was the day we met a year ago.
Well this coming tuesday is infact January 29th.
When he was at my place Thursday, he mentioned this date, asked if I remembered what it was, I said yes..

I wonder if he will say anything Tuesday about what the day is. If he does, what do I do?

Aloof. All Aloof.....act like its another day. Either don't answer (but I know you will ), but if you do answer, a very short answer and thats it.

Here is something HUGE that I need to tell you right now because I see a lot of me in you (non sexual of course lol).....when you "look forward" to something happening or have hope of something happening (ex: The 29th, a happy birthday text, etc), you are already setting yourself up for major disappointment. When you get disappointed, you are more apt to make some terrible decisions like annoy him or text him when he doesnt want it. Keep all composure and just roll with events. MUCH easier said than done I'm fully aware but you HAVE to do this.

January 27, 2013

You're right. I am hoping for something. I have never been in this situation and have never put myself in this situation before so I am completely confused.

I will trust that he will get back to me like he said he would once he "had a lot of thinking to do."

January 27, 2013

You're right. I am hoping for something. I have never been in this situation and have never put myself in this situation before so I am completely confused.
I will trust that he will get back to me like he said he would once he "had a lot of thinking to do."

I totally understand what you are feeling. I just had my first ever BU with someone who I loved more than anyone I've ever met (and I'm 27). It's been four months with me currently, and I'm making 900 mistakes and making it SO much worse. She is now with someone currently and probably doing everything under the sun with eachother and it kills me every second of the day. Sometimes, I've heard in order to learn, you have to make these mistakes on your own and I know you will make a mistake or two down the line, but honestly, MANY of these people on here are 100 percent correct with everything they say. It sounds counterproductive sometimes, but I SWEAR TO YOU they are right. If you ACTUALLY follow everyones advice on here, you will have a MUCH better chance of getting to where you want to be. Not saying you guys will be 100% back together, but your chances to do that will increase greatly.

You are so much like me...and I'm a man so that doesnt say much about me lol. What I do see is that you are very compassionate and do care about him. However, though he might care to a degree, the level of his caring is not anywhere near where you are at currently. That is where this can get you in trouble honestly. You will NEVER be able to change his feelings. You can send him love letters, tell him all the memories you had, show up naked at his door etc etc..... its his feelings and shockingly, most human emotions work in the same way. Jealously, envy, compassion, etc....humans are complex creatures but honestly, we arent that much lol.

Just listen to the advice and please do NOT get your hopes up with anything. Hope is what keeps us moving forward every single day, but don't LIVE on that hope. It will knock you down and hurt you worse.

January 27, 2013

Im willing to follow that advice every step of the way. When he was here, he mentioned how I was dating/talking to someone else, Well, I was, but we ended up not talking anymore due to the fact that he wasn't over his ex. ( IT was my ex from high school, how funny!) Anyways my roommate told him that I no longer was talking to him..

I need to get that jealousy back and have him think Im with someone else, even though i'm not.

Trust me, Every text I get, every emotion I feel, I will come here just to make sure I don't mess anything up. And please be here for me because you are very knowledgeable! I'm only 20:rolleyes:

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