ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Would you date someone with a criminal past? What crime is "acceptable/excusable"? I know I asked about the abusive guy at one point, well I don't think I will ever ever get involved with a guy who has that kind of past (I don't want to be beaten, it's on my dealbreaker list), what about other offenses? DUI, disorderly conduct... stuff like that? Is it minor to you, would you still date someone who was in that position? Just wondering..
SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 How far in the past are we speaking and how is their behavior now? Most of the guys I date won't be old enough to have much of a past so it really wouldn't be as far back as I will like. I rather not date someone with a criminal past and probably won't however as with everything it is on a case to case basis. DUI and disorderly conduct aren't acceptable. Getting locked up for hacking a database I probably will be ok with.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 How far in the past are we speaking and how is their behavior now? Most of the guys I date won't be old enough to have much of a past so it really wouldn't be as far back as I will like. I rather not date someone with a criminal past and probably won't however as with everything it is on a case to case basis. DUI and disorderly conduct aren't acceptable. Getting locked up for hacking a database I probably will be ok with. See I went to HS with so many people who ended up with DUIs or DC it isn't a huge deal to me. I mean it is but I want to overlook it so much lol anyways this guy had a DUI and it was kinda recent because he has court next week for it. The big part that bothers me is the suspended license.
Lani Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I've got a little criminal past, but I'm far from the criminal type. A DUI is minor in my opinion, if it is only one and he isn't a repeat offender. And let's face it, we all love a bit of a bad boy!
Phateless Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 See I went to HS with so many people who ended up with DUIs or DC it isn't a huge deal to me. I mean it is but I want to overlook it so much lol anyways this guy had a DUI and it was kinda recent because he has court next week for it. The big part that bothers me is the suspended license. Does he have his act together otherwise? It isn't that difficult to not get a dui... What other kinds of issues do you not know about? 1
SensitiveTJ Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Anyone with a violent crime on their rap sheet is out. I would probably pass on a DUI or any kind of drug charge, as well. I should note, however, I had a very bad experience with a girl who was concealing a drug addiction, among other things. So I am biased in that regard. 1
rainfall Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 It depends on so many different things. What was the crimes, have they repeated their mistake, how long ago was it, have they changed since then. A criminal record isn't an automatic deal breaker to me. Alot of people did stupid stuff when they were younger, just some were luckier and didn't get caught. 3
TheZebra Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 No way.. there's a difference between doing stupid stuff when you're young and doing stupid stuff that gets you in the back seat of a police car. If he's gotten to that point, then we're most likely not compatible anyway. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Does he have his act together otherwise? It isn't that difficult to not get a dui... What other kinds of issues do you not know about? He seems like he has it together, he parties a lot though.. That might be a problem but at the same time he is 25 I'm 22 I just don't party a lot so maybe its just me. So far he seems cool but we will see, I certainly don't intend to drive him around everywhere I'm not his mom.
amaysngrace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 It depends on so many different things. What was the crimes, have they repeated their mistake, how long ago was it, have they changed since then. A criminal record isn't an automatic deal breaker to me. Alot of people did stupid stuff when they were younger, just some were luckier and didn't get caught. This is true but now kids are taught about the rules of drinking and driving. All driving rules are really strict in my state when you start out. If a kid isn't even old enough to drive yet and is caught being drunk it will have an effect on their license when they are old enough for a permit. They won't get one.
venusianx13 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I dated someone with a criminal past years ago. However, I did not truly understand the extent of his anger issues, and why he got locked up as a juvenile in the first place. Once his anger began to emerge, it was scary. Very scary. I was young and pretty naive about it all; wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. The worst part is, he was my friend's older brother, and she never warned me of the extent of his issues. I dodged a bullet when he was forced to move out of his parents' home and live with a friend pretty far away. I work with law enforcement now, and did an inmate search on him - he's been in and out of jail many times over the past decade, and I'm not surprised. Sad, because I believe he has a young child. My last ex also got into a bit of trouble (was caught twice with drugs - he kept his addiction from me until the arrest), and this was a big, big, big red flag. Especially since he didn't clean up, even when on probation. So no, after these experiences, I would not venture into that territory again...
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 This is true but now kids are taught about the rules of drinking and driving. All driving rules are really strict in my state when you start out. If a kid isn't even old enough to drive yet and is caught being drunk it will have an effect on their license when they are old enough for a permit. They won't get one. See idk how I feel about drunk driving I mean its obviously bad but my ex used to drive himself home drunk every week. Literally he would tell me all the shots and **** he was drinking and he would drive him. I followed him once because I was going back to his house and he had been at the bar and he drove totally normal. We took little back roads so maybe that's why. He had a drug issue too but stopped when his son was born.
Phateless Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) He seems like he has it together, he parties a lot though.. That might be a problem but at the same time he is 25 I'm 22 I just don't party a lot so maybe its just me. So far he seems cool but we will see, I certainly don't intend to drive him around everywhere I'm not his mom. Parties a lot and just got a dui - was that his first? In what ways does he have the rest of his life together? What does he do? I love partying but don't very often. I also have a great job where I'm moving up and saving for a house, and I work a lot of hours. I have driven after a drink or two but I keep it reasonable. A taxi and letting your car get towed is still way cheaper than a dui. Edited January 25, 2013 by Phateless
Emilia Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Would you date someone with a criminal past? Ha! No. I'd be fired for starters
Samilia Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Would you date someone with a criminal past? What crime is "acceptable/excusable"? I know I asked about the abusive guy at one point, well I don't think I will ever ever get involved with a guy who has that kind of past (I don't want to be beaten, it's on my dealbreaker list), what about other offenses? DUI, disorderly conduct... stuff like that? Is it minor to you, would you still date someone who was in that position? Just wondering.. DUI, minor mistakes done while being young, things that could be fixed and have been fixed, yes. Now if he used to beat his kids up, murdered his wife, or robbed banks for a living, no.
sweetjasmine Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Absolutely not, unless we're talking abot speeding tickets, jaywalking, etc. I have zero tolerance for anything worse, including DUI, tax evasion, petty theft.
pbjbear Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) This thread is pretty disheartening I got arrested when I was 21 for stealing something when I was 20. I was in a bad situation at the time (my mother married my ex-stepfather and my family life got to be too much so I tried to be on my own) and became desperate. I was on probation for a year but it was a joke...all I had to do was show up for a 5 minute meeting every few months. I have never thought of doing something like that ever again and I have been put in bad situations since then... People are impulsive at a younger age and do sometimes learn from their mistakes. After college, if people did stuff like this I would be more concerned. In my other thread I said I have never ever cheated, but if someone cheated when they were young, depending on their current personality and attitude I would let it go. This also applies to a criminal history (although violent, sexual crimes I would still be wary...) I know several people who got DUI's who are NOT alcoholics or bad people. They were slightly over the limit (with thin females...it doesnt take much! and you can feel perfectly fine while driving) and happened to get pulled over at checkpoints. I am sure some of the people judging those with DUI's have driven drunk and never got caught. If he parties too much for you, Id walk away. But if he didnt and he seemed to be nice, kind and not lazy I wouldnt. Edited January 25, 2013 by pbjbear 2
kaylan Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Id date a chick who did non violent minor things like speeding, DUI (and no one got hurt), petty theft in the past (as a minor or with good reason as an adult), jay-walking, simple possession of softer drugs (weed, shrooms), etc. Anything related to hard drugs like heroin or cocaine, and any violent offenses (unless it was self defense) would be a deal breaker.
Mtlgrrl Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Depends. I defenitly check out how he behaves though. I wouldn't date a guy who got a DUI in the past and still made a point to drive drunk, ya know? If I see and feel yeah it was pure stupidity and the dude has grown out of that attitude yeah I don't see what's wrong with it. Like I said, depends.
amaysngrace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 See idk how I feel about drunk driving I mean its obviously bad but my ex used to drive himself home drunk every week. Literally he would tell me all the shots and **** he was drinking and he would drive him. I followed him once because I was going back to his house and he had been at the bar and he drove totally normal. We took little back roads so maybe that's why. He had a drug issue too but stopped when his son was born. This guy that you're talking about...did he get in touch with you before the DUI happened and you guys have been in touch or did he just get in touch with you recently? I'd hate to think he is using you for a ride. And I know you say you wouldn't drive him around but if he is your BF you may end up doing just that out of guilt.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 This guy that you're talking about...did he get in touch with you before the DUI happened and you guys have been in touch or did he just get in touch with you recently? I'd hate to think he is using you for a ride. And I know you say you wouldn't drive him around but if he is your BF you may end up doing just that out of guilt. I met him on POF a few weeks ago and he told me yesterday
SmileFace Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I met him on POF a few weeks ago and he told me yesterday You can't be that desperate for a relationship Sigh Have you met him yet? When was the DUI? How did the abuse topic come up?
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 You can't be that desperate for a relationship Sigh Have you met him yet? When was the DUI? How did the abuse topic come up? We are going to go out next week, he didnt tell me when the DUI happened but he said he had court on Tuesday of next week so it had to be within the last month. He isn't the abusive one, I stopped talking to that guy because I looked up his record and he had a lot of bad stuff that he did. This guy told me about his DUI after I told him about my CP, he was like "well I have something to tell you too" I was just thankful that he didn't freak out over the CP or say he was like born a woman or had the herp or something. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 26, 2013 Posted January 26, 2013 tax evasion If I met a girl who did that, I think I'd instantly fall in love. That can be a heroic act. Otherwise OP, it depends on the crime. Assault, murder, theft/robbery, Lorena Bobbitt or that lady who took out all her ex-boyfriend's teeth...no way. Anything else: I suppose it's case by case. 1
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