KissMyTiara Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 How do I get through the night, when the night before he was in my bed, making love to me, holding me captive with his eyes, cuddling me, and yet now he's in bed with another woman - his wife? How can I lay in bed and not feel where his body was the night before, where his arms held me the night before, where his lips kissed me the night before? He's a world away to me right now, even though in reality it's just a few miles.
tokyo Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon If something bothers you, chop it off. Hahahah I think your situation sucks, but I wouldn´t like to be in his wife´s situation either...
Bourget Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Tiara, You got it BAD, baby!! You can no longer deny the fact that have fallen for this guy. Anybody who posts thoughts and emotions like yours is "In Love". Good luck and BE CAREFUL!! Although I think it's too late for advice like that.
Papillon Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 She's playing with fire and she's gonna get burned. It's just a question of time. No regrets, Tiara....
Pocky Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Tiara - Why don't you pursue the nice divorced single guy instead of the MM?
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 25, 2004 Author Posted August 25, 2004 Pocky - I AM, I am TRYING to, trust me!! We just can't seem to get our calendars in order so that we can really spend some quality time together (I have been in trial, so work has been consuming my life). On the other hand, MM has been finding ways to rearrange his schedule to be with me...but then he leaves, and my heart is ripped out and I feel like I am going to vomit - every f***ing time.
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 25, 2004 Author Posted August 25, 2004 Originally posted by Bourget Tiara, You got it BAD, baby!! You can no longer deny the fact that have fallen for this guy. Anybody who posts thoughts and emotions like yours is "In Love". Good luck and BE CAREFUL!! Although I think it's too late for advice like that. Interesting thought, Bourget. I sometimes actually imagine myself actually yelling at him, "...because I am f***ing in love with you, that's why!!" but I never actually say it, of course. And when I think that, I kinda kick myself and think, "No, girl, you don't, you don't love him, how can you? He's a cheater, bad guy, etc., and there's the other nice one..." I'm so confused, I don't even know what to think anymore.
Bourget Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 Join the club Tiara, I'm right there with you. I don't know what to think anymore either. But face it, you DO love him!
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 25, 2004 Author Posted August 25, 2004 Originally posted by Bourget Join the club Tiara, I'm right there with you. I don't know what to think anymore either. But face it, you DO love him! Given the circumstances, do you really think that's something I should be smiling about? And I wonder, if he knew, he'd probably run the other way...
littleflowerpot Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 sure, you could be in love with him even if you think he's not such a great guy. but that doesn't mean you should stay with him just because you love him. especially if it makes you miserable. you're right - he sleeps in her arms every night. how long will you torture yourself by staying with him and having that mental picture every night? you sound like a loving woman but you deserve to be loved too.
2Confuzed Posted August 25, 2004 Posted August 25, 2004 I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same thing. I would love seeing him but the feeling would be over shadowed because I knew when he left, I would feel empty and alone. Is he planning on leaving his wife? If he's not, you are wasting your time. But, if he is, then the best thing to do is to take a step back until he gets a divorce. Believe me, I know it's hard, I'm going through it right now. For your own sanity, you need to be just friends (or less if that's too hard to handle) until he gets a divorce. You will get to a point where you can't take it anymore. That's where I am. You feel like disappearing or something. Me and my MM decided that he shouldn't come over my house anymore until he took care of what needs to be done. He didn't like lying to his wife and he didn't think it was fair to me either (only seeing him in pieces). We both agreed to these terms, and although it's hard, it has to be this way. The up side is that if he goes through with divorce, you will know that he is serious about you. Not to mention, you will both be able to enter into a relationship with a clear conscience. Good Luck
Mr Spock Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by KissMyTiara Pocky - I AM, I am TRYING to, trust me!! We just can't seem to get our calendars in order so that we can really spend some quality time together (I have been in trial, so work has been consuming my life). On the other hand, MM has been finding ways to rearrange his schedule to be with me...but then he leaves, and my heart is ripped out and I feel like I am going to vomit - every f***ing time. "Vomiting" is something I'd associate with withdrawl(sic) from an addiction rather than "Love" It sounds like you are DEEP in the throes of obsession, and I don't think there is any helping you until you hit bottom with this guy. What are you going to do?
sinner Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 You have to ride this one out, kmt. You're in way too deep. I suspect your MM has very similar feelings for you, but being a guy he's more practiced at suppressing them. Check out an excellent novel by the great British comic writer, Mil Millington, entitled "A Certain Chemistry." The painfully funny book is about an affair, and the consequences of the affair on our significant relationships and our.brain chemistry. Affairs play havoc with brain chemistry, along with our well-ordered lives. Your brain is probably awash in all sorts of pleasure cocktails, and your life is topsy-turvy. Affairs are not for the faint-of-heart. We all, at some point in our sorry lives, could benefit from relationship detox.
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 26, 2004 Author Posted August 26, 2004 Sinner - how do you suggest I go through relationship detox?
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 26, 2004 Author Posted August 26, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock "Vomiting" is something I'd associate with withdrawl(sic) from an addiction rather than "Love" It sounds like you are DEEP in the throes of obsession, and I don't think there is any helping you until you hit bottom with this guy. What are you going to do? Spock - I wouldn't go as far as to say I am obsessed, and I haven't actually literally thrown up, but when we part I DO lose my appetite, I have no desire to eat, and I feel very, very sad. Last weekend when we parted at the airport to get on our separate flights, I had to turn away before he could see me start to cry... Just parting from him feels like it's going to kill me...but THEN, a few hours later, I am fine. It's just the initial separation - like how my chihuahua cries when I walk out the door every morning...it takes her about 5 minutes, but she wears herself out with the wimpering (and frankly, I think she just gets bored of feelings like that, as do I). It's baaaaadddd now, so how do I know when I've hit bottom? FYI - I am in the beginning stages "dating" a SINGLE guy. Strangely, he is in many ways my MM, but divorced. Same age, same kids' ages, married at the same age, etc.
sinner Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Sinner - how do you suggest I go through relationship detox? I don't know--perhaps some combination of counseling, mild sedatives, no contact and lots of self-improvement activities (eg, yoga, running, getting an LLM, speed dating, etc.). The problem, KMT, is that you are in a love relationship--where every cell in your body wants to be with your lover exclusively--but he's not only unavailable, but sleeping with another woman. That's not the way love is supposed to work. That's why you have this phantom limb pain (by the way, that's a great metaphor). Here's a cautionary tale: about a suave married male partner and his much younger unmarried female Associate. Of course they had an affair that lasted years. I knew both and the poor OW would tell me that Jack (names are changed to protect the guilty) was going to leave his wife and 3 kids in a month or two. This went on for years. Jack never left the homestead. The OW aged and is now well into her 40s and very single. Jack eventually left her. By the way, Jack still has affairs with much younger female Associates--he's a serial affair artist. The moral:Use every resource at your disposal and cut your losses, now. Otherwse, you face years and years of frustration and torment in this phantom limb relationship only to be discarded once your youth and beauty fade. Your life; your choice.
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 26, 2004 Author Posted August 26, 2004 No way in hell I'm going back to get an LLM!
sami Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Next time just keep him in all to yourself. Do not let go.
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 26, 2004 Author Posted August 26, 2004 How the hell am I supposed to keep him all to myself? That's not possible. I have to let go, everytime he has to go HOME.
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 26, 2004 Author Posted August 26, 2004 That's not really all that helpful, now is it?
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 26, 2004 Author Posted August 26, 2004 I'm not mad, but I am looking for realistic advice here, and from what I've read on your other posts, it doesn't seem like you'd follow your own suggestion....so why tell me that?
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