Stoic44 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 So many sad stories. People together through thick-and-thin and then after a few years, one of them cheats and leaves. Folks that are broken, on anti-depressants and barely able to do their jobs. People who gave the relationship their all and the other partner didn't give at all. I need to read something else. Maybe about happy endings and relationships that worked and endured!
TrueAwareness Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Reality is always something we try to avoid like a plague. In the real world people are always hurting others, abandoning others. Yes, maybe you'll be lucky and never get to experience that. But from personal experience at 32 years of age. And from what i have seen others go through. The truth is that most people dont really find balance and happiness until they already suffered A LOT. Most happy couples i know, have found each other in the mid 30's or early 40's. And already went through horrible things with other people. Some of them, just a few, but some, actually go back to a former partner they had. But only if things didnt get too nasty, involving cheating and abandoning children etc. 3
Amelie1980 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I guess the anti depressant and job thing is directed at me?
Author Stoic44 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Not directed at anyone--it's a composite picture of some of the more depressing stories I've read on here.
KatZee Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I need to read something else. Maybe about happy endings and relationships that worked and endured! I'm a true romantic at heart, but I unfortunately don't think this exists anymore. We're trying to live the old school lives in a new generation. I heard on the news today that dating is dead. I believe it. Men don't court women anymore. They honk at them from their cars and expect us to come over. (seriously?!) I was actually just thinking today, how happy I am to have been born in pretty much the last generation of people who truly believe in lasting relationships. I feel like the kids of today, are really just screwed. 3
TouchedByViolet Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Life is difficult for some people. Realism and fatalism kind of creep there way into our lives after suffering.
arrowfoot Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I'm a true romantic at heart, but I unfortunately don't think this exists anymore. We're trying to live the old school lives in a new generation. I heard on the news today that dating is dead. I believe it. Men don't court women anymore. They honk at them from their cars and expect us to come over. (seriously?!) I was actually just thinking today, how happy I am to have been born in pretty much the last generation of people who truly believe in lasting relationships. I feel like the kids of today, are really just screwed. TOO weird, I just saw the exact same story that dating is dead this morning. I figure if there are still babies being born, then someone's doing something right.
KatZee Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 TOO weird, I just saw the exact same story that dating is dead this morning. I figure if there are still babies being born, then someone's doing something right. You'd be surprised what men would do to get some. And I'm not all that surprised that little kids open their legs at 13 and get pregnant b/c they think they know what love is. If anything, I think the birth rate is us doing things all WRONG. We're so over-populated, people don't know how to be parents, kids get pregnant... we need to STOP spawning and fix the garbage already on the planet. 2
Author Stoic44 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Well, what you believe to be reality becomes your reality. If romance is dead, then it is. If you don't believe you'll ever find someone, then you probably won't. I've always met people after some time working on myself and being happy just being single. Perhaps turn around your thinking and maybe you won't join the "dark side."
KatZee Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I never said I don't believe I'll find someone. I'm very happy being single now and just living my life. Will I meet someone? Who knows. Maybe. Most likely since I'm still young. But do I believe dating is dead? Absolutely. Most guys are lazy. As are most women. People treat sex like it's nothing, and give it up for even less. There is no "courtship" anymore. I've seen it all over the internet, if a guy isn't getting laid after three dates he's out. Who even started that nonsense? I would NEVER have sex with a guy after three dates! So based on that alone, i'll never have a boyfriend since that's being drilled into all guy's heads.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I dont think this site is depressing. I think its more of a blessing than anything. Sometimes when you are feeling down and low over a failed relationship it helps to see that you are not the only one that is going through this. On top of that, reading through these post you gain a lot of insight into situations that you have not experience yet thereby allowing you to learn from others experiences. 1
Author Stoic44 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 After 2-3 dates, I expect the woman to *do* something--pay for a date, make me dinner, take some initiative. It doesn't have to be sex but it should be a sign she's highly interested. Because there are women out there who will just use a guy for a good time--have him pay for expensive dinners, nights out on the town--and think it's all fair because it's "courtship"--when all along, she had no intention of ever letting the guy win her over. Just a guy's perspective there. I've been used many times this way and so now, I cut women off after three dates if they're not showing initiative or giving to the relationship.
Amelie1980 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Life is difficult for some people. Realism and fatalism kind of creep there way into our lives after suffering. Yup. The only thing I can be sure of is that I will die. that's all I got that's certain. 2
Amelie1980 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 After 2-3 dates, I expect the woman to *do* something--pay for a date, make me dinner, take some initiative. It doesn't have to be sex but it should be a sign she's highly interested. Because there are women out there who will just use a guy for a good time--have him pay for expensive dinners, nights out on the town--and think it's all fair because it's "courtship"--when all along, she had no intention of ever letting the guy win her over. Just a guy's perspective there. I've been used many times this way and so now, I cut women off after three dates if they're not showing initiative or giving to the relationship. Good god I took I initiative from date 1. My last bf wouldn't pay for dinner until about tb The second month....split everything up the middle
KatZee Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 After 2-3 dates, I expect the woman to *do* something--pay for a date, make me dinner, take some initiative. It doesn't have to be sex but it should be a sign she's highly interested. Because there are women out there who will just use a guy for a good time--have him pay for expensive dinners, nights out on the town--and think it's all fair because it's "courtship"--when all along, she had no intention of ever letting the guy win her over. Just a guy's perspective there. I've been used many times this way and so now, I cut women off after three dates if they're not showing initiative or giving to the relationship. Whatever happened to just being a friend to a person and letting things evolve naturally? Why does there need to be this 3 day cut off rule? I personally don't sleep with people after seeing them 3 separate times. I wait about three months. I also like a guy to "court" and do the dinner thing. Doesn't have to be expensive. It can even be something creative without money spent. To me... the sign of me being interested is that first kiss and then it goes from there. I'm just hopeless romantic. I like the flirting. And the casual increase of interest. Not just "Oh hey I paid for dinner the first night. You gonna pay? b/c if not you're not interested and I'll be on my way. K bye!"
cavalier99 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) After 3-4 dates if we haven't has sex or at least some massive petting AND there is chemistry something is wrong..girl is too conservative for me etcetera. I have found that when I have a big time connection even with the most conservative girl things happen fast. If someone is holding back after a number of dates that is a red flag for me on their interest level. Edited January 25, 2013 by cavalier99
na49 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Me and my ex got pretty naughty on the first date. You mean I'm actually going to have to work in my next relationship!? bummer... kidding!
Amelie1980 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 After 3-4 dates if we haven't has sex or at least some massive petting AND there is chemistry something is wrong..girl is too conservative for me etcetera. I have found that when I have a big time connection even with the most conservative girl things happen fast. If someone is holding back after a number of dates that is a red flag for me on their interest level. What the hell?! 3-4 dates....for sex. No way. Making out yes.....falling into bed with someone after 3-4 dates, I don't think so. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) What the hell?! 3-4 dates....for sex. No way. Making out yes.....falling into bed with someone after 3-4 dates, I don't think so. Hey what can i say. Just me. Some of us are different on our expectations for chemistry. If there is chemistry its there. If there isn't i know after a few dates. I like a girl who isn't shy about things if there is an obvious connection. Edited January 25, 2013 by cavalier99
Simon Phoenix Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Whatever happened to just being a friend to a person and letting things evolve naturally? Why does there need to be this 3 day cut off rule? I personally don't sleep with people after seeing them 3 separate times. I wait about three months. I also like a guy to "court" and do the dinner thing. Doesn't have to be expensive. It can even be something creative without money spent. To me... the sign of me being interested is that first kiss and then it goes from there. I'm just hopeless romantic. I like the flirting. And the casual increase of interest. Not just "Oh hey I paid for dinner the first night. You gonna pay? b/c if not you're not interested and I'll be on my way. K bye!" I like the woman to offer to pay her share (or even the tip), even if I refuse that offer. I don't think a lot of women appreciate the whole "paying for dinner" thing, I feel they feel entitled to it, like it's their birthright. That's one of the reasons I really liked my ex. Not only would she not expect me to pay for her all the time, she would try to pay for me. Was awesome as hell. I obviously wouldn't allow it (usually she'd get one check, I'd get the next), but yeah, if I wanted to I would have been the one that was wined and dined.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Hey what can i say. Just me. Some of us are different on our expectations for chemistry. If there is chemistry its there. If there isn't i know after a few dates. I like a girl who isn't shy about things if there is an obvious connection. I agree with this. If we have physical chemistry, we should be getting intimate in some form pretty quickly, be it a second-base makeout, sex, whatever. I also prefer a woman who acts on what she wants confidently instead of playing games. 1
Author Stoic44 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) Exactly. For me it's the following equation: Am I with a giver or a user? Does she feel entitled to being wined-and-dined just because she's a woman... has some idea of romance that comes from a Jane Austen novel...or is she actually into me and taking some initiative to be with me and do things for me? After a few dates, if she's making more money...she should pay her half...or switch on and off...if she's not, I have no mind paying but she should be doing other things that show she's giving to the relationship. The sex question is kind of separate. I get impatient after about 5-6 dates, though have held out longer when I was assured the woman wasn't playing games. Edited January 25, 2013 by Stoic44
na49 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I'm happy I'm learning this now. After the first few dates, she needs to show me something that makes me want to stay and believe she's actually into me and not my money. My ex was actually a giver a lot, often offering to pay for everything. I never let her and paid for everything instead. Makes me hope my next girlfriend will be like that too. Boohoo I miss her now
Amelie1980 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Hey what can i say. Just me. Some of us are different on our expectations for chemistry. If there is chemistry its there. If there isn't i know after a few dates. I like a girl who isn't shy about things if there is an obvious connection. I'm not shy....anything but. all for.chemistry. full on make out on date 1 last time. bit if touching (clothed) by date 4. Sex....well I don't give it up so easy not as when I was in my 20's. Its self preservation. having sex so early when you're not in love with someone and barely know them...not now. at.least 2-3months for that.
Amelie1980 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I like the woman to offer to pay her share (or even the tip), even if I refuse that offer. I don't think a lot of women appreciate the whole "paying for dinner" thing, I feel they feel entitled to it, like it's their birthright. That's one of the reasons I really liked my ex. Not only would she not expect me to pay for her all the time, she would try to pay for me. Was awesome as hell. I obviously wouldn't allow it (usually she'd get one check, I'd get the next), but yeah, if I wanted to I would have been the one that was wined and dined. Good lord why did I.get dumped. I happily pay my way all the time and don't expect anyone to do it for me or expect anything. I always offer to day my share and when dating exclusively take turns in paying for things. I'm more of a giver. I liked to do nice things for my bf and enjoyed it.
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