tuxedo cat Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 We've been officially together for just over a month but had been crushing on each other from a distance for months before that. It started out with a lot of promise. My only concern was we were moving too fast -- he promised me the moon, told me he loved me after just a couple of weeks, made our relationship fb official after our second date. Then something suddenly changed recently. He started canceling our dates last minute and being cold in the mornings when we'd part ways. I strongly sensed something was wrong but he totally denied it, insisted that he adored me and had no doubts. I started to question my own sanity since there was such a gulf between what I sensed and what he was saying. It's always been a struggle for me to open up to people because of some hurts from my past, and as I noticed him pulling away I got more uncomfortable around him. Finally this morning he was borderline rude to me when we said goodbye. He kind of snapped at me, barely kissed me and said, "see you later." He sent me an unprompted text later apologizing and saying that he tends to be grumpy in the morning. Then later in the day he sent me another text saying he was feeling vulnerable and scared. I asked him if he had any doubts about being with me and he said he had none but that he gets uncomfortable when he feels that a girl is into sex too fast because he likes to take things very, very slowly. (His ex was sort of a nympho who cheated on him multiple times for what it's worth.) I had no idea I was moving too fast. We haven't yet "finished" sex because he always wants to stop in the middle and I don't want to pressure him. It's confusing because he is the one who always initiates it. I thought I'd been very patient with him as I let him take the lead. I explained this to him and then he also told me something else -- that he loves me but notices that I'm always seem nervous around him and he feels like he barely knows me. He told me he'd like to see me unwind if I'm comfortable with that. I told him many weeks ago that it takes me a long time to be myself around a new person, often a couple of months. At the time he said, "I'll still be here." But now that he's told me he's having all these doubts, I feel very pressured and I worry it will be even harder for me now to be myself. I told him that I wasn't sure if we should continue seeing each other and he said, "Can't we just give it time? Please? I really want to keep seeing you :(" I've been rejected by a number of men because of my shyness. This was the reason my last relationship ended. The typical pattern is a guy will be very into me and move things fast at first, pursue me heavily, and then lose interest in a matter of weeks when I still haven't opened up. I've had successful relationships with most of the guys who stuck around and got to know me better, but they're in the minority. Most guys bail. My first boyfriend rejected me for the same reason initially, but then I convinced him to give us another chance and I finally got myself to open up around him. He fell in love with me after a few months. I just don't know if I have the emotional energy to do that again, to put in effort after I already feel rejected by someone. Once the enthusiasm dies it feels like a pressured chore but maybe I'm being too fatalistic. Should I give this a chance or end it now? We're meeting tomorrow night to talk things over in person.
FitChick Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You both want to take it slow yet he is spending the night in your bed? Maybe set a rule no overnight visits.
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