Keenly Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I also like to add, its a myth that shy nerd guys are after clever ambitious women. I interact with these men on a daily basis, and let me tell you, they also sit around together and drool over the same type of "hot" girl the other guys want/go for. The only difference is they cant get any. How exactly is it that people, the OP and you included, can take a small group of people (the group you personally have interacted with) and then say "This is my experience, therefore this is how all of them are" 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I also like to add, its a myth that shy nerd guys are after clever ambitious women. I interact with these men on a daily basis, and let me tell you, they also sit around together and drool over the same type of "hot" girl the other guys want/go for. The only difference is they cant get any. Yup. I only go after the most gorgeous women I see. I never ever ever like women with good personalities. Looks > personality. All the time every time. Right? 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 How exactly is it that people, the OP and you included, can take a small group of people (the group you personally have interacted with) and then say "This is my experience, therefore this is how all of them are" Same reason women can come on here and say "all men are jerks who only want sex". It's only "true" because these women have a very limited amount of interaction with wide variety of men. If I lived my entire life in France, never hearing about or interacting with people from other parts of the world, I'd assume everyone on earth spoke French. Same difference here.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 How exactly is it that people, the OP and you included, can take a small group of people (the group you personally have interacted with) and then say "This is my experience, therefore this is how all of them are" SERIOUSLY. How condescending and insulting is this post: I also like to add, its a myth that shy nerd guys are after clever ambitious women. I interact with these men on a daily basis, and let me tell you, they also sit around together and drool over the same type of "hot" girl the other guys want/go for. The only difference is they cant get any. That's an amazing pile of insulting anti-male, anti-GOOD-male crap to cram into 1 paragraph: - Shy guys are all nerds - Shy guys are all the same - She has them all figured out - They only like the same type of hot girls everyone else likes - THE ONLY DIFFERENCE between the shy nerds and the alphas is that the shy nerds fail (of course we know there are no other differences in the shy guys, such as, I dunno, good or unique qualities, no they don't have those) Wow that is just EPICALLY wrong. And I JUST slammed another shy guy for going after the wrong kind of girl. Here's the actual truth: - Most guys are going to be ATTRACTED to really hot girls (NOT fixate on only that type of girl or even have an actual desire to DATE that type of girl) - You're bitter that it's not you that gets all the attention 1
TheGuard13 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 So you want a "real" man, one who is clever, ambitious, driven and different (what does that even mean?) Seconded. What does that mean?
VodkaShots Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 This post is prime sample as to why women should actually learn to start paying attention to the quiet, shy, nerdy guys. And what if some women just aren't attracted or even compatible with quiet, shy, nerdy guys? Furthermore what are these quiet, shy, nerdy guys doing for themselves? Why aren't they going for quiet, shy, nerdy girls instead of envying and hating "Alphas" for getting the girls they desire and think they're entitled to just because they're friends and he listens to her rant for hours. It seems to have become a common shaming tactic where if a woman is having dating problems, that she deserves it and it's her punishment for not going for "nice guys" or whatever and she should make a compromise on her standards. Would you tell a so called "Alpha" who is having problems with the opposite sex that he should just give up and stop ignoring homely or nerdy girls who wear glasses and have acne or whatever?
Keenly Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 And what if some women just aren't attracted or even compatible with quiet, shy, nerdy guys? Furthermore what are these quiet, shy, nerdy guys doing for themselves? Then you can enjoy repeating the same cycle over and over again going after the same types of guys and wondering why nothing ever changes. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 It seems to have become a common shaming tactic where if a woman is having dating problems, that she deserves it and it's her punishment for not going for "nice guys" or whatever and she should make a compromise on her standards. Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I think everyone's dating problems are their own fault. Male or female. It's called "revealed preference". If you keep dating guys you don't like (or girls if you're a guy) or if you have dating problems, it's because you are choosing to have those problems or choosing to date those types of people. I can't tell you how many times people complain that their SO cheated on them, or did something ridiculous. And yet they keep going back to that person or someone just like them. The truth is that's the type of person they want to date, even if they verbally express their dissatisfaction.
mesmerized Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Here's the actual truth: - Most guys are going to be ATTRACTED to really hot girls (NOT fixate on only that type of girl or even have an actual desire to DATE that type of girl) - You're bitter that it's not you that gets all the attention I can get these guys easily. They drool over me too I'm just pointing out that a streotypical shy nerdy guy is often not what people assume him to be. He's like all the other guys except he is just not that attractive to the majority of women he is attracted to. And yes, I've known and met tons of men this type, I know them better than the average girl. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 And what if some women just aren't attracted or even compatible with quiet, shy, nerdy guys? Furthermore what are these quiet, shy, nerdy guys doing for themselves? Why aren't they going for quiet, shy, nerdy girls instead of envying and hating "Alphas" for getting the girls they desire and think they're entitled to just because they're friends and he listens to her rant for hours. Simple. Quiet, shy nerdy guys are terrible at receiving signals of interest and quiet, shy nerdy girls are terrible at sending them. Therefore, both groups try for the types of girls and guys that are assertive about expressing their interest. Being a quiet nerdy guy, a critical mistake I made when I was young is not understanding that being assertive about one's interest in someone is one's best chance, regardless of personality type. In other words, when I saw "alphas" of the jerk/douchebag variety be successful with very assertive, forward approaches, what my mind registered is that I hated that sort of personality and I linked the assertive approach with the jerk/douchebag personality. Therefore, in order to set myself apart from the jerk/douchebag type, I tried to find other approaches that were ultimately very unsuccessful. The best thing for the quiet, shy nerdy guys to do is just be straightforward with women they're interested in , even if it feels like cold-calling. After all, it's all just practice. But in our teens and 20s, most of us are so hypersensitive about how we appear to others, that nothing ever feels like "just practice". 2
ChessPieceFace Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I can get these guys easily. They drool over me too I'm just pointing out that a streotypical shy nerdy guy is often not what people assume him to be. He's like all the other guys except he is just not that attractive to the majority of women he is attracted to. And yes, I've known and met tons of men this type, I know them better than the average girl. And I bet you're "smarter than the average bear." Except you still haven't gotten the picnic basket. Cause you're still on a dating forum complaining.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I can get these guys easily. They drool over me too And yes, I've known and met tons of men this type, I know them better than the average girl. I'm sure that's completely true, you are the expert...
TheGuard13 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 And what if some women just aren't attracted or evencompatible with quiet, shy, nerdy guys? Furthermore what are these quiet, shy,nerdy guys doing for themselves? Why aren't they going for quiet, shy, nerdygirls instead of envying and hating "Alphas" for getting the girlsthey desire and think they're entitled to just because they're friends and helistens to her rant for hours. Then they’re attracted to whatever they’re attracted to, and theyshould stop bitching and complaining when whatever they’re attracted to hasflaws, which they're often also subconsciously attracted to. Simple. Quiet, shy nerdy guys are terrible at receivingsignals of interest and quiet, shy nerdy girls are terrible at sending them. Therefore,both groups try for the types of girls and guys that are assertive aboutexpressing their interest. Being a quiet nerdy guy, a critical mistake I made when I was young is notunderstanding that being assertive about one's interest in someone is one'sbest chance, regardless of personality type. In other words, when I saw"alphas" of the jerk/douchebag variety be successful with veryassertive, forward approaches, what my mind registered is that I hated thatsort of personality and I linked the assertive approach with thejerk/douchebag personality. Therefore, in order to set myself apart fromthe jerk/douchebag type, I tried to find other approaches that were ultimatelyvery unsuccessful. Ditto. Took a lot of work to change a lifetime of bad habits. Didn't turn things around until a girl literally told me "You should have just said something about how you felt about me". It should be common sense, but it isn't. A lot of guys don't know these simple things.
xxoo Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Being a quiet nerdy guy, a critical mistake I made when I was young is not understanding that being assertive about one's interest in someone is one's best chance, regardless of personality type. In other words, when I saw "alphas" of the jerk/douchebag variety be successful with very assertive, forward approaches, what my mind registered is that I hated that sort of personality and I linked the assertive approach with the jerk/douchebag personality. Therefore, in order to set myself apart from the jerk/douchebag type, I tried to find other approaches that were ultimately very unsuccessful. Exactly! Good guys--nice guys--can still be flirty and playful and bold with women. Unlike the jerky guys, they simply stop trying to pick up women once they are in a relationship. They can, but don't need or want to, because they went after someone that they really like, and got her! 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Then they’re attracted to whatever they’re attracted to, and theyshould stop bitching and complaining when whatever they’re attracted to hasflaws, which they're often also subconsciously attracted to. Exactly, you live by the sword and you die by the sword. It's the same deal with women who complain about how many messages they get on OLD that say "hey what's up" or "yo sexy girl" or just a picture of the guy's genitalia. Yeah I get it, that can be annoying, but plenty of guys send decent messages that are never replied to, so these women can't be that inundated with horrible messages...they get at least some pretty good choices.
mesmerized Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 And I bet you're "smarter than the average bear." Except you still haven't gotten the picnic basket. Cause you're still on a dating forum complaining. I'm sure that's completely true, you are the expert... Why are you guys so bothered by what I said anyway? I work with and am friends with a lot of guys this type and I'm just saying my experience. Are there shy, quiet and nerdy guys out there that make great partners? Absolutely but it has little to do with them having the mentioned qualities.
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Why are you guys so bothered by what I said anyway? I work with and am friends with a lot of guys this type and I'm just saying my experience. Are there shy, quiet and nerdy guys out there that make great partners? Absolutely but it has little to do with them having the mentioned qualities. Eh, I don't care what you say about me, I know I'd be a lousy partner. But I don't want other guys who wouldn't be lousy partners to feel down about themselves or be tarnished by those of us who are. Some Japanese people were Kamikaze pilots in WWII, but that doesn't justify sending every Japanese person to concentration camps. You see what I'm saying? If you wrote: "49322 would be a lousy partner, he sounds angry, he's too shy, too judgemental, is probably bad at sex and relationships", my reaction would be to say "that's fair". What you actually wrote isn't fair, IMO.
TheGuard13 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Exactly, you live by the sword and you die by the sword. It's the same with guys who like slutty, crazy types, and then have problems with the person being slutty and crazy. It boggles the mind. This, more than anything, is what made me stop giving a crap about women choosing a certain type of guy over me when I was younger. It also made me stop listening to their problems. Like, at all. Realizing this.
somedude81 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Why are you guys so bothered by what I said anyway? I work with and am friends with a lot of guys this type and I'm just saying my experience. Are there shy, quiet and nerdy guys out there that make great partners? Absolutely but it has little to do with them having the mentioned qualities. Eh, I don't care what you say about me, I know I'd be a lousy partner. But I don't want other guys who wouldn't be lousy partners to feel down about themselves or be tarnished by those of us who are. Some Japanese people were Kamikaze pilots in WWII, but that doesn't justify sending every Japanese person to concentration camps. You see what I'm saying? If you wrote: "49322 would be a lousy partner, he sounds angry, he's too shy, too judgemental, is probably bad at sex and relationships", my reaction would be to say "that's fair". What you actually wrote isn't fair, IMO. Heh, I know I'd make a great boyfriend. It's kind of like knowing that you would be great at a job but for some reason you suck at interviews. If somebody would just give you the job and let you prove yourself, you'd do great. 1
Fondue Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I'm not going to change for any man, I don't think it needs softening, as Marilyn Monroe said 'if he can't handle you at your worst, then he sure as hell don't deserve you at your best' or something like that. Miss, All the real men don't stand for this kind of attitude. Maybe you can't find because you are not a worthy woman yourself? You sound immature and entitled. I'm not surprised that you cannot find a suitor that tailors to your desires. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Heh, I know I'd make a great boyfriend. It's kind of like knowing that you would be great at a job but for some reason you suck at interviews. If somebody would just give you the job and let you prove yourself, you'd do great. Exactly. I've learned to accept my fate though. It's kind of like being a musician and knowing you've got what it takes to do really well in the business. At some point, if no one wants to listen to your sample, you have to figure there's a reason. 1
mesmerized Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Heh, I know I'd make a great boyfriend. It's kind of like knowing that you would be great at a job but for some reason you suck at interviews. If somebody would just give you the job and let you prove yourself, you'd do great. You never had a relationship and probably barely know what women consider a great boyfriend. So you can't say you know you'd make a great bf, sorry. 1
somedude81 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You never had a relationship and probably barely know what women consider a great boyfriend. So you can't say you know you'd make a great bf, sorry. Well aren't you a Debby downer. That's cute.
mortensorchid Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I have been asking myself these same questions for years. Where are all the good men out there? THere are no men out there, there are boys who are looking for someone who is lesser than they are and who will take care of them rather than a woman who has goals and achieves things. FOr example, my last bf (who is out of my life for good) broke it off after six months saying that every woman he's ever been with has broken it off because of his bad behavior. I thought that was a real loser thing of him to do/say. Within a scant 5/6 months later, he had a new gf. Within a few weeks of that, they are living together. The lesson? He wanted someone who is going to take care of him like his mom rather than one who wants him to stand on his own two feet. Regrets? On my part no, on his part when his pathetic gf who is taking care of him throws him out (as he said in his break up speech to me) because of his bad behavior and he's back living with his mom, yes. I needed to vent as well. It's too depressing. 1
pbjbear Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Probably, but irregardless, you should probably never use that quote again And besides, there are men out there who like all those attributes you are talking about - but as long as the venting is kept to places like this (and even then, to a minimum at least ), you'll have better luck finding them . Im with the OP 100% on this one I have the same exact problem. I do all my man venting here its much better off that way I love nerdy guys too btw...I am kinda nerdy myself sometimes
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