Why are there no whiny women?

[somedude81]

He's right though.

 

The reason you are bitter and frustrated, or the main reason at least, is because you took it too seriously in first place.

 

If you were just lighthearted about it and went from woman to woman, never committing until she did, you'd be in a much better spot.

 

I could say the same for myself. I have no idea why nobody else told me this stuff.

Of course.

 

But it's MUCH easier said then done.

 

I can't just stop caring.

[fortyninethousand322]

Point still stands. Its only hard if you tell yourself its such work. I make it so that its fun, even when I get rejected. Its a recreational activity now.

 

I wonder if people said the same thing to Sisyphus...

[Pyro]

Everything in this world is dependent on the man

 

 

Men approach and do all the work in initial stages of relationship

Men are the ones who are expected to carry the conversation. If it goes nowhere, it's all your fault. Socially awkward women have no problem finding a partner in most cases

Men are expected to do all the work in the bedroom in most cases as well. If the sex sucks, it's all the man's fault - he should have worked harder and made it more exciting

Etc... etc....

 

 

Where is it exactly equal here?

 

and this close minded primitive thinking explains why you have been unsuccessful and fear rejection.

[ThaWholigan]

Of course.

 

But it's MUCH easier said then done.

 

I can't just stop caring.

And this is why nothing will change. You have to TELL yourself that you can.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Of course.

 

But it's MUCH easier said then done.

 

I can't just stop caring.

 

You can't erase the pain of your prior rejections.

 

But you can go about it an a way that you won't care about the ones you face going forward.

[ThaWholigan]

I wonder if people said the same thing to Sisyphus...

That you compared talking to and flirting with a woman to rolling a large boulder up a hill for eternity speaks volumes .

 

Thanks for that, I needed a laugh

[sillyanswer]

I started this thread asking why women who get NO ATTENTION don't whine, not those who get plenty of guys hitting on them, but want more.

 

So you're complaining that there aren't enough whiners on this board? Be careful what you wish for!

 

I'm guessing that it's because those women whine to their girlfriends, rather than needing to write anonymously on the Internet about it.

[somedude81]

And this is why nothing will change. You have to TELL yourself that you can.

Things will change when I can actually start making things happen with women.

 

That's what I'm focusing on.

 

Even though I hate getting rejected, I still try with women.

[fortyninethousand322]

That you compared talking to and flirting with a woman to rolling a large boulder up a hill for eternity speaks volumes .

 

Thanks for that, I needed a laugh

 

Well, let's be honest: I'd rather roll the ball up a hill for eternity...

[Pyro]

It's not close minded or primitive, it's just realistic

 

I don't have a problem with things being the way they are. I understand it's completely and utterly hopeless and pointless to try to change things because they will likely remain the way they are for a very long time. What I have a problem with is delusional people trying to claim that women have it just as difficult in dating. I mean what's next? People claiming that female athletes are just as athletic as male athletes?

 

I will say it again: when it comes to asking you for a date men do it more often so they are prone to more rejections than women. No one is denying that. When it comes to that men have it more difficult.

 

After that women need to be just as interesting as the guy in order for the dates to be successful.

 

This line of thinking for you has gotten you no where. Don't you think that it is time to change things up and look at things differently?

 

If you agree to that I will buy a car from you.

[fortyninethousand322]

After that women need to be just as interesting as the guy in order for the dates to be successful.

 

What?!

 

Not for me. I'll date any woman willing to tolerate my presence long enough to do something with (i.e. a ballgame or a movie or dinner or something). I'm not looking to be entertained by someone "interesting". I'm not looking to date a clown or a magician here.

 

Just show up and be alive. No woman needs to be interesting for me to date her.

[ThaWholigan]

Well, let's be honest: I'd rather roll the ball up a hill for eternity...

well good luck.

[Pyro]

What?!

 

Not for me. I'll date any woman willing to tolerate my presence long enough to do something with (i.e. a ballgame or a movie or dinner or something). I'm not looking to be entertained by someone "interesting". I'm not looking to date a clown or a magician here.

 

Just show up and be alive. No woman needs to be interesting for me to date her.

 

I feel sorry for you that you have no boundaries. You should respect yourself a little more than that.

 

So this means that you enjoy an airhead who sits there as she stares into outer space twirling her hair and texting on her phone and occasionally saying things like 'oh my gawd' or 'like' or 'whatever'.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Things will change when I can actually start making things happen with women.

 

That's what I'm focusing on.

 

Even though I hate getting rejected, I still try with women.

 

Me too.

 

I have a date next week. Tentative. I expect 90% chance of rejection even though she is a match physically and we have a good rapport. Think about it that way and you won't be upset. Do you see me on here asking advice about what pants to wear and how many times is too many times to text her in a week? Nope.

 

Think about it like she's the bees knees and expect success and you'll be back here beating yourself up over it.

 

Remember my 10% to get a date and 10% success rate on that date if it happens?

 

Play the game.

[Pyro]

Translation: Men are expected to do everything in dating

 

How many times do you see guys on dating sites complain that they can't find anybody because they are a little shy/socially awkward at first?

 

 

How many times do you see women say the same thing? Practically never right? MMEchaucer was one of the female posters here (I'm sure not the only one) who admitted to being very shy in her younger days and still having a huge amount of men who were interested in her at all times

 

 

What about expectations in areas like income, having your own place, having a job - I know women who are 30+ years old living at home earning a mediocre income who are still considered very desirable because they were cute. How many 30+ year old men living at home earning a mediocre income are considered even average?

 

 

The list goes on and on and on. Anybody who claims women have it is as difficult as men in dating are the same people who probably think female basketball players are as athletic as male basketball players

 

You have maybe 2-3 thoughts and they just continually get posted here in a circular motion. Do you get tired of chasing your tail?

 

Welcome back Brahma

[fortyninethousand322]

I feel sorry for you that you have no boundaries. You should respect yourself a little more than that.

 

So this means that you enjoy an airhead who sits there as she stares into outer space twirling her hair and texting on her phone and occasionally saying things like 'oh my gawd' or 'like' or 'whatever'.

 

Compared to what I've got now? Yes.

 

Maybe, if I felt I had a choice in the matter my opinion would be different. I've seen no evidence that that's the case.

[Pyro]

Compared to what I've got now? Yes.

 

Maybe, if I felt I had a choice in the matter my opinion would be different. I've seen no evidence that that's the case.

 

A self-defeatist attitude certainly won't improve your odds.

 

Give yourself some standards for starters and your luck might actually improve. This assuming that you would actually try.

[JuneJulySeptember]

You know what I don't understand is why we can't just admit the truth that men and women are not equal in everything? For example, men are far superior in athletics. Women have it 10 times easier in dating

 

 

Why do we try to get away from admitting the truth in areas like this? Is it all about political correctness nowadays?

 

A lot of women have admitted it. My cousins, ex-girlfriends, co-workers, and friends have admitted it to me.

 

That you can't get a woman who has a Virginia Woolf quote as her signature to admit it? That should not be a surprise.

[fortyninethousand322]

A lot of women have admitted it. My cousins, ex-girlfriends, co-workers, and friends have admitted it to me.

 

That you can't get a woman who has a Virginia Woolf quote as her signature to admit it? That should not be a surprise.

 

I've always been more of a Virginia Postrel fan.

[Els]

I had no idea that 'who asks who out' was the sole determinant of 'difficulty' in relationships. For many men that I know of, flirting with girls and asking them out is as simple and intuitive as putting on makeup and doing her hair in the morning is for some women. Chances are it's just the few of you who construe asking women out to be so incredibly difficult, and that reflects on your lack of success.

 

Now, there's nothing wrong with finding it difficult, because we're all different. The question is what you're going to do about it. Are you going to blow it up into something akin to Sisyphus's effort? To claim that 'it's so much easier to be a woman' just because you... don't have to ask people out as much?

 

But what about the things women do to be attractive and thus asked out?

 

Should women complain that all the average guy has to do to look up-to-par in the mornings is shower, shave his face, brush his teeth, and put on nice clothes, whereas most women have to do all that (probably substituting shaving the face for other far more extensive parts) AND blow dry/style their hair AND do a skincare regime AND put on makeup? Oh lordy, does that mean that it's 'so much easier to be a man'?

 

Or should women complain that it's much easier for a man, especially in his 20s and 30s, to lose weight than a woman, simply by virtue of an innately higher BMR, increased ability to build muscle from resistance training (which further increases BMR), and lack of female hormones that encourage the body to retain fat? Women on a diet generally have to eat much less than a man on a diet of equal height and weight. Women who do resistance training have to work at it for MUCH longer to achieve the same effects as a man. What an excellent excuse to pin your dating problems on 'being female', eh?

 

Obviously there are going to be men and women who find their 'roles' easier than others. Some men are more resilient to rejection, and are outgoing and aggressive, and actually find it enjoyable to flirt with women and ask them out. Some women naturally just love looking great and feminine, and don't mind putting in the extra time and effort for that. What about the rest of us? Well, tunnel-visioning your obstacle and blowing it up into a Mt. Everest definitely isn't the way to start, especially if you're deluding yourself that you struggling counterparts of the opposite gender are simply climbing a bunny slope.

 

As for the OP, if you've genuinely attained the sort of success you claim, how about you tell us how you did it, instead of encouraging the other unsuccessful men to slide deeper and deeper down the slippery slope of despair and bitterness?

[fortyninethousand322]

Now, there's nothing wrong with finding it difficult, because we're all different. The question is what you're going to do about it. Are you going to blow it up into something akin to Sisyphus's effort? To claim that 'it's so much easier to be a woman' just because you... don't have to ask people out as much?

 

I was referring to the process of flirting, asking a girl out, failing, and then having to do it all over again with someone else. That seems very sisyphusian to me.

 

And I've never claimed that only women have it easier than me. Most men have it easier than me too. I envy the vast majority of my friends (even the guy who got his girlfriend pregnant and now has a kid to take care of) because they have a natural ability (or a natural ability to learn it easily) to attract women and get dates. I envy posters on here like lonely ronin or imajerk, musemajj, mrcastle, etc. who have a cakewalk compared to me. If I could change places with any of them I'd do it in a second.

[ThaWholigan]

who even cares if women "have it easier"? Its inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

As for the OP, if you've genuinely attained the sort of success you claim, how about you tell us how you did it, instead of encouraging the other unsuccessful men to slide deeper and deeper down the slippery slope of despair and bitterness?

 

I don't encourage them to be bitter. As you can see, failure has done that.

 

I give tips all the time but they are generally ignored. It's just about playing the odds. Acting fast and showing interest ASAP. Not caring and knowing more likely than not you will get rejected. When you put all of that together, you need to expect rejection roughly 90% of the time for a woman who has exactly what you have.

 

Who knows when I'll kiss a woman next? Might be 1 week. Might be 5 years. Depends on factors. But the secret is not to care. If you look closely, I'm giving these guys a formula to reduce their bitterness. How can you be bitter if you don't care?

[Pyro]

Good post

 

 

But here's the difference between me and Pyro/Mme Chaucer - I will gladly admit that it's much easier for me to look good than my sister and it's much easier for me to be a great athlete than it is for my sister but Pyro and MME won't admit that she has it 10 times easier in the dating world

 

Pay me and I will teach you how to read and comprehend words because you are in serious need of it.

[Els]

I was referring to the process of flirting, asking a girl out, failing, and then having to do it all over again with someone else. That seems very sisyphusian to me.

 

And I've never claimed that only women have it easier than me. Most men have it easier than me too. I envy the vast majority of my friends (even the guy who got his girlfriend pregnant and now has a kid to take care of) because they have a natural ability (or a natural ability to learn it easily) to attract women and get dates. I envy posters on here like lonely ronin or imajerk, musemajj, mrcastle, etc. who have a cakewalk compared to me. If I could change places with any of them I'd do it in a second.

 

I definitely agree that some people have it easier than others, both male and female.

 

What I disagree with is the blanket labelling of one entire gender as 'having it easier' that has been the entire premise for the past several pages of this thread. If you don't agree with that either, we're in agreement.

 

By the way, I hope it helps you, but we aren't all made to get everything we want in life with ease. But we aren't supposed to. We all have an Achilles heel, we all wish we had something or other easier, but sometimes having to rough it out to achieve what you want will actually help you later in life.

 

Good post

 

 

But here's the difference between me and Pyro/Mme Chaucer - I will gladly admit that it's much easier for me to look good than my sister and it's much easier for me to be a great athlete than it is for my sister but Pyro and MME won't admit that she has it 10 times easier in the dating world

 

 

I'm not saying to turn an obstacle into a mount everest, I'm just asking that we be honest with ourselves.

 

 

How can we sit there and say that dating is equally difficult for both genders when it would take me about 5 years to find as many people interested in dating me as it would take for my sister in 5 minutes of going to any social gathering (read: she could go anywhere and get any man she wants by looking at his direction, I've seen it first hand)?

 

The extra effort and time that it takes for a woman to look stereotypically good compared to a man IS a huge part of the dating conundrum. If your sister had not succeeded (and succeeded very well, it seems) in that part, there wouldn't be that many men rushing to talk to her in social gatherings.

 

Not that I think quantity = quality, but simply addressing your point.

 

I don't encourage them to be bitter. As you can see, failure has done that.

 

I give tips all the time but they are generally ignored. It's just about playing the odds. Acting fast and showing interest ASAP. Not caring and knowing more likely than not you will get rejected. When you put all of that together, you need to expect rejection roughly 90% of the time for a woman who has exactly what you have.

 

Who knows when I'll kiss a woman next? Might be 1 week. Might be 5 years. Depends on factors. But the secret is not to care. If you look closely, I'm giving these guys a formula to reduce their bitterness. How can you be bitter if you don't care?

 

You're giving these guys a formula to reduce their bitterness by validating their viewpoints that they would be cruising along with a hot guy now without having to do anything if they'd just been born with a vagina?