Little Contact (LC), anyone have any luck with it?

[arrowfoot]

Or is it just denial, a fantasy?

 

I'm trying it as an alternative to NC which was unbearable for me. I'd go NC for two days and then pour my heart out again.

 

So, I've been LC for 3 days, and it seems to be going well. (I'm not crying randomly throughout the day.) -_-

 

Basically my rules are: I don't initiate contact, I only respond to (valid) questions (e.g.: "how are you?") and with short responses (e.g.: "I'm fine") and don't say anything further. Basically just waiting until he's tired of talking to himself and ignores me, because I don't seem to have the strength to cut contact myself.

 

 

Any luck with this? Or is NC really the golden rule for healing?

Edited January 25, 2013 by arrowfoot

[IsthisREAL]

I know what you mean.

I was in a similar situation after I broke up. She owed me some money, so I told her to send it to my friend.

 

So after NC for a couple days, she texted me "i will give your friend the money"

I respond with, "thx"

 

She then said, "ill always miss you J"

I didn't respond.

 

few days later she said "ok i gave him the money"

I said, "thx, appreciate it"

 

NC after that.

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

Here's the thing: NC isnt about them, its about you. What is your motive in LC? Even though you don't want to admit it, you are just trying to hold onto that last glimmer of hope that by keeping in little contact, he or she will miss you and beg for you back. Don't count on it. it wont happen, and you will be really disappointed, hurt, and wasting your time.

 

So really ask yourself, what is your motive? be honest with yourself. If it has anything to do with reconciliation, then you are only delaying your healing process.

 

If it makes you feel any better, its been about 1.5 weeks since we broke up, and this is after 3.5 years of dating. Both in love, etc... 3 years ago to this day, we had sex for the first time. (she was a virgin, i wasnt). It was a special night for sure. I didnt even realize this day was the day until a couple hours ago actually. I completely felt like **** this morning and still do. But i KNOW i wont be contacting her. I deleted her from fb, my phone, texts, calls, messages. threw out all the cards she gave me, her clothes she left behind, everything.

 

Its such a hard process I am going through right now... but sharing on this forum with strangers has been a huge help. why? Even tho we are strangers, sometimes i feel so close to these "strangers" on this forum b/c we all have one shared topic, breakups and coping with them.

[geegirl]

NC is painful and uncomfortable. It's unbearable for anyone. You're not the exception.

 

LC is going well because it's an emotional crutch. NC spells finality and that is the hardest thing to grasp, whereas LC keeps a little bit of a lifeline going. Essentially, it masks the sense and pain of loss. You know he's still there when you keep engaging.

 

It's denial and fear.

[arrowfoot]

@ IsthisREAL: Yeah, I'm completely in hopes of a possible reconciliation. And I guess I am also in denial because, my mind tells me that he's never coming back. But my heart wants otherwise.

 

I just wish I felt like myself again because when that day comes I'll probably realize he's wasn't worth my time. I'll be able to make peace with it.

 

 

@geegirl: Yep. Finality is SCARY. It means there's no hope left. I guess NC has to be done. *sigh*

[geegirl]

@geegirl: Yep. Finality is SCARY. It means there's no hope left. I guess NC has to be done. *sigh*

 

 

When you apply LC, you will keep anticipating contact but sooner or later, when contact ceases, you'll eventually have to face that demon. You're just prolonging the inevitable.

 

Great, you'll wait till he stops contacting you but when that happens, you'll be chomping at the bit, and sooner or later you'll be reaching out hoping to spark his attention again.

 

It's a break-up. Treat it as such. The pain of NC is temporary. With LC, it just keeps you on an indefinite emotional rollercoaster.

[TaraMaiden]

"LC" is not 'Little Contact'.

 

It's LIMITED Contact'.

 

It applies particularly to people who might have children together, or who are forced by circumstances to be obliget to meet. Like working for the same small firm....

 

It means they do connect and engage in some discussion, but it should remain confined to matters relating to the children, or to business/work matters only.

 

There is - or should be - no such thing as 'Little Contact.'

 

'Little Contact' might as well be 'contact', period....

[arrowfoot]

@ TaraMaiden

 

Excuse me for such a horrible mistake; "little" contact or "limited" contact, whichever the title, is simply arguing semantics.

 

I don't need the hostility, thank you. I'm here for support not to be patronized.

 

And I don't necessarily believe that "little/limited" contact is the same as "contact". Or then there would be no need for distinction.

 

I do believe it is an emotional crutch but, I'm dealing with a fresh wound here, just like many others here.

[TaraMaiden]

Woah, wait a minute here!

 

There was no hostility - where did you get that?!

 

I was merely trying to give a constructive definition of something that you made a mistake over.

it's understandable, and I'm not having a go at you for it....

I don't know why you would think I was being hostile....

 

And sorry, but there is a difference between your definition and the more accepted correct one.

 

Limited Contact means contact you are OBLIGED to make because something concrete compels you to do so and you have no choice.

 

Little Contact, as you define it, means you stay in touch out of choice, but it's neither helping you move on, or improve your situation...

 

Jeesh, pardon me for trying to help....

[Waz]

I also suggest NC op.

You're still fresh and you must move on for your own good. LC is a waste of time, it is worse to figure it out with the hard way. Yes NC is difficult, and to be completely honest, sometimes (specially in the beginning) it's like an endless nightmare, but keep in mind that after some time you will feel better. I thought i would be like that for a long time, but now i am a lot better. I haven't read your story, but i tell you that moving on is always a good choice for you and doesn't mean you have to cut off this RS for good. But if you have moved on, you can judge more clearly and be more independent. That means that, if there would be 2nd chance, you could judge with your real criteria without emotional factors, if it's worth of another shot or not. Otherwise, you are still the winner, cause you will have moved on until then and it doesn't matter so much. So, NC for the win

[arrowfoot]

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

 

Update: He texted me today and last night at 2am, just saying random useless junk about his day. Anyhow I never replied until now. I said "I do not want to be your friend. Stop contacting me." PHEW. I think I can do it, but you guys really convinced me that LC is DENIAL. Just delaying the pain. I've already felt HORRIBLE for 3 weeks, why stop now? I'm on a roll!

 

All jokes aside, this is going to suck. But, I want my dignity back, damnit!

[IsthisREAL]

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

 

Update: He texted me today and last night at 2am, just saying random useless junk about his day. Anyhow I never replied until now. I said "I do not want to be your friend. Stop contacting me." PHEW. I think I can do it, but you guys really convinced me that LC is DENIAL. Just delaying the pain. I've already felt HORRIBLE for 3 weeks, why stop now? I'm on a roll!

 

All jokes aside, this is going to suck. But, I want my dignity back, damnit!

 

ill back you up on that one. keep strong!

i am just 1.5 weeks out of a BU (3.5 years) so i know its tough.

 

side note, there should be a chat room or something on here so that anytime we need to vent, we have someone to vent to.