Don't ask the cow how to get the milk

[Taramere]

So men get frustrated by tension, while women get horny? Interesting theory......

 

I think tension and embarrassment often makes people start laughing - sometimes uncontrollably - which is a strong aphrodisiac. Also when women have physical side effects of embarrassment (blushing, looking down, fiddling with hair etc) that's attractive to a lot of men. I've certainly found that men have shown more interest in me in situations where I was embarrassed in some way. There's a fine line, though. Embarrass somebody enough to make them laugh, but if you actually humiliate somebody then they're just going to want to get away.

 

I think that's where a lot of negging fails. If somebody who doesn't have much of a sense of humour negs, it's possibly going to just come across as rude and odd, or mean-spirited.

 

The reason I ask is that when I did OLD it was easy to pick out the women with low self esteem or I should say women that are not in a good place,

 

in the end they are easy to manipulate and will fall for a man's game playing.

 

My impression of this girl was that she was A type. Confident and fairly aggressive in going for what she wanted. I saw that he'd been condescending in his previous messages to her, and she'd responded in a sort of bossy, critical but still interested manner. It was time to up the ante, and be a bit more obnoxious and creepy so that he'd get a cyber roasting from her.

 

I was astonished when she responded with even stronger interest, although admittedly I probably wasn't obnoxious and creepy enough. I didn't get a sense of low self esteem. It seemed more like "I want what I want, and I'm not going to be thrown off track by any nonsense". Not unlike a man who, once he's on the scent of a woman he wants, will duck slaps and ignore bitch shields while continuing his pursuit.

 

I suppose there's always the possibility that there was a man behind that profile. I'm not proud of this, but once I was in scratch's playground - in man mode and with the power to do whatever I wanted, I actually messaged two women. The other message depicted him as somebody who would use an entire vacation to be a sports watching couch potato. If I had the chance again, I'd have him on a marathon musical, Love Actually and Titanic watching session. Regardless, that seemed to meet with more success in terms of the woman losing interest. I suspect he's probably changed his password now.

[EasyHeart]

I don't think that most men actually LIKE male banter but only tolerate it. If you notice most men are usually a little on edge around each other. There's those walls of defense that are up to combat the next "zinger." Tension seems to result in males acting defensive whereas a bit of tension seems to get women hot.

Yeah, if that's true, that sounds like most men are insecure or don't deal with tension well enough.

 

Men banter with other men to test each other (or to reinforce existing bonds after they've tested each other). It's the modern-day equivalent of fighting each other. In the past, if a group of men met another man, they fought him in order to test whether he was strong enough to join their group. If the new man was able to win (or at least hold his own) then he was invited into the group. I always think of Robin Hood meeting Little John in English legend as a classic telling of this kind of event.

 

Nowadays, we don't punch each other, we rip on each other. Watch when a group of male friends meet a new man (or group of men) and you'll typically see the existing group start teasing the new man. Many women (and some men) misinterpret this as hostility or an attack, but it's just the opposite: it's an invitation to join the group. If the new man responds with good humor and (ideally) by "giving it back" to the group, he is deemed to be emotionally strong enough and will be accepted into the new group. If he responds with defensiveness or hostility or anger, then he's deemed too weak for the existing group and rejected.

 

Bantering with women is completely different. When men banter with women, they are telling the woman "I want to **** you", but finding more clever ways to do so because direct communication of such things is considered socially impolite, especially be women. It's a demonstration by the man of intellect and verbal dexterity.

 

So I guess in some ways, men bantering with other men and with women are similar, because they are both a demonstration of strength and a type of test to determine whether the other person is worthy of bonding with. But the two have very different goals, so you would never use the same kind of banter with women that you do with men. In fact, if you did, you would be conveying to the woman that you want to be her friend, not her lover; or you would be telling a man you just met that you want to **** him!!!

[TheZebra]

Men banter with other men to test each other (or to reinforce existing bonds after they've tested each other). It's the modern-day equivalent of fighting each other. In the past, if a group of men met another man, they fought him in order to test whether he was strong enough to join their group. If the new man was able to win (or at least hold his own) then he was invited into the group. I always think of Robin Hood meeting Little John in English legend as a classic telling of this kind of event.

 

Nowadays, we don't punch each other, we rip on each other. Watch when a group of male friends meet a new man (or group of men) and you'll typically see the existing group start teasing the new man. Many women (and some men) misinterpret this as hostility or an attack, but it's just the opposite: it's an invitation to join the group. If the new man responds with good humor and (ideally) by "giving it back" to the group, he is deemed to be emotionally strong enough and will be accepted into the new group. If he responds with defensiveness or hostility or anger, then he's deemed too weak for the existing group and rejected.

 

Bantering with women is completely different. When men banter with women, they are telling the woman "I want to **** you", but finding more clever ways to do so because direct communication of such things is considered socially impolite, especially be women. It's a demonstration by the man of intellect and verbal dexterity.

 

So I guess in some ways, men bantering with other men and with women are similar, because they are both a demonstration of strength and a type of test to determine whether the other person is worthy of bonding with. But the two have very different goals, so you would never use the same kind of banter with women that you do with men. In fact, if you did, you would be conveying to the woman that you want to be her friend, not her lover; or you would be telling a man you just met that you want to **** him!!!

 

This is so true to the millionth degree. I think the reason I don't do well with other women and mainly have guy friends is because I grew up surrounded by guys, so I'm used to teasing/bantering people as my way of bonding. Apparently in a group of women, that's not how we bond I've only recently started to figure out my own sex and thus only recently started having more female friends.

 

Plus, it's fun. The other day the guy I liked handed me something he had written on and my first reaction was "wow this handwriting is terrible. Are you training to become a doctor?" with a smile on my face of course. We went back and forth a few times and it was what I call a goof flirt. Gotta love a man with wit.