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crashvector

By crashvector
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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crashvector Established Member

crashvector

Posted
Posted

Well, I haven't posted in a while...trying to get my head back together.

 

Since I last posted: I've gone on two "dates" with the unexpected kiss woman. Both very nice.

 

I've had periodic set backs though...like i opened up my cloud drive to search for a music file, and instead, saw TONS of pictures of me with my ex-fiancee. I closed it as quickly as I could, because I didnt WANT to see that.

 

I got that sinking feeling deep in the pit of my stomach as soon as I saw the pictures....me hugging her with her smiling at me with a look on her face that CLEARLY says "I love you so much". The memories....came FLOODING back.

 

I though I had deleted all the pictures of us I had, but apparently forgot about my cloud account. I also saw a picture of her I took, silhouetted by a sunset at the beach. I remember being careful about how I took it...at juuuust the right angle to catch her outline against the sunset and the water...it's an absolutely breathtaking picture of her, and REALLY shows off her nearly flawless figure.

 

I've been fighting HARD to not think about the fact that I know she's probably dating already again (but then again, I guess I am, too) but those thoughts seem to just creep in from nowhere....I can get rid of them pretty quickly, but it takes me a LOT of effort to do it.

 

I do NOT want to think about her with someone else. Yeah, I know she's probably got men practically beating down her door (yes..she's THAT beautiful...no exaggeration), and that she ended the relationship, and we aren't together anymore..but f*ck...I just wanna move on.

 

anyhow..new girl is REALLY cool to hang out with. she is every bit as hilarious as I initially thought...and is VERY sexy and beautiful in her own right. My first brunette (lol).

 

However, I cant help but feel I'm being deceitful to her, even though she is well aware of my situation. Do I want this new girl? yes. Am I completely over my exfiance? No. But then again, I think a part of me never WILL be over her.

 

However, what I'm NOT willing to do is pass up what has so far been a LOT of fun over my memories of a relationship that no longer exists.

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Stoic44 Established Member

Stoic44

Posted
Posted

There's a common theme running through all your posts about the ex-fiancee: which is how hot she was and how great having sex with her was. That's it.

 

I never hear how intelligent, caring, kind, patient, loyal, giving or trustworthy she was.

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

Posted
Posted
Well, I haven't posted in a while...trying to get my head back together.

 

Since I last posted: I've gone on two "dates" with the unexpected kiss woman. Both very nice.

 

I've had periodic set backs though...like i opened up my cloud drive to search for a music file, and instead, saw TONS of pictures of me with my ex-fiancee. I closed it as quickly as I could, because I didnt WANT to see that.

 

I got that sinking feeling deep in the pit of my stomach as soon as I saw the pictures....me hugging her with her smiling at me with a look on her face that CLEARLY says "I love you so much". The memories....came FLOODING back.

 

I though I had deleted all the pictures of us I had, but apparently forgot about my cloud account. I also saw a picture of her I took, silhouetted by a sunset at the beach. I remember being careful about how I took it...at juuuust the right angle to catch her outline against the sunset and the water...it's an absolutely breathtaking picture of her, and REALLY shows off her nearly flawless figure.

 

I've been fighting HARD to not think about the fact that I know she's probably dating already again (but then again, I guess I am, too) but those thoughts seem to just creep in from nowhere....I can get rid of them pretty quickly, but it takes me a LOT of effort to do it.

 

I do NOT want to think about her with someone else. Yeah, I know she's probably got men practically beating down her door (yes..she's THAT beautiful...no exaggeration), and that she ended the relationship, and we aren't together anymore..but f*ck...I just wanna move on.

 

anyhow..new girl is REALLY cool to hang out with. she is every bit as hilarious as I initially thought...and is VERY sexy and beautiful in her own right. My first brunette (lol).

 

However, I cant help but feel I'm being deceitful to her, even though she is well aware of my situation. Do I want this new girl? yes. Am I completely over my exfiance? No. But then again, I think a part of me never WILL be over her.

 

However, what I'm NOT willing to do is pass up what has so far been a LOT of fun over my memories of a relationship that no longer exists.

 

Probably more reasons to date the new girl. Just don't go too fast, take your time. And transfer the pictures on a CD, for now. Put the CD away.

 

Oh and I do remember your kiss post, congrats ;)

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crashvector Established Member

crashvector

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
There's a common theme running through all your posts about the ex-fiancee: which is how hot she was and how great having sex with her was. That's it.

 

I never hear how intelligent, caring, kind, patient, loyal, giving or trustworthy she was.

 

actually, I think I was pretty clear about the fact that the woman was one of the absolute smartest people I've ever met. TWO master's degrees, etc.

 

AND how she took such great care of me when I was paralyzed and then during the year it took me to fully recover, etc. How she spent an entire night on the floor of my bathroom with me, holding my head in her lap because periodically, thanks to the injuries I suffered in the wreck, my arms and legs would spontaneously stop working sometimes, which was excruciatingly painful. She sat on the floor and cried with me all night while my ribs broke from the muscle spasms. It was one of the most touching things anyone has ever done for me. She REALLY cared about me...and i REALLY cared about her, too.

 

I also told, in GREAT detail, about me taking care of HER during her cancer treatment...and how I thought she was actually dead one morning...so all I could do was fall on my knees by her bedside and WEEP like I had never wept before...asking her to forgive me for not holding her hand when she died, etc.

 

This woman was TERRIBLY special to me.

 

the insinuation that she was just a good lay and a nice body to me is almost insulting.

 

I cannot EVER hope to express with words alone how much I loved that woman, or how special and important to me she was.

 

As for the patient part....I would say THAT too, except for the fact that if she was patient, we would still be together.

Edited by crashvector
Stoic44 Established Member

Stoic44

Posted
Posted

Fair enough. In your initial post you were raving about her nearly flawless figure and how beautiful she was. Didn't know about the other stuff.

 

In the end, however, she had character issues--co-dependency, using a guy-- as you have previously described in other posts.

FailedFirstLove Established Member

FailedFirstLove

Posted
Posted

You seem to be doing so well an very fast as well. mine happened before yours and I've failed no contact and fail moving on :(. Damn. I'm failing to accept it as well. And falling for his words. He can't even be with me. Can't tell me the reason but loves me. Yes only a stupid girl would eat that up

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