Author jovan Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 She initiated contact. First, see how it has hurt you, set you back? Any contact you have with her right now will do the same. So maintain NC and continue to work on yourself. It's early days, it will be difficult but it will get better. My ex is from Vietnam and she left me 3 months ago (after being together for 6 years) and I went NC for 2 months. Then she initiated contact and we met up as friends a few times (LC). Then I discover that about one-and-a-half months ago she met another guy who wanted her to stay in the UK. But a few days ago she went home to Vietnam. Just before she left the UK I emailed her and told her not to contact me. But within minutes of stepping off the plane she emails me asking me to keep in touch. I ignored it and am therefore on day 3 of NC. I listened to the song she sent you. It's very hurtful. Look, the purpose of NC is as a strategy to help you recover. Not to get your ex back. But there does seem to be a volume of evidence that NC can function to get your ex back. In which case it's working. She's thinking about you, she's unhappy and lashing out. That's good I think. She feels bad about what has happened and about herself. She wanted to remain buddies with you because that would have alleviated her guilt. Keep up NC. Remember the primary purpose of NC. But if - and it's a big if - your ex still has feelings for you she will express them clearly enough at some point. It might be tomorrow. It might be months or even years down the line. My ex-wife left me 9 years ago for another man and I went NC and after 2 years she reappeared saying she had made the worst mistake of her life and asked to get back together. But I'd moved on. Do not be tempted to respond to anything from your ex unless it's an unequivocal 'I love you, I'm sorry, lets try again'. If she does love you she will eventually make this clear. But by practicing NC you will be moving on; not waiting around for this. Check out the NC guide that is often referred to on here - it's really good. Every time you think about your ex you are giving her power over you. NC allows you to regain that power 'to become whole and free to love again'. she didn't initiate contact with me 14 days ago. I did case of some kind bills. We so each other and she said she loved me, but she said she want's to do stuff that she couldn't do while she was with me. What ever that means am sure I don't want to know what kind of stuff that is. And I don't want to go back with her. Even if she begged (i know she wont). I would never go back where we were. Not going to let my self. She never loved me the way I deserved. I do love her, I love her more then anything in this world. I miss sharing the bed with her, holding her hand kissing her lips, her eye's. Its horrifying. I have no idea what am I doing or where am going from this point in my life. What am I supposed to do now, when i sacrificed every aspect of my life for her. I have so much love in my heart, I guess ill make some1 else happy . Day14 NC. Its her birthday 2day. Not going to initiate contact, am staying strong and brokenhearted. I wish she appreciated me like i did her!
Author jovan Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 day 16... Still not breaking NC. I didn't even wish her a happy birthday. Yesterday was awful, I have spent my whole day in pub, drinking and crying... I was alone and people were starting at me. But I didn't care. I took a bottle of her faiv votka and drank it all. And just around midnight passed out. Some1 took me out, and I spent that night sleeping on the street. Felt great when I woke up, I was smelly dirty with a bad hangover, but sun was shining and I felt like singing, so I did . There was still some eye's on me but hell with that. I was glad that her birthday was over and I didn't brake down and call her :D So now no matter what. no matter how hard it is I know I can pull this off!!!! 3
Author jovan Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 NC 19. Still do. It hurts all the time
Addison312 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 You should probably not be so self destructive at this time. Not trying to judge, but come on.
cavalier99 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Man i loved that "self destructive story" it was a classic. Lol. We all sorta need one of those nights IMO. If it turns into every night then it could be a problem. Lol cav
Author jovan Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 NC day 20. I was always thought if your honest to your self and the person you love she will always get around. My world is shaken up, am not sure in what to believe anymore. No1 told me that this can be so hard
cavalier99 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 NC day 20. I was always thought if your honest to your self and the person you love she will always get around. My world is shaken up, am not sure in what to believe anymore. No1 told me that this can be so hard Well if it makes you feel any better it think i was about as bad as you are at day 20 Now at 4 months NC I'm having trouble remembering how it felt to be super upset over the BU. Not sure how i got here really. Feeling better just sorta snuck up on me.
Author jovan Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Well if it makes you feel any better it think i was about as bad as you are at day 20 Now at 4 months NC I'm having trouble remembering how it felt to be super upset over the BU. Not sure how i got here really. Feeling better just sorta snuck up on me. I envy you man. I dont think I can ever get over this ****
cavalier99 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 I envy you man. I dont think I can ever get over this **** Ha. You'll get there! Easy... Just stay NC. Doesn't matter what else happens, how you feel, up or down, you brain will trick you...but...just stay NC. That is the trick. Now..Don't get me wrong I'm not 100 percent over things. But that bone crushing despair is gone...thank God
boblet Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Soon you'll stop counting the days of NC and you'll genuinely smile without her memory weighing you down.... just hang in there
Author jovan Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Tnx guys. I would never brake NC. Its the only thing keeping me alive. She is prob happy and seeing somebody else. And her saying that would damn right kill me
Author jovan Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 NC day 20. What happened to us, we were so happy. Am so in love with her. I don't get it, what went wrong. Why did she want to get out. I supported her in each and every aspect of her life. I was always there for her, always helped her out. And she was always in some kind of mess, I was the one pulling her out. How come she decided that she's better off with out me. I was never asking for something more then just to be by her side, to protect her to support her. Damn it why she couldn't appreciate me as much as I did her. I was never relaying on her as much as she on me, I was never the needy one. She even said that she loved me just a day before she dumped my ass out the blue! 5 years of my life spent on a person that never truly loved me. Great... I feel worthless.
tory1012 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Awww I'm on day 1 of NC! I think since it's been a year since we broke up and we progressed to just together for the last 12 months ( also to add he was serbian lol ). I think this is the best decision I have made. It's bloody sad and tough but i seek solace in the fact that I will be okay again. He was my first love and I loved him so much, but we weren't compatible and it was a very volatile relationship i suppose thinking of that helps me. I think you will feel better in times. LOL at your drinking story tho. I think if that made you feel better momentarily then why the hell not? Keep it up big boy you'll be okay eventually!
Author jovan Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Awww I'm on day 1 of NC! I think since it's been a year since we broke up and we progressed to just together for the last 12 months ( also to add he was serbian lol ). I think this is the best decision I have made. It's bloody sad and tough but i seek solace in the fact that I will be okay again. He was my first love and I loved him so much, but we weren't compatible and it was a very volatile relationship i suppose thinking of that helps me. I think you will feel better in times. LOL at your drinking story tho. I think if that made you feel better momentarily then why the hell not? Keep it up big boy you'll be okay eventually! day 1 you'll be having a blast day 20 ended for me and I cant say that am not glad that its over. Going bananas over here xD
Author jovan Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 NC day 23. Its true time is healing everything. Only thing that is left are some memories of some1 I used to know. It still hurts, but little bit less every day. I don't think I will stop loving her, but in time I hope I can forget her.
cdt76 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Try to think about finding someone that will make you a priority instead of just an option. That's all you and I were to the one's that left us. We were an option to make their life better. She didn't make you a priority in life. She used you for her own selfishness. The anger will set in and for a few months you will have to find a way to deal with that in a positive manner. I'm here with you brother. 1
Author jovan Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Try to think about finding someone that will make you a priority instead of just an option. That's all you and I were to the one's that left us. We were an option to make their life better. She didn't make you a priority in life. She used you for her own selfishness. The anger will set in and for a few months you will have to find a way to deal with that in a positive manner. I'm here with you brother. Well am not angry. Am just empty, and endlessly sad. I feel worthless, and I can not understand her actions...
BarbecueMan666 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Hey man, totally normal to feel the way you do. I went/am going through the same thing - My ex and I broke up new year's day. Was sad, and it wasn't something I wanted but I made it amicable. There's nothing nobody here can do or say to make you get over it, nor is there anyone else out there either. But most importantly of all, your ex cannot do any good right now. You need to do something productive with your life from this point on, you need to delve into things you've always wanted to do but didn't. You need to find the real you, and do what you enjoy. This was hard for me, and still is - My life revolved around my ex, and I did everything to help her, financially, emotionally everything. If I think about what she gave back, well, it wasn't as much as me, and while there were certainly glimmers of sunshine from her, the overall feeling I had towards the end of the relationship was her moving away from me. Whether you know truly why you broke up with her, be it another guy, or she didn't love you anymore, or she felt things weren't working - no matter what it is, this closure or answer you look for - the only answer there really is, is she doesn't want to be with you anymore. That realization when it kicks in is hard, and tough. After the breakup with my ex nothing was really sad, she gave me no explanation, no nothing. She talked with one of my close friends and said I was too frugal with money, and she didn't see it working because of past breakups. (my friend actually just told her flat out, I wasn't frugal, and she expected too much, and he in the same situation would have been even more frugal than I). I decided to text her 3 weeks later, and just said I'm finding this hard, I'm holding onto hope, can you be blunt with me. She replied "I don't want to be with you. I've been really happy since making the decision." And that was it, the last of our contact. Since then, I was checking FB and twitter kinda regularly, until I realized it wasn't doing me any good. I've blocked her news feed and unfollowed and that, I'm starting to feel better. That horrible pain on my heart is no longer there all the time, and I can eat and sleep. Time will do you well. But what you can do to help yourself out is really, be productive, enhance your image, you need to have selfworth as that what it feels like your missing. Maybe you latched onto your ex's life too much, that you almost forgot about your own, and that in itself could have been what drove her away. (I'm not saying fixing those things will bring her back by the way). The phrase "A Breakup can either Make, or break a man" is totally true depending on how you deal with it. I was broken for a while, severely broken, I tried doing my job and what have you, talking with friends, I was crying all the time. I ended up sleeping with a really hot chick (some found her more attractive than my ex) - Turned out that Sex cannot replace love, and I found that out the hard way, but it's an experience in which I can look back on fondly and think hey, I still got it. My selfworth is getting higher, I'm working out more, My job is going well - I have a large following in what I do. This is time for you to work on you my friend. You've probably spent a large portion putting yourself 2nd, and that is why you feel so empty right now. I'm not saying that's a bad thing to do, as I was exactly the same, BUT you have to learn from this. You always have to consider yourself, and think about what's best for you, otherwise you're going to fall into a pattern, and one you don't want to fall into. Love is hard, there's no doubt about it. If you think about all those songs about breakups and such, and movies - You can now probably relate to them, BUT DONT GO ROUND LISTENING TO REALLY SAD SONGS ALL DAY! So yeah, moral of this message - Focus on yourself, rediscover yourself. What you're missing is your ex right now, but only because she filled a void that you already had. Breakups are a time that suck - but you can always try make the most of them, and nearly everyone from a breakup has ended up better off, because of the vital lessons they learnt from them. Don't worry about what she's doing, that gets you no where, I KNOW. Exercise, delve into work, pick up a new hobby, pick 1-2 close friends that if you REALLY need to talk about things, talk to them, but they have to be guys that have been through breakups themselves, and understand. You can't just tell everybody. Act strong. A lot about confidence is convincing yourself that you're strong, you can't do that if you can't convince anybody else either. Be tough dude, it's a horrible journey for now, but there's light at the end of the tunnel, You just have to get to the point where you can see it.
Author jovan Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 well Barb ty for advice I appreciate it But most of this thing's I already now. I know it will get better, and I do not want to her back. Even if she begged me. There's no chanse no chanse for us working out again. I just miss her, and am brokenhearted because of the way she dumped me, and how heartless she was, is! She moved on that very day. I meant nothing to her, thats whats bothering me, I don't understand how blind I was all this time, not to see that she never cared...
allenpo123 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Good job for going on NC for 23 days!! I wish I had your guts... I broke up with my ex on good terms 2 months ago, and so far we've been contacting each other at least once a week (we even talked on video skype, which was well... probably not a good move) Now he's been replying to my messages less and I feel like he doesn't miss me anymore... He's been healing while still contacting me but I haven't... I'm starting serious NC now!!! I feel very crappy and worthless, I think I know a little bit of how you feel. But I know things will get better, we just need to go through this phase...
Author jovan Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 NC day 25. Pain comes and goes. But at least there are the times when i don't feel like bag of ****. Witch is good, case 20 days ago, I was feeling down all the time. At least now I do feel better from time to time. So there is progress, but its still hurts, still love her...
Author jovan Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 NC day 26. Slowly am forgetting everything. Every day she means a little bit less too me. Thinking about her doesn't hurt that much. The light at end of the tunnel is getting brighter
cavalier99 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 NC day 26. Slowly am forgetting everything. Every day she means a little bit less too me. Thinking about her doesn't hurt that much. The light at end of the tunnel is getting brighter Thats great bro. Enjoy the good days...and expect that..bad one will happen. Recovery isn't linear..you are getting close to the roller coaster of emotions phase. Feeling great, feeling down, feeling indifferent, feeling like sh*T....rinse repeat. Just keep slugging thru it!
Author jovan Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 day 27. I broke down yesterday. I felt that huge part of me died. World got little bit darker, and colder. I felt huge emptiness I was only a step away from calling her. But I didn't. I was shaking crying praying even thou I don't believe in god. I never even prayed before. But I didn't pray for health, or wealth or not even for her to come back to me, I just needed some1 to talk to. So I said hey, maybe he will hear me out. I think am going crazy. My whole believe system is shaken up. Not sure in what to believe anymore. I was always thinking if your honest to your self and to others, and put your self out there you will always get that back. Guess who was a fool for thinking that...
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