serial muse Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 He used that on me when we first got talking. I can't decide if it's a sweet sentiment or a clever neg...does "stay warm" actually imply that the woman is an ice princess? Subtle! Guys, take note. 1
Taramere Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I can't decide if it's a sweet sentiment or a clever neg...does "stay warm" actually imply that the woman is an ice princess? Subtle! Guys, take note. Given my location, I just thought that it was a reference to the bad weather.
Green Light Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I don't think that women like to be treated like crap as much as they like a bit of tension. Just like a good movie plot or even good music relies on tension to keep it interesting. Us guys can't understand this because when someone comes at us being confrontational(creates tension) in any way we take it personal and we think "Great! One more jerk I have to deal with." Men see someone creating tension as a need to defend ourselves. However, women seem to like a little bit of confrontation, challenge, tension, and dare I say it without being tarred and feathered, accountability. Of course this does not apply to all women but I've lived long enough to see a definite trend and have even had more than one woman tell me this straight out. 1
SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I feel like I am missing the whole idea of this thread. Well anyway. Cows can't talk 2
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Unfortunately, Tara is a bit of a sadist, as am I, so we found one particularly demanding, critical woman and decided to see if we could teach her a lesson. Posting as me, Tara mocked her spelling and grammar, made inappropriate sexual remarks, and flat out told her that she was too nice for me. And the more we piled on, the harder she attempted to please. So you both hatched a scheme to purposely put someone down? The moral of the story: if a woman likes you, and you mock and condescend to her, it will make her try harder to please you. I don't quite think that is the true moral of the story here...But, maybe I am reading it wrong.
Taramere Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I don't think that women like to be treated like crap as much as they like a bit of tension. Just like a good movie plot or even good music relies on tension to keep it interesting. Us guys can't understand this because when someone comes at us being confrontational(creates tension) in any way we take it personal and we think "Great! One more jerk I have to deal with." Men see someone creating tension as a need to defend ourselves. However, women seem to like a little bit of confrontation, challenge, tension, and dare I say it without being tarred and feathered, accountability. Of course this does not apply to all women but I've lived long enough to see a definite trend and have even had more than one woman tell me this straight out. That's a good way of putting it (good music needs tension), but I don't get the part about men taking it personally. From what I've seen of male v male friendly banter it tends to be far rougher banter than anything men would generally say to women. There's a major difference between somebody who makes you laugh or elicits a joky light slap on the arm, and the "treat women like crap, they enjoy it" brigade. The latter tend to come across as dour bringers of rain clouds, and I think that's the basic problem in the eternal nice guy v bad boy debate. So-called bad boys who are successful with women tend to have outgoing and happy temperaments. They might be inappropriate, or annoying like small children at times or have all kinds of character flaws, but they have the charm that comes with a happy personality. A happy person might put their foot in it or upset somebody through thoughtless behaviour, but they don't tend to scheme and plot to bring another person's self esteem down or make them feel like crap. It seems like the Reformed Nice Guys base their play on feelings of bitterness and miss the "that guy is successful with women because he brings positive energy" aspect.
Taramere Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 So you both hatched a scheme to purposely put someone down? Making a joke about a spelling mistake isn't a put down in my book. There were no put downs of the girl herself. This was more like a joke by me on him, in the way I presented him...ie a combination of condescending and inappropriate, and my input was restricted it to one message (I know the way he put it, it sounds as though we sent several). When she responded positively, my thought was "oh God, she doesn't actually find this creepy and condescending" and I didn't respond again.
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Letting my ego run wild instead of trying to contain it has been the best thing I've done in my dating career. And I'm only half joking. 4
Taramere Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Letting my ego run wild instead of trying to contain it has been the best thing I've done in my dating career. And I'm only half joking. Letting your ego run wild probably just means letting go a bit and being yourself. Having fun rather than trying too hard to impress. S had shown me messages he was writing, and my feeling was "this isn't the you I know. I'm not really surprised these women aren't responding to you in the way you'd hope. It's all very formal and lacks something." Dating is a bit like playtime for adults, and in playtime it's not so much the ego that's running wild as the id. It's dark, it's unrestrained...a mess of desire for instant gratification. The superego is the critical disapproving adult that tries to keep a tight leash over the id, and the ego tries to mediate between the two of them. So it's probably more like your id is running wild, and women are liking that because you're signalling "playtime - let's have fun" to them. That's how people make friends as kids, and I think it progresses throughout life into adulthood and plays a role in dating. So I think the point of the thread is that while scratch felt presenting himself as a polite, restrained adult was a good way to approach women, I think his charm is that he has this fairly rampant "id" that beckons people to play, so that's what needs to come out. But of course if he wants to turn casual dating into a serious relationship he'd need to show his more adult, responsible side. The whole Nice Guy v Bad Boy thing is more like Superego v Id when you think about it in Freudian terms. 2
kaylan Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 A "bad boy" treats his chick friends the same way he treats his guy friends. Hes not afraid to engage women in the cheeky, harsher banter he does with his guy friends. Thats how I operate. I dont think having a vagina means I should treat a chick much differently then my bros. Once you stop thinking "what shouldnt I do or say so I can still get laid" and just be your real self, then things are easier. Im a blunt, in your face kinda guy....and youd be surprised the kind of chicks who have liked me in the past (some were conservative goodie gals). Youd think Id scare them off with some of the things I do or say...but I am who I am. All in all, dont be afraid to kid around with chicks. What Ive learned from experiences where Ive been the only guy hanging with a group of women, is that sometimes girls can have discussions and banter that arent too different from how men are with one another. The big reason people ever change their behavior around the opposite sex, is all because of sex. When you remove that...its not much different. Thats just my view though. 2
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Making a joke about a spelling mistake isn't a put down in my book. There were no put downs of the girl herself. This was more like a joke by me on him, in the way I presented him...ie a combination of condescending and inappropriate, and my input was restricted it to one message (I know the way he put it, it sounds as though we sent several). When she responded positively, my thought was "oh God, she doesn't actually find this creepy and condescending" and I didn't respond again. Yes it did seem like that the way with having more than one contact, it was put, the more we put her down the harder she tried......I have a hard time believing you did limit it to one response.....with that statement....I understand people making fun of grammar and spelling, I even accept that it gets highly annoying and worthy of ridicule by some who feel superior in ability.For sure it is worthy of non reply I don't understand why Scratch and you decided to do what you did to a woman and then post your findings with a chuckle of cleverness here.....I do believe every person no matter how critical and demanding, no matter how deficient in spelling or grammatical correctness deserves a little honesty and respect.........must remind myself never to get on POF ...I dont mean to be disrespectful to your mode of fun, i find it a bit sad...What would you have done if she had sent you pictures? or what would scratch have done if she had sent revealing pictures.........deb
Author scratch Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 What would you have done if she had sent you pictures? or what would scratch have done if she had sent revealing pictures.........deb We haven't given up hope yet.....................................................................................scratch
Lonely Ronin Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 There is a difference between teasing a girl and being an absolute dick to her. This is the crucial part that a lot of guys miss. To be honest it's shocking how much most guys miss. Poke fun, don't simp for approval off the bat. That's the point. That's why the guys who succeed (or the bad boys that everyone calls them), are able to. They can add spice to those conversations in that way. It's not "treating them like sh*t", it's teasing . That's the number one thing I notice on LS, Binary thinking either you need to be a doormat or a dick. Very few seems to get that there are many shades of grey between the black and white extremes. 2
Taramere Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Yes it did seem like that the way with having more than one contact, it was put, the more we put her down the harder she tried......I have a hard time believing you did limit it to one response.....with that statement.... Well, that's scratch's take on it. He's presenting us as a cruel pair of sadistic, mocking schemers, because that's his thing. He likes to crack the whip. I see it a bit differently. He gave me the password into his account, so I made mischief and responded to a woman he'd complained was critical of him and did it in the style of him (as I see him). Scratch enjoys being condescending, he picks on people's grammar and spelling, even though his own is often less than exemplary as pointed out by TaraMaiden earlier on. He is inappropriate with the sexual comments and likes to be a little creepy from time to time. So my post to her brought together the various strands of scratch that I know and love. Inappropriate, pedantic and opportunistic. And as it turns out, she likes all those things too.
gaius Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 This whole thing strikes me as a roundabout scheme to impress Tara, which I don't blame you for. I remember bonding with the girl who eventually took my virginity over debating tactics pursing a third girl.
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Making a joke about a spelling mistake isn't a put down in my book. There were no put downs of the girl herself. This was more like a joke by me on him, in the way I presented him...ie a combination of condescending and inappropriate, and my input was restricted it to one message (I know the way he put it, it sounds as though we sent several). When she responded positively, my thought was "oh God, she doesn't actually find this creepy and condescending" and I didn't respond again. Well, I suppose it's the way OP phrased things in his original post. I'm still not sure what the point was/is. No harm, no foul.
Green Light Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 That's a good way of putting it (good music needs tension), but I don't get the part about men taking it personally. From what I've seen of male v male friendly banter it tends to be far rougher banter than anything men would generally say to women. I don't think that most men actually LIKE male banter but only tolerate it. If you notice most men are usually a little on edge around each other. There's those walls of defense that are up to combat the next "zinger." Tension seems to result in males acting defensive whereas a bit of tension seems to get women hot.
ThaWholigan Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 I don't think that most men actually LIKE male banter but only tolerate it. If you notice most men are usually a little on edge around each other. There's those walls of defense that are up to combat the next "zinger." Tension seems to result in males acting defensive whereas a bit of tension seems to get women hot. Yeah, if that's true, that sounds like most men are insecure or don't deal with tension well enough.
Green Light Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Yeah, if that's true, that sounds like most men are insecure or don't deal with tension well enough. They deal with it they just don't find it to be sexy.
ThaWholigan Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 They deal with it they just don't find it to be sexy. So men get frustrated by tension, while women get horny? Interesting theory......
Green Light Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 So men get frustrated by tension, while women get horny? Interesting theory...... Perhaps "horny" is a strong word but it stirs the emotions in a pleasing way that may lead to horniness. And men are problem solvers by nature so tension sometimes seems like something is wrong or needs a'fixin'.
manup Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 As none of you know, one of my dearest friends is Taramare. Please don't hold her accountable for her poor taste. After replying to everyone who wrote to me on POF for three days, I found myself embroiled in more conversations than I could handle, so I outsourced the heavy lifting to her low-wage country. Unfortunately, Tara is a bit of a sadist, as am I, so we found one particularly demanding, critical woman and decided to see if we could teach her a lesson. Posting as me, Tara mocked her spelling and grammar, made inappropriate sexual remarks, and flat out told her that she was too nice for me. And the more we piled on, the harder she attempted to please. The moral of the story: if a woman likes you, and you mock and condescend to her, it will make her try harder to please you. It turns out the PUAs and bitter men of this forum were right. In other news, Tara owes me a dollar. I put up a picture of a male model and then proceeded to introduce myself to young women by saying you're so ugly or ewww who would date you. Generally they would respond negatively and when I asked them to go out with me it's like my mean and nasty comments didn't matter. The next part of my experiment was messaging women with an average looking guy, I used a generic hey you're really cute we have a lot of things in common and I would either get blocked or negative messages or nothing at all. It's just the way it is nowadays. If you're a guy and complain about how girls don't like nice guys it's popular to be chastised and told to get over it. But it goes both ways. If you date a guy who is mean or that you chose for shallow reasons then shut up, you're no better than the nice guys you hate. And end rant. Generally online dating sucks, but you can have so much fun trolling.
Green Light Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You would think that someone would come up with a site that is more balanced but as with so many things these days, if the women are happy...
ThaWholigan Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 It has been proven after a heated argument' date=' both sexes are sexually aroused in some shape or form.[/quote'] True - I am like that admittedly . However, I wonder how acute this is in women - not just heated tension, but just tension in general.....and I don't mean with someone they are neutral or repulsed by.
Art_Critic Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 You picked her ? What type of personality traits were you looking for ? The reason I ask is that when I did OLD it was easy to pick out the women with low self esteem or I should say women that are not in a good place, in the end they are easy to manipulate and will fall for a man's game playing. Do you think that you just keyed on how to find a woman easy to manipulate ? One case doesn't make a sweeping generalization, time to try it on others for a better baseline. By the way.. good to see you Scratch...
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