SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 And judging from what the thread starter said in his first post, the woman does want kids. When I look at her age, and how she asked him questions about what kind of father he would be, how quickly she brought it up, it really does seem that she was looking for somebody to be a father to her kids. There is also a good chance she wants them to happen in the near future. Ideally, (for me at least) the best situation is to be seriously dating a guy and eventually talking about kids, and they won't come for a few years. The point is. Her interest in wanting kids tomorrow or now isn't a problem but the fact that he isn't ok with that. And from what he wrote in his op - I will walk away too at this point in my life.
somedude81 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I see her point, she just didn't say it well. Ultimately what is a persons goal in dating? To find "that person" no? I see what she is saying, granted she is saying from her perspective which is that she wants kids. Why do you think I am so open about asking about thing like when they want kids, how many, where do they see themselves settling down when dating? So in a way, not that EVERY guy she dates she wants to have kids with, just that ultimately finding "that" partner to share life and a family with is the end all and overall point of dating. Honestly, I would be pretty uncomfortable talking to a girl about kids if we aren't already in a serious relationship. If I was on an early numbered date with a girl and she asked me if I wanted kids, how many, pressing me with questions about kids, I would tell her that we aren't compatible, and would not see her again.
SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Honestly, I would be pretty uncomfortable talking to a girl about kids if we aren't already in a serious relationship. If I was on an early numbered date with a girl and she asked me if I wanted kids, how many etc, I would tell her that we aren't compatible, and would not see her again. That isn't true Since you also said you would have kids if it meant a relationship and sex. No one should have kids to keep a relationship, to make someone else happy or to have little bundles of joy. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 When I look at her age, and how she asked him questions about what kind of father he would be, how quickly she brought it up, it really does seem that she was looking for somebody to be a father to her kids. There is also a good chance she wants them to happen in the near future. You can't really Jump to this conclusion imo. Women 30+ (even late 20's) usually bring this up fairly early on because they don't wan to waste time with someone who doesn't want children. The OP will have to play this by ear, if children are coming up all the time, then he might have reason for concern, if it doesn't come up then she was just making sure an important box was checked off.
somedude81 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 That isn't true Since you also said you would have kids if it meant a relationship and sex. No one should have kids to keep a relationship, to make someone else happy or to have little bundles of joy. OK, now you are pulling things I said from other threads, trying to say I'm contradicting myself, while getting your details mixed up...
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Honestly, I would be pretty uncomfortable talking to a girl about kids if we aren't already in a serious relationship. If I was on an early numbered date with a girl and she asked me if I wanted kids, how many, pressing me with questions about kids, I would tell her that we aren't compatible, and would not see her again. Which is perfect, because it rules out the men who simply aren't on the same playing field. You don't feel comfortable discussing such things? You aren't on the same level as me and I would be GLAD you would walk away. For me personally, it's how I rule out the "boys from the men". In my opinion, a real man/adult wouldn't have a problem answering such questions unless it was so far from his mind that he found it uncomfortable to talk about. In which case, NEXT.
somedude81 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 For me personally, it's how I rule out the "boys from the men". In my opinion, a real man/adult wouldn't have a problem answering such questions unless it was so far from his mind that he found it uncomfortable to talk about. In which case, NEXT. Great, that's how I rule out the "women from the girls desperate to have a kid."
miss_jaclynrae Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Great, that's how I rule out the "women from the girls desperate to have a kid." I have no idea how you think talking about when and whether someone wants kids equates being desperate to have one... I am a full time student and work full time, do I want kids? Of course, but there is absolutely no rush. I ask about kids pretty early on in a relationship as well, so... As a matter of fact, that statement just proved my point. A man realizes its an important part of life and is something you definitely want to be on the same page about... a boy automatically assumes the woman is going to poke holes in the condoms as soon as you aren't looking.
SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 OK, now you are pulling things I said from other threads, trying to say I'm contradicting myself, while getting your details mixed up... I probably shouldn't have said that isn't true but I am pretty sure you said it. Anyway I was mostly against kids for most of time of ls. So people change lol.
SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Plus even at 22 I have been asked by tons of guys I have dated if I wanted kids. Since they wanted kids sooner than later. Obviously - those guys didn't last long since that isn't my goal right now. 1
somedude81 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) I probably shouldn't have said that isn't true but I am pretty sure you said it. Anyway I was mostly against kids for most of time of ls. So people change lol. Since it sounds like you're giving me at least half an apology, I'll tell you what a said. At this stage in my life, the only way I can see myself having kids is if my wife or very serious girlfriend (that I was madly in love with and couldn't imagine living without,) told me that she really wants kids, and that I would have to have them with her or she would leave me. Even then I might still say no. Edited January 25, 2013 by somedude81 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) Yup. As SmileFace points out, guys ask these types of questions too. Do I ever plan to settle down? Would I ever get married? Would I be open to having children? Pretty much comes up on every first date I've had, save a handful. I don't have to bring it up. The guy does. The last guy who didn't broach the topic hadn't had a relationship that lasted more than six months and had minimal dating experience. Dating is an exploration process. Many choose to eliminate those who are obviously incompatible partners very early on so they can focus on those who want the same things. It scares away certain types...of either gender:) Edited January 25, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Author skylark100 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Well I can see that this topic has certainly stirred the conversation! As the OP, I will admit, I have no problem answering her question about kids. Of course at some point I want to be a Dad, but not right now. 2 -3 years, I could see it. That being said, in 2 or 3 years it might be too late for her.... Hence why I am uncomfortable, because it takes time to develop a serious relationship - at least 12 to 18 months. It might work, and we might click, but the likelihood is against that happening. I am concerned that she will want to rush into something too fast, and in the end we will both regret it, and the last thing a kid needs is two parents who don't love each other. Theres where I am at.
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Huh?!? If one were to meet Mr./Ms. Perfect today, date him or her for a year, get engaged, marry a year later, adjust to married life for a year...that's three years! Then you decide to try and have a family. The average couple takes eight months to get pregnant. Nine months of pregnancy...that's another 1.5 years. So 4.5 years total. I don't follow your conclusion... 1
clia Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Well I can see that this topic has certainly stirred the conversation! As the OP, I will admit, I have no problem answering her question about kids. Of course at some point I want to be a Dad, but not right now. 2 -3 years, I could see it. That being said, in 2 or 3 years it might be too late for her.... Hence why I am uncomfortable, because it takes time to develop a serious relationship - at least 12 to 18 months. It might work, and we might click, but the likelihood is against that happening. I am concerned that she will want to rush into something too fast, and in the end we will both regret it, and the last thing a kid needs is two parents who don't love each other. Theres where I am at. I think this is an overreaction and that you are completely jumping the gun. It sounds to me like she just wanted to make sure she wasn't wasting time with someone who never wants kids. This is a smart thing to do when you are dating. Don't waste time with someone who doesn't want what you want. Obviously there are no guarantees that your relationship with her will work, but that's a chance she and you have to take, and that you will take with any relationship you are in. Also, you aren't some delicate flower in this -- if she starts moving too quickly you can either tell her to slow down or just end things. At 33 she still has plenty of time to have kids. More and more women have them even in their early 40s now.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 As the OP, I will admit, I have no problem answering her question about kids. Of course at some point I want to be a Dad, but not right now. 2 -3 years, I could see it. That being said, in 2 or 3 years it might be too late for her.... Hence why I am uncomfortable, because it takes time to develop a serious relationship - at least 12 to 18 months. It might work, and we might click, but the likelihood is against that happening. I am concerned that she will want to rush into something too fast, and in the end we will both regret it, and the last thing a kid needs is two parents who don't love each other. Theres where I am at. The only thing you can do to be sure is ask her what her points of view on children are. She might be on the same time table as you.
pink_sugar Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Definitely seems like her clock is ticking. She's 33 and she maybe only has another 5 years before it starts getting much riskier to have kids. If you're 29, you should also have an idea of when you'd like to have kids. 5 years? 10 years?
Author skylark100 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Huh?!? If one were to meet Mr./Ms. Perfect today, date him or her for a year, get engaged, marry a year later, adjust to married life for a year...that's three years! Then you decide to try and have a family. The average couple takes eight months to get pregnant. Nine months of pregnancy...that's another 1.5 years. So 4.5 years total. I don't follow your conclusion... Numbers and numbers, but yes, perhaps my logic is flawed then. All I am trying to say, is that I would be concerned if she wanted to push things so that we date for 6 months and then says, ok time to get married and have kids....However, what you are saying is that she might be happy to have kids and 37 if Im the right guy..... That might be a bit late, no? anyways, i going to continue dating her, besides I like her! And I am probably just blowing things out of proportion. She probably just asked to make sure.
Cutiepie1976 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Women have kids well into their 40's young man. Carry on... 1
somedude81 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 Women have kids well into their 40's young man. Carry on... While it's true, that's certainly not the ideal age. Especially if you want to have more than one.
Recommended Posts