Jntrs Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 its a long story, but here it comes, probably a good read for some of you, and i hope i get a good advice I've been married 7 1/2 years together 10, you'll get to see why i say the 1/2, she was 16 when i met her, we got married right out of high school, back in '05 had a kid in '06 and so far everything was going great, up until 2011 she asked for space, now couple of years before i wanted some space as well cus i didn't know if i wanted to be with her anymore, but i never mention it, and i dealt with it, turns out i actually love her more than i even thought, so when she asked for her space it caught me off guard and didn't know what to do, i was afraid that she would leave me and pretty much didn't give her any, just kept on pushing and do things to maybe make her love me or not want space anymore, turns out that i was doing the wrong thing, i tracked her and found her having lunch with another guy and didn't like that very much (didn't make an scene just make sure she saw me i was there, and eventually she would start to search for divorce process , to me was just heartbreaking that she even thought of it, she didn't want to be with me and just avoid seeing me as much, i moved out, cus the tension between us was just bad, and i didn't want my kid to witness that, i kept asking for a second chance, but she didn't give me one, after 6 months i gave up, and i decided to add other people on my facebook that i knew about, but i didn't do it out of respect for my wife, i didn't add them to see what her reaction would be, i did it mainly because she seemed like she had moved on and was done with me, the reaction i expected from her was a laugh or make fun of me, but i was wrong, so one of this chicks starts flirting with me and eventually my wife finds out about it, starts calling me asking me why im adding random chicks and if this is a way to get back at her, which it wasn't my intention, so she all of the sudden wanted to work things out and forget about the divorce, i love her and of course i said yes, lets work things out, so after a 1 1/2, pretty much at the beginning of this month, i notice she kept her cell phone with her at all times, went to the bathroom took it with her, sleep with it, i thought it was weird, but didn't say much, eventually i notice calls for long periods of time at times im not around, i figured it was one of her female friends (females tend to talk for that long) little that i know i was wrong, it was a guy, i confronted her and asked her if that was really her girlfriend calling her, and she said no, i was pissed and i cant hide it, i just cant be fake, to me was more of a disrespect as a husband, and if he is just a friend why is he calling her at 8 am? i know my ways with tech and i saw that they would talk as soon as she left the house to go to work, of course i didn't tell her i knew this, she said its just a friendly thing, but my point is that im pretty sure he doesn't see it that way, i felt like an idiot and disrespected in so many ways that i rather be alone, even though i love her and i forgave her for all the other stuff in the past she still disrespects me like that, at that point i told her that im moving out again and i don't think this can work out, i asked her 2 simple questions that pretty much gives me the answer to this mess, my first question was if she loved me, no hesitation she answered right away and said yes, my second question was if she was in love with me, there was a silence and her answer was that she could fall back in love with me, but i think that's not possible anymore, and my answer is that i need to move out as soon as possible, she says that she doesn't want to just throw our marriage away just like that, but do want some space because she feels like she cant make decisions on her own, which i don't get, i never pressure her for anything nor stop her from going out with her friends, i told her that its better to just go our separate ways because i don't want to get hurt like before and i rather give her the space she wants, but i wont stick around for when she decides she wants to be with me again, i do love her and i could get pass this with not problem, but i think its something that would keep happening and i rather not be around for that anymore any advice?
mustangguy29 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 She only wanted you back, because she was jealous, not because she loves you. You hurt her pride, and she wanted to feel better, so she did by proving to herself that she could get you back. Move out, and avoid talking to her unless it is about your kid for at least 6 months.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 My friend, you'd get a lot more responses with paragraphs and punctuation. Very hard to read on a computer when it's one long sentence and I lost the thread half-way through. Sorry... Mr. Lucky
Author Jntrs Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 She only wanted you back, because she was jealous, not because she loves you. You hurt her pride, and she wanted to feel better, so she did by proving to herself that she could get you back. Move out, and avoid talking to her unless it is about your kid for at least 6 months. Thanks, i was thinking the samething and im planning on moving out this weekend, she claims she wants to feel the same way as how we started dating, i dont think thats possible, also she said she doesnt want to get divorce just sometime apart, but i dont think that can help the situation in any way Im sorry, mr lucky, ill edit it as soon as i can
Author Jntrs Posted January 26, 2013 Author Posted January 26, 2013 My friend, you'd get a lot more responses with paragraphs and punctuation. Very hard to read on a computer when it's one long sentence and I lost the thread half-way through. Sorry... Mr. Luckyits a long story, but here it comes, probably a good read for some of you, and i hope i get a good advice I've been married 7 1/2 years together 10, you'll get to see why i say the 1/2, she was 16 when i met her, we got married right out of high school, back in '05 had a kid in '06 and so far everything was going great. Up until 2011 she asked for space, now couple of years before i wanted some space as well cus i didn't know if i wanted to be with her anymore, but i never mention it, and i dealt with it, turns out i actually love her more than i even thought, so when she asked for her space it caught me off guard and didn't know what to do, i was afraid that she would leave me and pretty much didn't give her any, just kept on pushing and do things to maybe make her love me or not want space anymore, turns out that i was doing the wrong thing. I tracked her and found her having lunch with another guy and didn't like that very much (didn't make an scene just make sure she saw me i was there, and eventually she would start to search for divorce process , to me was just heartbreaking that she even thought of it, she didn't want to be with me and just avoid seeing me as much, i moved out, cus the tension between us was just bad, and i didn't want my kid to witness that, i kept asking for a second chance, but she didn't give me one, after 6 months i gave up, and i decided to add other people on my facebook that i knew about, but i didn't do it out of respect for my wife, i didn't add them to see what her reaction would be, i did it mainly because she seemed like she had moved on and was done with me, the reaction i expected from her was a laugh or make fun of me, but i was wrong, so one of this chicks starts flirting with me and eventually my wife finds out about it, starts calling me asking me why im adding random chicks and if this is a way to get back at her, which it wasn't my intention. So she all of the sudden wanted to work things out and forget about the divorce, i love her and of course i said yes, lets work things out, so after a 1 1/2, pretty much at the beginning of this month, i notice she kept her cell phone with her at all times, went to the bathroom took it with her, sleep with it, i thought it was weird, but didn't say much, eventually i notice calls for long periods of time at times im not around, i figured it was one of her female friends (females tend to talk for that long) little that i know i was wrong, it was a guy, i confronted her and asked her if that was really her girlfriend calling her, and she said no, i was pissed and i cant hide it, i just cant be fake, to me was more of a disrespect as a husband, and if he is just a friend why is he calling her at 8 am? i know my ways with tech and i saw that they would talk as soon as she left the house to go to work, of course i didn't tell her i knew this, she said its just a friendly thing, but my point is that im pretty sure he doesn't see it that way, i felt like an idiot and disrespected in so many ways that i rather be alone, even though i love her and i forgave her for all the other stuff in the past she still disrespects me like that, at that point i told her that im moving out again and i don't think this can work out, i asked her 2 simple questions that pretty much gives me the answer to this mess, my first question was if she loved me, no hesitation she answered right away and said yes, my second question was if she was in love with me, there was a silence and her answer was that she could fall back in love with me, but i think that's not possible anymore, and my answer is that i need to move out as soon as possible. She says that she doesn't want to just throw our marriage away just like that, but do want some space because she feels like she cant make decisions on her own, which i don't get, i never pressure her for anything nor stop her from going out with her friends, i told her that its better to just go our separate ways because i don't want to get hurt like before and i rather give her the space she wants, but i wont stick around for when she decides she wants to be with me again, i do love her and i could get pass this with not problem, but i think its something that would keep happening and i rather not be around for that anymore any advice?
revitup Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 The title of your post is the answer to your question my friend. Why should you stay?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 So she all of the sudden wanted to work things out and forget about the divorce, i love her and of course i said yes, lets work things out, so after a 1 1/2, pretty much at the beginning of this month, i notice she kept her cell phone with her at all times, went to the bathroom took it with her, sleep with it, i thought it was weird, but didn't say much, eventually i notice calls for long periods of time at times im not around, i figured it was one of her female friends (females tend to talk for that long) little that i know i was wrong, it was a guy, i confronted her and asked her if that was really her girlfriend calling her, and she said no, i was pissed and i cant hide it, i just cant be fake, to me was more of a disrespect as a husband, and if he is just a friend why is he calling her at 8 am? i know my ways with tech and i saw that they would talk as soon as she left the house to go to work, of course i didn't tell her i knew this, she said its just a friendly thing, but my point is that im pretty sure he doesn't see it that way, i felt like an idiot and disrespected in so many ways that i rather be alone, even though i love her and i forgave her for all the other stuff in the past she still disrespects me like that, at that point i told her that im moving out again and i don't think this can work out, i asked her 2 simple questions that pretty much gives me the answer to this mess, my first question was if she loved me, no hesitation she answered right away and said yes, my second question was if she was in love with me, there was a silence and her answer was that she could fall back in love with me, but i think that's not possible anymore, and my answer is that i need to move out as soon as possible. Your wife is ready to jump but wants to ensure a soft landing. Until that's done, she's keeping you close as "Plan B", her fallback. Hence she's telling you one thing while her actions plainly indicate another. Unless you want to be part of this process, I'd follow your original instincts and leave now. Make your kids your priority and let her fend for herself. I'd guess that very soon her OM will pop out of the woodwork and you'll have to deal with that also. Sorry for your pain, it's no fun to be used like this... Mr. Lucky BTW - Thanks for the edit, much easier on the eyes!
Author Jntrs Posted January 27, 2013 Author Posted January 27, 2013 (edited) At the begining of the argument, she didnt want me to move out and said to forget about the space, while i was at work i sent her a text telling her that its better to go our seperate way and stop trying to prolong the inevitable, she called me right away and was crying, she said that im the want that said it was over not her, that all she wants is some time apart and space Also she kept asking if anything she said had no meaning for me, i didnt respond. We had one last talk, and she said shes hoping time apart would help, i mentioned it that i wanted another kid she smiled which kind of gives me hope, but at the same time i dont want to get my hopes up, i think its over and theres nothing else i can do to fix it. Edited January 27, 2013 by Jntrs
Mr. Lucky Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 she called me right away and was crying, she said that im the want that said it was over not her, that all she wants is some time apart and space Has she articulated what she hopes to accomplish in this time apart? If you were going to work on your marriage, you'd do it together while living in the same house. Anything she does separated isn't working on your relationship together. So what is she doing to support her statement that she doesn't want your marriage to be over? Mr. Lucky 1
Author Jntrs Posted January 29, 2013 Author Posted January 29, 2013 thanks for your replies, it has help, i moved out this past weekend, just have couple more stuff to take, i say i can put my son in the bus every morning (mainly because she said she was going to ask her sister to do it, and i don't trust her making my sons lunch the right way or dressing him for the cold weather, shes lazy),on the downside i still have to see my wife while i do this. last night i wanted to put my son to sleep, she went to her mothers house which is 2 floors up from her apartment, i figured she was going to stay up there till my son fell asleep, but she came back and lay there, as i was leaving she asked me if i was leaving that late, i said yes and left. this morning i got there she tried to talk to me, but i gave her the cold shoulder, i was at work she asked me if i was going to see my son tonight, i said no, only Tuesdays and Thursday nights, then she texted me telling me that my sons school social worker called, i texted back asking her what happen, but she called me instead, i kept it briefly and hung up, she sounded like she wanted to talk, but i rather not get my hopes up. im trying to be strong and put in my head that its over, i keep thinking it could work out, and get down, but then i keep remembering the phone call and how she tried to played me for a fool. so far is been working, im not a smoker nor a drinker but it seems to help me through the pain, once i get out of this cloud i know i'll stop that thanks for the advice and the harsh words, you have help a lot, im worth more than this and i think i deserve better also i will keep updating as the situation comes, but don't stop replying, its good to see others point of view and advices
Recommended Posts