HitMeNow Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I've been with my fair share of women in my life. Always believed in free love. (aka we're all friends and everyone can love anyone). However lately, even though I've been still having lots of options, I have been thinking about a relationship. My question to you is WHY are you in a relationship? Be sincere. - Fear of ending up being alone (since friends might disappear) - Security and comfort of always being sure of having someone (related to above) - Love / infatuation / obsession (although this wont last forever) and can be reached through "casual" connections too. - Being able to build onto each other and therefore develop your lives better together. (again you can do this with more than 1 person too) I really cant see the benefits that a relationship might have and yet I seem to maybe (BIG MAYBE) want one with a particular person. Stability maybe? Idk
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I'm with you on the free love brother. I don't get why we're not all banging each other. Some people are off limits because they're in a "relationship". Give me a break. 1
Pyro Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Companionship and having someone with you who always supports you and cares for you while doing the same in return. Best feeling in the world knowing that someone else always has you on their mind. I'm also greedy so I won't share her with anyone else, plus I can't be bothered to constantly go out trying to meet more women. I am happy being a homebody. 3
Pyro Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I'm with you on the free love brother. I don't get why we're not all banging each other. Some people are off limits because they're in a "relationship". Give me a break. Are you implying that girls in relationships are not off limits to you?
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Are you implying that girls in relationships are not off limits to you? Anyone who is in a relationship is off limits. That's what's lame. Because people in relationships don't just out of nowhere stop being attracted to members of the opposite sex outside of their partners. And those single people that eye people in relationships are attracted to them too. I just don't get why it can't just be a free for all, where you just bang whoever you're interested in. If I had a nickel for every time I said "damn, if only she was single"...
Pyro Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Anyone who is in a relationship is off limits. That's what's lame. Because people in relationships don't just out of nowhere stop being attracted to members of the opposite sex outside of their partners. And those single people that eye people in relationships are attracted to them too. I just don't get why it can't just be a free for all, where you just bang whoever you're interested in. If I had a nickel for every time I said "damn, if only she was single"... STDs and unwanted pregnancies would sky rocket for starters. The feeling of love and companionship trumps the feeling of lust for those in a relationship. 4
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 STDs and unwanted pregnancies would sky rocket for starters.[/Quote] Not if people use protection. And a lot of people I know in relationships openly admit there's not a whole lot of "protecting" going on. I guess if your penis is familiar with a particular vagina, it's harder to get pregnant The feeling of love and companionship trumps the feeling of lust for those in a relationship. I'm not so sure about that.
Ladybugz Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Even thou i understand your question i think it may be a question people start asking when they dont get what they need in the relationshio they are in. And i think its for for the affection TThe need we have in us to be love and to give love. Its like being hungry. You dont ask why we it while we still will **** it out. We just eat to fill our belly. And relationships are also to keep building a good stable environment /home ground, for the kids you are planing to have. And for that you need to invest in the relationship. Just having sex doesnt help you . And the less you invest in people the less you can count at them when it comes to certain things in live. And relationship between men and woman is the only relationship where you can let al your emotions know/ horny, sad, happy, enjoy, worry. and often people open up in those relations. more then with freinds and family.
Pyro Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Not if people use protection. And a lot of people I know in relationships openly admit there's not a whole lot of "protecting" going on. I guess if your penis is familiar with a particular vagina, it's harder to get pregnant I'm not so sure about that. With the number of pregnancies a year it is obvious that there is a lack of protection being used. Lots of morons out there so the number would increase (STDs and pregnancies) For those who cheat then lust trumps love. If lust always trumped love then everyone would cheat in a relationship or they wouldn't exist.
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 With the number of pregnancies a year it is obvious that there is a lack of protection being used. Lots of morons out there so the number would increase (STDs and pregnancies)[/Quote] Agreed For those who cheat then lust trumps love. If lust always trumped love then everyone would cheat in a relationship or they wouldn't exist. It's more than that though. Relationships are limiting. Your limiting your happiness to one person. To provide you all your mental, emotional, physical needs. What if you like one girl purely for sexual reasons, but another girl, while not as sexually stimulating, connects with you better. Instead of having to choose between the two, you could have both. Living single gives you the ability to have your cake and eat it too. Plus relationships take commitment, time, and compromise. It's just easier by default, to go through life as you please, and date when you have the time.
Pyro Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) It's more than that though. Relationships are limiting. Your limiting your happiness to one person. To provide you all your mental, emotional, physical needs. What if you like one girl purely for sexual reasons, but another girl, while not as sexually stimulating, connects with you better. Instead of having to choose between the two, you could have both. Living single gives you the ability to have your cake and eat it too. Plus relationships take commitment, time, and compromise. It's just easier by default, to go through life as you please, and date when you have the time. Or people can do what I did and be picky and find the one girl that is everything that I was looking for. To me that makes her more special and awesome rather then having different woman who each only have one thing that I am looking for. I'd prefer not to juggle more than one woman with my company and time. I sure as heck wouldn't want to be one of two guys that a girl was seeing. Sloppy seconds aren't my style. Yes relationships are commitments and time is all that I have. I also have no issue with compromise. Most things in life are a result of compromise. Find the right person to be with and it's actually very relaxing and simple. Edited January 25, 2013 by Pyro 1
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Or people can do what I did and be picky and find the one girl that is everything that I was looking for. To me that makes her more special and awesome rather then having different woman who each only have one thing that I am looking for. I'd prefer not to juggle more than one woman with my company and time. I sure as heck wouldn't want to be one of two guys that a girl was seeing. Sloppy seconds aren't my style. Yes relationships are commitments and time is all that I have. I also have no issue with compromise. Most things in life are a result of compromise. Find the right person to be with and it's actually very relaxing and simple. Ok...ok 1
candie13 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 It's more than that though. Relationships are limiting. Your limiting your happiness to one person. To provide you all your mental, emotional, physical needs. What if you like one girl purely for sexual reasons, but another girl, while not as sexually stimulating, connects with you better. Instead of having to choose between the two, you could have both. Living single gives you the ability to have your cake and eat it too. Plus relationships take commitment, time, and compromise. It's just easier by default, to go through life as you please, and date when you have the time. That's how everyone who isn't in a relationship feels. quite rightly, I may say. Because you are not involved, you are only looking at things you like (girls in this case) and wondering how that might taste like, as if you were in a candy store. Again, nothing wrong with that. But wait until you find a girl who screws with your head... that's why people stay in relationships (other than comfort). It's the fact that you really really dig just one person. You don't choose to not care about half of the population of the planet... it just occurs, it is nothing but a consequence . And relationships are not limitative, quite the contrary. If it's not about "I'm only banging you and you're only banging me", that is. Allowing someone close, being inspired by the other person, getting help from them to grow, develop, become a much better person... man, that is the absolute best! Plus, when you get that connection, sex is just mind blowing, too 1
candie13 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 it's hard to answer why I want to be in a relationship. I really like men, I find men fascinating. Don't understand ***** about them, so illogical and immature and unpredictable, but every once in a while, you stumble into one and it's... magic! I am not a loner, so I am at ease with letting people close and keeping in contact - also it does become more and more complicated, as time goes by. I like the sexual tension, I like lack of predictability, I like depth, I like deep connections, I like exploring and I love challenges. Most of all, I want to be inspired and to grow and one person, only one person can accompany you in this journey. I have layers and I like to discover other people's layers. I like to tease and provoke, love and abandon, all at once. Relationships are uncomfortable, because they tend to bring out, most of the times, ***** that one hasn't dealt with properly, it's a bit like purification via flames (sometimes is temptation, insecurities, abandonment issues, all sorts of stuff). And this specific type of human interaction can help one get rid of that!
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) @candie -- but you're referring to those storybook relationships. Most people break up eventually because they are either just not compatible enough and the novelty wears off, or something irreversible happens that ends the relationship. To find the person you're talking about (soul mate status, it seems like) is incredibly rare. I don't understand why people get involved unless they feel that spark. I know girls who date a different guy every 6 months. Surely they're not running into someone they think is their soul mate every six months. They just get into a relationship to be in one. So they can start sentences with "my boyfriend". What boggles my mind is people that enter relationships without feeling like they could be the one. While you're looking for the one, you should be out having fun. I understand hooking up/short term dating. I understand lifelong partnerships. What I don't understand are those intermediate relationships that both sides know won't last in the end. I know a girl who's dating a girl, and she always tells me "well I'll probably end up marrying a guy anyway". So if you know who you're dating isn't going to be longterm, why see them exclusively? Why commit? Why not be single and young and have fun. Not commit yourself to a relationship you know won't last. I do believe there are people who enter relationships because it's fashionable. It's still better/more acceptable to say "my boyfriend" as opposed to "this guy I'm sleeping with". The stigma of single living needs to die off already. Save the relationships for two people who are genuinely in love. Not for people too scared to be labled a slut/player. Edited January 25, 2013 by MrCastle 1
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Not if people use protection. And a lot of people I know in relationships openly admit there's not a whole lot of "protecting" going on. I guess if your penis is familiar with a particular vagina, it's harder to get pregnant I'm not so sure about that. Mr castle, have to say this, I know you have posted a long time ago that once you found someone who you truly believed was the one that you would be faithful .....that you aren't ready to settle down yet, which is fine, but when you do find the one that tames that restless heart of yours, do you think the banging everyone thoughts you hav e now will include the love of your life, do you think you will still feel the same way? relationships have a lot to offer, there is nothing like a monogamous mutually in tune relationship,you think casual sex is hot , you should believe it can get much hotter, monogamy can be far more intense.......when you get to know someone completely, you know little quirks and likes and dislikes, enough to drive them wild....you aren't ready for that maybe ...one day you will be.....cheers....deb 2
TheZebra Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) What if you like one girl purely for sexual reasons, but another girl, while not as sexually stimulating, connects with you better. Instead of having to choose between the two, you could have both. Living single gives you the ability to have your cake and eat it too. Plus relationships take commitment, time, and compromise. It's just easier by default, to go through life as you please, and date when you have the time. Well, you don't go into a relationship with a person unless they fit all of your needs This is why there's so many unfulfilled marriages out there - desperate people settling for someone who, for example, is only 'safe' but sucks in bed or never wants to have sex. In a truly fulfilling relationship, you CAN have your cake and it eat too. Maybe my answer as to why I prefer relationships will give you some insight into why they exist. Personally, relationships are more than just sex and friendship mixed into one. In the right relationship, that person is your best friend. It's someone who will be there for you when you get sick, or laid off, or a family member dies. If you're having a bad day, they're the one person you can count on to pick up the phone and hell, maybe even buy you some ice cream. And even more than that, it's someone who you can share your life with. The happy and the sad moments. That person is inherently a co-pilot for you. They're your companion. You two are a team. Friends or just FWB just doesn't compare to the true bond you form with someone you love. When you find that person, you'll understand. EDIT: And with regards to time and committment, trust me, it's not a negative when you find the right person. Remember, working takes a lot of time and commitment too, but you don't mind doing it when it's something you love. When it's something you hate, well, find another job! I remember there was a time period when I was with my ex that I couldn't drive. He'd drive me places always with a smile on his face. To him it wasn't a chore; he was helping me out when I needed him and he was happy helping me. I was so grateful that I remember buying a video game he had been eyeing but didn't have the money for - as a sign of gratitude. We were both happy making each other happy, if that makes any sense. Edited January 25, 2013 by TheZebra 1
Bristolius Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 I've been with my fair share of women in my life. Always believed in free love. (aka we're all friends and everyone can love anyone). However lately, even though I've been still having lots of options, I have been thinking about a relationship. My question to you is WHY are you in a relationship? Be sincere. - Fear of ending up being alone (since friends might disappear) - Security and comfort of always being sure of having someone (related to above) - Love / infatuation / obsession (although this wont last forever) and can be reached through "casual" connections too. - Being able to build onto each other and therefore develop your lives better together. (again you can do this with more than 1 person too) I really cant see the benefits that a relationship might have and yet I seem to maybe (BIG MAYBE) want one with a particular person. Stability maybe? Idk Fear of ending up being alone? No. Everyone ends up and/ or dies alone. Even worse, we're all fundamentally, existentially, isolated. Security and comfort of always being sure of having someone? No. People leave and die. Love / infatuation / obsession? Love, yes. Being able to build onto each other and therefore develop your lives better together? Yes, to some extent, although this reads as kind of mercenary. Romantic sexual relationships provide companionship as Charlie wrote in the second post. This kind of companionship creates and provides intimacy. Intimate companionship creates some feelings of safety and security, but it's a thing-in-itself that is its own reward. An excellent thing. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 Love, companionship, sex, a co-pilot, to learn, to understand someone on a deep level
candie13 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 ppfffff, we are all alone. Always. Die alone too. I don't believe in the "co-pilot" theory, that is an expectation. I want a partner for the road. Sometimes he'll guide me, other times I'll guide him. But we are on the same road, going the same direction, make the journey richer and ideally more meaningful. Helping each other discover or enjoy the scenery. I don't expect him to make the calls for me. The fact that he is there will give me strength and force to make those bloody calls myself. To me, that is the essence of a relationship. beyond mental, emotional and physical connection is finding that purpose together. most people are scared to open up, even in relationships. Why they stay there or enter these relationships depends on their own level of personal development, and it's not to be judged or condemned - if it's because they're scared or lonely or social pressure. one thing is for sure, relationships are about giving, about exchange. While I 1000% agree that staying in dead end relationships is a total and complete waste of time, I think that hooking up or "having fun" is even less meaningful. I see those things as selfish as one focuses on taking only, on themselves and their own little needs, ignoring totally and completely their partner. Patronizing too. I don't like to belittle people. I feel I'd be belittling them, if I only saw someone for sex alone . I do believe we are the direct result of our routine. Of the activities we do, people we hang around with, thoughts we think, experiences we live. How can you find someone meaningful if all you do is spend time with people who "want to have fun"? Someone said "we attract whom we are, not whom we feel attracted to". the law of "raisonance" - French, sorry, no idea about what's like in English. 1
EasyHeart Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 My question to you is WHY are you in a relationship? Be sincere. - Fear of ending up being alone (since friends might disappear) - Security and comfort of always being sure of having someone (related to above) - Love / infatuation / obsession (although this wont last forever) and can be reached through "casual" connections too. - Being able to build onto each other and therefore develop your lives better together. (again you can do this with more than 1 person too) I really cant see the benefits that a relationship might have and yet I seem to maybe (BIG MAYBE) want one with a particular person. Stability maybe? IdkNone of the above. I've honestly never thought about it that hard. If I meet a woman I like, I want to spend time with her. If I don't meet anyone I like, then I go on with my life until I do. I've never looked for a relationship. And I've never felt bad when I wasn't in one. 2
Author HitMeNow Posted January 25, 2013 Author Posted January 25, 2013 Ok so most of the answers I saw were just standard - companionship and intimacy and deep comfort. My question is: Can't you have this with 3 people say? Can't you genuinely like 3 people and be in a relationship with all of them. I mean it's not likely that you spend more than 1/3 of your time with you SO. So why should s/he care what you do outside of that time? Also why is sex such a big deal. If your SO is to fall for someone else s/he could with or without sex. Intimacy with someone else is what is dangerous, but you can have just sex.
pbjbear Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 @candie -- but you're referring to those storybook relationships. Most people break up eventually because they are either just not compatible enough and the novelty wears off, or something irreversible happens that ends the relationship. To find the person you're talking about (soul mate status, it seems like) is incredibly rare. I don't understand why people get involved unless they feel that spark. I know girls who date a different guy every 6 months. Surely they're not running into someone they think is their soul mate every six months. They just get into a relationship to be in one. So they can start sentences with "my boyfriend". What boggles my mind is people that enter relationships without feeling like they could be the one. While you're looking for the one, you should be out having fun. I understand hooking up/short term dating. I understand lifelong partnerships. What I don't understand are those intermediate relationships that both sides know won't last in the end. I know a girl who's dating a girl, and she always tells me "well I'll probably end up marrying a guy anyway". So if you know who you're dating isn't going to be longterm, why see them exclusively? Why commit? Why not be single and young and have fun. Not commit yourself to a relationship you know won't last. I do believe there are people who enter relationships because it's fashionable. It's still better/more acceptable to say "my boyfriend" as opposed to "this guy I'm sleeping with". The stigma of single living needs to die off already. Save the relationships for two people who are genuinely in love. Not for people too scared to be labled a slut/player. Many people who end up in intermediate relationships think their s.o is a candidate for being a soulmate (not many people I know believe in soulmates so I dont know who your crowd is...I believe there are few who are really compatible with you but its more than one person...people around me agree) or that she or he has the strong possibility. I agree with ya on that one...people get into relationships too quickly. I take my time getting into one because I find men put up a front in the beginning and it takes several months for their guard to come down. Last guy I dated for 5 months made fun of me for this and promised he wasnt like that...yeah after 3 months his personality changed. I dont listen to anything anyone says...talk is cheap. Not many people are blatantly honest like me it seems. I dont see the point of a relationship when you know it wont last. The problem is people today dont know what they want and theyre dishonest to cover up their selfish motives Relationships are kind of a joke nowadays. People nowadays are too immature and selfish to really be in a healthy relationship that is 50/50 that requires communication, honesty and compromise.
candie13 Posted January 25, 2013 Posted January 25, 2013 no, girl, people are only a bit more lazy, because are used to have everything very quickly - i call it the syndrome of instant gratification, haha! and I don't think people lie on purpose, I genuinely believe people just don't know who they really are and what they really want or need. I've been guilty of all of the above. There are no bad people, bad people are in prison. Generalizations are bad, so I'll stop there.
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