na49 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 God dammit, it's really impossible to win in a situation involving them. We don't talk to them. We miss them. We do talk to them. We hear everything we don't want to. You want to be a "friend" and hope they'll see you as more, but they won't. They haven't seen you as more since they left you. So you'll be doing it all expecting more and they won't cooperate because they don't have to anymore. I'm so close to checking my ex's facebook. I haven't seen a picture of her with a new guy yet, and I feel like if I did it would help me.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 Is it possible that I can try become distant friends with him? Picture him having incredible sex with a beautiful blonde woman..... Does this thought hurt..... If so, you can't be friends! This will not be a friendship (I help my friends get laid/find love), it will be deceit wrapped in a lie. When you talk to him you'll be looking for clues: is he hurting as much as me, did he just hint he wants me back, why won't he tell me what he's doing friday night? This "friendship" will delay the inevitable and elongate your pain. 1
Coping Vortex Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 God dammit, it's really impossible to win in a situation involving them. We don't talk to them. We miss them. We do talk to them. We hear everything we don't want to. You want to be a "friend" and hope they'll see you as more, but they won't. They haven't seen you as more since they left you. So you'll be doing it all expecting more and they won't cooperate because they don't have to anymore. I'm so close to checking my ex's facebook. I haven't seen a picture of her with a new guy yet, and I feel like if I did it would help me. Don't do it. Keep the new guy a figment of your imagination. You may not like what you find. I refuse to go look at my ex's FB page. She unfriended me but I can still search her.
na49 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 My ex unblocked me so once I noticed I had to block her or else I'd look at her profile. I haven't seen it in almost 3 months now. and God knows facebook will have much more hurtful things than twitter. Pictures, status updates, people writing on her wall.
LostGirl11 Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 No. This has messed up my healing process so much that I actually hate him for it. I'm not going to accept his friendship just so I can have a little bit of him in my life. No way. As Pinky 777 said, they're only a phone call away but yet so distant. I wan't to text him and pretend it's just a 'friendly' text but I'd be lieing to myself, I want to text him because I miss him! I want to tell him how selfish he is, I want to tell him I hate him, I want to tell him that I love him with all my heart. But I won't! I can't. This is ****ing killing me.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I disagree totally. Communication os the key to any relationship. Once you get over an ex for good, how many people really get back together at that point? None that I know of. My view of NC is for only one thing moving on, not getting a relationship back together. Don't kid yourself into thinking NC is for reconciliation on any way possible. Well, I know of one person who is getting married after nearly a year NC with his fiance. I've had the chance to reconcile after a year-plus NC with a woman I had a toxic breakup. So there are two examples. And while NC isn't specifically for getting a relationship back together, the psychology behind it can help that process. You can't miss something that never leaves. You can't evolve if you keep going back and forth, round and round, in the same pattern of communication and feeling. NC also prevents one from acting like an idiot in the immediate aftermath of a breakup when the emotions and heartbreak are at their peak and the ex doesn't want to hear a thing from you. And after your recent experiences with your ex, it's surprising for me to hear your stance on this. I know not talking seems counterintuitive, but psychologically it's a lot more effective then trying to buddy up and stay in their life. 1
TrueAwareness Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I think it's very possible when both of you grow up enough to want to make sure the other is happy. But that level of maturity is hardly ever achieved. And by the time we get there, we probably already cut that person out of our lives completely.
soccerrprp Posted January 27, 2013 Posted January 27, 2013 I think it's very possible when both of you grow up enough to want to make sure the other is happy. But that level of maturity is hardly ever achieved. And by the time we get there, we probably already cut that person out of our lives completely. I have been so full of sh.t lately (learning quite a bit about myself within the last two weeks). I used to think, being the romantic that I am, that this was always possible if both were mature, consenting, reasonable adults....well, I find myself in contact with TOO many exes and though okay with two, others, well, not so.... in the end, it is an emotional burden at times and find myself wanting to distance myself from some of them. God, I suck! In the end, unless there has been enough time to heal and become emotionally untethered....this is dangerous and darn near cumbersome.
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